Rubhim

Sorry for the delay. I lost one post because I forgot to save and I was stuck on another post for a long time before I realized it wasn't something I wanted to write about.

I know you like the sexy posts describing an erotic massage the best. There will be more of those I am sure. I just feel very repetitive when I write those because in reality they are all very similar experiences.  Kind of like a website someone turned me onto called Rubhim.com. A new client asked me if our session was going to be like a session on rubhim.com and I told him I didn't know, but most people like it. After the session (he seemed pleased by the way), I looked up the web site and was quite entertained for a few hours.

For those who have not seen it, the web site presents massage sessions with a supposed professional masseur coming into a hot studs home for the first time to give him a massage. After a few minutes of "professional" chat about muscles they get to the massage. There is the usual towel slips and accidental touches and about 12 minutes of rubbing for sex in a variety of positions on the massage table. Each video is around 45 mins and follows the same routine. They have a couple of different masseurs, sometimes the client is supposed to be straight, sometimes the masseur tops the client, sometimes the client tops the masseur. However, after you seen those different variations, the only real difference is the actors.

That is sometimes what I fear when I write this blog, same stories, just different clients and sometimes my writing is a lot better than others. I would like to write more about the other parts of my work like what the clients talk about, what are the plusses and minuses in my work, how do I make ends meet, what do I do when I am not massaging people, etc. but I know that very few of you are interested in that aspect of the blog. Also I would love to hear questions and comments but I don't get many of those. My blog has a relatively high daily visit rate but I think most people are just looking to see the sexy posts. Anyway, I will write about what I feel when I feel and you can read it or not.

Back to Rubhim. I must say that the site seems to have become very popular. Since that first inquiry I have received several requests for a massage like that. My response has become rather flippant "Depends, do you look like the clients in those videos and are you willing to pay me double my listed fees?" One of these days I will get an affirmative reply to that and I have no idea what I will do next. Just so you know, there may be bodyworkers out there doing precisely that type of service, but they will charge high call boy fees for that type of work and you will not get anything that resembles a real massage. Even in the videos, the masseurs talk a decent game before they start but they really have no massage skills. They use enough oil to drown a client and just slap and slide all over the place.

The reason I have such a high repeat client rate is that I give a genuine massage. A lot of my business in non-sensual work, my sensual clients get a few less minutes of "normal" massage and a few minutes of legit work on their genitals. Occasionally when the work has gone further I still make sure that the client gets the massage they paid for.

So if you ask a therapist about rubhim.com, don't be surprised at the flippant response or conversely if they say that is exactly what they do, expect to pay rentboy prices. 


Don't be afraid to ask questions, I would be happy to answer any in private or on the blog. 


- Jack

Sharing another Blog

Hey guys and gals. A friend of mine, Jack Rinella, writes a blog and his latest post about a cheating trick is perhaps one of the best I have read in a long time, I want to share is with you. - Jack
http://leathermusings.blogspot.com/2011/12/cheating-trick.html

Out and Proud

"I just want to say that I admire you. It is not easy to be an out and proud gay man."

These were surprising words for me to hear. They were said by a straight man who is an actor in a show I was in. I don't know him that well. We pal around on the set like most actors do. When he said it, I was standing next to one of his best friends who happens to be black. He laid into him with the whole "Oh man, you did not just say that. Really? That is just embarrassing, I am sure you didn't mean anything by it, but dude."

Awkward moment.

This sentiment was echoed by my mother in way just last week. She commented that one of my Aunts who friended me on Facebook (my more socially acceptable persona anyway) said that I was very "political" in my posts. I said I don't think so, the only issue I talk a lot about is gay marriage and after being denied the right to marry a partner of over 17 years I think most people would speak up. My mother then asked if it's been hard for me, to be gay, did it ever cause me any problems?  Wow, what a loaded question. What do you say? It's your mother.

I am an out and proud gay man. What does that mean?

Well, I proudly fight for gay marriage rights, not just on my facebook page, but also writing letters, emails, making phone calls to my elected officials. I also encourage my straight friends to do the same. I know that they want my partner and I to be able to get married, so I encourage them to do their part and make their voices known. I chat with my friends who don't believe in gay marriage and try to get them to understand that I know change is hard, but it will truly not affect their marriage or turn their children gay and God will not smite you for not standing in our way. When Civil Unions are brought up I remind people that only that only 11 state recognize any form of Civil Union, in none of them do they have the same rights and privileges as marriage and the Federal Govt. does not recognize either a Civil Union or Marriage between two people of the same sex. When I hear the phrase "It's nothing personal, I just do not want gays to get married." I reply that it is personal, you are not talking about an anonymous section of the population, you are talking about me and my partner and saying to us that we are not worthy of getting married.

But wait, there's more. When I hear a friend tell a gay joke or use the word in derogatory manor, I speak up. Sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly, sometimes with humor, whatever I think will work. My favorite line to use is "I don't think you've sucked enough dick to tell that joke." With women I will get angry, they should know better. In a social setting, if someone I don't know well says something offensive and a group of my friends are there; I walk away very poignantly so my friends can explain to the newcomer their mistake. If we do not stand up for ourselves and let others know how we feel, we cannot expect thing to change.

When a group suggests that we got to Chick-Fil-A for a quick bite, I will tell them I will pass and it is because of the amount of money funneled by them into anti gay legislation.

I share news stories from around the country of both positive and negative reactions to gay people. Stories of teenagers being beaten to death. Stories of a judge or a preacher coming out in support of gay marriage. Stories of angry mobs protesting gay marriage. Stories of a gay character in a comic book. I want to remind my straight friends that there is a struggle that is continuing every day with little wins and losses all over the place. I hope that one or two of them will write to their elected officials or perhaps speak up to their other straight friends when the topic of fags comes up.

You see, you can't be an out and proud gay man only to your gay friends. Part of the definition is that you have to be out and proud in front of straight people. There is no other way to change the world; and the world does need changing. We have come so far, but still have a long way to go.

I get concerned when I meet gay men who are not out. Not only does it help the cause, but it is a very difficult way to live. There is always a part of their lives they have to monitor and guard. When co-workers are swapping spouse stories one has to remain silent, when someone wants to fix them up with the "perfect woman" one must make excuses, and one must always choose their pronouns carefully. I especially worry if I see someone in the younger generation playing the hiding game. Life is so much easier for them now than when I was younger, but they don't understand that. The excuse I hear is "I don't want to be known as the gay guy." Great. Neither do I, but we are not there yet. So for the mean time, you are the gay guy. So am I.

Why am I so insistent on being out and proud? I am tired. I have lived through so much and I am tired of it all.

Growing up gay in rural WI it may take you a while to figure out what is going on. There were no gay people, but faggot was definitely a derogatory word. Some people guessed that I was but I didn't figure it all out until I was 19. College, even in the Midwest, can and should be an eye opening experience. I met my first out gay man. What a revelation! Still took me a while to figure it out for myself. There was a particularly rough week between the first time a friend hit on me and I did something about, but that was all inner turmoil, trying to overcome my Christian upbringing. Even this guy, my first time, in a WI college town, could not admit that he was gay and maybe he wasn't. He did fall for me and even though he dated women and eventually got married he still had sex with men and one of his girlfriends said they broke up because of me. Both he and the first out gay man I ever met are dead now.

This was all in the mid to late 80's. Aids was on the rise so there was a lot fear. There was also fear in people finding out you were gay. Many friends would drop you in an instant. There was a lot of stigma. Telling my parents was hard. They wanted to fix me and they blamed themselves, all so unnecessary.

It was rough every time I picked up and moved somewhere new. Meeting new friends and co-workers and trying to figure out if it was going to be a big deal. Some places that I lived, it was. Fortunately I did a lot of theater which has always been a more accepting culture. However, there was a whole country that was changing. Due to the Aids crisis, gay men became organized and demanded to be treated as people. Remember, there was a very real belief among many that people with Aids should be rounded up and separated from the general population. There was so much fear. I watched as families turned their backs on their own children. I watched lovers be separated from their partners in hospitals where they had no rights. I got angry as well. I started conversations, I friended the friendless, I raised money, I wrote letters and in one memorable moment stood toe to toe with the Rev. Fred Phelps on the streets of Wichita during a pride parade. He would not listen to me or even answer the simple question of what John 3:16 (one of the signs he was holding) had to do with Aids or homosexuality. Yes, we were called names during the pride parades back then. Protestors were all about.

My partner doesn't hold my hand in public. There are good reasons for it. We come from an age where two men walking together down the street (not even holding hands) would be called names and have things thrown at them. I have had rocks and bottles thrown at me by random strangers passing on the street or driving by in cars, fortunately most of them have lousy aim. I know people who have not been so lucky. To this day when I see two men holding hands in public, I marvel at the simple joy of such a small action and the amount of bravery it took.

Every time we have moved as a couple, we face to issue as to what to put on rental forms. I have no problem putting spouse or partner in relationship to other blank. My partner gets very nervous that it will cost us the apartment, it has in the past. My view is if they don't want us there, I don't want to be there.

If we try to get on the other's insurance program through work, it generally costs us at least twice as much than if we were man and wife. Auto insurance treats us as two single men and charges us accordingly.

When I worked for the government, I was told by a closeted gay man that I must not tell anyone I was gay, they can still fire you for that here and have. Gay men and women still have no protection under Equal Employment Opportunity laws. I again chose to live openly, if they didn't want me, they could fire me. When it came time to find an employee to work 10 days in Florida and 10 days in DC, back and forth for an undefined amount of time, there was no volunteering; I was told that since I was the unmarried person in the office I had to do all the travel. When I mentioned I had a partner of 7 years (at the time), the response was "But it's not like your married, you’re going." I had a picture of the two us on my desk, just our faces next to each other cheek to cheek. I was told that the cleaning lady found it objectionable and that I had to remove it or she would file a sexual harassment suit against me. I said so? The response was "You will not have our support on this, just remove the damn picture." There are many more stories from my personal life, things that have happened directly to my or to those I love.

Things are better now. My parents love my partner and consider him one of the family. I work for myself most of the time so there are less work issues. I still have to remind people when they say something stupid, including my theater friends at times. My partner will not tell someone to knock it off when he hears an anti gay joke or that dreaded phrase that follows “not that there is anything wrong with being gay” like that makes up for the stupid things you just said, so I stand up and say something for him. More businesses are now understanding of same sex couples, though others most vehemently are not.

So mom, has it been hard? Yes. Have terrible things happened to me and to those I love? Yes. Am I tired of it all? Yes. That is why I cannot stop. I will not stop. I must be an out and proud gay man. I must remind people that we are just regular people who just want to live and love in peace and be treated the same as everyone else. Has it been worth it? Yes. As tired as I am of having to be “out and proud” I know that I, and those like me, are making a difference and the world will be a better place to live. Thank you straight friend, you are right and I appreciate your recognition of my work.

An educated liberal woman I know recently said to me that things remain the same until they change and then they change rapidly when their time has come. Perhaps the most naïve and stupid thing I have ever heard her say, other than when she says her kids are really well behaved and that her dogs won’t be an issue at a picnic. Change happens when people stand up and demand it and convince others to help them. Stand up for who and what you are and demand the change that you believe in. - Jack

Massaging a Friend

I have very few friends who are perfectly aware of what I do for a living. It is amazing that if you are an outgoing enough person, almost no one asks what you do for a living. I have several friends who have known me for years and have no idea that I have been doing massage, much less sensual work as well. Some people in my life know that I do legit massage. Then there are the few that know it all. Most of the time it is not an issue and there is usually a specific reason why they know, for example two of my best friends (a couple)  know since we take vacations with them and have played board games naked etc. No big deal.

I also do theater and again some of them know I do legit work but not sensual, since it is none of their business. The theater world is a strange entity onto itself. A group of people have this unexplainable need to take all of their spare time to get together and put on a show (with usually little or no profit). We leave our spouses and regular jobs behind and form an instant family with the good, the bad and the ugly for a few months, laughing and crying together and creating bonds that feel like they should last forever, but we know they will not. They are temporary, just for the run of the show. Oh there are some that we will stay in touch with for a while, others we will work with again on another show (no guarantees of that), and still others we leave without regrets and a very few that we actually keep as close friends. Since theater is so transitory, it is very possible that you don’t know the day job of 80% of the people that you work with. So what I do just never even enters the picture, unless someone shares something with me that I feel is worthy of my sharing with them. These are very far and few between, it takes a huge level of trust. Granted, theater people are perhaps the most understanding people in the world, but there is still a lot of stigma in doing sensual work that is just not the worth discussing.

So, I am working with an actor for the third season in a row for a few months. We don’t see a lot of each other since our schedules are very different but I was impressed with him the first year we met. He has that type of personality that is so disarming. Something he has probably developed over the years. He is tall, about 6’6”, probably 225, shaved head and a goatee so he is a rather imposing figure and his demeanor may have developed to put people at ease or it is just who he was meant to be. He is in his late 30’s, a good age for just about anyone. He is always smiling and ready with a joke or two. He seems to like everyone and everyone seems to like him. We have been able to kid each other easily from the beginning. After my first show with him closed, I let him know that of all the people I worked with that season, he was perhaps the coolest. We get to chatting on line and I learn far more about him. Something about my personality often brings out the sexual secrets in others. We share how we each like the nudist life style. He mentions how difficult it is for him to hang out naked with a 10 year old at home. We talk about his bisexuality and his relationship with his wife and their early days in the BDSM community. He shares his blog with me and I share this one with him. Suddenly we seem to have few secrets, though he has never seen my place, I have never been to his. We see each other only a few times a year and treat each other as old friends, though in reality, most of our conversations have happened on line and truth be told, there aren’t all that many of those, but they have been good ones. This is all to say that while we are friends, we are not best friends but seem better than just casual co-workers.

So after two years he finally sets up an appointment for a massage. Great! I have been looking forward to this. He really needs one due to the physical demands of his latest show and the stress of his day job and some issues at home. No problem!

Except…

Whenever dealing in a professional basis with a friend, things have a tendency to get a little gray; first off, is the discussion of money.  I charge a decent amount for what I do, I believe I am worth it, but I that is what I charge to strangers. For friends of mine I would never charge that amount. So when he asks about costs, I am honest and say what I charge every day and I give my friends a discount. He doesn’t want to take advantage of me so he offers to pay full price, I tell him it isn’t necessary and that I would rather he gets the time on the table he needs than worry about the cost, we can always work out something. He says that is fine but he likes to treat his friends well. All this and no one has brought up what type of massage he wants yet.

Cool, so I will charge him whatever I see fit. I make up my mind that he is going to get a 90 minute massage (or slightly longer) for the cost of one hour, deal with all of that later. We find an agreeable time to meet, coming to my place (a bit of a hike for him) and I arrange for my partner to be out. Not really hard to do, he wants me to make money. I do not tell my partner who my client is (they know each other), I will do that after. The discussion of what type of massage has been limited to his aches and pains in shoulders and back and legs. He knows I do sensual work as well, if he wants it, he will tell me, right? Or will he? Perhaps he doesn’t want to take advantage of me in that way either. It is true that very few of my friends who know I do sensual work come to me for it. They come for therapeutic work. This is no different right? Besides, from out talks, I know who he is attracted to, and it is not me. He likes “skater” types. The only guy that I know that he has played with is half my age, probably 6 inches smaller in the waist and at least an inch or two longer in the cock. So he is not interested in anything besides a therapeutic massage. I am sure of it.

As time for the appointment approached, I was a bit nervous, wanted everything to be just right. Candles lit, towels in the right spots, correct scents wafting in the air trying to make everything as warm and inviting as possible. Am I expecting something more to happen? No, I just want to make a good impression for my friend.  I look through my music thoroughly, deciding to go to with one of my favorite standards, an eclectic mix of Kristin Bjorn Porn music (before you judge porn music, listen to his, I find it most relaxing). I make sure the water is sitting out a bit so it is not icy cold but a more drinkable temp. I make sure I have a variety of massage products available for any situation, creams, oils, biofreeze and the rest. Then I sit and wait, I am ready early. This is a bad habit of mine. He calls and lets me know where he is and when he expects to arrive. Cool. I am ready. Now normally I would watch some porn during this time to get me “up” for the job so to speak, but I have already decided this is a non-sensual event so I check email and facebook repeatedly. Another call, he is here. I go down to the street to greet him and escort him up to my apartment. He is still dressed from work, not a look I have seen on him often. He looks good and is his normal jovial self. I try to keep things as professional as possible and ask him about his pains and offer him some water (I am nervous, why?). I excuse myself to wash my hands after telling him to undress to his level of comfort and lie on the table, explaining the draping option. As I am washing my hands, I suddenly realize I have not asked him if he needs to use the bathroom, basic etiquette rule one. I come running back into the room, he is in his underwear “I forgot to ask if you needed to use the bathroom, it was a long trip from work.” He does and I shake off the nerves and re-focus. When he returns, he drops his underwear and climbs on the table, tossing the draping towel aside. The quick glance I get of his cock is nice but nothing exceptional. If the rumors are true (ok, on-line photos) then he must be grower.

His ass is nice though. Unfortunately from what I read in his emails and blogs he does not like ass play (except rimming), but this is not that kind of massage. He has the soft rounded bubble but, unusual in someone of his size. It’s time to focus on the task at hand. I remind him that I will use a variety of pressures and to let me know if it ever too much. He laughs and says that it would be impossible; he has trained himself to withstand pain and likes a really deep massage. I go to work and it is true that he has extremely tense muscles, plenty of knots in the shoulders, strain between the shoulder blades and a tight lower back. We exchange some small talk and talk about the aches and pains and knots that I am finding. I spend a good 40 minutes just on his back, both of us being very professional the entire time. I finish with a few feather strokes and move down to his feet. I check to see how he is doing. “Great! You have magic hands!”

As I start working on his feet and legs he says “I half expected you to answer the door naked.” This takes me by surprise. Was he serious? Was he joking? It must be a joke. I respond with a lame line… “one should never assume.” I go back to work. I am coming to a point in the massage that I generally do the abductor rub under the leg through the groin, do I or don’t I? This is a very erotic area for most men, several have cum on my table from this move. On the other hand it is also a very therapeutic (if not exactly legal) and I have done it often on men while giving them therapeutic only massages, especially if they are comfortable with their bodies as I know my friend here is. What the hell! I’ll do it. I am careful not to touch his cock or balls but do reach his perineum. I repeat the stroke, maybe one or two more times than I need to. When I’m finished he makes a comment that no masseur has ever done that before, I explain that it is not exactly a legit move but very therapeutic. He liked it and saw no problem with it. I smile.

I do the other foot and leg, working silently. I repeat the abductor move and start to work on the glutes. I am reaching across him body to work on the far glute when he stretches his fingers up and finds the crotch of my shorts. He continues to feel around till he finds my balls and starts to tickle them, still through the fabric. Well, now I know he is interested in more than a therapeutic massage. I have told you before that I am an ass man, and my friend has a very nice one. It is not a hard muscle butt, but there is definitely some muscle under a soft layer fat that is giving the ass a sexy full look. I love working on an ass like this, one where two perfectly round globes meet in a beautiful cavern just waiting for exploration. I knead that glute hard, working in circles, reaching over occasionally to get my elbow into it. He is still tickling my balls and I have an aching erection. In a normal situation, I may have dropped my shorts here and let him play with my hard cock, but I remember that in his emails that he is not into anal at all and I still will need to climb onto the table to work out some more knots in his back and I don’t want to freak him out with a hard cock working into his ass crack, so I opt to keep clothed.  I switch sides of the table to work on the other glute, his hand again tickling my nuts through my shorts. My hard on is aching. I still try to continue to be as professionally as possible. I do some long full body light strokes after I have finished with his glute, I do a little stretching of his crack by working my thumbs down between those beautiful globes. I find his sphincter and add some lube to my thumb and gently rub back and forth on it. I keep it gentle and light, like a tongue gently caressing it, but not daring to enter. I climb onto the table still fully dressed work those back muscles over again and again. My crotch occasionally grazing his ass but trying not to let my hard dick slip between his cheeks, even fully clothed, I don’t want to scare him. I do massage those beautiful glutes some more and the dismount and do some full body feather strokes before I ask him to turn over.

His cock is definitely swollen, but it is not at full mast. It is definitely much bigger than when I first saw it. He is all smiles, I offer him some water and he takes a long drink. He lies back and closes his eyes, I strip down naked. I work on his chest, my dick occasionally bumping his head, he smiles more broadly. I move to the side of the table and work his abs, occasionally stoking across his pubes, his erection is becoming much fuller. It looks a bit like the Washington Monument, it is widest at the bottom and tapers up to the head. I don’t take the time to measure it, but I believe his claims of it being just shy of 9 inches. He has found my dick and is jacking it slowly in his hand. I move to the other side of the table and repeat the movements, he does as well with slowly jacking my cock. I start to go to town on his genitals, I stroke the length of his cock, I pull his nuts down and tickle them, I stroke a finger across his sphincter. He moans appreciatively at each stroke of his body, I reach up and tweak his nipples, I rub down across his abs, I stroke to the top of cock and down again, over the balls and perineum to the sphincter again and back. He is still rhythmically stroking my cock. I start using both my hands on his cock cupping one over the other so the head of his cock meets a more resistant barrier before bursting through to the air again.

I have over played my hand and he cums quite suddenly. He has a very full body orgasm, the kind I like his whole body convulsing for a few moments. He then lies back with his eyes closed and a big smile on his face. I say to him “what were you saying about magic hands?”

He lies there naked as I finish my work, no longer trying to touch me. I do the leg stretches, his cock slowly growing limp and starting to flop around as I move his legs around. I massage his legs ending with a groin stroke that goes up one leg, over his perineum and down the other leg and back again several times while I hold his nuts out of the way with my other hand. This is a great stroke, it causes the client to open his legs and stretch his groin while giving him very pleasurable sensations that are not directly connected with sex. I am all over the idea of treating the penis like any other appendage after the orgasm. It generally doesn’t need to be stroked any more but it likes to be handled and not ignored. I work his arms and stretch them over his head. They are not as tight as I would have expected, but then again, he is now much more relaxed than he was 90 minutes ago. We are going over the 90 minutes a bit, but I am more than ok with that. There was real work to be done and I think we have accomplished a lot. I am still nude, as is he. There is no shame and sex is not part of the equation anymore. He is drifting in a semi post coital state where his entire body has been relieved, not just his cock. My cock has deflated as well, the excitement is over, my mind has gone back to work and my body has followed. I work his neck and his shaved head (with a 5 o’clock shadow). I massage his face and ears. I then began the process of the connecting feather strokes over the entire body. He is still drifting somewhere, the smile still on his face. I perform the ending blessing by saying to myself “May god bless you and keep you. May god make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious onto you. May god lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace” while connecting his 7 chakra points. He is an atheist but he doesn’t know I was thinking it, besides in my mind it is always god with the little g noting in my mind any deity available or just the universe herself.

I wash my hands and return, he is feeling well and I have him sit up and drink some water, we talk about some of the aches and pains and some stretches that he should do. He then brings up how much he owes me as he is getting dressed.  I say “let’s call it an hour.” He is agreeable and then starts taking out money, he tips $35. That’s fine. It’s too much but that’s fine. If that is what he wants to pay, I am ok with that. I just hope he realizes he doesn’t have to and is not expected to pay that much each time. All in all it was a very good session and I had a very good time and I hope he did as well. The lingering question is does this affect our friendship?

That question may never be properly answered. In order to change a friendship, the friendship would have had to have been well defined to begin with. It is not exactly like we have had sex, he received a service that he paid for. Perhaps sex would have made the friendship easier to define, perhaps not. From what I can tell, he is not the kind to judge another person unless they have treated others in an unkind way. I told my partner who my client was that night; he did not ask any further questions. I have seen my friend at the show a few times since and if anything, he seems a little more relaxed around me. Perhaps he was nervous about scheduling the massage as well. I hope that he comes back as a client. I hope that a friendship continues to grow. I appreciate his view of the world. I hope he appreciates mine. If he does come back, I may get naked earlier, if it’s OK with him. ;-)

-          Jack

Recent Email from a Reader (Posted With Permission)

I love your blog.  I written positive comments and you’ve responded.  I think I told you about traveling to India last fall and getting 18 massages.

 

I absolutely love getting massages, and I always leave a good tip (25%).   Right now I’m seeing a guy once a week for 90 minute massages.  Sometimes he will spend as much as 10 to 30 minutes talking to me before the massage begins, depending on his schedule.  Usually very little talking during the massage, but some days are different.  Over time, several months now, he has been really opening up to me and vice versa so we are getting to know one another.  I like him.  We are both gay, he’s 42 and I am 59 (I’m an avid yoga practitioner so I’m trim and in pretty good shape).  Lately he’s been bringing up the topic of sex in a variety of ways—he’s told me he has good sex with his partner, he’s HIV positive, he once had an intense infatuation with a guy we both know, etc......last visit he told me that he usually got very aroused when he was receiving a massage, although not so much when giving one as that was work.  We never use any draping and honestly I’ve never gotten aroused with him.  I have no fear of that, but his massages are so deep and powerful that I go into the zone, really deep state, plus he doesn’t go for the erotic zones. 

 

I’m really beginning to get the impression that he’s telling me in a very round about way that if I want to get aroused during sessions that is okay.  BUT, for me to get aroused, I need the massage to be  slightly erotic, little brushes of the hand against erogenous zones.  Any feedback?  This guy is quite professional and has never said anything about sensual or erotic massage, but now that I’m a trusted, repeat client, and with his remarks about how he gets aroused when he is on the receiving end, make me wonder if he’s not opening up the door a bit.  Should I come right out and ask him if he does erotic massage?  I don’t want to do any “damage” to our relationship, which is very good, and up to now, not sexual.  I have lately been leaking pre-cum and I know that he doesn’t miss a thing, he’s keenly observant.

 

Thanks.  Keep blogging.

My Response:

Honestly, from what you have said, I agree with you. He is opening the door to something else. If you are comfortable talking with him, I would ask him verbally if he ever does erotic massage or if it something that he would consider. If he says no, you just "OK, I was just curious, love your work, keep doing what you've been doing." If he says yes, then the ball is in your court and you can decide whether or not you want one.

Gay male masseurs get asked this question often. For most, the stock answer they give is no. However, there are a great many who normally say no but for a long time attractive client will bend their rules. I suspect that this is the case here. If you have seen him that often and are have good talks, feel free to ask away.

- Jack

Apartment living

OK, I hate living in an apartment sometimes.
Working from your home is a benefit that most bodyworkers enjoy. It definitely has it's perks. No commute, saves money on renting a place of business (most massage salons take half of your money off the top), you can dress or undress as you please. ;-)
Now the ideal is owning your home, however most of us do not make that good of money to accomplish this so we rent. When working from your apartment the issues are numerous.
First, you have no control over the neighbors. In my building, the noise bleed from one apartment to the next isn't too bad but anything that happens in the hallway can be heard pretty clearly. So when the neighbors come tromping up and down the stairs, I hear it, as does my client. When they slam the doors (why do so many people slam their doors?) we hear it, when they continue their conversation or fight into the hallway, we hear it. If your neighbors decide to sit outside your building, drink beers and smoke cigarettes - there is little you can do to control it and it leaves a bad impression on your client which means you have to work that much harder.
Or there is the situation I am currently in. Maintenance. Our building is OK with letting you know when they are dropping by, but not great. Yesterday afternoon a sign went up on my door saying they were coming by today (Friday) to paint my bathroom. The paint in my bathroom has been peeling for sometime now and I have been bugging them to do something. I would have done it myself but we are not allowed. So the two appointments I had scheduled for today I had to call up and cancel, never good for business. Both are clients who have only seen me once before and it is not a good way to build a good client/therapist relationship. Now the issue with the bathroom is that the last time it was painted, they didn't prime it properly so the paint peeled. I wanted to be around to watch that it is done right this time. I figure if they show up early in the AM and prime, they can paint in the afternoon and be done. So I get up early and take everything out of my bathroom and even take the cabinet off the wall so that is all set for painting, and I wait. I figure that the earliest they would be here is 9AM. I start calling at 11AM. 2PM I am told they will be here shortly. At 3 they show up and say this is a bigger job and they will mud today and prime and paint on Monday. So they spend 15 minutes smearing mud over the walls and leave. I put back a few things to make the bathroom somewhat usable for the weekend but now I will loose Monday as a work day as well. If they could have told me approximately what time they were showing up today, I could have got at least one client in and because I will loose Monday, that is potentially another 2 clients I won't get.
Of course it is still not as bad as the time as the guy next door had a clog in his sink. they had a plumber come over and use a snake on his kitchen drain. What occurred to no one was that his kitchen sink and mine share a drain. So I am naked worked on a client doing some sensual work when I start hearing noises coming from my kitchen. It sounds like someone is banging on the sink. Then I hear what sounds like dishes breaking. Then all is peaceful for a while and the noise starts again. This pattern repeats for about 10 minutes until I excuse myself to check what is happening. The pipe snake had come up through my sink and found a dishtowel which was now wrapped around the end so it could not go back down in the sink. It had also knocked a few of my dishes out of the dish strainer (that's what I get for not emptying it right away). The snake was still flopping around with the towel on it and I was standing there naked watching it. I grab it and pull to let the owner on the other side I got it. He pulled back but not too far. I unwrap the towel and push on the snake to let them know I was done. They pull back on the snake and try to twist it back through. I walk back naked to  the table and briefly explain to my client what was happening and offer him a discount for the interruption. We laugh about it and then he looks at me seriously, "they won't be coming over here will they?" I assure him that it is unlikely, but should they ask to be admitted, I will give him his clothes and towel and send him into the bedroom so he can dress in private. There would of course be no charge for the work done up to that point.
So these are some of the hazards of doing massage work in your apartment. Definitely think about these things before you go into business for yourself! Have fun! - Jack

Why don't erotic masseurs and escorts want to kiss?

Not only do most men who work in with erotic energy consider kissing to be one of the most personal experiences that many choose to only share with their significant other, they know it is also the easiest way to get sick. And I don't just mean a cold, flu, or strep throat:

http://infectiousdiseases.about.com/od/respiratoryinfections/a/kissing.htm

Love is in the air

Germs are everywhere

Kissers beware

Of infections you can share.

We know that kisses of passion can lead to one thing or another. But did you know that kissing can also lead to an infectious disease? Mononucleosis, or mono, is the prototypical “kissing disease,” and sexually-transmitted diseases are infamous following some romantic interludes. But did you know that there are many infections that can be spread through mere kissing alone?

Infectious Diseases in Saliva

Infectious diseases are spread through several routes of transmission. “Oral transmission” refers to spreading of microbes through saliva, foods or drinks. When a person accidentally consumes microbe-contaminated items, such as saliva during kissing, the swallowing action of the tongue wipes the microbes against the back of the throat, allowing the microbe to enter the body. Infections, such as mononucleosis (the kissing disease), caused by Epstein-Barr virus (EBV), and cytomegalovirus (CMV) are spread via oral transmission from virus-containing saliva.

Other infectious microbes that spread through saliva do so by sticking to the inner surface of the cheeks and mouth, the tongue, or teeth. An example is the bacterium Streptococcus, which can cause an array of infections, including gum disease and strep throat.

An important thing to keep in mind is that the surfaces of the respiratory tract (nose, mouth, and throat) are continuous and made up of similar tissues. As a result, microbes that are found in the saliva can generally be found in other parts of the respiratory tract, including the nose and throat. Therefore, even colds and flus (and other respiratory infections) can potentially be spread through the saliva.

Infectious Diseases from Mouth Sores

Cold sores

Cold sores are caused by Herpes Simplex Virus-1 (HSV-1). In contrast to infections spread through the saliva, HSV-1 is spread through open cold sores on the lips or near the mouth. Although the infection is contagious through all stages of a cold sore, the infection is most contagious when the sore is open and leaking fluid.

Hand, foot, and mouth disease

Hand, foot, and mouth disease, caused by Coxsackie virus, is another infectious disease that is spread through open sores in the mouth. This infection is common in kids, especially those in daycare or preschool settings. It spreads primarily via the fecal-oral route, a common problem among daycares, since changing of diapers goes on all day.

But canker sores are not infectious.

In contrast to cold sores and coxsackie virus blisters, canker sores have no infectious disease origin and cannot be spread through the saliva or kissing.

What about HIV and Hepatitis B Virus?

HIV and hepatitis B Virus (HBV) are blood-borne and sexually-transmitted infections that have been found in the saliva. Despite the presence of HIV in saliva, there have never been any reports of HIV transmission via this route. In contrast, transmission of hepatitis B virus through saliva has been well documented, as well as hepatitis A and C.

Natural Microbial Defense Mechanisms in the Mouth

Saliva has a natural cleansing role, provided by its flushing activity. Other antimicrobial defenses in the saliva include antibodies and other antimicrobial proteins (e.g., lysozyme), and normal mouth flora (the “good” bacteria that prevents growth of “bad” bacteria).

The spread of infectious microbes through the saliva can occur when natural resistance in the mouth is reduced. For example, gum infections can occur in people with vitamin C deficiencies, and thrush, caused by Candida yeast infections, is more likely to occur in people who have been taking antibiotics. People who are dehydrated have reduced salivary flow and four times more bacteria in their mouths.

Preventing Kissing Diseases

Be careful who you kiss.

Source:

Mims CA, Playfair JH, Roitt, IM, Wakelin D, Williams R, and Anderson RM. Medical Microbiology. ©1993. Mosby-Year Book Europe Limited. London, UK.