Women

There is no doubt in my mind that men are more sexually charged than women, or at least are more willing to do something about it.

I have belonged to a couple of on-line all male massage groups that are primarily dealing with men looking for sensual or erotic massage. I have stated before one of them had a poll where only half the men identified as gay, which got me wondering about straight men and even more importantly women.

We all know that there have been “massage parlors” where men can go to get a rub-down from a woman with a little extra thrown in and they obviously do decent business since there are many around and have been for centuries. So straight men can always go there, even though some have found them second rate and prefer now to go to a gay man for a massage and a little extra.

What about women? I know that many women go to spas to get massages on a regular basis, and I have always assumed that these are very legit massages whether they are from a woman or a man. Do women want or even like a sensual massage? Do they have different needs? Or are they just a lot more conservative than men and see a sensual massage from a stranger as dirty and wrong?

I started an on-line group for men and women that is modeled after a very successful one for men. The description for the group was as follows, stolen almost entirely from the men’s group:

This group is ONLY FOR ADULTS (18 years old and up). We welcome any and all who enjoy receiving, giving, and/or learning massage and other types of bodywork. Human touch benefits everyone in body, mind, and soul and is essential for a healthy happy mental, emotional and spiritual life. In our society touching is generally taboo and tragically the reason most Americans are extremely touch-deprived. How many times a day do you get a hug or get a gentle caress on your back? Whether you're interested in strictly massage or something more sensual; if you are a professional; or if you're inexperienced and just want to learn massage; this club is a good place to connect with other like-minded people.
PLEASE NOTE: That there are plenty of groups for people looking for sexual connections. This group is not one of them. While it's understood that so often the sensual intimacy of massage can lead to a more erotic experience for consenting adults; this group's focus is on massage. And while it's encouraged that you ask for particular stats of who you would prefer to work with and/or give your stats, please do NOT post references to sexual acts or genitals. All messages are screened to keep out flamers, spammers, sexually graphic descriptions and off-topic subjects.

The idea was to make it sound both open to sensual touch but also as safe as possible. I then advertised the group on craigslist.org in the therapeutic section; after all, you can find anything on craigslist.org. In no time at all I had 100 people sign up. I insisted that they have their sex listed in their profile so I would know who was signing up. Of the first 100 people, only three were women. Based on the postings thus far, those three women could be very busy for a very long time if they so choose.

There are people, both men and women, who offer these services for women, I see the ads every so often. Some think quite highly of themselves and charge an arm and a leg, many of these I noticed also will do the same for men. Then there are others who I see advertise that are willing to provide sensual massage for women for free or as little as $10 an hour, apparently they realize how small the market really is.

One of my female friends that I chatted about this with said that all women love sensual massage, and every straight male should learn how to give a woman proper sensual massage. As far as paying for a sensual massage, she said she would rather give her money to someone who knows how to give a really good massage than to pay for a sensual one and take a chance that it may not be as good. Now, if she had a really good recommendation of a sensual massage guy who charged a decent rate, she would go immediately. So, is it about value shopping?

One of my lesbian friends told me that she and her friends exchange sensual massages all the time, they have free form massage parties whenever they all get together, some of the girls are straight some are not at all, it doesn’t matter, they all just have fun. I have no idea if she was kidding or not. Knowing her as I do, it would not surprise me if it was all true.

Apparently skill level is a big thing for women. When asking around the biggest comment that I heard was that many men just don’t know how to give a woman a good massage. In the same way that straight men will go to a gay man for a sensual massage because they know how to touch a man, women want to go to someone who knows how to touch a woman. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a lesbian or even another woman, but someone who has been taught by various women how to truly touch a woman.

All of this still doesn’t seem to answer the question, do many women look for sensual massage? If not, why not? Are they just certain that it doesn’t exist? That it would never live up to their expectations? Is it that they don’t find it acceptable to do? If there are any women who read this, which I would not be surprised if they are not, but if they do, I would love to hear more about why more women don’t look for this type of work.

- Jack

The loss of a Friend

This post is a little off topic, but it is still about me and my life, just not necessarily as a bodyworker, but as a friend. Forgive the errors, I am tired.

A very dear friend of mine died very suddenly yesterday. It is slowly sinking in. For our purposes we will call her Margo. She was the kind of friend that you could share a lot of secrets with, a lot dreams with, and a lot really fascinating times with. She had a disease since her youth that would eventually kill her. Cystic Fibrosis. She never once let that get her down and her plans for the future included a luxurious retirement.

I met Margo many years ago through a mutual friend, and at first that was how she was referred to, you know, her friend, Margo.

Anyway, as time passed we (my partner and I) got to know Margo better. I even was a model for an advertising campaign that she worked for. My partner and I moved away to a larger city and much to our surprise, Margo called us to meet her since she was going to be in town for a conference. A couple of months later she called again asking if she could crash with us as she had a job interview in our town. A few months later, she moved to the other side of our town and very shortly we started an amazing ritual, Sunday Brunch with all you can drink Mimosas.

Sometimes it was just the three of us, sometimes up to nine but we tried to be sure never more than two weeks past without a Brunch. Over the years we have seen each other at our best and at our worst. We have gotten jobs, lost jobs, helped each other move, and even explored the underbelly of sexual deviation. That’s right, we even attended BDSM classes together (you have to look to find them, but find them we did). We were there when her beloved dog died and also when she picked out her new puppy and we watched it grow to a beautiful dog. We went to plays together, art shows, wine and cheese tastings, Renn Fairs, and even this dreadful herb festival that she insisted we attend each year.

Through this all we knew that Margo was ill. She would suddenly have a long coughing fit and we would pause the conversation until she was done and then continue on as if little or nothing had happened. I read up on Cystic Fibrosis and had a good idea of what was eventually coming. I took her to the hospital occasionally for office visits or procedures and hold her hand when ever needed. Eventually things starting getting worse, it was obvious from her weight loss. There was talk about a lung transplant and I knew that was a bad sign. From my readings, I knew a transplant is a last ditch effort since it is such a delicate procedure.

It was getting more difficult for her to get out and often her meds would mean that she could not drink. So we started a new ritual with out much fanfare, Scrabble night. The funny thing about Scrabble night was that I was the only one who really enjoyed Scrabble, the rest just realized that it was nothing more than an excuse to get together every week or two to socialize instead of brunch.

Eventually the talk of new lungs became a regular bit of conversation and money was raised to put her on the list ($200,000 in cash just to get her on the list and that was with good insurance). Doctors informed Margo that if she did not get new lungs she had about 6 months to live. We now found ourselves in waiting game. Margo was still making plans for her future and all of the things she would be able to do with her new lungs. She was on oxygen all the time now and she hated that. What 40 year old, fiercely independent woman wouldn’t? At first she didn’t want to leave her house at all but eventually we convinced her that the purpose of the oxygen was to set her free. Time continued to pass and we would wait for “the call” for new lungs. We had one false call that was a great dry run and got us all very excited. Life continued, bills collected, her work dropped off, Scrabble games picked up and every major holiday weekend we held our breaths since those were statistically the best weekends for transplants.

The 6 months came and went and still we waited. It was almost a year and a half and Margo was still waiting. Things were starting to look a little bleak. Her health was deteriorating, and we all knew that something had to happen soon. Worst of all, Margo was getting tired. Her phone calls were a little sadder each time and she would talk about how she was tired all the time, she was tired of waiting, and she was tired of being sick.

Yesterday morning she and I exchanged some mundane silly emails. She went grocery shopping and talked to another friend about how she had gotten a good night sleep the night before, but could still use a nap. About 30 minutes later, an EMT called that friend and said that they were at Margo’s house and about to take her to the hospital, she had coughed up a lot blood, and that the friend should meet them there. The friend called me to let me know what was happening and we agreed that I would wait until she had more information before I leave. Margo never made it to the hospital.

We received the call and volunteered to go and take care of the dog and the house. We were warned that there may be a mess. It was true. We entered the house (Margo had long ago given us a key) and immediately went to let the dog out of her pen to walk her. As my partner was doing that, I started noticing the blood. It was spattered on the kitchen floor and the floor in her back room. There was a towel and a rug bunched up in front of the bathroom door that had a lot of blood on it. I opened the bathroom door and saw that the sink was half full of blood and that it was spattered on the walls and the floor as well. Apparently her lungs had ruptured and she had coughed up several pints of blood. I closed the bathroom door and took a deep breath.

I went to find the cleaning supplies and started on the floors. I for a moment considered putting the towel and rug in the washing machine and realized what for, throw them away. My partner returned and put the dog in a cage in another room and joined me in the cleaning. I let him take over the floors while I headed for the bathroom. The blood in the sink was a combination of congealed and liquid blood. The sink itself seemed clogged. I did the only thing I could think of and take paper towel and start scooping the mess out of the sink and into the toilet. I got to the bottom and discovered the stopper was in the sink. I removed the rest of the solids and the stopper and started running the water. From this point I could now just start cleaning the sink. I had made a mild bleach solution and scrubbed everything, the sink, the floor, the walls trying to make sure that I got every crevasse. Once that was done, everything was gone over again with regular bathroom cleaners. There was another small rug in the back room and one in the kitchen that also had a few spots, these I did throw in the washer, though later I was left wondering who I had washed them for.

Having cleaned up the blood we let the dog out so she would not be left locked up for so long. We put away Margo’s groceries. It seemed like the right thing to do. We then cleaned the stick-up Easter Eggs that had been on her front window for almost 5 months, no one else needed to see those.

We heard from the family and found that they were having the body transported to their home state and would not be coming to Margo’s House for at least a week and would pick up the dog at that time, we were to decide what would be best for the dog until then. We were making phone calls on where to leave the dog since my partner had more sense than I did at this point (I wanted to bring the dog home with us, it would not have been a good solution). Our mutual friend who had been at the hospital showed up and confirmed what we thought about where to keep the dog (another friend with dogs and children so the dog would get a lot of attention). We then all consoled each other and went back to work.

Another aspect of being good friends in a case like this is removing those things from the house that Margo’s parents did not need to see. You know, those things like materials we had picked up at the BDSM classes and various toys and books. Her journals where she talks about the love of her life went with us as well, though those will be given to her sister.

We were left alone again waiting for the friend who was coming to pick up the dog. As we were gathering the dog’s things, I noticed the Aero Bed that we had loaned to Margo for the extra guests expected if she had gotten the transplant, we would need to take that with us as well. I noticed for the first time that there was something that we had given Margo in every room, some from our travels and other gifts bought for her birthdays or Christmases. I wondered what would happen to them. I thought about taking them, but that seemed so wrong at the time. We did take the stuff that we had brought to Margo’s for our Scrabble nights including the board and the liquor.

The person taking care of the dog showed up and we had to load up the dog’s pen and then we had to say good-bye to the dog. It was then that it suddenly was all very real. It wasn’t the cleaning, or the packing, or the sorting through various sundries, it was saying good-bye to a silly little dog that finally made me realize that my friend is dead.

We went through the house one last time to be sure that everything that should be off was off and anything that was supposed to be closed was closed and that the place was locked up tight.

Today was spent with phone calls and emails and playing tag to be sure that everyone has the most current information. I called a friend that Margo introduced us to who now lives in Ireland, I called my mother who had always loved Margo, I called Margo’s mother to let her know that the dog is being well taken care of. I called Margo’s best friend from that town where we met and listened to her cry for a while. I called the love of Margo’s life, a married man that she had an affair with on and off for a few years and whom she never got over. I let him know that I knew about their relationship so he could cry for a few moments and apologize for not doing better by her. I got a few calls as well checking to make sure that we were ok. I did have a client today, which was difficult, but I managed to give him what he was after.

I called the mutual friend who had introduced to us to Margo all those years ago and gave her the bad news and thanked her for introducing us.

- Jack

My Partner

I am one of the very few that I know of who does sensual massage who is also partnered. It can be a difficult situation to be in to say the least. Most men are not secure enough to have a partner who spends his day rubbing naked men and getting them off. I have heard from others that they date a lot and that at first their new boyfriends are excited by the idea. As the relationship gets serious however, they expect the masseur to stop doing sensual work or find another profession altogether.

My partner and I have been together for 13 years now. I was not doing sensual work during all that time. In fact when we met, I was working a very low paying job in theatre, of course so was he. Early in the relationship we had a discussion as to what was going to be acceptable behavior and what was not. We agreed that emotional fidelity was far more important than sexual fidelity. As the years past I took up massage first as a hobby, he took classes as well since the idea was attractive to him, including sensual massage. The problem being that he was never very good at it. It came very naturally to me. Eventually I started doing it for pay part time as I still did theatre and had a day job in the “Corporate” world. Everything in my life started suffering due to my corporate life. I was working longer hours, not getting to do enough theatre, and I was forced to do a lot of travel for work. The money was good, but that was about it. My home life was suffering as well. I was depressed often and away to much. My partner dealt with it as best he could but really wanted me to quit. He was also looking elsewhere for emotional support because I was not there for him. I was not even aware of this at first, since my own depression was getting severe. I finally quit the corporate life and sat at home wondering what I was going to do with my life. That is when I realized something was up with my partner. I found out what was going on (just an online affair) but it was a serious one. I confronted him and we went to counseling. I started taking some more clients and when he was free my partner and I took a vacation together. Things were rough for a while and it took some patience and forgiveness on both of out parts. Up until this time, we had never discussed the nature of the body work I was doing. Although he had a good idea, he didn’t want to think about it and I didn’t feel like discussing it. In a moment of full disclosure, I told him that a lot of my clients were coming to me for non legit work.

He didn’t really have much to say. He understood and hoped that I would not advertise this to our friends. To this day, there are only a couple of our mutual friends who know the true nature of my work. On that day we discussed the pros and cons and what I did and didn’t do. He has always recognized the need for this kind of work in our society. He was glad I told him, and that was that. We have not discussed it much since then. He knows what goes on, he doesn’t ask many questions and I don’t tell him many tales. When I speak of my day, it more about the non-sensual aspects of my work, like what kind of guys did I see today, not what I do with them.

His concern about what are friends know or don’t know is one that I respect. He may understand my work but not everyone would. He may be accepting of what I do, but others may not understand his position.

He does not know about this blog, nor do I really want him to. Now I do want you to understand how loving and caring my partner is. How he supported my decision to leave a relatively high paying job and that he sticks by me when I don’t look for another “real” job. He is one of the nicest people that you would ever care to meet. He loves me unconditionally, and I him.

Body work is a very solitary job. I do not have coworkers to commiserate with. I do know a lot of other guys in the field but we don’t chat about what we do a lot. I have heard that there are other gay body workers who do this work who have partners but they are also in the business.

This is the real truth about my Confessions of a Bodyworker. It is a place I can tell people about my work and what goes through my head. My partner doesn’t really need to hear the nitty-gritty about my job, I am pretty sure he does not want to. Would you want to share all this with your partner? Just so you understand, I am not ashamed of what I do. There are a great number of people who know what I do and I have no problem in talking to them about my life. I just don’t see them all that often since they are not friends that my partner and I have in common.

It is something else to consider when thinking about what a great life I lead.

- Jack

So what about when I am not in the mood?

If you are thinking of a life as an erotic bodyworker, there are things to consider. Number one is what kind of sex drive do you have? If it is not really high, this may not be the place for you.

The problem is the erection. It is expected. Even if you remained clothed, if the massage is taking a sensual bent, the receiver will often feel your crotch to see if you are excited. While I suppose with proper planning you could fake this, but nothing beats a real honest to goodness erection. I personally know a couple of guys who rely on “little blue pills” to help them along. I am fortunate enough to never have had to go this route. Not that there haven’t been some close calls.

Case in point, I suffer from allergies, so on occasion I get really bad sinus headaches. Trying to get an erection with a bad headache can be really tough; however, a lot of anti-histamines can leave you feeling spacey, tired, and unable to get it up. This means I have to figure out which is going to be worse, a headache or the sinus medication.

Then there are days when I may have had a really good night with my partner the night before and I am just tired and wore out. Fortunately I really love sex and can bounce back pretty fast.

I also have DVD porn. Yes, that’s right, DVD porn. I don’t watch it while I am giving a massage, but if I know I have a sensual massage coming up, I will watch some porn before the client arrives. This is good to get me in a “randy” mood and can “fluff” up my penis before I have to disrobe. Probably more than you needed to know but this is a confessions blog.

When I was receiving a sensual massage the other day, I would occasionally watch the masseur and notice that his gaze was often off in the distance. I assume he was either letting his mind wander or fantasizing (I chose to believe option three which is that he was trying to prevent a kink in his neck). I on the other hand will focus on the body part that I am working on. That means that when I am working your butt so hard, I am focusing on your butt and perhaps even fantasizing about it. What I would like to do to that butt if I did that sort of thing to my clients. I can find a lot of parts of the body attractive when I focus on them. A shoulder for example can be very erotic to me as I work it with my hands. The small of the back, the foot, the curve of a calf, the meatiness of a thigh, the hairiness of a forearm, the muscles of a chest, the softness of the stomach, and of course the penis, balls, and anus go with out saying. All of these body parts, when I focus my attention can definitely help me with an erection.

Of course more than anything else is the personality and energy of the client. If my client has a warm and sharing personality, it comes through in their voice, their touch and the energy exchange that happens between us. My erection will come and go depending on whether I am doing some deep tissue work to relieve a stress knot or if tenderly stroking the perineum. This is true for the client as well. I have noticed that if I am turned on while stroking a calf muscle, the client usually also gets erect. Conversely, if a client really gets a woody from having their foot rubbed, often I will get erect. I had a client the other day who really loved Deep Pressure work. He got very excited as I really dug into his shoulders to work out his stress. The harder I worked the harder he got, and so did I. This is extremely unusual since I am so deeply focused into working the knots in the muscle that I almost never get erect then. For many clients I won’t even disrobe until I am finished with the entire back, since it just demands so much focus.

I also find that the differences in what men do to their bodies will excite me. Personally I shave my balls and my face but some men will go completely hairless. I would never do that, but it can be exciting on the right person. Others have obviously never even considered clipping a hair on their body and are almost invisible under a heavy coat of fur. This too can be quite exciting. Piercings and tattoos are also fascinating. Again, not for my body, but on the right guy a well placed tattoo or body piercing is very erotic.

So have there been times would I could just not get it up? Well, yes. Once I had a client just after I had sex and I could not get it back up again, this is the main reason I do not ejaculate with clients. I have lost the war with allergies. In this case, I try to explain to my client that I have had to take some anti-histamines and they have left me a bit limp, so if it OK with them, I will stay dressed but I can still please you. Most of the time that has been OK but not always, there are those men who really want that erection, it means a lot to them that their bodyworker can get a hard from working on them. I understand this, I do.

I also never do more than 3 clients in a day. If they all book 90 minutes, that is 4.5 hours of almost constant erection, every day. Now you know why some guys take a little blue pill.

In short, if you don’t already need to ejaculate every day, if you can’t find random body parts erotic or have a very fertile imagination, if you can’t keep an erection for hours on end, then this may not be the job for you.

- Jack

Age and beauty is not what it is about

I have received a couple of private comments about my post called “On a More Positive Note.” Apparently some believe that only a handsome young stud makes my day worth while. Not true. It is nice to see a young body once in a while, like looking at a fine piece of art, it is not what makes a session good for me.

First of all, I find all kinds of men attractive, if given the chance. It is not the outside that appearance that is important as much as it is their attitude. A bad attitude or being treated like a piece of meat is what often ruins a session.

Case in point; yesterday I had a client who was about to turn 70 (I know because he told me). He has been to me before and I know that he wants a sensual bodywork session with both of us nude. He is gay, though he came out late in life after retiring from the Air force. He has a life partner with whom he is very happy, but he still like to get a sensual massage from time to time.

Now, if I were out cruising for someone to have a random sex act with, I would not head immediately to the 70 year old guys, not that there is anything wrong with them, just not necessarily my first choice. This does not mean in a situation like bodywork that we both won’t have a really good time.

He enters and asks me how I am doing, how my partner is, have I been able to take some time and enjoy the summer, you know, takes a real interest in my life. We chit chat and hug like old friends. I make sure to ask if there is anything special physically that he needs worked on as he undresses. I excuse myself to wash my hands and he gets on the table.

I return, he is lying quietly in position and waiting. I ask if he is comfortable, he is. I undress and go to work. He is respectful of the fact that I have to move around a lot and never reaches out to grab me, but waits patiently until my leg or whatever has made contact with his hand for more than an instant. His touch towards me is gentle and filled with warmth. He comments on the warmth of my touch and the softness of my skin. I know that he aroused because of his hip grinding against the table, his touch and kindness towards me has me aroused as well. I am still able to do my job since he is not being over aggressive. My erection comes and goes depending on my focus. He is very responsive when my touch becomes more erotic, letting me know that he is enjoying my touch, and this in turn excites me. I spend a good deal of time on his butt; I remember from our previous experiences that he really enjoys this. My goal is to keep him as aroused as possible with out any premature ejaculation, while still making sure he get the therapeutic effects of a good session. He gently strokes my penis as I focus on his prostate. I climb on the table to work his back, allowing my penis to occasionally graze his butt. As I reach to work between his shoulders, my penis is lying between his butt cheeks. He moans softly and works his hips slowly against the table. I lay upon his body, mine covering his, letting him feel my full weight upon him. His fingers interlace with mine and again he moans softly.

It is time for him to turn over. He is very erect and leaking pre-cum. I am erect as well. I go to the head of the table to work his chest, leaning over his head. He reaches up and places my erect penis on his forehead and puts his arms back on the table. He lifts his chest as I graze his nipples. I move to work on his stomach and his hand again finds my penis and slowly and gently strokes it. I gently run my hand down his penis and over his balls before I switch sides. I rub his stomach now from the other side, working in circles, my hand sliding beneath his erection with each stroke as he continues to slowly work mine.

It is time for the most erotic part of the massage. I start down at his anus, gently stroking the exterior of the rosebud and then working the perineum. I move up to his balls, grasping them tightly in one hand to stretch the skin taught and working them gently with the fingernails of my other hand. I stroke up his penis and continue up to his nipples. I then slide my hands back down stroking his penis once before going back to the anus and repeating the process a few times. He continues to pleasure my erection. I focus on his prostate for a few minutes. This process is not for everyone, a lot of men find it too intense, this gentleman appears to love it. His penis continues to drool, mine is achingly hard.

It is time for the release, I move my right hand to stroke his penis as my left hand wanders from his nipples down to his balls, occasionally stoking his inner thighs and finally applying pressure to his pubic bone. He is thrashing on the table, I know that he will pop at any moment; his hand is still stroking my penis and has picked up in intensity. Suddenly this calm man is screaming and moaning as his penis erupts sending semen flying over his chest and stomach, his hand is just squeezing my penis now. His hips thrust upwards again and again.

Once it is over and I am wiping his semen up, he starts apologizing. He is sorry for the noise he made, I say it’s OK. He is sorry for the mess, not a problem. He is sorry that I didn’t release, I tell him that I didn’t want to, the session is about him, not me. He then tells me that he really needed that, an orgasm that reached to the bottom of his soul. I am glad that I could help and tell him how impressed I am with the amount of his ejaculate. He laughs. I finish the massage, working on his legs, arms, neck, face and finally a light stroking of his entire body. I let him know about where I found stress and compliment him on how well he is keeping his body hydrated. He sits up to drink some water and then hugs me, and I hug him back. It was a truly wonderful experience for both of us. We dress and chit chat some more before he pays (a good tipper, thank you) and hug once more before he walks out the door. I look forward to his next visit, as I do for the vast majority of my clients.

Below are the stats of a poll on a male massage group site regarding prostate massage.

- Jack

How do you feel about prostate massage being a part of the massage experience?

Love it! 38 %

Could take or leave it. 23 %

Hate it! 4 %

I no longer have a prostate, but go ahead anyway. 0 %

Never had a prostate massage so I don't know. 32%