Wednesday, October 17, 2012

So do I ever develop a Crush?



I have been with my partner over 18 years. I also do sensual bodywork. I have no problem with keeping these parts of my life completely separate. Many times I have had problems with clients developing crushes on me and have had to deal with them, usually by having to dismiss them. So, do I ever develop crushes on clients? No.

Do I ever develop a crush at all? Well, nobody is perfect. The important thing is what you do about it, or not.

Case in point, in a current production I am doing I am working with a very nice gay man, short, hairy, muscular and super sweet. He is talented and intelligent and from what I have seen, I would bet he looks great naked. So yeah, I am crushing on him a little.

Now, if I were a different person, I could explore this and see what comes of it. I could flirt, I could be blunt and say “hey, you wanna grab drink and maybe we could fuck later.” I could stroke his ego, compliment his body, his talent and make a move – I know how to play the game. All of this would of course be feeding the crush, allowing it to grow.

So I do nothing. I chit chat with him as I would with any other actor, but no more, perhaps a bit less. I ignore my impulse and feelings towards him and let them fade away. They will fade away and already have a great deal.

So, the thing to remember if you develop a crush that may jeopardize your primary relationship, the best thing to do is just ignore it, it will go away.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

How do you Keep from cumming?

I get asked this question a lot from my clients. The shortest and simplest answer is that I am working. While I at times enjoy my work, I don’t enjoy it to the point of orgasm. Not many people do enjoy their jobs that much.

The longer answer has to do with where my focus is. My focus is not on me but rather on the client on the table. I am doing all that I can to make sure he has the best time possible so he will give me a tip and come to see me again. It’s that simple. When you take the focus completely off yourself it is really easy not to have an orgasm. Now some will argue that when they are having sex and they are trying to get the other person to have an orgasm that they themselves often cum with slightest touch. This can be very true, however I am not really having sex, I am working. If the client is jacking me, he is doing it because it gives him pleasure; I am jacking him because it is my job. All the focus is on him. Granted it helps that I am not very sexually attracted to many of my clients. The issue for me is far more often how do I get an erection with a client rather than how to keep from cumming. I am proud to say I am still Viagra and Cialis free! As I have said before on this blog, I can usually find some aspect of the man on the table that is attractive. It may be a body part or his personality, but I can usually find something. Other times I will let the client play with my penis and close my eyes and fantasize (or recall) a sexy situation. If none of it works I realize that I don’t need to keep this man as a client.

Now on the rare occasion, I get someone incredibly hot on my table, who for whatever reason is really into me. This last part is important. If the hot guy on the table is not into me, I won’t be able to maintain an erection, much less come close to cumming. So, there is hot guy on the table who is really into me and wants nothing more than to make me cum. This is fortunately rare because these are the times I have to really use self-control. If I realize that the focus is changing from him to me and I am getting close to cumming I will focus on something else, anything else. Often times it is something in the room like “I should buy some new pots and dirt and replant some of these plants” or “When was the last time I washed those curtains” or “How did that scratch get into the floor and how can I fix it.” You get the idea. It works most of the time. Have I accidentally cum? Yes. It has happened. A couple of times from the expert jacking techniques of the client, a couple of times from seeing the client shoot a huge load and once or twice when the massage went out the window and I lost all control (I can count on one hand the number of times that has happened).

It is actually one of the things I am asked to teach my clients, how to have better cum control. It can be taught. Most of it psychological, taking the focus off your penis completely and focus on the partner completely. There can be physical aspects as well and the practice can be fun, it involves hours of masturbation. Day one of training I recommend cumming as many times as you can. Block out a day and get some good porn and lots of lube and stroke it all day long. Cum as quick as you want, but as soon as you are done, do everything you can to get that erection back and cum again and again and again. For 99% of men, each successive orgasm will take longer than the one before. Give yourself a day or two of rest and then do an all-day erection. The goal is not only to not cum, but to not even get close. The only goal is to remain hard. This is not the same as edging where you get as close to cumming as possible and then stop and restart but rather to just keep your dick hard for as many hours straight as you can. Give it the occasional stroke as you do naked housework, play your favorite games, read a non-sexual book or whatever non-orgasm inducing activity you can find. At the end of the day reward yourself by giving your penis complete attention and cum as big as you can. Rest a day or two and then you can do an edging day of getting as close to orgasm as possible and then stop let yourself go soft and start over. If you accidentally have an orgasm wait a couple of hours and start again. If you go through this 3 day cycle a few times in one month, you will be well on your way to total dick control. ;-)

- Jack

Topics of Conversation

Some client seem to have an incredible need to talk. Very rarely will they talk about sex or why they are seeing me (some do, and I appreciate it). No, most just seem to want to chat about anything, I suppose to feel closer to me. This is not a bad thing but be careful what kind of topics you bring up. I am working on your body, and need to remain focused. You would also do well not to piss me off.

True story: A client starts going off about Barack Obama and the thought of raising taxes on the wealthy. The client had been seeing me for a long time. He is extremely over weight, never tips and is very grabby in a not fun way so he already has some strikes against him, but he is a regular and they are our bread and butter. He has told me in the past that he was a teacher and that his wife works and that he has a daughter in college. Every time I have seen him, he was always dressed in old worn out clothes and drives a big ol’ beater of a car. Anyway, he has been going off on our “communist” president for a long time blaming him for the National Debt and the job market and the housing economy and harping on raising the taxes for the wealthy. My elbows have been digging a little deeper each time, not so much that he is a republican, couldn't care less about that, but that he had so many “facts” wrong and he was speaking with such hate. I finally speak up and say, you know, he’s not really raising taxes, just letting some tax break expire and it will only affect people making over $250,000 a year so it won’t affect you at all. He responds “I know, I make well over that, it will affect me plenty.” I had to bite my tongue so I didn't yell out AND YOU NEVER FUCKING TIP ME! He then told me with great pride how he got his college aged daughter on welfare so he wouldn't have to pay for her health insurance anymore because he pays taxes to cover other people’s welfare, why shouldn't he get the benefits! He also doesn't believe that gays should serve in the military (he is former Navy) and that they should not be allowed to change the definition of marriage and don’t need the same rights as real families. He of course is not gay. No. Just ask him. He is not even bi. He just asks to suck my cock once a month, has begged me for a year to fuck him and likes my entire fist up his ass. So now I am always busy when he calls. It’s been a couple of months but he still hasn't figured it out. Do I owe him the courtesy of being honest with him? Perhaps. But why get into an argument over politics for any reason.

So here is a quick list of topics that you should keep to yourself:

1. Politics
2. Religion
3. Your children/wife
4. My partner/family
5. Any question about my business other than “How’s business”
6. Other Clients
7. How much money I make
8. My sex life
 
9. Racist, sexist, homophobic comments

- Jack

Thursday, October 4, 2012

A Ritual

We all get stuck from time to time in our lives. We can't seem to find the courage to move forward or to change directions from the path that we are on. We get tied up with what has gone on before and think that since we cannot change our past, we cannot control our future.

A friend of mine suggested that the root of the problem may be that we are holding onto angst or anger at ourselves or others. We have all made decisions in our lives that we regret; decisions that may have seemed right at the time or even worse, were thoughtless. Others have that same right, to make made bad decisions and to be thoughtless. Some may have made decisions that seemed hateful and deliberate, and maybe they were - those decisions are usually made out of fear.

So even when you may not be able to understand why you are feeling so stuck in your life, sometimes it is a good idea just to let go, emotionally that is. My friend suggested the following ritual, it did make me feel better:

Fill a bathtub with nice warm bath water, no soaps but unscented salts are fine. Add white flowers- real white flowers, daisies or mums or carnations or roses or whatever you can find that are real white flowers. Strip down naked and step into the bath and soak. Let your mind wander freely with no other mental push other than "forgive." That's it, just the word forgive, over and over. Forgive your self for the bad decisions you have made. Forgive others for the bad decisions they made the have affected you. Forgive. Forgive. Occasionally pour the water over your head. Forgive.

When the water starts getting uncomfortably cool, get out and towel off. Use a strainer to collect all the wet white flowers and dispose of them with finality and purpose. They have absorbed your guilt and your anger now dispose of them. Get them away from you as far as possible as soon as possible. Don't let them sit in a trash can, but remove them from your home, flush them, burn them, bury them in a dumpster just get them away from you forever. Trust me, if they are allowed to sit even a short time, they will rot and stink up the place quickly.

You may want to follow this up with burning a little sage for a good smudging. Will this solve all of your problems forever? No. However, it may make you see how silly it is to hold onto things that have no bearing on how you choose to live your future.