Confessions of a Bodyworker

Sharing another Blog

2011-12-04T12:42:00.000-08:00

Hey guys and gals. A friend of mine, Jack Rinella, writes a blog and his latest post about a cheating trick is perhaps one of the best I have read in a long time, I want to share is with you. - Jack
http://leathermusings.blogspot.com/2011/12/cheating-trick.html

Out and Proud

2011-11-30T19:57:00.001-08:00

"I just want to say that I admire you. It is not easy to be an out and proud gay man."

These were surprising words for me to hear. They were said by a straight man who is an actor in a show I was in. I don't know him that well. We pal around on the set like most actors do. When he said it, I was standing next to one of his best friends who happens to be black. He laid into him with the whole "Oh man, you did not just say that. Really? That is just embarrassing, I am sure you didn't mean anything by it, but dude."

Awkward moment.

This sentiment was echoed by my mother in way just last week. She commented that one of my Aunts who friended me on Facebook (my more socially acceptable persona anyway) said that I was very "political" in my posts. I said I don't think so, the only issue I talk a lot about is gay marriage and after being denied the right to marry a partner of over 17 years I think most people would speak up. My mother then asked if it's been hard for me, to be gay, did it ever cause me any problems? Wow, what a loaded question. What do you say? It's your mother.

I am an out and proud gay man. What does that mean?

Well, I proudly fight for gay marriage rights, not just on my facebook page, but also writing letters, emails, making phone calls to my elected officials. I also encourage my straight friends to do the same. I know that they want my partner and I to be able to get married, so I encourage them to do their part and make their voices known. I chat with my friends who don't believe in gay marriage and try to get them to understand that I know change is hard, but it will truly not affect their marriage or turn their children gay and God will not smite you for not standing in our way. When Civil Unions are brought up I remind people that only that only 11 state recognize any form of Civil Union, in none of them do they have the same rights and privileges as marriage and the Federal Govt. does not recognize either a Civil Union or Marriage between two people of the same sex. When I hear the phrase "It's nothing personal, I just do not want gays to get married." I reply that it is personal, you are not talking about an anonymous section of the population, you are talking about me and my partner and saying to us that we are not worthy of getting married.

But wait, there's more. When I hear a friend tell a gay joke or use the word in derogatory manor, I speak up. Sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly, sometimes with humor, whatever I think will work. My favorite line to use is "I don't think you've sucked enough dick to tell that joke." With women I will get angry, they should know better. In a social setting, if someone I don't know well says something offensive and a group of my friends are there; I walk away very poignantly so my friends can explain to the newcomer their mistake. If we do not stand up for ourselves and let others know how we feel, we cannot expect thing to change.

When a group suggests that we got to Chick-Fil-A for a quick bite, I will tell them I will pass and it is because of the amount of money funneled by them into anti gay legislation.

I share news stories from around the country of both positive and negative reactions to gay people. Stories of teenagers being beaten to death. Stories of a judge or a preacher coming out in support of gay marriage. Stories of angry mobs protesting gay marriage. Stories of a gay character in a comic book. I want to remind my straight friends that there is a struggle that is continuing every day with little wins and losses all over the place. I hope that one or two of them will write to their elected officials or perhaps speak up to their other straight friends when the topic of fags comes up.

You see, you can't be an out and proud gay man only to your gay friends. Part of the definition is that you have to be out and proud in front of straight people. There is no other way to change the world; and the world does need changing. We have come so far, but still have a long way to go.

I get concerned when I meet gay men who are not out. Not only does it help the cause, but it is a very difficult way to live. There is always a part of their lives they have to monitor and guard. When co-workers are swapping spouse stories one has to remain silent, when someone wants to fix them up with the "perfect woman" one must make excuses, and one must always choose their pronouns carefully. I especially worry if I see someone in the younger generation playing the hiding game. Life is so much easier for them now than when I was younger, but they don't understand that. The excuse I hear is "I don't want to be known as the gay guy." Great. Neither do I, but we are not there yet. So for the mean time, you are the gay guy. So am I.

Why am I so insistent on being out and proud? I am tired. I have lived through so much and I am tired of it all.

Growing up gay in rural WI it may take you a while to figure out what is going on. There were no gay people, but faggot was definitely a derogatory word. Some people guessed that I was but I didn't figure it all out until I was 19. College, even in the Midwest, can and should be an eye opening experience. I met my first out gay man. What a revelation! Still took me a while to figure it out for myself. There was a particularly rough week between the first time a friend hit on me and I did something about, but that was all inner turmoil, trying to overcome my Christian upbringing. Even this guy, my first time, in a WI college town, could not admit that he was gay and maybe he wasn't. He did fall for me and even though he dated women and eventually got married he still had sex with men and one of his girlfriends said they broke up because of me. Both he and the first out gay man I ever met are dead now.

This was all in the mid to late 80's. Aids was on the rise so there was a lot fear. There was also fear in people finding out you were gay. Many friends would drop you in an instant. There was a lot of stigma. Telling my parents was hard. They wanted to fix me and they blamed themselves, all so unnecessary.

It was rough every time I picked up and moved somewhere new. Meeting new friends and co-workers and trying to figure out if it was going to be a big deal. Some places that I lived, it was. Fortunately I did a lot of theater which has always been a more accepting culture. However, there was a whole country that was changing. Due to the Aids crisis, gay men became organized and demanded to be treated as people. Remember, there was a very real belief among many that people with Aids should be rounded up and separated from the general population. There was so much fear. I watched as families turned their backs on their own children. I watched lovers be separated from their partners in hospitals where they had no rights. I got angry as well. I started conversations, I friended the friendless, I raised money, I wrote letters and in one memorable moment stood toe to toe with the Rev. Fred Phelps on the streets of Wichita during a pride parade. He would not listen to me or even answer the simple question of what John 3:16 (one of the signs he was holding) had to do with Aids or homosexuality. Yes, we were called names during the pride parades back then. Protestors were all about.

My partner doesn't hold my hand in public. There are good reasons for it. We come from an age where two men walking together down the street (not even holding hands) would be called names and have things thrown at them. I have had rocks and bottles thrown at me by random strangers passing on the street or driving by in cars, fortunately most of them have lousy aim. I know people who have not been so lucky. To this day when I see two men holding hands in public, I marvel at the simple joy of such a small action and the amount of bravery it took.

Every time we have moved as a couple, we face to issue as to what to put on rental forms. I have no problem putting spouse or partner in relationship to other blank. My partner gets very nervous that it will cost us the apartment, it has in the past. My view is if they don't want us there, I don't want to be there.

If we try to get on the other's insurance program through work, it generally costs us at least twice as much than if we were man and wife. Auto insurance treats us as two single men and charges us accordingly.

When I worked for the government, I was told by a closeted gay man that I must not tell anyone I was gay, they can still fire you for that here and have. Gay men and women still have no protection under Equal Employment Opportunity laws. I again chose to live openly, if they didn't want me, they could fire me. When it came time to find an employee to work 10 days in Florida and 10 days in DC, back and forth for an undefined amount of time, there was no volunteering; I was told that since I was the unmarried person in the office I had to do all the travel. When I mentioned I had a partner of 7 years (at the time), the response was "But it's not like your married, you’re going." I had a picture of the two us on my desk, just our faces next to each other cheek to cheek. I was told that the cleaning lady found it objectionable and that I had to remove it or she would file a sexual harassment suit against me. I said so? The response was "You will not have our support on this, just remove the damn picture." There are many more stories from my personal life, things that have happened directly to my or to those I love.

Things are better now. My parents love my partner and consider him one of the family. I work for myself most of the time so there are less work issues. I still have to remind people when they say something stupid, including my theater friends at times. My partner will not tell someone to knock it off when he hears an anti gay joke or that dreaded phrase that follows “not that there is anything wrong with being gay” like that makes up for the stupid things you just said, so I stand up and say something for him. More businesses are now understanding of same sex couples, though others most vehemently are not.

So mom, has it been hard? Yes. Have terrible things happened to me and to those I love? Yes. Am I tired of it all? Yes. That is why I cannot stop. I will not stop. I must be an out and proud gay man. I must remind people that we are just regular people who just want to live and love in peace and be treated the same as everyone else. Has it been worth it? Yes. As tired as I am of having to be “out and proud” I know that I, and those like me, are making a difference and the world will be a better place to live. Thank you straight friend, you are right and I appreciate your recognition of my work.

An educated liberal woman I know recently said to me that things remain the same until they change and then they change rapidly when their time has come. Perhaps the most naïve and stupid thing I have ever heard her say, other than when she says her kids are really well behaved and that her dogs won’t be an issue at a picnic. Change happens when people stand up and demand it and convince others to help them. Stand up for who and what you are and demand the change that you believe in. - Jack

Massaging a Friend

2011-10-12T11:37:00.000-07:00

I have very few friends who are perfectly aware of what I do for a living. It is amazing that if you are an outgoing enough person, almost no one asks what you do for a living. I have several friends who have known me for years and have no idea that I have been doing massage, much less sensual work as well. Some people in my life know that I do legit massage. Then there are the few that know it all. Most of the time it is not an issue and there is usually a specific reason why they know, for example two of my best friends (a couple) know since we take vacations with them and have played board games naked etc. No big deal.

I also do theater and again some of them know I do legit work but not sensual, since it is none of their business. The theater world is a strange entity onto itself. A group of people have this unexplainable need to take all of their spare time to get together and put on a show (with usually little or no profit). We leave our spouses and regular jobs behind and form an instant family with the good, the bad and the ugly for a few months, laughing and crying together and creating bonds that feel like they should last forever, but we know they will not. They are temporary, just for the run of the show. Oh there are some that we will stay in touch with for a while, others we will work with again on another show (no guarantees of that), and still others we leave without regrets and a very few that we actually keep as close friends. Since theater is so transitory, it is very possible that you don’t know the day job of 80% of the people that you work with. So what I do just never even enters the picture, unless someone shares something with me that I feel is worthy of my sharing with them. These are very far and few between, it takes a huge level of trust. Granted, theater people are perhaps the most understanding people in the world, but there is still a lot of stigma in doing sensual work that is just not the worth discussing.

So, I am working with an actor for the third season in a row for a few months. We don’t see a lot of each other since our schedules are very different but I was impressed with him the first year we met. He has that type of personality that is so disarming. Something he has probably developed over the years. He is tall, about 6’6”, probably 225, shaved head and a goatee so he is a rather imposing figure and his demeanor may have developed to put people at ease or it is just who he was meant to be. He is in his late 30’s, a good age for just about anyone. He is always smiling and ready with a joke or two. He seems to like everyone and everyone seems to like him. We have been able to kid each other easily from the beginning. After my first show with him closed, I let him know that of all the people I worked with that season, he was perhaps the coolest. We get to chatting on line and I learn far more about him. Something about my personality often brings out the sexual secrets in others. We share how we each like the nudist life style. He mentions how difficult it is for him to hang out naked with a 10 year old at home. We talk about his bisexuality and his relationship with his wife and their early days in the BDSM community. He shares his blog with me and I share this one with him. Suddenly we seem to have few secrets, though he has never seen my place, I have never been to his. We see each other only a few times a year and treat each other as old friends, though in reality, most of our conversations have happened on line and truth be told, there aren’t all that many of those, but they have been good ones. This is all to say that while we are friends, we are not best friends but seem better than just casual co-workers.

So after two years he finally sets up an appointment for a massage. Great! I have been looking forward to this. He really needs one due to the physical demands of his latest show and the stress of his day job and some issues at home. No problem!

Except…

Whenever dealing in a professional basis with a friend, things have a tendency to get a little gray; first off, is the discussion of money. I charge a decent amount for what I do, I believe I am worth it, but I that is what I charge to strangers. For friends of mine I would never charge that amount. So when he asks about costs, I am honest and say what I charge every day and I give my friends a discount. He doesn’t want to take advantage of me so he offers to pay full price, I tell him it isn’t necessary and that I would rather he gets the time on the table he needs than worry about the cost, we can always work out something. He says that is fine but he likes to treat his friends well. All this and no one has brought up what type of massage he wants yet.

Cool, so I will charge him whatever I see fit. I make up my mind that he is going to get a 90 minute massage (or slightly longer) for the cost of one hour, deal with all of that later. We find an agreeable time to meet, coming to my place (a bit of a hike for him) and I arrange for my partner to be out. Not really hard to do, he wants me to make money. I do not tell my partner who my client is (they know each other), I will do that after. The discussion of what type of massage has been limited to his aches and pains in shoulders and back and legs. He knows I do sensual work as well, if he wants it, he will tell me, right? Or will he? Perhaps he doesn’t want to take advantage of me in that way either. It is true that very few of my friends who know I do sensual work come to me for it. They come for therapeutic work. This is no different right? Besides, from out talks, I know who he is attracted to, and it is not me. He likes “skater” types. The only guy that I know that he has played with is half my age, probably 6 inches smaller in the waist and at least an inch or two longer in the cock. So he is not interested in anything besides a therapeutic massage. I am sure of it.

As time for the appointment approached, I was a bit nervous, wanted everything to be just right. Candles lit, towels in the right spots, correct scents wafting in the air trying to make everything as warm and inviting as possible. Am I expecting something more to happen? No, I just want to make a good impression for my friend. I look through my music thoroughly, deciding to go to with one of my favorite standards, an eclectic mix of Kristin Bjorn Porn music (before you judge porn music, listen to his, I find it most relaxing). I make sure the water is sitting out a bit so it is not icy cold but a more drinkable temp. I make sure I have a variety of massage products available for any situation, creams, oils, biofreeze and the rest. Then I sit and wait, I am ready early. This is a bad habit of mine. He calls and lets me know where he is and when he expects to arrive. Cool. I am ready. Now normally I would watch some porn during this time to get me “up” for the job so to speak, but I have already decided this is a non-sensual event so I check email and facebook repeatedly. Another call, he is here. I go down to the street to greet him and escort him up to my apartment. He is still dressed from work, not a look I have seen on him often. He looks good and is his normal jovial self. I try to keep things as professional as possible and ask him about his pains and offer him some water (I am nervous, why?). I excuse myself to wash my hands after telling him to undress to his level of comfort and lie on the table, explaining the draping option. As I am washing my hands, I suddenly realize I have not asked him if he needs to use the bathroom, basic etiquette rule one. I come running back into the room, he is in his underwear “I forgot to ask if you needed to use the bathroom, it was a long trip from work.” He does and I shake off the nerves and re-focus. When he returns, he drops his underwear and climbs on the table, tossing the draping towel aside. The quick glance I get of his cock is nice but nothing exceptional. If the rumors are true (ok, on-line photos) then he must be grower.

His ass is nice though. Unfortunately from what I read in his emails and blogs he does not like ass play (except rimming), but this is not that kind of massage. He has the soft rounded bubble but, unusual in someone of his size. It’s time to focus on the task at hand. I remind him that I will use a variety of pressures and to let me know if it ever too much. He laughs and says that it would be impossible; he has trained himself to withstand pain and likes a really deep massage. I go to work and it is true that he has extremely tense muscles, plenty of knots in the shoulders, strain between the shoulder blades and a tight lower back. We exchange some small talk and talk about the aches and pains and knots that I am finding. I spend a good 40 minutes just on his back, both of us being very professional the entire time. I finish with a few feather strokes and move down to his feet. I check to see how he is doing. “Great! You have magic hands!”

As I start working on his feet and legs he says “I half expected you to answer the door naked.” This takes me by surprise. Was he serious? Was he joking? It must be a joke. I respond with a lame line… “one should never assume.” I go back to work. I am coming to a point in the massage that I generally do the abductor rub under the leg through the groin, do I or don’t I? This is a very erotic area for most men, several have cum on my table from this move. On the other hand it is also a very therapeutic (if not exactly legal) and I have done it often on men while giving them therapeutic only massages, especially if they are comfortable with their bodies as I know my friend here is. What the hell! I’ll do it. I am careful not to touch his cock or balls but do reach his perineum. I repeat the stroke, maybe one or two more times than I need to. When I’m finished he makes a comment that no masseur has ever done that before, I explain that it is not exactly a legit move but very therapeutic. He liked it and saw no problem with it. I smile.

I do the other foot and leg, working silently. I repeat the abductor move and start to work on the glutes. I am reaching across him body to work on the far glute when he stretches his fingers up and finds the crotch of my shorts. He continues to feel around till he finds my balls and starts to tickle them, still through the fabric. Well, now I know he is interested in more than a therapeutic massage. I have told you before that I am an ass man, and my friend has a very nice one. It is not a hard muscle butt, but there is definitely some muscle under a soft layer fat that is giving the ass a sexy full look. I love working on an ass like this, one where two perfectly round globes meet in a beautiful cavern just waiting for exploration. I knead that glute hard, working in circles, reaching over occasionally to get my elbow into it. He is still tickling my balls and I have an aching erection. In a normal situation, I may have dropped my shorts here and let him play with my hard cock, but I remember that in his emails that he is not into anal at all and I still will need to climb onto the table to work out some more knots in his back and I don’t want to freak him out with a hard cock working into his ass crack, so I opt to keep clothed. I switch sides of the table to work on the other glute, his hand again tickling my nuts through my shorts. My hard on is aching. I still try to continue to be as professionally as possible. I do some long full body light strokes after I have finished with his glute, I do a little stretching of his crack by working my thumbs down between those beautiful globes. I find his sphincter and add some lube to my thumb and gently rub back and forth on it. I keep it gentle and light, like a tongue gently caressing it, but not daring to enter. I climb onto the table still fully dressed work those back muscles over again and again. My crotch occasionally grazing his ass but trying not to let my hard dick slip between his cheeks, even fully clothed, I don’t want to scare him. I do massage those beautiful glutes some more and the dismount and do some full body feather strokes before I ask him to turn over.

His cock is definitely swollen, but it is not at full mast. It is definitely much bigger than when I first saw it. He is all smiles, I offer him some water and he takes a long drink. He lies back and closes his eyes, I strip down naked. I work on his chest, my dick occasionally bumping his head, he smiles more broadly. I move to the side of the table and work his abs, occasionally stoking across his pubes, his erection is becoming much fuller. It looks a bit like the Washington Monument, it is widest at the bottom and tapers up to the head. I don’t take the time to measure it, but I believe his claims of it being just shy of 9 inches. He has found my dick and is jacking it slowly in his hand. I move to the other side of the table and repeat the movements, he does as well with slowly jacking my cock. I start to go to town on his genitals, I stroke the length of his cock, I pull his nuts down and tickle them, I stroke a finger across his sphincter. He moans appreciatively at each stroke of his body, I reach up and tweak his nipples, I rub down across his abs, I stroke to the top of cock and down again, over the balls and perineum to the sphincter again and back. He is still rhythmically stroking my cock. I start using both my hands on his cock cupping one over the other so the head of his cock meets a more resistant barrier before bursting through to the air again.

I have over played my hand and he cums quite suddenly. He has a very full body orgasm, the kind I like his whole body convulsing for a few moments. He then lies back with his eyes closed and a big smile on his face. I say to him “what were you saying about magic hands?”

He lies there naked as I finish my work, no longer trying to touch me. I do the leg stretches, his cock slowly growing limp and starting to flop around as I move his legs around. I massage his legs ending with a groin stroke that goes up one leg, over his perineum and down the other leg and back again several times while I hold his nuts out of the way with my other hand. This is a great stroke, it causes the client to open his legs and stretch his groin while giving him very pleasurable sensations that are not directly connected with sex. I am all over the idea of treating the penis like any other appendage after the orgasm. It generally doesn’t need to be stroked any more but it likes to be handled and not ignored. I work his arms and stretch them over his head. They are not as tight as I would have expected, but then again, he is now much more relaxed than he was 90 minutes ago. We are going over the 90 minutes a bit, but I am more than ok with that. There was real work to be done and I think we have accomplished a lot. I am still nude, as is he. There is no shame and sex is not part of the equation anymore. He is drifting in a semi post coital state where his entire body has been relieved, not just his cock. My cock has deflated as well, the excitement is over, my mind has gone back to work and my body has followed. I work his neck and his shaved head (with a 5 o’clock shadow). I massage his face and ears. I then began the process of the connecting feather strokes over the entire body. He is still drifting somewhere, the smile still on his face. I perform the ending blessing by saying to myself “May god bless you and keep you. May god make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious onto you. May god lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace” while connecting his 7 chakra points. He is an atheist but he doesn’t know I was thinking it, besides in my mind it is always god with the little g noting in my mind any deity available or just the universe herself.

I wash my hands and return, he is feeling well and I have him sit up and drink some water, we talk about some of the aches and pains and some stretches that he should do. He then brings up how much he owes me as he is getting dressed. I say “let’s call it an hour.” He is agreeable and then starts taking out money, he tips $35. That’s fine. It’s too much but that’s fine. If that is what he wants to pay, I am ok with that. I just hope he realizes he doesn’t have to and is not expected to pay that much each time. All in all it was a very good session and I had a very good time and I hope he did as well. The lingering question is does this affect our friendship?

That question may never be properly answered. In order to change a friendship, the friendship would have had to have been well defined to begin with. It is not exactly like we have had sex, he received a service that he paid for. Perhaps sex would have made the friendship easier to define, perhaps not. From what I can tell, he is not the kind to judge another person unless they have treated others in an unkind way. I told my partner who my client was that night; he did not ask any further questions. I have seen my friend at the show a few times since and if anything, he seems a little more relaxed around me. Perhaps he was nervous about scheduling the massage as well. I hope that he comes back as a client. I hope that a friendship continues to grow. I appreciate his view of the world. I hope he appreciates mine. If he does come back, I may get naked earlier, if it’s OK with him. ;-)

- Jack

Recent Email from a Reader (Posted With Permission)

2011-10-11T04:48:00.000-07:00

I love your blog. I written positive comments and you’ve responded. I think I told you about traveling to India last fall and getting 18 massages.

I absolutely love getting massages, and I always leave a good tip (25%). Right now I’m seeing a guy once a week for 90 minute massages. Sometimes he will spend as much as 10 to 30 minutes talking to me before the massage begins, depending on his schedule. Usually very little talking during the massage, but some days are different. Over time, several months now, he has been really opening up to me and vice versa so we are getting to know one another. I like him. We are both gay, he’s 42 and I am 59 (I’m an avid yoga practitioner so I’m trim and in pretty good shape). Lately he’s been bringing up the topic of sex in a variety of ways—he’s told me he has good sex with his partner, he’s HIV positive, he once had an intense infatuation with a guy we both know, etc......last visit he told me that he usually got very aroused when he was receiving a massage, although not so much when giving one as that was work. We never use any draping and honestly I’ve never gotten aroused with him. I have no fear of that, but his massages are so deep and powerful that I go into the zone, really deep state, plus he doesn’t go for the erotic zones.

I’m really beginning to get the impression that he’s telling me in a very round about way that if I want to get aroused during sessions that is okay. BUT, for me to get aroused, I need the massage to be slightly erotic, little brushes of the hand against erogenous zones. Any feedback? This guy is quite professional and has never said anything about sensual or erotic massage, but now that I’m a trusted, repeat client, and with his remarks about how he gets aroused when he is on the receiving end, make me wonder if he’s not opening up the door a bit. Should I come right out and ask him if he does erotic massage? I don’t want to do any “damage” to our relationship, which is very good, and up to now, not sexual. I have lately been leaking pre-cum and I know that he doesn’t miss a thing, he’s keenly observant.

Thanks. Keep blogging.

My Response:

Honestly, from what you have said, I agree with you. He is opening the door to something else. If you are comfortable talking with him, I would ask him verbally if he ever does erotic massage or if it something that he would consider. If he says no, you just "OK, I was just curious, love your work, keep doing what you've been doing." If he says yes, then the ball is in your court and you can decide whether or not you want one.

Gay male masseurs get asked this question often. For most, the stock answer they give is no. However, there are a great many who normally say no but for a long time attractive client will bend their rules. I suspect that this is the case here. If you have seen him that often and are have good talks, feel free to ask away.

- Jack

Apartment living

2011-10-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

OK, I hate living in an apartment sometimes.
Working from your home is a benefit that most bodyworkers enjoy. It definitely has it's perks. No commute, saves money on renting a place of business (most massage salons take half of your money off the top), you can dress or undress as you please. ;-)
Now the ideal is owning your home, however most of us do not make that good of money to accomplish this so we rent. When working from your apartment the issues are numerous.
First, you have no control over the neighbors. In my building, the noise bleed from one apartment to the next isn't too bad but anything that happens in the hallway can be heard pretty clearly. So when the neighbors come tromping up and down the stairs, I hear it, as does my client. When they slam the doors (why do so many people slam their doors?) we hear it, when they continue their conversation or fight into the hallway, we hear it. If your neighbors decide to sit outside your building, drink beers and smoke cigarettes - there is little you can do to control it and it leaves a bad impression on your client which means you have to work that much harder.
Or there is the situation I am currently in. Maintenance. Our building is OK with letting you know when they are dropping by, but not great. Yesterday afternoon a sign went up on my door saying they were coming by today (Friday) to paint my bathroom. The paint in my bathroom has been peeling for sometime now and I have been bugging them to do something. I would have done it myself but we are not allowed. So the two appointments I had scheduled for today I had to call up and cancel, never good for business. Both are clients who have only seen me once before and it is not a good way to build a good client/therapist relationship. Now the issue with the bathroom is that the last time it was painted, they didn't prime it properly so the paint peeled. I wanted to be around to watch that it is done right this time. I figure if they show up early in the AM and prime, they can paint in the afternoon and be done. So I get up early and take everything out of my bathroom and even take the cabinet off the wall so that is all set for painting, and I wait. I figure that the earliest they would be here is 9AM. I start calling at 11AM. 2PM I am told they will be here shortly. At 3 they show up and say this is a bigger job and they will mud today and prime and paint on Monday. So they spend 15 minutes smearing mud over the walls and leave. I put back a few things to make the bathroom somewhat usable for the weekend but now I will loose Monday as a work day as well. If they could have told me approximately what time they were showing up today, I could have got at least one client in and because I will loose Monday, that is potentially another 2 clients I won't get.
Of course it is still not as bad as the time as the guy next door had a clog in his sink. they had a plumber come over and use a snake on his kitchen drain. What occurred to no one was that his kitchen sink and mine share a drain. So I am naked worked on a client doing some sensual work when I start hearing noises coming from my kitchen. It sounds like someone is banging on the sink. Then I hear what sounds like dishes breaking. Then all is peaceful for a while and the noise starts again. This pattern repeats for about 10 minutes until I excuse myself to check what is happening. The pipe snake had come up through my sink and found a dishtowel which was now wrapped around the end so it could not go back down in the sink. It had also knocked a few of my dishes out of the dish strainer (that's what I get for not emptying it right away). The snake was still flopping around with the towel on it and I was standing there naked watching it. I grab it and pull to let the owner on the other side I got it. He pulled back but not too far. I unwrap the towel and push on the snake to let them know I was done. They pull back on the snake and try to twist it back through. I walk back naked to the table and briefly explain to my client what was happening and offer him a discount for the interruption. We laugh about it and then he looks at me seriously, "they won't be coming over here will they?" I assure him that it is unlikely, but should they ask to be admitted, I will give him his clothes and towel and send him into the bedroom so he can dress in private. There would of course be no charge for the work done up to that point.
So these are some of the hazards of doing massage work in your apartment. Definitely think about these things before you go into business for yourself! Have fun! - Jack

Why don't erotic masseurs and escorts want to kiss?

2011-09-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

Not only do most men who work in with erotic energy consider kissing to be one of the most personal experiences that many choose to only share with their significant other, they know it is also the easiest way to get sick. And I don't just mean a cold, flu, or strep throat:

http://infectiousdiseases.about.com/od/respiratoryinfections/a/kissing.htm

Love is in the air

Germs are everywhere

Kissers beware

Of infections you can share.

We know that kisses of passion can lead to one thing or another. But did you know that kissing can also lead to an infectious disease? Mononucleosis, or mono, is the prototypical “kissing disease,” and sexually-transmitted diseases are infamous following some romantic interludes. But did you know that there are many infections that can be spread through mere kissing alone?

Infectious Diseases in Saliva

Infectious diseases are spread through several routes of transmission. “Oral transmission” refers to spreading of microbes through saliva, foods or drinks. When a person accidentally consumes microbe-contaminated items, such as saliva during kissing, the swallowing action of the tongue wipes the microbes against the back of the throat, allowing the microbe to enter the body. Infections, such as mononucleosis (the kissing disease), caused by Epstein-Barr virus (EBV), and cytomegalovirus (CMV) are spread via oral transmission from virus-containing saliva.

Other infectious microbes that spread through saliva do so by sticking to the inner surface of the cheeks and mouth, the tongue, or teeth. An example is the bacterium Streptococcus, which can cause an array of infections, including gum disease and strep throat.

An important thing to keep in mind is that the surfaces of the respiratory tract (nose, mouth, and throat) are continuous and made up of similar tissues. As a result, microbes that are found in the saliva can generally be found in other parts of the respiratory tract, including the nose and throat. Therefore, even colds and flus (and other respiratory infections) can potentially be spread through the saliva.

Infectious Diseases from Mouth Sores

Cold sores

Cold sores are caused by Herpes Simplex Virus-1 (HSV-1). In contrast to infections spread through the saliva, HSV-1 is spread through open cold sores on the lips or near the mouth. Although the infection is contagious through all stages of a cold sore, the infection is most contagious when the sore is open and leaking fluid.

Hand, foot, and mouth disease

Hand, foot, and mouth disease, caused by Coxsackie virus, is another infectious disease that is spread through open sores in the mouth. This infection is common in kids, especially those in daycare or preschool settings. It spreads primarily via the fecal-oral route, a common problem among daycares, since changing of diapers goes on all day.

But canker sores are not infectious.

In contrast to cold sores and coxsackie virus blisters, canker sores have no infectious disease origin and cannot be spread through the saliva or kissing.

What about HIV and Hepatitis B Virus?

HIV and hepatitis B Virus (HBV) are blood-borne and sexually-transmitted infections that have been found in the saliva. Despite the presence of HIV in saliva, there have never been any reports of HIV transmission via this route. In contrast, transmission of hepatitis B virus through saliva has been well documented, as well as hepatitis A and C.

Natural Microbial Defense Mechanisms in the Mouth

Saliva has a natural cleansing role, provided by its flushing activity. Other antimicrobial defenses in the saliva include antibodies and other antimicrobial proteins (e.g., lysozyme), and normal mouth flora (the “good” bacteria that prevents growth of “bad” bacteria).

The spread of infectious microbes through the saliva can occur when natural resistance in the mouth is reduced. For example, gum infections can occur in people with vitamin C deficiencies, and thrush, caused by Candida yeast infections, is more likely to occur in people who have been taking antibiotics. People who are dehydrated have reduced salivary flow and four times more bacteria in their mouths.

Preventing Kissing Diseases

Be careful who you kiss.

Source:

Today Sexy Guy

2011-09-21T19:08:00.000-07:00

So today was one of those rare days when the client is so much more beautiful than I and yet seems to find me very sexy.
"John" contacted me through a gay massage site and set up a time for a massage. There was not a lot of chatting but I was able to see his profile. There was no photo and it had not been updated in a few years but it appeared that his age was 30 and his description was "fit and trim."
He showed up on time and I was surprised to see a very fit and trim black man about age 30. He seemed pleased to see me and hurried in. I asked the usual questions about aches and pains and as he tells me about his different little aches and his recent activities in sports and his new job as a waiter while he was starting to undress. I must say for a moment I was amazed. His body was amazing. He was muscular and compact, his waist was tiny, his torso a V, his ass was the most amazing bubble butt that I had ever seen and that's saying a lot. His legs were powerful and his cock was huge, his nuts were large and shaved. In general his genitals were far too large for his body. He stood at maybe 5'7" and his waist could not have been more than 26" yet soft his cock was over 6" and fat to boot with balls the size of two large eggs. His butt was also far too large for his light though muscular frame sticking straight out behind him these large full melons defying gravity. He was not at 0 body fat, which made him even more attractive for as the muscles were sitting there in plain view he did not have that "oh for god's sake eat something" look about him, the little fat he had softening the edges and making him approachable.
I told him to climb on the table while I went to wash my hands. I also needed to adjust the erection in my shorts. I told him there was a towel to cover himself if he chose but when I returned he had tossed it aside. He was lying on his stomach as was instructed and one of my favorite sights was in front of me: the curves of a muscular man lying on a flat plane made all the more sensual with the contrast of his dark skin against the cream color of the sheets on the table.
Now there had been no discussion of any erotic or sensual work and generally speaking, most of my younger good looking clients are not really looking for anything more than a good thorough massage, maybe a happy ending with their eyes closed, thinking of someone else perhaps. Even in this state, with the client nude and undraped with legs slightly parted there is still no sure bet of sensual work. His penis was not visible between his legs and I adjusted myself once more and took a deep breath and started my job.
As per usual I start working on John's back, amazed again at the V shape of his torso and tiny waist. His muscle are tight and I give him a deep tissue massage. I check with him often to make sure the pressure is OK. He makes no inappropriate move towards me and I give him a couple of chances. When I work his shoulders with his arm draped over my leg, his forearm milometers from my hard cock, his hand draped on my calf - no advances were made. I work my way to his lower back and hips. Letting my hands graze over those luminous globes of ass. I work his back hard for 30 full minutes full minutes before I do a light touch over it with just my finger tips. I then massage his scalp and run a finger down his spine to the top of the crack of his ass and back. I check with him to be sure all OK. He says he's doing great. I move to his feet and he sticks a hand beneath his body, raises his hips and shoves his huge erection down between his legs. I am not a size queen but I can be impressed. If his genitals looked too large before, now with a full erection it borderlines on absurd. It is a strong thick uncircumcised cock, the kind with the thick veins showing all over because it is trying to grow even larger. So at least I know I have him aroused. ;-)
I work on his foot and leg trying hard to focus on the task at hand. His calf muscles are well developed and tight. I make sure that he gets the best massage possible and work his tight muscles. I work my way up his leg to the base of his ass. His legs part slightly more and I work the inside of his thighs, it is impossible not to graze his dick since it is filling the space between his legs completely. I bring his foot up and pull his knee outwards and lay the leg back down to open up his groin to massage the adductor muscles. I lean over his ass and run my hands under his leg through his groin, hitting his hard dick and large balls with each stroke, my nose right over the cavern between the mountainous globes of his ass. I lengthen the stroke so that my finger can rub his taint and eventually the rosebud of his ass. His hand is now right at my crotch and starts to rub it slightly. I repeat the actions far longer than is needed but eventually stop and return his leg to a normal position and check to see how he is doing. "Great" he answers. I then mention that I forgot to ask if he was interested in my being nude - an offer I make to members of the website where he found me. "Yes, that would be nice." I undress and with a smile, repeat the actions on the other leg.
I reach the portion of the massage where I get to focus on that giant Bubble Butt. I truly wish I had taken a picture of it for you. With his small waist and low percentage of body fat his ass stood tall and proud above every other part of his body as he lay on stomach. I started working on the cheek opposite from the side of the table from where I am standing so I am bending over his body and my erection is poking his hip, his hand finds it and wraps around it. I massage his glute deep and hard using both hands like kneading dough and then working across the fibrous muscles with my elbow. I then dig into the crevasse of his ass stroke from the center out, lightly stroking the rose bud as I do. Then stroke from the top of his crack down over the rosebud, taint, balls to the end of that long thick cock and work my way back. I repeat this action again and again while he strokes my cock. I smile and switch sides of the table and repeat.
I now do a few strokes from shoulders to toes and back, again casually grazing his ass crack. I apply a bit more cream to his rosebud and slowly massage it, his giant cock is twitching and leaking. I lean down to his ear and ask if he would like a prostate massage. "I have never had one but would be willing to try it."
I add a bit more lube and work a single finger into his ass, working between those meaty globes. I go slowly and find his prostate and slowly start rubbing it, his cock is throbbing and leaking copious amounts of pre-cum. After a few moments I withdraw and add a little more lube and a second finger. I again work the fingers slowly in and massage the prostate, I also start working the fingers in circles to widen his sphincter. I check to be sure that his cock is still hard and give it a stroke or two with my free hand, it is like a rock and still oozing. I remove my two fingers and apply still more lube and slowly work three fingers in. I go slowly, stopping occasionally to allow him to adjust to the size. While waiting for him to adjust he suddenly shove his ass up onto my fingers, I follow his ass as it goes down and continue to shove forward until my fingers are completely buried in his ass. I again hold for a few moments then start massaging his prostate and then start fucking him with my hand. I again do this probably longer than needed but it is great fun. I take my hand out and clean it and ask him if he was alright. "That was amazing!" he responds.
"I am going to climb onto the table and work on your back, I promise not to do anything unsafe while I am up there."
"Alright"
I climb onto the table between his legs and start doing long strokes from his feet to his shoulders, my dick sliding up and over his ass cheeks as I go. Work his lower back and then start with my forearms on his ass checks and slide them up to between his shoulder blades. This angle causes my cock slide over his balls and stick deep in the crevasse of his ass. I am careful not to apply to much pressure on his ass so as not to freak him out but keep the dick there for a few moments. I bring my body back and stroke forward again over his back with my fore arms again and like before, keep my dick knocking at the gates but with no pressure at all. I do not want to fuck him (alright, I do, but I won't) but I want him to think that I might. I again bring my body back and stretch forward again this time lying my body on top his with my dick lying between his ass cheeks with the head at the top of his ass crack. My hands reach down and grasp his hands and I hump his ass ever so slightly, his rises to greet my dick. I stiffen my body against his and squeezes his ass against my dick. I rise up and give some light full body strokes before I lay atop of him again and repeat the previous moves. I climb off and towel him down and do full body feather strokes and ask him to turn over.
I offer him a drink of water and he reclines on his back when he is through. Those melons that stuck up so proudly before are now forcing his crotch high into the air, his long uncut cock has a natural upward curve that I had not noticed before and the head of it alone is touching his abs well above his belly button. I start work on his chest and his head is straining to feel my own hardon as I stand at the head of the table. He finds my erection with his right ear and smiles as he leans his head into it, snuggling with it. His cock jump a bit each time I tease one of his nipples - I make a mental note of that.
I work my way down to his abs, doing circles over his belly and my hands knocking his stiff cock as I rub further down into his pubes with each circumference. I do a stroke up his cock, following the natural curve and amazed at it's length and girth. I follow the curve down again and over his balls down to his rosebud then back up, cupping his large balls and puling them tight, tickling them with the finger tips of my other hand. He is still oozing pre-cum but I want a bit more lube so I add a bit and some again at his hole so I continue to play there. I should make this last but I am hot and just want to jerk him till he cums. His hand is on my cock and he is gently jerking me. I take his cock with both hands and start sliding them both up and down, one following the other, the lower hand sliding pass his ball and stroking his hole before coming up. He releases my cock and puts his hand behind my back, reaching as far as he can as if he is trying to get his arm around me. I step towards the head of the table and his hand keeps reaching around my back, I take another step towards his head while still pumping his dick with both hands. He now can get his hand around hips and pulls me towards his head, I allow myself to be pulled but continue to pump his dick. he sits up a bit then leans over and engulfs my dick in his mouth. This beautiful specimen of young manhood wants nothing more than to suck the hell out of my dick and suck the hell out of it he does. My rule is I don't cum with my clients and my mind is racing a mile minute trying to get my mind off of the grade A blow job I am getting, he is sucking with such gusto and determination, his hands wandering around my ass and up to my nips. I reach with my right hand and get a finger up his ass again and long stroke his cock with my left. I am hoping he will cum before I can no longer hold out but my hips are doing there own thing now and I am pumping his mouth and he is loving it. I take the finger out of his ass and use it to cup the head of his dick and I stroke the length with my other hand, his hips are pumping as well, I know it won't be much longer. His cock is so hard and I feel each vein as it slides through my hand, his mouth is velvety warm around my cock.
In a last ditch effort I take my hand off his cock head and press down hard on his pubic bone, this applies pressure to the bladder and sends him over the edge. A fountain of thick milky white cum shoots from his cock covering his chest and abs. His body heaves with enthusiasm of his orgasm and his ass muscles tense and contract thrusting his groin into the air over and over. He doesn't let go of cock, he keeps sucking on it like there is no tomorrow, like it is the last cock on earth and if he were to let go there would be no other chances. I am perilously close to cumming I try to with draw and his hand claw at my hips. His orgasm subsides and I take his hands in mine and remove them from my hips and withdraw my cock. Orgasm averted. I take a towel and wipe him down. I finish the massage with stretches and long feathery strokes, he reaches for and holds onto my cock when ever it it near.
When it is over and he is draped in a towel, I ask him how he feels. "Amazing, that was a great massage, exactly what I was looking for." He gets up and dresses, his cock now soft is still too long for his body and his balls too large and his ass full and proud. He takes my business card and a few extra. "That was great, I am definitely going to recommend you to my friends and I will be back again for sure." He tips me well and I thank him. I smile as I watch him leave and think about being able to do it all again. ;-)

DADT is dead

2011-09-21T07:15:00.001-07:00

DADT is done. Just a quick note to say how thrilled I am about this. Now remember that when Don't Ask Don't Tell was signed into law, it was actually a step forward. Instead of an all out ban on homosexuals in the military, the law was meant to say it's none of our business, but please keep it under wraps. Huge step forward at the time.
Unfortunately it ended up discharging even more men and women than before the ban. Not to mention it was incredibly hard for men and women to serve silently.
But now it is all over and there is much to celebrate. This is a big step forward, though we are still far behind many other countries and gay men and women still suffer a number inequalities under the law in the US. Any thoughts on how long until Federal Recognition of same sex marriage?

Catching up. Not a sexy post. ;-)

2011-08-09T11:31:00.000-07:00

First off another apology for not posting in forever. Life, y'know? I have been doing more acting which eats up a lot of my time, I should be writing a short play right now, but I needed to talk to y'all first. Still doing bodywork during the days. Partner is doing fine. He has been in the process of switching careers, a very long slow process, but I am sure that he will be much happier, if not richer. Money is not everything, but it is important in this particular reality.
Overall happiness has abounded considering it has been a rough year so far. One car accident that wasn't our fault and not terrible but upped the insurance to an almost impossible rate. Partner was laid off from his job about 3 months before he planned to quit. His new business is getting off the ground slowly. Next month rent may be an issue for the first time in an amazingly long time, or it won't be. Dealing with ailing parents on my side. So far I have not had to make an emergency trip home, but it won't surprise me too much if I do. We had booked and laid down deposits on a trip to the UK and to the beach before my partner was laid off. Though money was tight we went anyway and had a really nice time in the UK. Beach was OK. I need to find a new summer get away.
Partner needed new hearing aids, wow, that was expensive... $4000.00 and insurance did not cover a penny of it. Now why would insurance cover birth control and Viagra but not hearing aids? Strange world, but you just have to smile.
I have decided to live life with out a TV. It actually blew up (it was 16 years old) and I probably could afford to replace it, but I realized that it was just not necessary. I was wasting to much time in front of it anyway, and I am re-discovering radio and my amazing CD collection.
Business has been better this year than last, which is good. I do wish the news would stop harping about the economy. Every time there is a major headline about the economy being bad, business drops off for at least a week. However, as I said earlier, bringing in more than last year so that is good!
The acting has been great fun and I had forgotten how much I missed it. It is a lot of hard work but the more you do the easier it is. Gotten a number of good reviews and nominated for a couple of local awards, nice to be recognized.
Spend a lot of time watching old movies at one of our local cinemas and through Netflix on our computer. Keeping cool this terribly hot summer. Other than one or two exceptions, there has not been a lot that I have wanted to see this summer in new movies.
Our time in the UK was made magical by meeting up with long lost friends who were wonderful hosts, one couple in Wales and another in Ireland. They took time out of their busy schedules to take us to their favorite spots and arranged affordable or even free housing for us including a night in an authentic Irish castle.
The trip to the Beach was a little less spectacular. If you are a regular reader of this blog, then you know I wrote about a gay men's clothing optional bed and breakfast that we have stayed at. Well, after a good many years of making one or two pilgrimages a year there, I think we have had enough. The rates continue to rise each year and the thrill has definitely worn off. Our favorite parts of the trip were not the hot men or the lying out naked but the free concerts at the beach and the nice new little spots to eat. Perhaps next year we need to try nude camping instead. ;-)
Well, that is about it in a nutshell, I am growing a beard for my next role and it is coming in very white - fine for the role but a bit of shock to some of my clients... others love it. Though I do not go to bars frequently, I will say the white beard attracts it own very unique set of young men. I was a bit shocked to be referred to as a "daddy" but I can see the advantages... though honestly, always been attracted to men close to my own age.
Alright, I promise to write again soon about something that you will actually be interested in. Thanks for listening. - Jack

Other cultures…

2011-03-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

We are the sum of our experiences.

While I was brought up in a rural neighborhood by very Christian parents, I was also fortunate enough to experience a lot of little life lessons about how no one is perfect and perhaps we all need stop judging and stop trying to pretend that we are any better than we are. For example, while my parents were bringing me up in a very religious life, I also knew that my mother was married twice and I had 4 half brothers, no big deal right? In a very rural and religious part of the country divorce was still looked down upon and it wracked my mother with guilt. Little did I know how the story continues. When I was 16, the only one of the 5 boys still at home, my parents put some photos of when they were younger on display. Well, imagine my surprise when I saw the photo of my father as a young boy looks exactly like a photo of my closest half-brother. When I confronted my mother, she says “Well, I guess there is something we should tell you. He is your full brother, your father and I were having an affair when I was still married to my first husband.” See, even my saintly parents were not perfect and had sex, a lot. While this traumatized me shortly, I soon had my own problems with realizing I was gay, which, when I told my parents they had all the usual responses: It’s a phase, you will go to hell, we will put you through therapy, it’s our fault for not raising you right, it’s god’s punishment for our sins (which is when I learned that mother had to get married the first time because she was pregnant). They did not kick me out of the house; I was in college and didn’t live there any more anyway. My father did say that he loved me but we would never speak of it again. My mother would ask me questions whenever my father was not around. Eventually, as the years passed, my father came around and even they even changed churches to a more liberal one accepting of gay people. If I had been born a decade earlier, I may have gotten married and had children and not come out till later in life and been looking for an understanding gay massage therapist.

Likewise each of my clients are coming to my table with their own unique background. Recently a black man in his early thirties came to me for an erotic massage. He also was raised a Christian and was taught that homosexuality is wrong. He has never told anyone about his feelings for men. He has managed not to get married by telling everyone that he is “playing the field.” He dates women, but never for very long. Many in his life most likely suspect, but have not yet pressured him to “repent” and marry. His experience with men is extremely limited, since he worries that someone will see him with a known gay man. He won’t answer a personal ad, he won’t go to a sex club, he won’t go to an adult bookstore, he won’t go to a gay bar so the few experiences he has had have been mainly when he travels out of town on vacation by himself or for business. His knowledge about safe sex I find was sadly lacking. So he was thrilled to find me, though he drove a good distance to get to me and even then parked around the corner, just in case someone he knows might know what work I do and see his car out front. He was able to let me know that he wanted a sensual massage and wanted to see me naked. I took pity on him and stripped. ;-)

Likewise I recently had an Israeli client who doesn’t want anyone to know that he is gay, for many of the same reasons (slightly different religion). He is an extremely attractive man who trims his body hair all over. He is extremely fit and trim with well defined abs. Normally a man like this should be doing porn, not paying me to give him an erotic massage (although I have massage porn stars before, everyone needs some relaxation). Anyway, because he does not get many chances to be with men, he prefers to pay for his experiences. He avoids bath houses and gay bars since he is worried someone he knows may see him entering or leaving such places. He worries about what might happen if he met a stranger on line, it may be a trap or he may get robbed or worse. So he keeps an eye out for ads for massage by men that have been up for a long time and have good reviews. That is how he found me.

Our session begins as normal with him stripping down and lying naked face down on the table. He asks me if I will strip down as well. I do. I massage his back and legs, he is tense but is relaxing and sinking into the table. He occasionally strokes my cock if it near his hand but is not frantic about it. As I stroke his inner thighs, he sighs contently. I reach through his crotch, under his leg and feel his hard penis. He moans lightly. I massage his buttocks and he grinds slightly into the table. I stroke lightly outside his anus and his perineum, he raises his hip slightly inviting me further. I slowly slide a lubed finger into his ass and massage his prostate. He undulates, trying to get me further into his ass. I slip in a second finger and stroke in and out slowly. He moans lightly. I clean my hands and climb upon the table. I stroke his body from feet to shoulders paying particular attention to his glutes. I lay upon his back with my hard cock nestled between his firm butt cheeks, I grab his hands in mine and squeeze while I stiffen my body giving him my full weight. I climb off and do a light finger stroke over his entire back side and wipe him down with a towel.

I tell him it is time to turn over, I offer him a drink which he takes eagerly while I re-arrange the towels and bolsters. I tell him to lie down on his back and I go to work on his well defined chest cover with shortly trimmed dark hair. I tease his nipple and watch his uncut hard penis twitch. He is hung average, not too large or small and of decent width. I move down to rub his hard abs, his cock doing a frantic dance, begging for attention. I stroke it occasionally to let it know that it has not been forgotten. I switch sides and repeat the ab work. Just as I start stroking his cock with gusto, he asks if we can change positions so he can massage me. I have done this with clients in the past, usually only after they have been regulars for some time, but he has really good energy and I am genuinely aroused. I say sure and switch places with him, lying on my back, showing him where the creams and towels are if he needs anything. He very lovingly strokes my entire body from head to toe. He has a gentle and curious touch, almost as if a blind man is exploring my body for the first time. When he starts to focus on my genitals, he experiments with different strokes on my cock and balls. He then moves down to give me an external anal massage. Through it all he asks for feed back and I give him as much as I can, telling him to experiment and letting him know what feels good. I allow him to play for maybe 15 minutes total before I tell him it is time to switch back. His cock is still very hard and dripping cum.

I massage his legs a bit then go to town on his cock, balls and ass. His hand has a firm grip on my cock stroking it quickly. I know he is close but I tease him, letting him rest between strokes and teasing his nipples. When I feel he has had enough, I focus on his cock while looking into his eyes and encourage him to cum, “yeah man, that’s it, oh fuck yeah, do it now!” He cums, shooting all over his chest, yelling and grunting as he does. I clean him up and continue the massage with the stretches for his legs and arms. I finish with the blessing and ask him how he is doing. He is nothing but smiles and says he loved the massage. He asks me if he could make me cum, I reply that I prefer to share that with my partner (though honestly I was thinking about how much I wanted to fuck that tight hairy ass of his). He understands and we share a naked hug. I hope I get to see him again.

Anyway, the list will go on. I have clients who are Indians, American Indians, Hispanics etc, each with it’s own set of hang ups on sex, particularly gay sex. Many get married like they are expected to, the younger ones put it off if they can. Many have moved far from their families but even then feel that there are others in their current society who will be more judgmental than they can handle. Many clients have their own personal baggage from personal experience that were either pleasant or not. Some open up and tell me as much as they can while others will tell me nothing at all, in which case, I just have to listen to their bodies and my intuition and hope for the best.

Again as I have said before, to think that there is no place in our society for workers like me is only because you do not know what is out there.

The most aggravating client.

2011-02-26T08:57:00.001-08:00

OK, how to annoy your masseur? By not taking no for an answer, ever.

Actual texts from a client:

Client: morning

Me: morning

Client: Can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure

Client: Will you top me?

Me: No, sorry.

Client: Why not?

Me: I don’t do that with clients.

Client: Do you ever top?

Me: Yes, I am a top, but only with my partner.

Client: So, will you top me?

Me: No.

Client: Can I still get a massage?

Me: Yes, and I hate texting.

He schedules an appointment, he is a repeat client. We will call him Hank. He is a married man in his 30’s, muscular but also a bit over weight, bald, and a successful business owner. When he is on the table, he is a perfect gentleman. As per arranged, I do give him the usual manual release, but I stay dressed. The most he does in reciprocation is to occasionally stroke my leg. He takes an hour massage and tips exceedingly well. No mention is made of sex or the texts, all he talks about is his business and his father.

One week later, it starts again.

Hank: morning

Me: morning

Hank: Can I ask you a question

Me: Sure

Hank: Will you top me?

Me: no

Hank: Why not?

Me: I don’t do that with clients.

Hank: Why not?

Me: I don’t. I think you need a hooker, they are expensive.

Hank: Do you know any?

Me: No. Why do want to be topped?

Hank: I have a buddy who lets me suck him off, he wants to top me.

Me: So let him.

Hank: He has a huge penis, it scares me. Looking for a smaller one to break me in. I’ve never been topped.

(not sure how I should feel about this….)

Me: Ok, I can give you a prostate massage and gently work your anus open so you can take a penis.

Hank: So you won’t top me?

Me: No

Hank: Can I still get a massage?

Me: Yes

And we schedule another session. He only wants an hour, so I give him quick massage to relax him before I start work his ass while he is still lying on his stomach. I start with lots of lube and one finger. He likes the sensation as I work the finger back and forth and rub his prostate. I add another finger and my other hand I stroke his back and legs. He is very tight so we spend a long time with the just the two fingers. He undulates his hips more so I reach under to find his penis (average sized) and it is partially erect. I stroke it and he starts to moan. I withdraw my fingers from his ass and add more lube, I stop stroking his penis as I start to work three fingers into his ass. He tenses and I stop, my knuckles are still outside his ass, if this is going to work, he will need to relax so I just wait. Eventually his sphincter starts to relax and he pushes back onto my fingers, I work them in circles as I gently push forward. My knuckles slip through and all three fingers are into as far as the will go, I pause again to let him adjust to the new feelings. His penis had lost a bit of firmness, so I play gently with the head and it regains its full firmness. I start a rhythmic pumping of my fingers in and out of his hole as I stroke his cock, then his legs, then his back and then back to his cock.

I remove my fingers and tell him to get on all fours. I add lube to my fingers and again insert three, this time with very little hesitation. I add lube to his cock and start milking him while I thrust my fingers in and out of his hole. I remove all three finger and add my pinky as I go back in, he grunts but he takes it. I work his hole around and back and forth, paying close attention to his prostate while I continue to milk his cock, he moans loudly and shoots all over the sheet on the massage table. I stop the thrusting and keep my fingers in as far as they will go in his ass while he shoots.

When he is finished, I withdraw and get a cum towel and start cleaning up my hand and his cock and wiping as much cum as I can off the sheet. I lay a fresh towel on the sheet and tell him to lie on his back. I use the few remaining moment to give the front side of his body a rub down. Other than some moans and groans, he has been silent about the activities, he had talked a bit about his business and his father at the beginning of the session but has not talked in words for some time. “How are you doing Frank?”

“Fine. Good. Thanks.”

“Are you OK with the ass play?”

“Yeah, that was good.”

“OK” I say. “You took 4 fingers which means with a little patience you should be able to take just about any cock. Just let him know to go slow, prep yourself with some finger play and you should be fine. About the only difference is that I stopped when you came, a lot of tops won’t. They want to get off in your ass and will keep going until they do. Also, make sure that he wears a condom and you use plenty of lube. No negotiation on that. Got it?

“Yeah. Thanks.”

A little more chit chat about his work and he leaves, giving me another generous tip.

A week later, the same texts except he now wants to be “topped roughly.” I say no repeatedly and he books a regular massage. He shows up an hour late. Not cool. He apologizes and says he’ll leave if I can’t take him now (I can and frankly I need the money).

So, as we get started I ask him how being topped by his friend went. “We didn’t do it, I chickened out.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

“I am just afraid it will hurt.”

“Did it hurt when I fingered you?”

“No, it was uncomfortable a couple of times.”

“Did you enjoy it?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

“You still want to be fucked though, you asked me again today.”

“Yeah.”

“But not by your friend?”

“Not ready.”

“OK” I say. “You want to be fucked roughly by me so you are ready for him?”

“Yeah, will you?

“No. But I will work your ass pretty damn hard with my fingers again.”

“OK”

So we set off on a similar routine as before, but I go up to four fingers much faster and really shove them in and out hard. I pump his cock as before until he cums but I continue to shove my fingers in and out of his hole until leaps forward off my fingers.

“Are you OK?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

“A bit different feeling after you are done cumming isn’t it?”

“yeah.”

“Sure your OK?”

“yeah.”

I finish the massage in silence and after we are done I tell him that odds are that is what your top might do. “If he does and it is too much, then you just leap off of him like you did with me. The best position for a first timer is generally with both of you lying on your sides with the top behind you. The other option for a first timer is for you to squat over his dick while he is lying on his back, this puts you in control. Doggy style is fine on a bed, but don’t let him pin you up against a wall or a table, you will then have no control whatsoever.”

“Ok”

That was all about a month ago. He still has not let the guy top him. He still texts me every week. I still really hate texting. He still wants me to “top him roughly.” I still say no, he still gets a massage and finger the hell out of his ass and he tips me well. He still wants appointments at the last second and has shown up late and done a no show, all cardinal sins. When he does show, he is generally well behaved and tips well, so that is how he is still my client.

If I knew of a good gay sex therapist or surrogate, I would recommend that he see one. How frustrating it must be for him to know what he wants but be so afraid of it at the same time. I feel sympathy for his situation, I really do. I am just a sensual masseur and not wanting to be anything more in that line of business right now.

Repeat Clients get special treatment.

2010-12-23T14:01:00.000-08:00

A large percentage of my work is on repeat customers, many who have been coming to see me for several years now. Some who choose to spend their birthdays with me and occasionally I will go an extra mile for these customers, especially if they have been good tippers as well.

I will go out of my way to fit them into my schedule, I will try to arrange music they have said they liked, make sure the room temp is to their liking, wear the underwear they like, have extra candles burning and the like.

These clients will also most likely get some of their other requests at least considered and often granted. For example, one of my married clients who finally told me his real first name after three years, has asked to start the session with him undressing me. Fine. He takes his time and kisses and licks as he goes, I will also undress him. He always books a 90 minute session and will often spend the first 30 minutes undressing each other and exploring my body. He has discovered that I like having my balls licked. I have taught him that crevasse of the leg and pubic area is one of the most sensitive of the body. I have also taught him that his ears are erogenous zone, and though he tries to return the favor, he still is learning the art subtlety.

Another client who enjoys this type of beginning to the session wants to “make out” for an extended period of time. I will confess, I have more issues with this than any thing else. First off, it’s very rare that their breath is as fresh as it should be. Second, a lot of men kiss really badly… a bit like a giant blind slug of a tongue is trying to burrow it’s way down your gullet. Third, kissing is a very intimate act, much more than hugging, jacking, or even fucking. Saliva is exchanged, breath is shared, tasting of each others mouths, the feeling of another’s tongue and teeth, the pressing of lips against lips, the burn of the facial hair. It is all very intimate and sometimes difficult to do if the guy looks like your grandfather. It is very rare that anyone except a long term client will even attempt to kiss and then I will only allow if they have been a very good long term client that makes regular appointments, keeps them and tips well. Honestly, it does nothing for me in that I do not find it to be a turn on to be kissed by anyone but my partner. I have never been a random kisser. Even in my dating days, I very rarely kissed someone until I was sure I liked them and was willing to explore a relationship. I have never liked the guys who will come up and try to tongue you 10 minutes after meeting. You can suck my dick if you want something to do with your tongue, or rim me even, I like that. Note that I do refer to the tongue in all this. A peck on the cheek is fine of course, even a peck on the lips is fine, providing we have been intimate. I am always taken aback when a casual friend will kiss me on the lips – just something I never expect.

Occasionally a long term client will ask if he can give me a massage as part of his time. Again, if he has been a good client, I will go for this. Many just want to give me some of the same pleasure that I give them. Most however just want the opportunity to touch another man all over, something that they don’t get to do in their regular lives. Remember that a lot of my clients are men married to women and have been for years. So yes, in these cases I will let them massage me. I will lie on the table and relax, offer advice occasionally, or if they just want to focus on my cock and balls for a while, I may let them. I have incredible dick control after all these years, so I will only cum if I truly want to and since I don’t cum with clients, I usually don’t. I say usually because I am only human and occasionally my concentration slips. Why if I do all of this would I still be a stickler about not cumming for my clients? The answers are still the same: it is not practical to try to cum multiple times every day, there are clients who repulse me, I save something for my partner, and it can also send a wrong message to the client and breaks down the client/masseur relationship. There needs to be a professional distance for everyone’s sake. I do this for money, not because I want to have sex with every guy I meet.

Not that I don’t get to know some of my regulars quite well. I usually end up knowing what line of work they are in and whether they like it, their spouses names, how many kids (and their names), where they take vacations, if their parents are alive or not, what their sexual experiences have been, what kind of money they have, what their fears are, what their hopes are, what they wish thy had done differently in their lives, their health histories, and obviously I get to know them physically. What each ones erogenous zones are, what they don’t like, where they have had injuries, ailments. I know their smells, the texture of their skin (this varies more than you could possibly imagine), whether they die their hair, what shape their feet are in, whether they are gaining or loosing weight and what exercise the do.

Back to my regulars. Some of the requests I have heard and to some degree have helped my regulars with: premature ejaculation, prolonged prostate massage, mild fisting, ball torture, tickle torture, and occasionally I have let them suck my dick. I know that I am sounding more and more as a whore instead of a massage therapist. Let me clarify again, that only half or so of my clients receive any erotic elements, only long term clients who tip well receive consideration of their special requests so perhaps I do these sort of things a couple of times a month (and no I don’t charge extra for these services, though I do expect them to tip well). Do I always want to do these things? No, not really. Oh, there are times that I do because the client is cute and has a great personality. But more often than not, I do them as a bonus to reward a good client and it is all just part of the job.

Another thing I appreciate is the occasional gift for an occasion like birthday or Christmas. One of my clients gives me a bottle of Bourbon each Christmas, several throw in an extra large tip (always appreciated), I get Christmas cards, house plants, condoms (seriously), and of course Christmas ornaments and the like. These all mean something to me and I do remember when it comes to special requests. I just want to state that any of my clients reading this already treat me wonderfully. Hope everyone has a good experience with massage soon! - Jack

Letter from a reader....

2010-12-16T13:55:00.000-08:00

Love the blog. I'm straight married guy who loves to receive massage. I have had several massage therapists who let me go nude, but I had to quit seeing 2 of them because I wanted to ask for more and knew they wouldn't.

How can I tell whether to ask for that special 90 seconds? I'm kind of a shy-nice guy type who is usually pretty good at signals but I don't want to get thrown out either. I know there probably isn't any answer to my question. I really want to find a therapist who is legit (like you), but has clients who they can trust (me).

I'm kinda wishing you were in my state--even though I'm straight.

- Steven

Thanks Steven for reading and for the question.

A therapist's biggest fear is that you are cop, trying to trap them. You have to let them know that this is not the case. There are several signs that I look for. You have already answered one, if an option, no draping. This is a sign they may want more. Verbalize your appreciation, light oohs and ahs and low moans are good signs. Erections are helpful to let me know. Keeping your legs spread as much as possible. Physical contact is the other. If they are close to the table, let your hand touch their leg and leave it there (don't
grab, that's rude). Some guys will say to me "if you want to get more comfortable, feel free" as a way of asking if I will work nude. Lightly humping the table while laying on your front is a big hint, try to do this as subtly as possible.

Most therapists I know who do both, very rarely do erotic work on a first appointment, cops don't bother coming back if there was no hanky panky the first time.

Tip well, from the first visit, therapists are much more likely to bend the rules for clients they like and who treat them well.

Start a conversation about erotic massage... "I suppose you get a lot of guys asking for a happy ending? Does that bother you?" Don't say this on your first appointment, sounds like a set up. Have a conversation after the first appointment. Perhaps by email, or phone. Thank the masseur for your first massage, how much you enjoyed it, how much you look forward to returning. Compliment him on his touch, how it made you feel. How you wish you had skills like his so you could make him feel as good he made you feel. Compliment the surroundings, the music, the scents (a good therapist puts a lot of thought and time into all of these and loves it when it gets noticed). Compliment his strength and physique. These are all ways to get on his good side, and lets him know you may be interested in more.

Let me know if this helps - Jack

PS: I wrote the following in one of my posts:
So how do you find out if your therapist does a little extra? First off, realize that unless they advertise in an erotic section of advertising, they probably won’t say much over the phone or on email, remember, doing erotic or even sensual massage is illegal almost everywhere. Not only is there the police to worry about, but the local massage licensing board can revoke one’s license and levy some very heavy fines. So, starting with ad, there are some key words used in the trade, such as draping optional (where allowed by law), anytime a therapist only works on one gender, the word “release”, in some places in the country “full body”, in others it may be “completely satisfied”, if the ad gives the stats of the provider or uses terms to define their looks such as handsome, sexy, or fit. You get the idea. These are terms used to excite the customer into believing that this massage provides a little extra. They do not guarantee something extra. I know many workers who will only do sensual or erotic work on clients they find attractive but still use these terms to boost their client list, however, they are still a good indication that an erotic or sensual massage is at least a possibility. An ad that show a half naked photo of the therapist is also a good indication, but again, not fool proof.

The price is also an indication, though not always. Typically, if a therapist is charging 20% above the average going rate, they probably offer something extra, especially if they work out of their home. Spas are usually above average market price but almost never offer any extras. The most expensive are the rub and tug people who do not really massage but just use it as a front for prostitution clients.

Recommendations are always good way to go. Ask around anonymously on the web; be specific about what you want. Get more than one response. The problem with the web is that it is a great place for petty people to take out their aggressions. Say for example they wanted an erotic massage from someone and did not get it, when they see someone asking for an erotic massage, they may use it as an opportunity to send a pervert to them, sad but true.

When you talk to them on the phone, do they emphasize non-sexual? Do they talk on about medical terms and fancy techniques? These are probably truly non sexual.

Some styles that would indicate something more would be Tantric or Body Electric or in some cases Esalon. If prostate massage is offered or full body scrubs, these could also be signs that extra are being done.

Ask if draping is optional, if it is, the odds that it is a sensual or erotic massage go up.

If you are on the table, be somewhat vocal when touched in a way that you like and when you are touched where you like. If the masseur is close enough to the table that your hand is touching their leg, don't
grab of poke or dig but ever so gently stroke lightly with a finger. Spreading your legs as far apart as possible is a good sign as well as arching the back slightly. Keep it all coming from a place of
relaxation and enjoyment.

Personally, I believe the best approach is not to worry about it. Assume that the massage is not going to be sensual or erotic and just be pleasantly surprised if it is.

OK, a momentary reality check

2010-12-16T13:43:00.000-08:00

Yes, I make my living doing massage with men and about 50% of the time I include sensual work. Sometimes, I let them play with me as well. Most people in my profession do. So here is a little reality check for clients.

If you are going to a masseur who plays with you during the massage, he probably does it with at least 50% of his clients, probably does it at least once a day or more. You are not the special one. No matter how special he makes you feel (that is part of his job). You need to be OK with that. Each will have their own limits, some hate kissing, some will not cum with their clients, some will always remain clothed, some do not like mutual touch. He may have different limits with different clients, most are human and have likes and dislikes and you may not be his type at all, most will do as much as they can but everyone has there limits.

Here is one thing that is true for almost all of them. We do what we do for money. We may like our jobs, some more than others, but it is a job. Most will never date a client, this will cost us said client. Most will not have outside hook-ups for sex with their clients, this is another way to loose a paying client. If you think that you are different than the others we deal with, you may well be, but we can’t take that chance. It amazes me how often I get asked to go on a date, even after I have mentioned my partner. I am also constantly asked to have random hook-ups with my clients. I explain my rules, the why’s and the wherefore’s and still, they say it will be different with them.

Clients have done computer checks to find out if I have any sex ads out there. I have clients who have compared notes with other clients of mine to find out what I have done with them during our sessions. When I discover that a client is that obsessed, I will drop them as a client, usually with an explanation.

Just because a bodyworker gets an erection while working, does not mean that he is really turned by you. Again, this is a part of the job. They may have taken a little blue pill, watched a lot of porn before you arrived and may be thinking about doing it with Wolverine. Here is a good rule of thumb, if the bodyworker is far more attractive than you, he is probably thinking about someone else. Do not assume he wants to have sex with you. Sorry to ruin the fantasy.

Here is another little reality check; I don’t mind chatting with you during our session as long as the focus stays on you. I will answer the occasional questions about my private life, but it is my private life and what I share is up to me. Also, when we talk, it should be on the clock, if you come in and talk to me for 15 minutes before the session starts, it should come off your time… if it doesn’t you should tip well. The same goes for after your session is over, don’t expect to hang out for a half an hour or more after your session is over, my time is worth something, I don’t wish to be rude but you got to go. To take this one step further, I really don’t need to receive numerous emails, phone messages, texts, etc. telling me about how your life is going. I understand that you view me as your friend, and it’s not that you are not a nice person, but you are my client. Even though we may have discussed your sexual life and your various relationships in the course of a session, it was within the context of the session, I am not a 24 hour emotional therapist. I am happy that you feel so comfortable with me, but again, remember that we have a client / bodywork therapist relationship where I get paid for my time. I may be able to help you and listen to your issues, but save them for when we are together.

Oh, kissing on the cheek is usually fine, full open mouth kissing may not be so. To many men, this is way more intimate than touching each other's dicks or a prostate massage.

Thank you for listening and treat your therapist well.

The fine Italian Man

2010-12-08T12:19:00.000-08:00

One of my newest clients is a fine looking Italian man, really from Italy. English is his second language, but he speaks it fairly well. The first thing that makes him stand out is his clothing. He wears only Italian clothes and the cut is remarkable, very fitted and making him look quite slim. I was actually surprised when he undressed and he was not stick thin but rather well built and with a bit of meat on his bones.

He found me on line and had asked a lot of questions about what kind of massage I do and letting me know that he was not American and was very open minded. Well of course we all know what that means. He did not wait to get undressed but started disrobing immediately. I explained the how I wanted him on the table and that there was draping available if he wanted it and excused my self to wash my hands while he finished stripping. When I returned the towel I had left for him to cover himself was tossed aside and he was lying face down on the table. His legs have a soft covering of dark hair over his slightly olive colored skin running up to cover his beautiful bubble butt. His back has very little hair but the hair is thick again on his arms. He had a head of thick dark hair, ever so slightly sprinkled with gray at the temples.

He talked a lot. Again about how he was from Italy and very open minded. Told me he had a wife that he worked here on behalf of his government in Italy (I was then realizing why prostitutes make good spies). He had not given me his real name having already referred to himself by two different names. He was being very respectful, not grabby at all, I appreciate that. As I near his bubble butt he begins to grind the table lightly and wave his ass in the air. I “accidently” let a finger “slip” between those plump cheeks and he shivers slightly. It is time for him to turn over and he is half hard. His hand immediately goes to his dick and plays with it, not aggressively, but rather a constant fondling. He asks me if it bothers me. I reply no and continue with my work. He talks a lot about nudity and how prudish American society is and what would it matter with two consenting adults. I have had a raging boner for this guy for most of the massage, a fact that he of course noticed. I disrobe and he starts complimenting me on my physique and my dick.

If you have ever read my blog before you know that I have about 6 inches of cock, kind of on the narrow side. Great for fucking since most everyone can take it and it does not intimidate too many guys. Still, not what is considered “stunning” in the gay world since it is not huge and on my 6’ frame it can look even a bit smaller, so I take the compliments on my dick with a grain of salt. A client looking for sex will say almost anything.

His dick is quite nice, probably about 6.5 to 7 and thick, though he seems to have some difficulty in keeping it fully erect, the reason I assume he is constantly playing with it. I compliment him on his equipment and he answers with a very sincere sounding “You don’t think it’s ugly?” I tell him of course not, it’s a good sized piece of meat. “Yes” he says “but I’m not cut. Most guys think it’s hideous!” I tell him he obviously has not been playing with the right guys. While it is true most men in the States are circumcised, that just means a lot of them have a healthy fascination with those that are not.

I continue with the massage, working his chest and abs, he still playing with his dick, occasionally reaching over to stroke mine. I replace his hand with mine and start my magic, but after just a few moments I hear the familiar “I don’t want to cum, I want to wait.” He is new so I won’t bother with trying to explain how this is the best time in the massage to cum but rather I nod and release his penis and continue with the massage. Through the rest of my work on his legs and arms and stretching and scalp, neck and face work he is still playing with his dick and occasionally reaching for mine. As I finish my work I once more replace his hand with mine and after a couple of strokes he again tells me “No, I want to wait, it is the anticipation that is the best part.” I explain that the time is up and it’s now or never and he states “I am good, next time.” OK, what ever. We get dressed and he pays (no tip… Europeans) and goes on his way.

His next visit is about 3 weeks later. It all follows about the same routine. At the normal ¾ mark I offer my hand to replace his and again after a few strokes he says “that he wants to wait.” This time I do explain that if he wants an orgasm during his massage, this is really the best time for all over body health, and he still wants to wait. So the massage ends, we are both naked and he asks if I have time to play. I explain that is something that doesn’t really happen. Not that I don’t find him attractive, I do, but I am working. I do offer to give him a hand, he refuses. He asks to taste my dick. OK, fine, but understand that I won’t cum. I’m thinking that he is going to jack off with my dick in his mouth (this is what a lot of guys really seem to like). However, he literally just tastes my dick and asks again “are you sure you can’t play?” Yes, I am sure. He gets dressed and leaves, seemingly disappointed. I also believe this will be the last time I see him.

Wrong. About 5 weeks later he has made another appointment. He seems just a nervous as his first. I don’t try to do more than take the occasional fondle of his cock. I have never and still don’t try a prostate massage, really nothing more than an external rosebud massage on his anus. I don’t try to relieve at the ¾ mark. He still fondles his cock non stop and still fondles mine occasionally. At the end of the massage, I ask if he would like to cum. “Only if you do.” I reply that I would like to see him cum. He says “No, only if you cum as well.” OK, I still find this guy sexy as hell and I have had a hard on for the last 90 minutes so I say what the hell! He sits up and plays with my cock intently, I stroke his lightly, he pauses, “Maybe I shouldn’t I may have to perform tonight.” You can’t do it twice in one day? It’s early yet. “I can cum twice! Of course I can!” He starts to stroke me again and I with him. Within 30 seconds he exclaims “No! Stop! Oh shit, I’m cumming!” He was barely hard! No wonder he didn’t want me to play with him much, he has a hair trigger. “I wanted to see you cum.” Just as well, I would have been breaking several of my own rules. I clean us off and we get dressed. He pays and leaves, this time leaving a $20 tip… about time.

A response from a reader....

2010-10-13T12:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,
I received the following via email and am now sharing with the world... with permission. I am looking for others feedback on what I said and what the reader says.....

Hi Jack:

I had been in touch with you previously, commenting on some of your previous musings. I feel I want to share my observations "from on the table" regarding your clients "dilemma" about you blowing your load with him...

I am a gay 40 year old guy who happens to have a mild-ish case of cerebral palsy. To get the "picture" just picture the way Charlie Chaplin used to walk - I do it in reverse I turn my toes in....

Now in my 40 years I have done it all...I lived in Germany, CA, NYC and now London. I have tried pretty much everything I can think of to meet guys (and eventually get laid in the process), bars, clubs, gay community centers, gay groups. I even attended a gay dating workshop in New York. I'm telling you all this not to have a whine but to "set the scene" as it were and to help you understand we are not talking "dry spell" here, more like Mojave Desert.

Now I do have a couple of gay friends, unfortunately none of them think of me as a "sex object" (Somebody please objectify me already! I want to unleash my inner sex kitten!) I never manage to get dinner and a movie followed by blow jobs, just dinner and a movie...and I like both...BUT...

I always have had friends who are bodyworkers or escorts. As one of them explained to me recently "Once you have 3 blokes piss on you for money, a little CP is not that big a deal."
My escort friends have actually dissuaded me from hiring an escort but suggested bodywork instead. In their estimation, and my limited escort experience, escorts and bodyworkers are almost diametrically opposed: escorts will try and get the client off as quickly and efficiently as possible, whereas a really good bodyworker will postpone the release to the almost last possible moment.

My advice to anyone looking for a nice way to get off is to find a really nice bodyworker and stick with them! The good ones are hard to find!

Since a good bodyworker knows the male body and understands the power of touch he is oftentimes far more creative sexually/erotically, since focusing strictly on fucking or getting fucked sort of messes up the foreplay a bit, whereas bodywork is all foreplay with just enough hardcore action to drain your balls. There is something filthy yet almost romantic about a skilled man milking and worshipping your cock and encouraging you to spunk.

HOWEVER...Since I have had limited opportunities for mutual pleasuring and mutual orgasms, a bodyworker such as yourself cumming all over my face or in my mouth is heavenly! For whatever reason I don't get much of that out there in the wild, and so to feel I am good enough/hot enough/whatever enough to warrant someone spunking with me is really hot! I don't think I have major self esteem issues. I think I'm (pretty) great, but to get someone else to agree with me to an extent that he'll let me taste his cum seems to be a bit of an issue...

I shared my thoughts with you in the hope that if you cum across - pardon the pun- a really nice, somehow deserving, guy who is gagging for a nice creamy load from you, just make his day and pump one out all over him....I understand how that can subtly change the balance of power, but if you got some nice bloke gagging for it, just think of me and blow your load for him....

I decided to email you rather than comment on your post, so that I could give you my contact details so you don't think I am some kind of cyber weirdo... I even included a pic.... you are welcome to repost some of this if you like...just no contact info please....

So avid readers.... any thoughts?

The Sound of Silence.

2010-09-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

I work alone in my own apartment. My partner leaves by 8AM and doesn’t return home until 6:30PM. The only people I see at work are my clients, one person at a time in a very relaxed atmosphere with some soft mood music in the background.
If I have to run some errands it is during the day when business is slow, I experience the world slightly different than when I was working in Corporate. The stores are much emptier, few crowds, even the grocery store is peaceful. Yes there is the occasional screaming child but there is usually only one and not a whole slew of them. Even the Laundromat is pretty peaceful during the week day.
Then the weekend comes and I go out with my partner. OMG! The noise level is terrible out there folks! No wonder people need massages! The yelling, the screaming, and I swear whoever invented cell phones needs to be shot. Try talking in a normal voice people, I bet they can still here you. You would think that the texting craze would help, but now people just talk to whomever is with them about who they are texting with.
I am not saying that people should walk around in silence and not have a good time. I understand that volume of the human voice often goes up when a person is excited. It’s just that there are other people in the world who end up hearing everything you say whether they want to or not. We seem a lot less civilized than we used to be.

Looks Can Be Deceiving

2010-09-09T12:11:00.000-07:00

Last time I talked about my list of notes on clients, nothing that could identify them to a stranger, no addresses, no last names (occasionally a last initial to help identify the numerous Rons, Toms and Johns), no full phone numbers or email addresses; just enough that I can indentify them from a previous visit and what their wants or likes are.
So when Mike called and scheduled an appointment I checked my sheet. He had only been to see me once before and according to my sheet I remained clothed and it was totally legit. I described him as tall, thin, blonde, shy and late 20’s to early 30’s. He called and said he was having issues with his shoulder.
When he arrived he looked a little younger than I remembered. He told me about his shoulder pain in a bit more detail and I left him alone to get on the table and to cover himself. I returned and he was completely covered and I started my work. His shoulder was indeed in bad shape, it felt as if there was definitely some injury. He also had several stress knots through out his back so a lot of time was spent there. His lower back seemed fine so I saved some time there and move to the feet and work up. Now the interesting thing about covering with a towel is that it really doesn’t work to cover much if you shove your genital down between your legs, which is what Mike had done. As I worked his legs they spread further apart, the usual sign for someone wanting a sensual massage including butt work. I have a rule that unless a clear message has been sent, I will not deviate from a prearranged agreement.
When he turns over he is obviously very aroused with a dreamy look on his face. I offer him water and continue with the massage… he groans loudly as I work his chest and abdomen. He reaches for crotch and rubs my erection through my shorts. OK, this well now be a sensual massage. I allow my hands to wander down between his legs lightly stroke his anus before lightly stroking his balls and cock. His eyes are locked on my face as his hands try to find a way inside my shorts to my cock. I help him out by untying my shorts and letting them drop. He strokes my cock as tease his balls. His hand is working it’s way up under my shirt and I remove it. He plays with my nipples as I stroke his anus and tease the whole with the tip of my finger.
He decides now that he wants sex. Not part of my normal service. I try to get him to relax but he is hot and squirming all over the place. He wants to put his hands everywhere on me. I am now trying to get him off so that he will relax and we can finish the massage but he won’t cum. As I have said earlier, 90 seconds to 2 minutes is the norm for a guy to get off once I start actually touching his cock. We are now going 4 minutes and he doesn’t even seem close. He’s obviously enjoying my actions but is also way too focused on me. For some guys, they can only get off if they touch me or give me some pleasure. I fear now that I have a case of a guy who only gets off on getting other guys off. Now my regulars will tell you that this is just not something I do. Some think I just can’t get off, others believe that it must take me hours, most can not believe my staying power, but all know that I do not really want to get off during a session and accept it.
This kid however wants my dick everywhere, he tries to get me in his ass, he wants me in his mouth, and mostly he seems to want to get me off. I explain that isn’t going to happen and he starts begging for my cum on his face, he can’t cum unless I shoot on his face, he’ll do whatever but he needs my cum on his face.
OK. I tell him alright, but I will not to handle my own piece and he will need to handle his. He agrees and grabs his cock and starts jacking as I start jacking my piece right in front of his face. His eyes are glued to my cock as I jack it, his hand is flying on his own piece. I ask if he is getting close and says yes. “Alright” I say, “it’s time. Get ready for my cum. Close your eyes, I don’t want to get it into your face.” He does.
“Yeah dude.” I say “Jack that cock, show me how much you want my cum, yeah man! Jack it. Ready? Here it cums! Oh Fuck! I’m Cumming!” I start grunting up a storm, I let the tip of my cock slap his face repeatedly as I yell. He shouts out “Fuck!” and cums. I cheer him on.
When he is done he wipes his face. “Did you cum? I don’t feel any.”
“Nope” I say. “Told you that I wouldn’t and I didn’t. But you shot a great load, feel better?” He does. When the massage was over (not that there was a lot of time left), I asked him how old he was. He says “19.” You could have knocked me over with a feather. I normally don’t take clients that young. I was tempted to ask for his ID to make sure he was 19 and not any younger but decided that I probably didn’t want to know. He has had some experience with men but not much and just really wanted to see me cum. He asks if I will ever break my rule. I told him I doubt it, but I hope that he will still consider seeing me in the future. He promised to come back as often as he can afford it.

No Orgasm, Thank You!

2010-09-09T11:57:00.000-07:00

Not all of my clients want a “Happy Ending” or in my case, “Happy Middle.” I have a number of very legit clients who come to me for just a normal Swedish/Deep Tissue massage. I like to think that most of my clients would come see me even if I didn’t do sensual work, though I may be dreaming on that front.
There is also another group that see me occasionally, those who want sensual massage with no orgasm. Their reasons could be many and varied: they don’t feel they are cheating if they have no orgasm (really), they save their orgasms for their partner, they enjoy the building of sexual energy and want to keep it high, they view edging as a fetish, they are someone’s slave and it what their master wishes, they are exploring non orgasm sex, etc., I have actually heard all of these reasons, and others don’t share their reasons.
These clients make note taking on my part imperative. Case in point, last week I had a returning client and the note I had on my spread sheet simply said “Does not want Orgasm.” So I was giving a sensual massage with anal work, prostate work and other sensual touching while he was on his stomach. When he turned over I worked my way down to his crotch and very lightly and honorably stroked his cock once and moved on. The poor man freaked out on me and got very upset that I touched his penis. Apparently everything else was fine and he liked having the raging hard-on but did not want his penis touched, ever. This was the fault of both of us, he should have made his rules clear and I should have taken better notes. He didn’t want his penis touched on the previous visit either and I had not made that note.
The other day I had a new client the other day, a gorgeous Italian man, who had asked in advance for a very therapeutic massage. Once he arrived he said he did not need a towel for covering himself as he was very open minded. By this time, I know when I hear a phrase like “I am very open minded” that he wants a therapeutic and sensual massage. I decide that I will focus on the therapeutic aspect as much as possible. He is a beautiful man with a very nice ass with the perfect amount of body hair and a lovely color to his skin… so I really needed to focus on the therapeutic touch.
He was definitely a groaner and enjoyed my touch. He occasionally made contact with my leg when I was standing close to the table. I behaved and did not massage his prostate or even his ass lips. When he turned over he was obviously aroused and even asked for a Kleenex to wipe up some of the pre-cum. He asks me if I would be comfortable nude. I go ahead and undress and allow the massage to go into the sensual side. I lovingly stroke his body and start paying attention to his genitals and anal area. He asks me to take it easy with his penis as he is very close. “I don’t want to cum, it will ruin it” he says. “I love the anticipation.” He did enjoy touching me as much as I would allow him and asked for full body contact both on his front side and then again when our time was just about out on his back side. He thanks me repeatedly saying that I was the best massage experience he had found since coming to the States. He tells me about his wife and the troubles they have, how he has always enjoyed the touch of men and women, how repressed America is, how he misses the European values, and how he hopes to see me again is a couple of weeks. No tip. Just saying, nice guy, very attractive, but I remember the fact that there was not tip. I know, Europeans don’t tip. Anyway, all of this goes into short hand in my notes. The clothed to nude aspect that I did, the amount of ass play he seems to like, no ejaculation, the full body contact, his looks, age, no tip, the amount of time we went over, etc. Hopefully, if he does return in a couple of weeks, I will be able to give him better what he wants without going overboard, after all there was no tip ;-).

Old Age...

2010-07-26T11:38:00.001-07:00

Old age. It will hit all of us, if we are lucky.
A new client the other day reminded me how rough getting older can be.
The gentleman whom I will call Ira is somewhere between 70 and death. He is very winded from climbing the one flight of stairs to my humble abode and needs to sit and breathe for a few minutes. According to the pre-massage interview, he gets a massage about once every two months. He prefers male masseurs since he doesn’t want any funny business that happens with some of those female Asian places. He also likes to be uncovered during the massage. He mentions a few sore spots from where he had fallen the week before. I tell him to undress and lay on the table face down as I wash my hands.
I return and he is lying on the table, there is a definite order now in the room that was not there before. It is the old man smell. The smell of a body decaying before it is dead. His feet and ankles are swollen. The skin on his body is saggy and loose and smells of decay. There are scabs in patches on various areas which I assume are from the fall that he had mentioned – on his shoulder blade and hip and later I will find them on his legs, feet and hands including a swollen finger that appears broken but not bandaged or splinted.
I check to make sure that he is comfortable and go to work. I ask him who he normally sees and he mentions a man named David at an address I am familiar with. I go to work with my massage cream. He likes a fairly firm pressure and I oblige. The skin is soaking in the massage cream as fast as I can apply it. My hands are feeling sticky and I realize that there is so much dead skin coming off his body that it is turning the massage cream into a paste on my hands. I have to clean my hands every 5 minutes or so.
I go to a place in my mind that will help me through this. I go into full empathy mode. I relate to the age of the man and his needs. I feel the wear of the years, the loneliness that comes from living longer than your loved ones. I give support and care. I send love and compassion. I think about how I might someday be in his place and about the kind of care and attention I would want.
I give a very caring and thorough and completely legit massage. Not even the slightest hint of anything sexual, I really don’t think I could of if I tried. He did not make any advances either; he was looking for a regular massage. Not that I have not had men on my table who were his age or older who did want a sexual massage, one gentleman drove 20 miles from his assisted living retirement home to come to me for a massage with release.
When I am finished, I get a warm wash cloth and wipe away the remaining dead skin and massage cream. I gently towel him dry. He looks very peaceful and happy. I am incredibly drained.
He compliments my work and pays the exact amount for a 90 minute session (I knew there would be no tip). I ask him why he was changing masseurs, he replies that his old masseur David whom he liked very much, sent a message that he has moved away from the area.
Now, I happen to know the Masseur David about whom he was speaking from the address he had given me earlier. David has not moved. David was passing this client on to the universe. David is a nice guy, I have exchanged massages with him and had several nice chats. However, I do understand completely what he has done. A client like Ira requires a ton of energy, stamina, and an ability to keep your lunch down when smelling death. None of this is easy. He will never tip. He will always come to you smelling of death and covered with dead skin. Hell, I have passed a client or two onto the universe as well. You see, they will come to you as regular as clock work until they die. It is the knowledge that they will be back time and again that makes it so much more difficult. If Ira came to me just this once, I can work through it like I did and feel good that I did something nice for an old man. However, he will now come back in that same state every 8 weeks or so (he could never afford once a month) with 8 weeks of dead skin and stank on him and expect the same level of care and work that you gave him that first time. As a professional, you suck it up and do it as long as you can but there comes a day when you just can’t face that particular Ira again. You don’t have the energy or the stomach for it anymore. You have to cut him loose. So, you make up a story of going out of business, new job, different hours, moving away… anything so your Ira will move on. It sounds terrible, but it’s true.
I will keep Ira as long as I can handle him, and then send him out to the universe, with a recommendation to one of my competitors who I know is compassionate enough to put up with him for awhile as well.

I am alive.

2010-06-08T08:44:00.001-07:00

I know that it has been an eternity since I posted. I am alive and well and thinking. Probably over thinking. I do have things to write about, but I also want them to be good. Plus I am still trying to figure best where to go next in my life. More later, I promise.

Sexual addiction

2010-03-03T11:22:00.000-08:00

There have been a number of celebrities who have been caught by the press cheating on their spouses and then enter rehab for sex addiction, is it real?

I am supposed to be looking for steadier work right now. I am having a bit of a focus problem. You see, I just can’t seem to focus on finding a job until after I masturbate. It’s silly but true. Once I orgasm then I’m fine and I can buckle down and do what needs to be done. The issue? I don’t want to do that first thing in the morning in case I get a last minute client, I need to be “up” for my work. I could take my chances and figure that when the time comes, my erection won’t fail me, but speaking from experience, it is much more difficult to keep an erection up if I already had a morning orgasm. I can get one, just can’t keep it up for the whole session.

The reason I am sharing this is I was recently asked by a client about sex addiction and whether I know anyone who suffers from it. I guess that depends on your definition of sex addiction. I have had clients who have discussed with me some of their issues and identified themselves as sex addicts. I am not a huge fan of labels, but if it helps you define who you are then more power to you. Basically a sexual addiction is when sex interferes with your ability to live your everyday life. It has really nothing to do with number of partners or the kind of sex you have. There are those who would like to believe that a person with a sexual addiction will have sex whenever they can with whomever the can, and while a person who exhibits such behavior would most likely have a sexual addiction all sex addicts are different and have very different practices.
I have an orgasm every day, sometimes more than one. Does that make me an addict? No. Can’t find a job because I can’t stop thinking about sex? Maybe, but not if I just go ahead and masturbate and find a job, then it is not a problem.

So, it stands to reason that a person who likes to have sex with every day but can still hold down a relationship and a job and follow his other dreams does not have a sexual addiction problem, even if he is having a different partner every day. It also stands to reason if a person who likes sex a lot and decides to be a prostitute does not have a sexual addiction since he has changed his lifestyle to fit his sexual needs.

Gay men have a reputation of having very high sex drives. I think that most men, straight or gay have high sex drives. It is just a matter of opportunity. If straight men thought that they could have sex at any given moment, and nobody would care, I am sure they would.

So, back to me, before I started working as a bodyworker, did I have issues with Sexual Addiction? I don’t think so. I held down a government job for a number of years and before that I ran a live theater, before that, I taught at a University. Through all of these jobs (and a few others thrown in here and there) I still masturbated every day, sometimes more than once, and it never interfered with my work. Yes, occasionally I would throw one off in the privacy of a men’s room at work, but only on my break and usually alone, and then I would go back to work.
I would probably be more likely to worry about this if I had not spoken to literally hundreds of men, straight and gay, who have discussed the same issues. I don’t want you to fret if this does not describe you, like all things in the world, the level of sex drive in individuals varies a great deal. However, there are more than a few of us who find an orgasm a day to be the ideal. Almost every man whom I have discussed such things with admits that he still masturbates, even if he does have multiple partners with whom to have sex, again this includes straight and gay men. It unusual for most men if they have not had an orgasm in a few days, unless they are “Saving up” for some special event (I have more than one client who like to do this before a visit with me). Most men have confessed to “rubbing one out” in the men’s room at work occasionally. Some men like to start the day with an orgasm, others like to do it before they go to sleep.

There can be other issues related to sexual addiction such as the need for more extreme thrills, the need for multiple partners, the need for BDSM activities, in short if you need an extra element for you to orgasm and this "need" continues to grow. In the short term, this may not seem like an issue, but as time goes on, it becomes harder and harder to fulfill these extra needs. Issues like this may definitely require some therapy. Of course if you want to talk to a therapist about anything in your sex life, you should not hesitate to do so. It can make you feel better and help identify if there is a problem or not.

So the answer to my daytime issues with job hunting and getting a "grip" on my want or need to orgasm and my worry about last minute clients is this: if I do not have a client scheduled after 1:30 PM by 1:30 PM, I will go ahead and masturbate so I can focus on the rest of what I need to get done. So if you call me after 1:30 for a same day appointment, you are taking your chances if you want an erection from me. ;-)

Now, if I could only get to work without my three cups of coffee in the morning, my hour or so of facebook and let's face it, my day always seems better when I start it with a fresh apple fritter. These are all far worse addictions in my book.

- Jack

The Life Chosen...

2010-02-21T13:24:00.000-08:00

It is Sunday as I am typing this, a rather quiet day. It is a slow period of the month and the weather is slightly better than it’s been in weeks so everyone is out enjoying it and not getting massage.
Of course I often don’t work on Sundays for other reasons. It is a day I often spend with my partner. So I shouldn’t be surprised when I have a free Sunday to work, that I end up with no clients. Business has been slow lately and I am again looking for extra income. I know that I should really pursue a new career and do massage part time (if at all), but who would want to give up my life? ;-)
As I said, it is Sunday, my partner is away today attending a conference and will be back by this evening. So I am sitting here typing in the nude (why dress and make more laundry for myself?). I have a new porno playing on the DVD player to keep in the mood. It is Rocks and Hard Places, a Kristen Bjorn video, I love his stuff. Yes they are a bit all the same but they are really well done. He uses nice relaxing background music instead of the cheesy 70’s porn soundtrack that you still hear on a lot of videos. He uses models from all over the world, though he seems to have a fondness for Italians, Spaniards, and other Mediterranean types. His early work was very plot heavy and often whimsical; lately he has been more into just getting as many attractive men together as possible. He loves outdoor scenes. He also averages a cum shot every 7.5 minutes (and more cum shots per movie than any other director I’ve seen). Bottoms always shoot with a hard dick up their ass. Someone who is sucking cock will cum with out missing a stroke. Generally, everyone in the scene will cum at least three times. If I have any issues with his work is that generally he does follow a bit of a formula, sucking till they cum, fucking till they cum, rimming till they cum and then start over with the next group. He does usually work in at least one very unusual position or true double penetration and he is big on the daisy chain sucking in group scenes.
Well, I got a bit off the subject there, what I wanted to talk about was a bit about my lifestyle. Yesterday I went to a nudist happy hour, since my partner was at a conference. I feel weird about going without him and he only likes to go once in a very great while (like once a year or so). I am sure that if he were single he would go more often, but there is always a bit of weirdness when we go to events like that together. Worrying about if the other is having a good time and then wondering if they are having too good of a time. Some couples have that down to a science, we do not. We both learned long ago that these types of situations are just not easy when we are there as a couple (though it is easier if we are out of town).
Now I had not been to the naked happy hour in probably a year. I saw a few friends there, but generally it was a lot of strangers. I was not as nearly social as I could have been or should have been. I even left very early as I was just not in the mood to be outgoing. It happens. I was also not in the mood to drink which may have been an issue. I also was feeling bloated. Now I do carry at least 10 extra pounds (some would argue more) but I know deep down that I am not obese. In the straight world I am considered skinny. Now the naked happy hour is not filled with gods and Adonises, though there are few there, and it is not about hook ups or sex (there are strict rules about behavior at most of these events), but you still don’t want to be seen as the fat one. There were several men who were much larger than I and much older than I who were having a great time and being very social. I just couldn’t get there. I have in the past with no problems. I was just not in the right mood and realized I only went because my partner was at a conference and I would not be missed for a few hours.
I sometimes wonder if my daily life of not having to be dressed often, seeing other naked men, engaging in some sexual activity on a regular basis is making me a bit jaded about these other events. It is true that I almost never see any other bodyworkers at these events. I almost never get aroused at these events (most of the other men do, it is not big deal). Oh well, be thankful of the fun that I have that they don’t.
Which brings me to one of the favorite parts of my life; I get to hear the confessions of all kinds of people. Take for example a fairly new friend of mine I met in the theater world. I will call him Kevin. We were working on a show together and figured out that we were somewhat kindred spirits, both a little left of center. I am very out about being gay and doing massage work (not so much about the other stuff that can go on). Well after the run was over we were exchanging some emails and he shares with me a bit about his sex life including a secret blog he writes about his sexual adventures. Apparently my friend Kevin is a bit of a swinger with his wife and back in the day was into a bit of the ol’ S and M world. Go Kevin! Love Kinky straight people. Then he also shares that he is a bit of a bisexual as well! Alright, you go boy! Even though I feel that labels are really not necessary, if it helps to put a label on yourself, go ahead. Of course since he was sharing all of that, I shared with him this blog so he could get caught up on where I was coming from, more or less. He may or may not make an appointment some day. We’ll see. I have no illusions that anything would happen, I am totally not his type, he likes “skater” boys.;-)
But what made me think of him was that most (not all) but most all of his adventures were the past, like over ten years in the past. As we were emailing, I shared with him that I was naked at the time, something that I know he enjoys. He told me that unfortunately with a 10 year old boy, he does not feel that he can enjoy that around home so much. Now I know that he loves his family more than anything in the world, as do most of my married clients, and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but many of them envy me for the freedoms that I have. To sit naked and type in my journal, go to a naked happy hour when I please, have sexual adventures at the drop of a hat.
Now Kevin has shared with his readers and with me some of his previous experiences and I must say that I was impressed. Very few people can learn at an early enough age that there is a lot more to sex than what we are taught by our parents. His first experience with a man was sweet and touching and hot! He discovered that he loves to suck cock! He was a major player in one of the local straight BDSM groups. He knows the joys of setting yourself free from inhibitions and the pitfalls that can happen (like how difficult it is to have a successful three-way and what jealousy can do to otherwise sane people).
Kevin has a very cool wife and they have played together on a number of occasions with both men and women, and as far as I know continue to do so when there is a chance. Chances are just fewer and farther between these days. While it would be easier for him to play with out her, he doesn’t think she would like that, so he doesn’t (as far as I know). So he writes about his days gone by and occasionally plans for a time when he and his wife can find that certain set of right circumstances when the stars align and they can play together with a man or woman (or both) of their choice.
So, is life like a porno? Not really, they are fiction, and Kristin Bjorn will take days to shoot a truly successful 20 minute scene. Not everyone in the world looks like a porn star. Not every opportunity for sex is taken. Not all scenes end with everyone cumming. Every one does not have a good time, every time. There is no instant soundtrack. However, there is a lot of fun to be had. Whatever choices that you make, just be happy. Don’t look at someone else and wish that you had their life. Just enjoy the life you’ve chosen. Who knows, someone maybe looking at you with envy. ;-)

More about Clients

2010-01-24T05:17:00.000-08:00

This week I was reminded again about what kind or hole we fill in this world.

One of my favorite clients, who has come to see me for several years, came to see me this week. I was happy to hear from him, it had been a few months since I had last seen him. I knew the economy had cost him his job over a year ago and he had not found anything permanent to replace it yet. I still stick by my policy of no discounts even in hard times (you don’t have to tip me) but once discounts start happening, there is no turning back.

Anyway, back to the client. “Don” is a very giving person, one of the nicest guys I have ever met. His former job was fundraising for a non-profit for people with AIDS. He would ride every year in a national AIDS bike ride fundraiser. In addition he volunteers as a director at local community theaters and had been taking artistic photographs for fun. He has a partner whom I have never met, but to whom he is devoted. I know what you are thinking, how devoted is he if he is seeing an erotic masseur, well, extremely. He and his partner have different sex drives and Don would rather pay a little cash to get what he is missing at home than to look for someone else, he loves his partner.

Don is a very sensual man, his nipples are very sensitive and he has a need to give pleasure as well as receive it. I was amazed that one of the first times he saw me that he came without either of us touching his cock simply by him sucking mine and my playing with his nips. Over the years, he would usually see me once a month and most of the time it was always both a delight and hot. He is not what you may consider the hottest looking man. He is mid 50’s, rather large belly, but still very toned legs and arms, rather hairless, average cock and a very round soft ass. He radiates good energy and happy sensuality.

Since he lost his job, I have only seen Don a handful of times, when he has sold some photos or other flexible spending money that month. So I was very happy to hear from him and glad I had free time in my schedule to fit him last minute. When I greeted him at the door he had the same big smile on his face that I have always loved seeing, I noticed that he had shaved his head, it becomes him.

In the comfort of my apartment, as he starts getting undressed, I ask him how he is and how he has been doing. He answers “Not so well.” He then proceeds to tell me that he was diagnosed some months ago with lung cancer and is currently in the recuperation phase of treatment, basically recovering from the last round of chemo before beginning another phase. The lung cancer was fairly progressed before it was caught. He went into some detail on how horrible the treatment is, the illness that accompanies it, the stress it puts on his relationship, the fears that can accompany all of this and of course the financial strain. I express my sympathy and asked if the doctors had an idea what caused this, he responded that even though he had quit smoking over 20 years ago that he was a heavy smoker for 20 years before that. I can’t help but say aloud how much that sucks. I give him a hug and tell him to climb up on the table and see if we can’t help him forget his problems.

He is as I said a long time client and I have always worked nude with him, so I disrobe and start to work. His shoulders and back have always been tense and seem doubly so today. I put my weight behind my kneading and work the knots. I drape his arm over my knee as I work his neck and shoulder, his caresses my calf gently. I work for about 30 minutes just on his back and then move down and work from his feet back up. He often sighs contently and moans when I get to his butt. His sexual appetite seems very good. I work his glutes and then massage the perineum and the external anus. Slowly I introduce my thumb into his ass. He responds most favorably. I do a feather light stroke on his back and legs while massaging his prostate, he massages my cock with his hand. I eventually climb onto the table and lay my naked body on his. My cock is hard. It slides between his bubble shaped cheeks and teases his hole. He arches his back and moans loudly. I slide my cock back and forth over the opening, his anus flexing and trying to grab my cock. My cock is bare since this is not about penetration, however, the tip does slip in for a brief moment when he suddenly bucks up onto my cock. I withdraw quickly and am more careful.

I hop off the table and towel him down followed by a light feathery touch of his entire body from the head down to the toes. I grab a bottle of water and ask him to turn over and give him the water to refresh himself before we continue.

I work on his chest, standing above his head, my bare cock rubbing on his shaved head. Each moment my hands touch his nipples he gasps and spasms. My cocks slides up along the side of his head and he nuzzles it.

I move to his left side and work his big round belly, my hands moving in circles, sliding down into the pubic region, his cock is hard and dripping. I give his cock and quick stoke and tease his balls briefly before moving to his right side and repeating the movements. He once again takes hold of my cock and strokes it lightly, using his finger tips. Having been a long time client, he knows that this is about him and not me, but his need to give pleasure will be recognized. I tease his ass and balls again, avoiding the shaft, he is very excited and I don’t want him to come to quickly. I play with his nipples and he again gasps and spasms. I tickle his balls, causing his cock to throb. I slip a finger into his ass and stroke his prostate, his hips undulating. His hand is working my cock harder, I am focusing my attention on him, if I don’t, I might cum. I lick one of his nipples, then the other, and then a brief little nibble on each one, something that I wouldn’t do with any of my other clients, but Don is an exception, a friend and client who is in need. He writhing and makes a request, one that I often hear and continually deny: he wants to see me cum.

In my mind, I know that I should not, it creates a change in the dynamic, a change in the relationship, a change in the expectations, on the other hand I want to make him feel better, I want to help him forget the past few months. I climb on table between his legs and stroke our cocks together briefly. I know that if I do it too long, he will cum way too soon. I then focus on my dick. With one hand I play with his nipples and the other is on my cock, stroking away. He plays with my balls and is focused on my dick, encouraging me. I erupt in volley of sprays all over his belly and chest. He grabs his own dick and joins me shooting before I have I finished. His belly and chest are covered in the mixture of our cum. I lean down and kiss his cheek and he hugs me, covering my body with our juices as well.

I climb off the table and grab a towel to clean us both off. I continue the massage with stretching, legs, arms and facial/scalp massage. I then used the usual feather touch to remove any remaining bad energy out through the finger tips and toes. I then re-connect the chakras and give the blessing. He tells me afterward that as I was removing the bad energy, he envisioned the cancer cells leaving his body. As he leaves, I wish him the best and hope that I will see him again soon.

These are the cases and the days when I know deep in my soul that what I do is valid and good. I know that most of today’s society would not understand or approve. I know that I will always be judged. I know that I will never become rich off of this work. I know that it can prevent me from certain job possibilities in the future. It is still a good and giving thing that I do and I hope someday, the world will understand.

Sample Client

2009-12-10T05:55:00.001-08:00

In this forum of relative anonymity, I feel safe to give some particulars on specific clients. No real names or pics but just some interesting specifics that are still generic enough to not give away any one's identity.
For example:
"Ed" - Ed is approaching retirement. He had a long career in the Navy and then worked in the government for a number of years. He is about 5'7" and weighs in at about 250lbs, most of it fat these days as he admits he doesn't exercise hardly at all any more. He has been coming to me for almost 2 years now.
He is married and has been for most of his life. He has at least 2 grown children that he has told me about, a daughter and a son, both of whom he worries about since as he sees it, the opportunities for young people are just not as available as when he was young.
His wife works though she is entering semi-retirement. He blames a bit of his weight gain on her since she prepares the meals and has gotten fat as well, they both have had health issues. Together they have made a commitment to lose some weight and get in better shape, this started about a year ago and though Ed has made some small progress, he tells me his wife is doing much better. Not having been fat for most of his life, I explained that some of the skin issues he is having are due to his weight (skin rashes and fungus).
Ed is still very active with the Navy and even travels occasionally to Annapolis to see the Navy Football team play. He attends reunions and a lot of his closest friends are either active or retired Navy. He is making plans to retire to Tennessee where he has family and some other Navy buddies. He has bought a house there and is having work done on it to prepare it for he and his wife. Since he is not moving there for a couple of years, he may rent it out once the work is complete.
I chose to call him Ed since to me he most closely resembles Ed Asner at age 65ish. I do this a lot when I enter a new client into my database as a short cut to help me remember who they are, I think of someone they look like or remind me of either famous or from my life like my Freshman Computer teacher.
Ed has not shared much about his sexual life as many other clients do and I have never asked. On his first appointment, he asked if I did Prostate massage and if it would cost extra. Upon hearing that it did not, he asked for it. From there the massage went pretty straight forward. He did make a hard grab for my junk through my shorts but I backed off and took his hand and gently placed it on the table. You see, I do not find Ed sexually attractive in any way. He seems nice enough but I find it pretty difficult to get it up for an old overweight Ed Asner so I would like to keep my clothes on and not have some one groping my limp cock. He gets the non-verbal message and never makes another attempt, ever.
I do the prostate massage, he is not as clean as he should be, so it doesn't last very long. I ask him to turn over as I go wash my hands. I work again from the chest down. He has been a little chatty but is silent now. He is wondering if I will give him "release" and though his dick is twitching it is not erect. I stroke a few times. He is uncut and again, not as clean as he should be. I play with his balls and stroke his perineum. His dick is getting harder, but is still not very firm. He takes over stroking his dick hard while I concentrate on his balls until he comes, he never really got hard and has a small amount of ejaculate. I clean him up and finish the massage. No tip.
He has since become a regular, coming once a month. He always asks me about my life and my partner, nothing too personal, just friendly chit chat and fills me in on his life, his vacations etc. He tried a few 60 minute massages but has decided that 90 minutes works better. I did discuss some of hygiene issues and he has been much better. He always counts out his money before we start and hands it to me. Just after he lays on the table he always says "Oh, I would like one of those prostate massages." I should have charged extra for them in the beginning ;-). Over the last two years, I have discovered that he likes big things up his butt. He never asked for more, but I did try two fingers and there was only a positive grunt. Another session I tried three and now most of my hand goes up there, haven't gotten the whole thing in yet, but it may happen.
If I could, I would ask him about his other man2man experiences. Did he get any action in the Navy? Has he been used as a whorish bottom as it appears he wants to be? Or did he at the age of 65 say "Y'know, I think I want a man to stick his hand up my butt, I wonder how I can make that happen?" I also wonder what he will do when he moves to TN, will he find another man to give him his monthly prostate massage? What about his wife? Wonder if she knows (they usually suspect) and what would she think?
Anyway, I hope you liked reading a bit about one of my clients. If you like, more may follow.

A Troubled Night

2009-12-01T06:33:00.001-08:00

Again, sorry for the delay between posts. Life. You know?
What prompted me to write this morning is that a friend has started a blog that is very personal and esoteric (she is Reverend and follower of a female god). If you want to check it out it's http://bountifulbonepot.blogspot.com/
Anyway, I often forget that many people who read my blog are looking for my thoughts and reflections as well as the sex stuff, so when I think I have nothing new to write, I am wrong.
I keep thinking "Well, we have talked about this and or that and there are only so many experiences that happen in my job before it gets very repetitive" but I don't consider sharing my everyday thoughts and fears, maybe I have considered them too personal. But I have found that what makes us individual is often what connects us to others.
Case in point, last night I awoke at 3:45 AM when the garbage truck emptied the dumpster for the apartment complex. This triggered a series of almost automatic responses. I realized I was thirsty so I got up to get a glass of water, this made me realize that my back was hurting again (a story I need to fill you in later). I then had to pee since I was up and moving around. Finally crawling back into bed I could not get comfortable and after tossing and turning and trying not to wake my partner I decided to lay in the guest room for a while.
There my mind starts stirring with all the issues that keep people awake at night. Where is my life heading? What happened to my dreams of stardom? How will I afford the Christmas Holiday? Will I ever get out of this apartment and into my own house? Will I ever be able to retire? Will I be able to make good money again? Why does my partner put up with me? How much longer will he put up with me? How long can he handle be being the major bread winner? Where have the last 4 years gone? Why can't I seem to make any major changes in my life for the good? Why am I afraid to start over again? Why don't I just go back to school? What should I study if I did? Would I be able to get in? Could I afford it? Do I want to take on the kind of debt now in my life? What will happen if I don't? Have I ruined my chances for a good life by doing what I wanted for the last several years? Why do I not seem to be qualified to do anything? Why do you need to be rich in order to make money? Why can't I just have a successful Bed and Breakfast somewhere warm, near the water and afford enough help that my partner and I can occasionally leave it for a couple of weeks at a time and visit our friends around the world and see more of the world? I am not afraid of growing older, but am I afraid of growing old without money? If my back gets bad again, can I afford the doctors visits and rehab? Is my life just messed up beyond belief?
So, even after I took one of the few remaining muscle relaxers, it still took me a good long time to fall back asleep. Now most of these questions seem much less frightening in the daylight, but it is easier to distract myself then. And while things don't look so bad in the light of day, but I know deep down that somethings must change. I'm standing at a crossroads but not able to see in any direction due to a heavy fog.
One of my best pieces of advice, is to give of yourself at times like these. This past weekend I cleaned house and packed up my car with all the items I kept saying I was going to sell at some mythical yard sale and donated them to Goodwill. A small step I know but it did make me feel better. I also found a lot of stuffed toys that I had received over the years in gift baskets and the like, they were quite dusty so I took them to the laundry mat and gave them a good washing while I did my laundry. I then proceeded to hand them out to the small children there and the ones left over I lined up neatly on machines for anyone that may want one. Small things.
By getting rid of things that I do not need but was holding on to for some unknown reason, I felt I was also making room for the abundance that is coming to me soon. At least I hope so. I know that many of my regular clients will miss me if I need to move on to other adventures, but there will be others to take my place. They may not approach it the way I have, but hopefully my clients will still be able to get what they need.
I hope that my sharing this will make a few others out there realize that we all go through these doubts and troubled times in our lives, no matter what we do, how much money we have, and where we live or how we were raised.

Maybe a grid....

2009-09-24T10:20:00.001-07:00

Married Men.

I have talked about them before and I know I will again. They make up just over half of my clientele so it is something I talk about a lot.

They have given a better understanding of the Kinsey scale and the whole gay straight argument. A wise person once told me to "never believe everything you think to be true." What this means is just because you believe it based on whatever your experiences have been, does not mean that it is what is really happening. The world looked flat, any fool could see that, but it was not to be true.

The same goes with my preconceived notions of gay, bi, straight and what married men want. There is no easy answer to any of this.

We are familiar with the three common titles:
Gay: people who are attracted physically and emotionally to the same sex.
Straight: people who are attracted physically and emotionally to those of the opposite sex.
Bisexual: people who are attracted to either sex emotionally and physically.

Now, what about the rest.
What about people who are attracted to the same sex physically but not emotionally?
What about people attracted to the same sex emotionally but not physically?

I think these two are far more common than we realize. I see many men who are interested in the sexual aspect of gay men but not the emotional, their hearts and minds belong to women (though their sex lives there may be a bit faulty).

Also, I have met men (not clients) who have deep emotional attachments to specific individual men but no interest in sex with them at all. Likewise I have know several women who fall into this category.

This then begs the question whether these are learned or natural differences and can we slide from one category to another?

If the Kinsey scale was a line between straight and gay physical attraction, perhaps a cross line needs to be made to measure straight and gay emotional attraction forming a grid.

Are we selling ourselves short by not acknowledging these differences? The Greeks had four types of love: Philios, Eros, Agape, Storge.
Philios was a dispassionate, virtuous love.
Eros was passionate love, with sensual desire and longing.
Agape was a pure idea of love.
Storge was a natural love for your fellow man or your offspring.

Maybe this is our problem in our society. We are labeling acts and not emotions. We need more words for love! We need to be acknowledge our feelings for one another in a safe and comfortable way.

The married men I see often ask me if they are gay or bi or what. I usually tell them that those are just words that someone made up. Just try to be true to yourself and not do harm to others.
Truth be told, about half the married men I see should not be married to women since they are emotionally and physically attracted more to men. Another third would rather have sex with men but could never have the emotional attachment with another man that they have with their wife. The rest fall in between somewhere.

Occasionally I meet a man living a gay life who has real problems trying to form the emotional attachment with another man, but that is who he is sexually attracted to (I am sure that many of my readers have seen them as well). They would be quite happy setting up house with a woman but with seperate bedrooms so they can have sex with men.

I have no answers as to what can be done for these people. They are not "broke" just different and falling between the cracks in our society. I am sure there are many women who fit these parameters as well. Keep an eye out for them and befriend them if you can. It can be a big lonely world out there if you feel you are all alone.

- Jack

Everyone should experience

2009-09-01T11:06:00.000-07:00

There are lots of things that everyone should experience. The winter night when you can see for miles by moonlight. Paris. A wonderful massage by me. Sunrise over a warm tropical ocean. True Love. A religious experience. Being adored for your body.
It's a small part of what I do for men. I accept and celebrate their body as I work their tired muscles and awaken forgotten senses.
Recently I was given the opportunity to pose for some "artistic" nude photos. What a blast! To strip down naked and be used as an object for art? Who wouldn't be all over that? It only lasted about an hour and I could have gone much longer. Yes at times I suppose being a model can be tedious, there are lights to adjust and cameras to fiddle with and angles to adjust etc, but there you are in the center of it all. All of this fuss being made over you to make sure each shot is the best it can be. No one is asking anything of you but to move into poses that will best show off your body. How glorious! If you ever get the chance you must do it! Please remember, I am not a muscle god. I have a spare tire and I am over 40.
In this particular instance, there was no preference as to the state of my penis, erect or not, either was fine. So for most shots I was limp, but for others I was erect, I had no issue with this (let's face it, I am not running for president, nor would I want to). There was the occasional touch to move some stray hair or to position a leg or arm in a certain position. Permission was asked to move my balls or penis (I gave it, good lord, so many people have touched it before in my life, what's one more).
Of course I realize this is not for everyone. For most people, they would be far more concerned about who was taking the photos (I did check out their work before hand and their credentials). There is also the concern of what might become of the photos. Most people may have valid concerns about not wanting naked photos of them on the Internet or hanging in a art gallery or published in some magazine. I do understand that. Perhaps then there may be another way to be adored. Look for it once in a while. While you are at it, see if there is someone in your life that needs to be adored and find out if there is anything that you can do for them. Play it forward! I know that I am currently trying to figure out how to get my partner to have a photo shoot done. Not only do I think he would enjoy it, but I would love to have the photos!

Are we needed?

2009-06-20T04:07:00.000-07:00

I have met several people in the course of my life who would definitely not approve of what I and others like me do. They see no merit in it and worse, see us as harbingers of evil, destroying people's lives by seducing them into doing things that lead them down a path of self destruction (I was actually told this).
"Legit" masseurs don't like us since we give the profession a bad name and fill men's head with incorrect expectations every time they go for a massage. I would like to point out the idea of "legit" massage is extremely new and they actually infringed on our turf. Massage is still not regulated in half the country, though massage schools are fighting this so they can have more students. Massage, as opposed to other forms of paid human interaction, pays attention to every inch of the body and relaxes the muscles and the person and the soul. The focus of massage is unique in that there is a giver and receiver, nothing is expected of the receiver except relaxation.
Earlier this month, I saw a guy who had been referred to me from one of my most regular clients. We chatted briefly about what he wanted. He is a very good looking early 50's gentleman who has some stress and he came to me because I also do sensual work. OK, no prob, he had named who had recommended him, so I trust him. I give him a very good and thorough massage including a sensual release. He has a difficult time maintaining an erection but we manage. He orgasms but does not ejaculate, so I realize then that he must have had his prostate removed.
Afterwards he tells me it had only been about two months since his prostate had been removed and I was the first person to give him an orgasm since. He has been afraid to have sex with his own partner, he know that it will not be the same. He even showed me a pic of his erection from before the surgery. I talk to him about various means and tools to helping to maintain an erection without a prostate and tell him that he is still very capable of sex and pleasing his partner (and vice-versa) and that his partner loves him and wants to stay connected, however it works.
A tennis player who sees me on a regular basis comes to me for human interaction. He wants to find a full time partner but doesn't want to do the bed hopping routine. He sees me as a way relieving the need for male to male contact so he can date with a clear head and not because he he just needs sex. Plus he knows when we are together, safety is foremost in both our minds, there is no exchange of fluids.
An opera singer sees me because he does not have the time to date while he pursues his career.
A botanist sees me because he lost his partner of 20 some years and does not want another at this stage of life.
A grief counselor sees me for 90 minutes of focus on him and him alone.
A married man sees me to relieve his desires for other men and preserve his marriage to the woman he loves.
A cowboy sees me as he questions his own sexuality.
A former Marine sees me because I am discreet and he still works for the government.
A psychologist sees me as a perfectly normal way to express his desires for men and to practice receiving pleasure.
A man coming out in his late 40's comes to me to learn what feels good and what doesn't; so he can learn to please other men.
Many gay men see me because they want a massage with sensual elements because it makes them feel better to be touched all over, not just where "State Approved."
Many straight men come to me to talk and ask questions that they are afraid to ask anyone else.
There are many more stories.
I am seen as a safe place to ask questions, to receive pleasure, to experiment, to relax, to feel, to escape, to cry, to laugh, to orgasm or not, to commune with another male, to not be ashamed and to simply be yourself.
I believe there is a very real need for these services. Whether they are allowed by the state or not.

Weekend get away part II

2009-06-02T11:10:00.000-07:00

So continuing the discussion on the weekend at the clothing optional gay B+B....
On Saturday another young couple shows up, so of course, we must figure them out. The B+B is full up so either someone else left and they took the room or they are there on a day pass. They look like a slightly mismatched pair. One is fair haired and stocky, the other is lean and dark and quite hairy (with a very nice penis).
Turns out that while they arrived together, they are not a couple at all, but old friends who are spending the weekend together. The fair haired one (Mark) is the one who lives locally and plays at a couple of the local piano bars. The Dark haired one (Jason) lives in New York and does musical theater and occasionally joins in the piano gigs when in town.
Now the couple that we have travelled with find Mark and Jason (especially Jason, OK, Really just Jason) absolutely tantalizing and chat the new guys up a lot. Being there on a day pass usually means that they are looking for a bit of "randy" fun, being an over night guest means that you are in no hurry. This is what is known as a conflict of interests. The afternoon passes with no action and lots of chat and a promise that we will go see them at the piano bar that evening.
All four of us go and enjoy a nice meal and a couple of drinks. We stay long enough to hear both guys sing and then split. Not that they weren't good, it's just most of us can only take so much of a piano bar unless they are doing "sing-a-longs" ;-) Mark and Jason will be playing until midnight and it is about 9 when we leave. They will not be back to the B+B and we did not specifically ask them, over night guests are hugely frowned upon anyway.
We go back and drink and play board games naked.
The next day, the four of us do a little light shopping and return to the B+B in the mid-afternoon. Much to every one's surprise, Mark and Jason are back! We are greeted with warm hugs and kisses! Mark wants to know if he can get a massage from me, paying for it of course. I have brought my supplies and could use a little more cash so I say sure; besides, I figure this will give my friends a better chance with Jason.
So I set up my table and put on the music and invite Mark to my room for a massage. This was one of the nicest massage sessions I have ever had. We had already spent a good amount of time together naked so there was no need to worry about draping or me getting dressed. Mark was a perfect gentleman through the entire massage. No grabbing, no butt wiggling, just a nice legit massage with both of us in the nude. I love these type of sessions. I very rarely get to to do this. I have nothing against erotic massage obviously, but it is sometimes just nice to give a nice open and natural massage with out all the other stuff.
Anyway, after the 90 minute session, we chat a little and joke that Jason will probably be in my friend's room by this time. The attraction was obvious and no one begrudged them their fun.
I open the door and their in the courtyard is Jason and my friends and my partner all just chatting away again. Part of me is hoping that the deed is already done, but it doesn't feel like it, the sexual tension is still thick in the air. Mark goes to the other side of the courtyard where he left his things to lay out after his massage. I ask the guys what they have been doing and apparently they spent most of the time just sitting in the hot tub (not doing anything but talking).
Jason comments to me that he would love a massage but can't afford it. A lot goes through my mind in this moment:
First, I find the boy attractive (if a bit young and thin for me) but he has a nice butt and penis and he is hairy so I could give him a freebie, however I never do that, also, that would be a bit of a slap in the face to Mark who paid full price.
Second, I could tell him to go ask his friend Mark for the money but that seems to me to be in really bad taste all the way around.
Third, I could offer the use of my table and supplies to my friends to use to give Jason a free massage. That would be a very nice thing to do. Would not compromise my principals of never giving free massages. I would not be offending Mark. However, if someone is going to be having a sexually good time on my table, I should be involved.
Fourth, that last thought was really selfish; I am not changing my mind, but it was selfish. I need to work on that, later.
Fifth, why the hell didn't my friends take advantage of this obviously horny boy while I was giving his friend a massage?
So the conversations continue and nothing happens and Mark and Jason have to leave to work another gig that night. We again are invited, however we have no intention of going.
After they left, I ask my partner what the deal was in the hot tub. Apparently in the tub, while the conversation was going full force, Jason started playing with him under the water. This went on for some time before my partner excused himself. He felt a little uncomfortable playing in front of our friends because they were are friends and they wanted Jason themselves. So in his mind, his departure was his way of saying, why don't you all enjoy yourselves. For whatever reason, they didn't "go for it".
Now it is true that outside there were a number of people and our friends had already been branded the first day for playing with the first guy that came along. Perhaps it was that they don't "play" with others very often (at least not to the best of my knowledge) and they had already done it once that weekend. Perhaps they just never found the moment. Whatever the reason, this fell into the column of missed opportunities. We all have a lot in that column. Heck, I could have taken Jason out from under them with the offer of a free massage and invited my partner to help out and we could had a good time but that really would have been unfair to our friends. Maybe they thought the same about us. Who knows? We discussed it briefly, I think our friends thought he was out of their league (though he really wasn't). Both Jason and Mark also mentioned that they had boyfriends that were not with them, perhaps my friends were trying to respect the man who wasn't there...
I guess the lesson here, if there is one, sometimes, it is OK to be a bit aggressive, if it is done in a polite way. For example, I have a friend from a long time ago who believed in asking everyone he was attracted to if they would like to have sex. He had more sex than anyone I know. ;-)

Weekend get away

2009-05-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

So the partner and I decided to go to the beach this past weekend with another couple. They have been friends of ours for years now and we have done this trip before. We stayed at a clothing optional Bed and Breakfast that was a good distance from the beach (which meant we really didn't spend any time at the beach). The B+B had a nice in-ground pool (that was really cold), a very nice courtyard for sunning yourself naked, a large hot tub and a small gym with a sauna. Everything for the perfect get away except for a restaurant.
Now, I don't know how many of you have ever stayed at a clothing optional gay B+B, but they can get a bit cruisy at times. Not that there is anything wrong with that mind you. There are 11 rooms and it was full up, most with couples but a couple of singles as well. It was a nice variety of men from young preppy, to muscular, to bears to a very sweet older couple who won the award for most displays of public affection.
My favorite thing about staying at a place like this is meeting new people. I love getting to know some new friends for a few days. Makes me feel like I am in one of those Agatha Christie movies where a bunch of strangers are thrown together and mysteries start to unravel. Who knows whom before they arrived, who is with whom, who is alone, where are they from, what are they looking for if they are looking for anything? This place also allows day passes for those who cannot afford the rooms or are living near by and just want to sun naked.
Joe is one who apparently lives near by. We saw him every day come and work out in the gym (wearing just a jock strap) and then either lie out in the sun for a while or sit in the hot tub or the sauna (naked). Interesting thing about Joe, he is apparently a fire fighter and just likes to hang out naked, he was not looking for sex. Now he has an incredible body (works out every day) and could get just about anyone he wanted but from what the owners told me, he is basically straight and just comes for nudity. He has apparently on occasion let someone service him but only if there was no one else around.
The owners are a gay couple, one with a body builder shape and the other more or less a little nerdy (in a cute kind of way) in their late 40's. Only the nerdy one was there this weekend since this is only one of several businesses that they own and his partner watches over the others. Our host was a lonely man. Owning a B+B is a lonely job apparently. No one stays for long, you have work to do when everyone else is enjoying themselves, and you shouldn't "play" with the guests since it blurs the line of host and guest and can lead to you being taken advantage of. Apparently it is not uncommon for someone to offer sex and then ask that their bill be reduced accordingly.
Our friends arrived about 8 hours before we did and apparently got busy with someone on a day pass within the first hour. I know because they told me. So did our host and another couple that was staying there. Apparently a gay B+B is not the place to keep secrets.
Going on a trip with friends is fascinating on many levels. It can be a test of the friendship. It can also make the trip much more enjoyable. Spending time with your friends while naked really means that you trust and like your friends a great deal. We had a great time drinking and swimming and hot tubbing and playing board games (all naked). Did we cross any new boundaries? No. That's not what we were there for (at least not with each other). I am not sure what my reaction would have been if someone had put it on the table, sex with our good friends. My fear is that it would change the nature of our friendship, my hope would be that it would not and we could all have a few good laughs. Would I or wouldn't I? I think it really depends on the moment and how everyone was feeling about it at the time.
One of the mysteries that weekend was the man sitting alone on his balcony in the dark, chain smoking cigarettes and working on his computer the evening when we arrived. I made it one of my objectives to find out his story. I did not see him at all the next day and wondered if he had checked out. I asked our host who explained he was a last minute guest who arrived a couple of days earlier. He took the best room for the first two nights but since it was booked by someone else for the rest of the weekend, he had moved to one of the smaller rooms. That night after my partner and our friends had gone to bed, I was sitting in the courtyard in my PJ's (it got chilly at night) unable to sleep. I see someone walk out of the house and around the long way to the opposite side of the pool, sit in a chair and light up. Since I had seen no one else smoking, I assumed it was our mystery man. He was sitting in a chair directly opposite me, looking casually my way. I walk around the pool and introduce my self. Standing next to him, I gauge his age at around 40, very handsome and in excellent shape, dressed in walking shorts and an open jacket. He has a short crew cut and the cigarette gives him a mysterious and slightly dangerous look (amazing how easily we can fall into stereotypes). He says his name is Nick and he has a broad smile. His manner of speech could best be described as slightly California surfer. I mentioned that I had not seen him during the day and he explained that he had gotten too much Sun the day before and stayed in today. Looking up at what has been his point of view for the last 10 minutes or so I see that he had a direct line of view of the older couple having sex in their room with the curtains wide open, they would have been behind me when I was sitting in my chair. Realizing this was probably what he was looking at, I make some short polite chit chat (names, where we are from, have you stayed here before) and then excuse myself to go back to my seat. After a few minutes he comes over to me and we continue our conversation. He has interesting job with a major cosmetic company and gets to go to Milan and Paris on a regular basis for work. He loves the job but not the gay men he works with (wearing their latest sexual conquest as if displaying the latest shirt from Milan). He asks me to continue the conversation in his room since it is chilly and my partner is asleep in mine. I go. Well, as you can assume, he did have ulterior motives. Now normally I would consider this guy out of my league, but he was coming on to me and who was I to say no? He proceeded to give me one of the most sensual and loving BJ's I have ever had. He allows me to play with him, but tells me that he is not interested in an orgasm for himself but just wants to give me pleasure. Again, who am I to say no to that? After we have finished, I excuse myself to go take a shower outside before retiring for the evening. He insists upon washing me himself and lovingly washes me from head to toe. Love the occasional mystery man.
I think that is enough for now. There is more to tell on this weekend, but I will save it for later.

Underwear...

2009-05-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

Anonymous said...
can you talk about guys and their choice of underwear that you see. any correlation between orientation and the type of underwear? i like to wear thongs and I'm straight. have to hide it from my wife as she isn't too keen on them.

OK, I do see a lot of underwear in my job. What does it say about a guy? Well....
Let's start with the real purpose of underwear. It is a protective garment meant to keep your other garments from getting soiled with sweat or "other" stains. Later, some was designed to offer support to keep from flopping around or from "showing" your good through certain garments. Side note: in Wisconsin there is a law on the books that it is illegal for a man to show an erection through his clothing in public, so be careful in WI. Today there is also "enhancing" underwear to give a boost to what nature gave you.

Fashion follows function and a wide variety of styles, colors and prints have become popular in the last 50 years.

Now, in my practice I do take note of the underwear of my clients because it will say something about them. I have both sensual and non sensual clients and sometimes, with a new client, I will take stock of their underwear if I am unsure of what they are looking for. Some observations follow.

First, the more money one spends on their underwear is usually related to how sensual they are as people. They wear undergarments to bring attention to their genitals and butts. They usually like to wear undergarments that make them feel good there as well. Gay men in general spend more money on their underwear than straight men.

Younger men tend to wear longer undergarments like boxers and boxer briefs. Older men tend to wear briefs or smaller (though some much older men have only worn boxers in their entire lives).

Commando (no underwear) accounts for only about one out of every 30 clients. These are also the men who will start stripping the moment they enter the room.

Thongs are the least common of types of underwear I see. Most of the time a man who wears thongs has an underwear fetish and finds them sexy. This person usually likes to see others dressed similarly and often owns a large collection of underwear and is always interested in more.

Tightey Whiteys are usually only worn by straight men who may or may not be interested in an erotic massage but if they are, it is something that they are just recently getting into with guys.
Old white boxers tell me they are probably only looking for a regular massage (again, straight). Not saying that straight men don't wear any or all of the above.

Boxer Briefs are currently the most popular style that I see followed by fashion briefs in a variety of colors.

Men who are "coming out" later in life will often start buying more fashionable underwear.

I notice that a lot of men don't wear underwear that fits them. Older men tend to buy underwear too small and younger men to wear underwear too large. Very old men tend to wear boxers that are too large.

I do have a couple of clients that are true underwear lovers that never wear the same underwear twice to see me. They will show up in thongs, jocks, mesh, leather, nylon, chain or whatever they love on that day. Occasionally I have been asked to wear special underwear (I only do this if I already own it or if they provide it) and even to wear the underwear that they had been wearing (I did this once) and then they wore it home again.

I do not understand the current fascination with the younger generation to wear their pants down below their butt and show some baggy boxers. I snicker every time I see it. They look silly! I am sure they feel sexy and someone somewhere must find them sexy but I still laugh. By the way, I personally do not know any gay men who do this, I am sure they are some somewhere.

Do I find underwear sexy? Sure, sometimes. More when I was younger than I do now. I usually wear boxer briefs myself since they are comfortable. Occasionally I will wear one of the more interesting pairs that I have a few of. Occasionally I like to go "Commando."

So, does wearing a thong make you gay or bisexual? No. Having a desire to have sex with other men makes you gay or bisexual. Wearing a thong is simply a sign that you are a sensual person.
Nothing wrong with that as far as I am concerned...

2009-05-12T12:01:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh..... Springtime, when a young man's fancy turns to other young men.... and my allergies act up. I have talked before about the issues my allergies can have on my work. It is hard to get and keep an erection with a sinus headache and even more difficult if I am zoning on antihistamines. The weather this Spring has been difficult. The weather got hot for a few short days very early and has been cold, wet and dreary for weeks. This is bad for business. I should have been busy with week leading to the full moon, but it was too slow for words.
Had a new client today though, a plumber. I love when I get a client with an unexpected career. How many plumber are there who come to a guy for erotic massage? Probably more than we would expect. He was a handsome dark skinned man, about 6'1", 200+ pounds, muscular with a very large bubble butt. He asked for a combination of some deep tissue and sensual work. Fine with me. He strips down and hops on the table face down, I stay dressed since this was not discussed. I work on his back, his muscles are hard and I use a good deal of pressure and check with him often. While a man may have great muscles, he may have a very low pain tolerance.
He has only asked for an hour massage and there is a lot to do so I end the work on the upper back earlier than I would have liked (there were several knots that needed attention) and work the lower back for a bit. He is a butt lifter, every time I graze one of those bubble butt cheeks he lifts his butt and waves it in the air. This usually means he's a bottom, but not always.
I work the legs and my eventually I get back to his butt. A few exploratory touches reveal that he definitely likes a bit of butt play. His dick is hard and extending between his legs (worth noting that despite the size of his butt, feet and hands; his dick is average). I go for broke and let a well lubed finger start sliding in. He seems to be enjoying the attention, his butt is undulating. The finger slips in and I find his prostate, his butt clenches on to my finger with an incredible amount of pressure. This is not unusual, most men will involuntarily clench when the prostate is first touched. He does not let go. I eventually slowly slide my finger back out and let him relax. I give him a light touch all over and again slowly work a finger in. There is no resistance until again, I hit the prostate and he clenches hard and does not let go. I again slowly withdraw and let it be. He has been very quiet through all of this. I climb onto the table and work on his back, he is still waving his butt at my crotch. After dismounting, I wipe him down and ask him to turn over.
Working my way down from his shoulders I test his nipples, they do not seem to be overly sensitive. I rub his belly and watch his dick, it has been soft since he turned over. I graze the base of it and it stirs but does not get hard. I vary from the usual and work his legs for a while, still no reaction from his dick. Finally I just start rubbing it out right and occasionally letting a hand slip down to his crack, the dick is coming back to life; I play with his balls, it's getting much harder. I go back and tweak a nipple, they are very sensitive now. For the first time, the client is reaching for my crotch, fortunately I have a semi woody. I let him feel around through my clothes, he reaches for the waistband of my pants, trying to get his hand on my penis. I stop my work and fish out my dick for him to play with (wouldn't you?). For a plumber he has a pretty good touch. It happens within 30 seconds of touch my dick that he sighs and cums. Those reactions always surprise me; I am used to hearing grunts and yells.
I finish the massage and send him on his way. He was not a talker so other than the plumbing thing (he pulled up in a plumbing truck, so I asked) I know little about him. I don't believe he is married, no ring or noticeable missing ring spot. He could be bi or he might be gay or he might be "straight but curious". He had given me the money before we started so I don't think this was his first time. He was nice enough though like I said, not a talker and there is nothing wrong with that.
So what did you do today?

Forget your troubles...

2009-05-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

First off, again, I will apologize for not writing in a very long time. I took some time off for the holidays and then I thought I would wait to see if anyone missed me. They didn't. At least not enough to say so. Finally someone wrote asking if I had quit so I will write again.
What has happened in the intervening months? Not a lot. Had some good weeks and some not so good weeks as far as business goes. It has continued to decline over all. I really must find a new source of main income. If I need to quit doing Bodywork to make that happen I will. Just so everyone understands, I have no issues with the work I do, others may. It simply is not paying the bills.
Of course work is hard to find these days since the economy is in the toilet. There have been reports of people committing suicide and taking their spouses and/or children with them. Well on some level I can understand their frustration and even their depression; I do not understand the actual exits. If I were suicidal, I would hope that I remember that it is always an option and I can do it later after I really freaking live my life for a while. For example: I quit my high paying job a few years back and have now gone through all my savings and am in quite a bit of debt. I have no great future prospects as this time and to be honest the thought of starting over in a new career is not appealing. SO? I can always kill myself later. For now I may as well enjoy the fact that I am here. Go see some free museums or live theater or movies or hitch hike to somewhere or whatever. I mean it's not as if I can undo any of the choices that have brought me to this point. I quit my job because I was miserable. Happiness is still a choice for any of us. So I have no retirement plan, I can always kill myself later. Right?
I mean if I wanted to get depressed I could, but why? So I have not had a single client all week, OK, hopefully I will be overworked next week, in the mean time, I am writing my blog again. So I still rent an apartment, I am not in fear of loosing a house. My partner has stuck with me through all of this and is actually thriving in his role of bread winner (mind you are income is still half of what it was 3 years ago). Great! I feel bad that I am not able to help more right now, but things will turn around. It is a time for me to think about what I want to do next, even if it does mean starting over. It's OK. I can always borrow a bunch of money and go back to college and get a Masters in something...
I was going to write about some other thoughts but I will end this here and save the rest for another day. Hopefully someone who is having a rough time will read this and think "I can live a while longer and enjoy life!" - Jack

Anal stimulation

2008-12-20T05:47:00.001-08:00

I often wonder how many women are aware of the power that lies in a single finger. I know that most gay men do. All gay male sensual body workers should know.
One of the reasons that "straight" men will come to see a gay body worker is for a little attention to the areas that the Sun don't shine. Many have gone to female body workers and have gotten off one way or another, everything from hand jobs to blow jobs to a few who apparently will hop up on the table and use their vagina, it's true, I have had several clients tell me so.
They come to us for something a little more, which in the grand scheme of things is so much less. They want anal stimulation. No big deal for most of us, hell, a lot of us are happy to oblige.
The amount and the depth that they want varies and can be an interesting guessing game. Pretty much all men like external massage of the sphincter area, those who do not are just really tense and afraid of what might come next. If you can assure them that is all you are going to do and they relax a bit, they will love it as well. There are a lot of nerve endings in the area of the sphincter that get ignored for most of a life time. The only attention they get is a wipe of toilet paper and a little soapy water when showering. Most "straight" men do not think of the sphincter as a place for arousal when they are home masturbating (give it up, we all know you masturbate). The thought of lightly stroking down there is for some repulsive, for others "too gay," and simply does not occur for a good majority of the population.
So how is it that they come looking for me and my kind? Perhaps they read about it in a porn story, or heard a dirty joke, or saw it in a movie or heard about on a tv show (usually as a joke) or perhaps when they were showering one day, they noticed that soapy finger felt kind of good down there. The issue for most though is that they are fixated on penetration, that if something is rubbing around down there, the goal must be to stick it in. This is where it can go very wrong for the inexperienced.
There are a lot of jokes about prostate exams and how "uncomfortable" they are. Well, I had my first medical prostate exam last year and even as a gay man who has a lot of experience with my anal region, it was indeed uncomfortable. Icy cold lube smeared unceremoniously followed immediately with a rubber coated finger poking all the way in and yanked back out after a quick feel. It was as if every possible care was taken to make this procedure as nasty as it could be. The only thing that would have been worse is if they had not used any lube. It is because of experiences like this that many men fear penetration. Not that penetration is the end all and be all of anything. There are "tops" and "bottoms" in the world for a reason, being penetrated is not for everyone, but until it is approached in a calm and sympathetic manner, most men just know fear.
So, when approaching this in a massage, I start with a little tease. While the client is lying on his stomach and his entire back side has been massaged, I work on his glutes. Starting on the side that is opposite from the side of the table on which I am standing (So if I am on the right side of the table, I work the client's left glute) I knead the muscle tissue with both hands working in a circular motion around the glute. This will expose the sphincter to daylight and air for brief moments over and over again. When the glute is well worked, I work the crevice of the buttocks from top to bottom using my thumbs to lightly push the flesh out away from the sphincter area. I do this three times from top to bottom, lightly grazing the sphincter occasionally on the second and third passes. I then move to the other side of the table and repeat the process.
Once the second cheek is finished and the passes down the crevice are complete, I treat the entire buttocks as a whole with some sweeping circular strokes. Then the body is treated as a whole with long connecting strokes from the shoulders to the feet. I will then do a a very light stroke from between shoulder blades to the sphincter and lightly stroke the external sphincter alternating between up and down strokes and circular strokes. I will graze the balls and rub the perineum. After a few moments, I will follow the balls down and stroke the penis, if it is exposed, then move up between the shoulder blades and repeat, adding a bit more lube warmed in my hands each time. On the third time stroking the sphincter, I may let my thumb test the resistance of penetration (make sure your nails are well trimmed). It is generally pretty easy to tell at this point what the client is used to, many will lift their hips to try to impale themselves on my thumb, others simply open up and the thumb falls into the hole. With others, there may be a great deal of resistance and I simply continue to rub lightly, taking penetration off the table. Still others open after a moments hesitation then grasp my thumb tightly after penetration to the point where any movement on my part is nearly impossible. With these men, I simply let my thumb stay still while my other hand continues long strokes along their back and legs. When the sphincter relaxes, I may try a little back and forth or I may slowly pull out and repeat the process.
Many men feel confused or ashamed if they ejaculate at this moment, usually with out touching themselves or with minimal movement against the sheet. It's no big deal. Happens a lot. Really.
For many men, just the external massage is all they want, something that they don't get at home or those "other" massage parlors.
I will include some light external rubbing during the "release" portion of the massage on every man, regardless of their reactions earlier. Even the most uptight of men will enjoy their anus being rubbed while their penis being stimulated, and by this time, I usually have their trust that I will not try to rape them in any way.
So the moral of this lesson is "rub you anus every day, it feels good, and if their are any doctors reading this, seriously, slow down and let a guy relax a little for those prostate exams!"

Thoughts

2008-12-13T10:35:00.001-08:00

I deal mostly with men who are in relationships. I am not sure why that is, but it's true. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have a number of single clients who see me on a semi regular basis, but the bulk of my clientle are in relationships, gay or straight.
I think what amazes me even more is that they tell me. I don't mind hearing it, but I am not sure why they feel the need. I understand someone who has seen me on several occassions, but even a lot of first timers will tell me about their wife and children or what their partner does just before or after a sensual session. Does it make them feel better to be honest with me? Is it cathartic? Do they just need someone to talk to? Please understand that only a few tell me about problems in their relationships, most tell me the mundane things about vacations, jobs, in-laws and the such.
I guess that it wouldn't be so odd if there wasn't also the opposite group of guys. Those who will say fewer than 10 words, use a fake name and only call me from pay phones and park their cars on another street. These extreme opposites amuse me, though I actually understand the paronia more than the free font of information. If someone sees their time with me as something that they shouldn't be doing or as cheating on their spouse, then they are bound to take a few extra precautions, or if they are very deep in the closet and a member of some conservative political or religeous party (I do have clients like that, and I know because they told me, so maybe that shoots a hole in that theory).
Now it is true that there are those clients who think of our time together and a normal paid transaction, an exchange of services and monies. These people usually feel no guilt and would never consider what we are doing as a form of cheating since their is no emotional attachment. I am simply a very expensive sex toy that makes them fell good all over.
What brought this all to mind is that a recent client contacted me using his professional email address that had his name as the address. He is a semi-famous professor and author with a lovely wife and a couple of children and he contacted me asking specifically for a sensual massage. Now, a lesser type of person may have used this information for a possible extra gain. Thank god I am not that type of person.
Now, that being said, obviously such things enter my mind. To me, it is a funny passing thought. To others, it may not be. I hate to say that there are dishonest people in my business, but there are. In these tough economic times, I would be a little extra careful about how much and what kind of personal information you share with your bodyworker. A lack of money can make the kindest, sweetest, most honest person go a little crazy and do things that they would normally never do. Just be careful out there.

Unpleasant times

2008-12-02T13:33:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay. I have a lot on my mind again and bit of an issue trying to put it all in to words.
I want to write a much longer post soon, but I think it will help if I get this off my chest first.
For anyone considering a profession similar to mine, I must remind you that it has it's pitfalls. A couple of weeks ago, I had a very unpleasant encounter. I have been very fortunate since these are very few and far between, but I do believe that it should still be discussed.
The encounter was with a client who had seen me once before, almost a full year before, I keep good enough records that I can usually look something like that up. It was a sensual massage, not much different than a lot that I do. The client was a big guy in his late 30's early 40's. When it was over, he compliments my work, gets dressed and says "I'll pay you next time." Money being as tight as it is, and the fact that the last time I saw this guy was a year ago, I protest.
I explain that I don't do business that way and if he needs to get some cash, I will happily walk across the street with him while he gets some out of the ATM. He starts on about how I can trust him, and I push on with I just don't do business like that. He then takes out a wad of money, peels off a $20 bill, tossing it on the table and says "here, how's that?"
I remind him of what the cost is and he claims he has never paid that much. I explain that I have not increased my rates since the last time he saw me and with tip, he paid me more than that last time.
He then gets angry. He starts to leave and I stand before the door blocking his path, I want my money. He threatens me with violence. Now, I have to decide if he is serious and what is worth it. I inform him he still owes me money and if ever wants to see me again, he needs to pay. Now he starts in on how that's not fair, I argue what he is doing to me is not fair, he still refuses to pay and is getting more and more angry. I now say fine, go, but don't bother calling again, I will not take you as a client. He throws down another 20 and asks how about now? You are almost halfway there I reply. He curses and storms out. I block his number on my phone.
All in all I was lucky. He did not hit me, or worse. I got about half the money. I know the economy is bad and that can really drive people crazy. I don't think he was on drugs (though I may be wrong) and he wasn't drunk.
This can happen to any massage therapist, sensual work or not, who works on their own. I have been short changed before, but never threatened with violence, again, I have been lucky. It has made me long for the day when I went to a mindless job and collected a big fat check for little work. I never thought I would say that.
Most of my clients are wonderful people and most of the time I really enjoy my work, but with the economy being so bad..... this is not really worth it.
Here is hoping that December and the new year will bring me some better work and money. - Jack

Alone and thinking

2008-11-11T10:04:00.001-08:00

Alas, the economy did not instantly resolve itself with the election results. I was kind of hoping it would. I was ill most of last week, just a cold, but the kind of blowing my nose every 90 seconds type cold, so I was unable to take any clients. You simply cannot be dripping snot while leaning over a client.
Business has been slow this week as well. A lot of calls asking for particulars but not a lot of bites and even a couple of cancellations from regular clients. This has left me with time on my hands. Yesterday I did the laundry including curtains, rugs and blankets and made a big batch of chicken soup from scratch (including making home broth first). Today I was catching up on papers I have been meaning to read, some taped shows I hadn’t watched and some general cleaning.
I noticed that the yard crew for my apartment building were blowing the fallen leaves around and since my apartment is on the end I get a 180 degree view of the outside world. Now I hate to talk ill of someone in a forum where they cannot defend themselves, but the yard crew is pretty awful. In the summer as they mow the lawn, they will mow around fallen branches instead of picking them up, any steep incline in the lawn they will only cut once a month and they blow the clippings off the sidewalks visible from the rental office and leave the rest. Today they are blowing the fallen leaves visible from the rental office and what is worse, they are blowing them across the parking lot to the neighboring property where someone else will have to deal with them. Since they are not actually picking up and disposing of any of the leaves, the next good storm we have will blow them all around again. This is why when I shovel the snow in the winter, I end up shoveling leaves as well. Yes, that is right, I shovel the snow here at my apartment. I don’t get paid but when I wait for the "crew" it takes days for them to get to it and then they only do a path on shovel wide, looks like a five year old did it. I just go out when it is still fresh and clear the sidewalks that I and my neighbors use in an hour. Many of my neighbors are elderly and will not leave until the sidewalks are cleared.
Well anyway, this has little to do with Bodywork except that it made me think of the guys who tell me that they see me for the "Extras" because they have problems at home. Some have not had sex with their significant other in years or only have really dull sex once a month or so. They blame this on their partners (male or female) lack of desire or inadequacy at sex. OK, so there may be an issue, but have you tried to deal with it? Tried to talk about it rationally? Have you sought counseling? Worked on it together? Or was it just pushed aside and ignored so that you can go looking like you have a good life but sneaking off to get your jollies elsewhere? It sounds like I am judging and perhaps I am to a certain extent, but I would really like to see people happy in their primary relationships. I am not saying that your relationship has to fit the "Christian American" model, but a relationship based on trust and openness is very important. A good relationship with a good sex life takes a certain amount of work. You shouldn’t be lazy or take your relationships for granted.
There are times when everyone goes through a rough patch or a dry spell in any relationship. My partner and I have had to deal with it and sometimes it was difficult. We sought counseling once that did help. Most importantly, we have each looked at our sex lives with a new perspective. We do not panic if a week or even two goes by with no sex, but then a concerted effort must be made so that we don’t loose that connection. Sometimes that means just talking about it, other times that may mean setting up a date night, or a kinky surprise or even a romantic get away, but the important thing is we make an effort.
I believe the service I offer are therapeutic in nature and can help a lot of guys with a lot of things. Hopefully, some will read this and I can help them re-capture what they may have lost in at home. - Jack

Scent of a man

2008-11-04T15:45:00.000-08:00

First off, let me say that a while back I ranted about doing favors for friends who only seem to ask about me when they need a favor and now I need to eat those words at least a little. I was asked recently to give a ride to someone that I wouldn’t consider a close friend but rather an acquaintance. This favor did mean that I had to change some plans and go a bit out of my way but I did it anyway. Much to my surprise this acquaintance gave me a wonderful gift that was worth far more than my inconvenience. So, thank you to the wonderful kind people in the world. I don’t do favors for gifts but they are nice.
OK, on to something a little steamier. I am big supporter of showering before you head over to your massage therapist, if you can’t then ask them if you can use their shower before you get your massage and realize that the time should count as part of your table time. At the very least give yourself a quick wipe down in the bathroom before the massage, however, there is for every rule, an exception. A young man visited me last week, it was his first visit, and he did not use the bathroom to freshen up before we started, even though I offered it as I always do. At this point, I assume he probably just showered so I excuse myself to allow him to undress and get on the table while I wash my hands.
I come back in and get to work. It is not long before I realize that he is not exactly fresh, however, his scent is very intoxicating. He has that one in a million body odor that smells amazing, and when I say one in a million, I mean it. I am not the kind of guy who is into the whole "Scent of a man" thing, who gets off on smelly pits, nor can I stand the scent of most colognes or deodorants, I just like a nice clean smell. But this guy’s scent is musky, sweet, salty and not overwhelming at all and gives me an instant boner. I am dressed since we had not discussed sensual massage, but the clothes that I am wearing, in this case a lightweight pair of pajama style pants and tank shirt, are providing little help in hiding my excitement. The man is lying face down and unable to see the state of my penis so now I must be careful not to bump him with it. I focus all my thoughts on the job at hand of giving this man the best possible massage, finding knots and working them out, treating each muscle group with care and compassion, but that scent is now filling the room.
There is a belief among bodyworkers that sexual energy is fed from one person to another during a session so if one person becomes aroused the other person will also become aroused, even without any intentional arousal techniques being used. I know that I often will get aroused with a client who is aroused from the get go and that our erections will often come and go at the same times. I am just very used to the client being the first one to be aroused. I am working the young man’s shoulders quite hard when I notice his hips shifting occasionally. Either I am working him to the point of severe pain or he is becoming aroused. A couple of connecting strokes put me into a position where I can now see an erect penis protruding between his legs, leaking pre-cum. This is adding to his man scent and the smell of sex is radiating through the room. Ever notice that some men have very strong smelling cum and others have almost no scent at all?
By the time I have worked the back of his body and am finishing with his butt, he is covered in a light sheen of sweat. My hands are sliding and at time just plain slipping since the sweat combining with the massage cream has made his body far more slick than what I am used to. I have ignored his erection and the scent in the air, my erection has never subsided but I have successfully kept it from hitting his body. This was set up as a legit massage session and other than his leaking erection he has made no moves to alter that arrangement and as a professional, neither will I. I have no idea what to do with my erection when he turns over, it will simply be there for him to see, of course, so will his. I am working his slippery glutes when my hand slips into the crack and makes contact with his puckered sphincter. He gasps. I apologize for the slip. He says nothing. I finish the glutes with great care and finish with long flowing connecting moves and total wipe down with a towel. It is time to turn over.
As he turns over, I can’t help but notice the size of the wet spot from his dripping penis. The movement of his body also stirs the air and renews the scent of sex in the room. I move about getting him water and rearranging towels and the headrest and he appears not to notice my erection, neither does he try to hide his own. He settles down and I work his chest. I graze his nipples occasionally to see if there is any reaction, there appears to be none. I move down to his abs, no six pack here but not too soft either. His penis is dripping into a literal pool just above his pubic hair line. It mixes with the massage cream as I work in circles over his abs. I work from one side of his body and then switch to the other. Finally I go for broke and slide my hand deliberately up and over his penis. He gasps and thrusts his hips in the air. I stroke slowly and firmly. For the first time he reaches for my crotch and finds the outline of my erection, he grabs hold firmly and shoots his load quite suddenly. He is not a distance shooter but there is a large volume that his penis seems to continually belch up. It is over so soon. There is the large pool of cum to wipe up and I give him another towel down over his body before continuing with the session. The smell of sex still hangs in the air and my erection hangs on as well. It is not I am giving the blessing while connecting his chakras at the end of the massage that I am aware that my penis has finally given up.
Again, I am not advocating not showering before a massage, quite the opposite; but every once in a million, I am glad that someone did not.

Sorry for the delay

2008-10-28T12:37:00.000-07:00

Sorry that I have not written in the last couple of weeks. I will try to be better.
Update, had my wisdom teethe pulled and no major problems. Don’t ever want to go through it again, but all in all not too bad. One of the empty sockets is closing a bit slower than it should and I still have some dull pain, but the surgeon assured me that it is normal.
Well, what to talk about today. People seem to like the steamier stuff so I will see what I can do. The gentleman who tipped me $60 for his first prostate massage came back.
It is good to see him again. Still pretty certain that he has had next to no man on man action before. He is very careful to make sure that his hands come nowhere near my pelvic regions. He asks to skip the Prostate massage but really wants a full massage with release. He again has no issue with personal nudity as he starts stripping the moment he walks in the door, but never makes a request for me to disrobe, so I did not. He is not too talkative but does let out the occasional moan and groan. His hips do a bit of grinding as I work the inside of his thighs and also when I work his glutes.
He turns over, there is a damp spot on the table from his pre-cum and sticky line of juice coming from the tip of his rock hard penis. I work his chest and tease his nipples lightly, I work my way down his abs grazing the pubic hair line with every circular motion. I slide my hands up his penis and down over his balls to lightly brush his anus and work my way back again. I use one hand to slowly stroke him while the other wanders up to his chest to tweak his nipples and then down his abs again to the base of his penis to apply pressure to his pubic bone. The hand that has been stroking him works it’s way over his balls and then on to graze over his right inner thigh and then across the balls to the left inner thigh, down to lightly graze the anus and up again to the penis.
Then he starts to talk. "Oh my god that feels so good! Where did you learn to do that?"
"Practice" I reply.
"How does my penis compare to others?" He is looking me directly in the eyes. I am not sure if he is looking for praise or reassurance.
"It’s a nice sized penis." It is. It is slightly above average, not much. He is very thin man so it looks good on him. I know that he must have looked at other men’s penises before but probably not too many erect ones. My mind is now thinking about how many I have seen, a number far too great to even consider.
"Oh god, take it easy, I don’t want to cum yet!"
I hear this phrase a lot, especially with newbies. They want to ride the wave that will ultimately end in orgasm as long as possible. Something that they only do here, on my table. When with their regular partners, their goal is to achieve orgasm, not to put it off. I oblige for a few more moments. I have an agenda as well. I have a massage to give, this intermission of sexual bliss is to be only a small part of an overall experience. This is not a sexual encounter, but a full bodywork session. My hands continue to explore a terrain that they are very familiar with but is never quite the same twice. As the client continues his journey of sexual awakening, the response to each touch and stroke changes.
"Oh god, this is so good"
I never would have thought he was so religious, but god has entered into almost every sentence he has uttered. I am to the teasing point now, his balls have drawn up inside his body completely. He could have come some time ago now and it is just my whim that will say yes or no to each moment. I glance at the clock and do a bit of quick math to determine the amount of time left in the session and the amount of work I have to do after he cums. It is time. Instead of speeding up my strokes I slow way down and tighten my grip slightly. My left hand is pressing on his pubic bone and the fingers wrapped around the base of the cock, the tips stroking his scrotum. Slowly my right hand slides up, almost all the way off the penis, and then just as slowly all the way down, again and again. His hips are thrusting into the air, his back is arching, the muscles in his legs are taught, his mouth is agape, his face twisted, he is gasping for breath. Then the yell.
"Aaarrgh, oh god, oh god, oh god" he repeats as volleys of cum fly through the air. He is quite the shooter with the first volley flying over his head, the second hitting him across the left side of his face, the third and fourth land on his chest and the last few spit up on abs. His body convulses even after the wad has been thoroughly shot. I squeeze and milk the penis to make sure it is empty as much as to tease him. He falls silent. I grab a hand towel and start to clean the mess, it is everywhere but the gob on his face must be removed first before he is fully aware that it is there. As I clean, I straighten out his limbs again from the twisted positions where they had landed before he went limp.
"Very impressive" I say. He grins sheepishly.
This is always an interesting moment for me cleaning the client who is lying there in a nearly helpless state. No one is ever self conscience in this moment. It is what it is, a spent man having his fluids wiped off him by his nurturing bodyworker. Having finished wiping him down, I continue the session with leg stretches, a potentially awkward situation for a naked client but he is too satisfied to care.
His eyes have closed and he is drifting away. I have often wanted to photograph client’s faces at this moment. There is a serenity in their look mixed with just a touch of happiness. This is how one would like to believe they look when asleep. This is the look that one should have when they die. It is a look that appears differently on each countenance but is always the same.
We finish and I give him his water and let him know what I found while working his body, the stiffness in the right side of his back and in his right hip; from his years breaking horses he tells me. I tell him I hope that he got what he was looking for out of today's session.
"Better than any blow job." I thank him for what I assume is a compliment. He hops up, again not shy at all, though most men are not at this point; after all I have seen and touched everything by this point. He dresses quickly and rifles through his wallet and places the cash on the table.
"Do you need any change?"
"Naw, I’m good. Thanks again " and he heads out the door with his bottle of water. I start cleaning up and count out the cash he left behind. Another $60 tip, I am surprised, but pleased. I guess he was happy. - Jack

OK, I am back, I think and whether or not the wife knows.

2008-10-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

Had the teeth pulled, it hurt, not as bad as I expected, but it hurt. It is over a week later and I still have some pain. Of course I had 4 teeth ripped out of my head, there will be some pain, it will pass soon. I am out of vicadin but the ibuprofen is working ok.
There is still a lot going through my head but I think I will be able to focus a little better.
What is most on my mind is a conversation I had with a client about whether or not his wife suspected that he was seeking sexual gratification elsewhere and whether she suspected it was with a man. They have been married for many years and have a few grown children.
My answer was she knows something is up. I have never met a woman or any spouse for that matter who did not suspect something when their spouse was stepping out. Whether the spouse was just getting sex else where, or a full fledged relationship or even an online affair with someone they have never met in person; the spouse knows. The longer the couple has been together, the greater the chance that the spouse knows. They will pick up on changes in behavior from daily habits to emotional subtleties. They know. Now whether they know it is with a person of the same sex or not can vary.
Most women will know, but not all. Most women are blessed with gaydar almost as good as any gay man’s. Even if they don’t have it, they usually have a friend (female or gay male) who will help them out. I have often been asked my opinion of whether someone’s spouse may have same sex leanings or not. I have always given my honest opinion with the disclaimer that I do not know for certain unless they have sucked my dick. I then ask the follow up question, does it matter? Seriously, does it matter? If he is a good husband, father, treats you well and is discreet, does it matter?
For generations it has not. In American society it has been common that gay men would marry women and have families with them and fool around with their "buds" on the sly. In modern African-American society it is referred to as being on the "down-low." As long as it was discreet, most women didn’t care or chose to ignore it, perhaps feeling shame or that society dictated that they needed a husband, whatever. Today we would like to think that we are above that, that gay men don’t feel the need to marry women to prove themselves to society and their families. That may be true for young men in major metropolitan areas, there are still many men who are older or living in more "traditional" societies that being openly gay is just not an option.
So what about today’s women? Do they care? The answer depends on where they are in their lives and what their personal society is like. If they think that they being married to a gay man is better than not being married, they may not care, or at least accept it on some level. However many women will feel hurt, angry, betrayed and will want out. That is their right and privilege. There is also the issue of sexually transmitted diseases that can be brought home. The "down-low" practice is at least partially responsible for the growing Aids rate in the African-American society. It is often these married closeted men that are looking for sex in bathrooms, parks and sex clubs (not all of them are married, but a lot of them are). There are still other women who are most accepting and want to get in on the action. Don’t believe me? Check out ww.craigslist.com and do a search for MW4M under casual encounters. Some women will say "thank-god because I really want to do my best friend Heather!"
I believe that every married man that is having sex with men should buck it up and be honest with their wives. Let the women have a choice. This is an unpopular opinion among married men and I usually keep my mouth shut unless the conversation steers itself in that direction. I know many men who came out to their wives and things worked out fine. Some stayed together, some did not, but all felt much better having released this secret that was keeping them apart from their partners.

Forgive me if I go astray

2008-10-03T13:48:00.001-07:00

My mind is all over the place today, maybe I had Attention Deficit Disorder, so forgive me if this post goes all over the place.
You see the economy is going further south and my phone has pretty much stopped ringing. Fortunately I had a couple of good weeks in Sept and tried like hell not to spend any unnecessary money. Even though both my parents and my partner’s parents needed some extra help this month.
Now that may sound like a negative comment and may appear to some people that I have an unhappy life and am always bitching. Not really true but I do understand that thought process. If you look at the world of blogs you find many that sound very depressing and just a few overly positive ones. The reason is that many people use their blogs to vent so that they are not venting on their friends all the time. Everyone needs to vent once in a while and bitch about their jobs or the economy or politics, it is a natural thing to do. Let me assure you that though I use my blog for venting once in a while, I generally have a very happy life and most days really like doing bodywork, and I love my partner and our parents (OK, I have never met his asshole father, but that’s another story).
You see, when I started this blog, it was confessions of a bodyworker, what he thinks and feels, what he can’t say to his partner, friends, and clients. Anonymity is key to this kind of writing, unfortunately my ego got the better of me and wanted feedback so I let a couple of friends in on the blog and a couple of my clients figured it out as well. This has lead to limited censorship on my part, I try my best to not let it influence my writing, but in truth it has to a small degree. Not anything significant so far, but some stories that would have been a treat to tell, I have left out of the on-line stuff, maybe I will put it in the book.
Anyway, with the economy going south and me finding myself with free time on my hand but afraid to leave the apartment in case someone calls and wants a last minute appointment, I have way too much time to think.
For example, I realize that I fewer friends in my life these days. Why? Well some have moved on or some have faded away but mainly because I don’t meet a lot of new people these days. Clients are clients and not really appropriate for friend type gatherings, so I am not meeting people at "work" as I often have with other jobs. I haven’t been doing many extra curricular activities such as theater or classes since money has been tight and I haven’t felt right about it. Now I still have a very tight inner circle of friends but that really needs to be expanded as it grows a little smaller each year.
Now I just want to state the nothing said in this post applies to anyone I know who might be reading this. I am not writing about the people who know that I keep this blog. That said, I do have a fair number of needy friends. That is, I tend to mainly hear from them when they need help with something, either to talk about a problem they are having, or a ride somewhere, or help moving. I am a nice guy and pretty much always help out in these situations. I care that someone maybe having a mental breakdown, especially someone I know and of course I will listen to them and try to help anyway I can. Yes, it is incredibly inconvenient for me to drive several miles out of my way late at night to give you a ride, but I am technically available so I will help you, even though you do not even offer me gas money. No, I have never asked your help when I have moved, but I will help you out even though I don’t really want to eat that take-out cheese pizza and warm beer. Obviously I am not a saint since a saint would never bitch about these things. I do assume that each and every person I have ever helped would do the same for me if I asked them and if they were available. Many came through for me when my friend died last year or when my partner and I were having difficulties a few years ago. If only one of them had way for me to get rich quick!
Speaking of which, that is another thought that is desperately racing through my head, with the economy in cellar, what am I going to do for money? My partner is working (2 jobs in fact, which is actually make me feel really guilty), but we are still having a bit of a rough time. The parental issues don’t help, but what are you going to do? Tell your parents "Sorry, but you will just have to go without heat for at least the first part of the winter, maybe we can help you after that." Of course not, and I happy to help our parents. So it means a few less meals out and no cable, big deal, it is the right thing to do.
So, I need more money. I have registered with the Temp agencies again, trying not to feel like the biggest failure in the world. I am not. I know that I am not, it is just that no seems interested in someone who once worked as an EEO Counselor for a govt agency with a theater degree who has been working as bodyworker for last several years. I am also considering going back to school for my masters. I have a BFA which is only good for saying that "yes, I graduated from college." If I take a couple of extra courses, I could go for the MBA which would help if I go back to Corporate, an idea I dread on the one hand, but on the other hand the money was good. I would be happiest running my own business, but I would really need some classes before I would feel comfortable dealing with anything beyond the simple stuff I do for my bodywork business. Then there is the question of what kind of business would be best for me? One would assume something in customer service industry. I could go to school for a degree in sexual therapy. I have thought seriously about this. I am just worried that I may end up in the same boat I am in now. Most sexual therapists work for themselves and charge only slightly higher rates than I do now, so it would then depend on supply and demand. I know a couple of counselors who list sex therapy under their specialities and do make more money than I overall, but still are hurting when the economy tanks.
My partner is feeling particularly stressed these days with my income decreasing and his working two jobs and more people wanting money from us. We should be investing in our futures at this time in our lives and we are struggling to make ends meet instead. Though overall, I still am enjoying my life.
The Dentist wants me to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Fortunately I have insurance through my partner and most of the expenses are covered, the bad news is I will be unavailable for bodywork for a few days at least. A few days of nothing but soup and soft foods may be very good for me.
Had an interesting client the other day, a Pakistani, I don’t get many of them. He’s been living in the states a number of years though he still has a thick accent. He is married but definitely likes to play with men. He is cool with that idea, but if his Pakistani relatives or friends ever found out, it would be the end of his world. Even in America it is the culture of the people who surround you that matters most, not the general culture of the country. He has a great business career and is afraid it would collapse if word ever got out. Of course the white CEO of a Fortune 500 company told me the same thing just before asking me to stick my entire hand up his butt (I didn’t do it).
I have been trying to practice the power of positive thinking and "the secret" (a very dull read by the way). I think my biggest issue is that I don’t really know what I want. I can name things and a few random ideas: money, a house, love, peace, happiness (not necessarily in that order) but as far as a career, no clue anymore. Of course the way the politics in this country are going, it may all be a mute point.
Overall I am very grateful for my loving partner, a roof over my head (rental that it may be), food on the table and a handful of really good friends. Somehow I always thought that should be enough. It is only as I get older that I worry about getting older. I am not afraid of physically growing old, but of being old and broke. That is why I must focus my energy on positive things like "money comes freely and easily."
I will end this here, my head is calming down and I think I need a nap. - Jack

Look Ma, just my hands!

2008-09-25T11:34:00.001-07:00

My job is all about touch, be it a therapeutic massage to relieve sore muscles or a relaxing Swedish massage to calm a person’s nerves or an erotic massage to bring them to the heights of ecstacy, it is all about my touch.
While I do have a fair amount of training on different techniques, most people in this field will admit that there is a gift of touch that you either have or you don’t. Many of the graduates of the best massage schools can pass their exams with flying colors and get certified anywhere in the country, but that does not mean that they have the gift. Likewise, many people can instinctively start massaging another person with amazing results, having never taken a class in their life.
When I am giving a massage, I spend a lot of my energy focusing on what I see, hear and feel as I work. My hands are feeling for knots and tight muscles while my eyes are watching for non-verbal responses from the body and my ears are listening for slightest moan or gasp as I try to figure what the body on the table needs most from me. That is why I sometimes really like to remain clothed for at least part of the massage so I can fucus on the therapeutic aspects of a massage. Even in the most erotic massages, I still focus on relieving stress and sore muscles, with my focus there, odds are I will not have an erection if the client starts feeling around for one. My fear of course is that they will think that they are not attractive enough to arouse me, when in truth, my mind is just too far from my body and too focused on theirs.
With my several years of experience, I have often been told that I have given many men the best orgasms of their lives. All of this is just with the use of my hands. Oh sure several men will only cum when they have a hand on my dick, but it is still my hands that are doing all the work.
I start every massage from a very "legit" point of view. I want to soothe and relax the body. Once the sore muscles have been soothed and the stress knots released and a general feeling of relaxation has been established, then the erotic part of the massage is much more effective. One of the keys to a good massage is to take your time, another reason for me stay clothed. You see, if I get aroused early in the massage I can get swept up in the erotic energy and start rushing to get to the orgasm. This short changes the client from getting the most out of the massage and leaves me trying to "fill" time at the end (this rarely happens). In a 90 minute massage, the client will often spend the first 30 minutes receiving just a back massage. The next 25 minutes or so are spent on spent on the feet, legs and buttocks. The next 5 minutes or so are spent on the erogenous zones around anal area, scrotum and penis if it is sticking out between their legs, then I ask them to turn over, so they have spent the first hour lying on their stomach with very little "erotic" touch.
Once they have turned over I spend 5 on the chest, 5 on the abs, then I usually focus on the cock, balls, anus and nips until they orgasm. The rest of the time is divided up on stretches, massaging legs, arms, face and the back of the neck. A full body massage from head to toe is the object. Given my preference, I would not undress until I was ready to start the erotic work while they are still on their stomach. The rest of the time my focus should be on the client’s muscles and stress relief and not worrying about whether I have a hard on or not. Not that I complaining about doing all nude massage as long as the client is cool with my erection coming and going.
Anyway, back to touch. Most clients are amazed that I can make them feel so good using only my hands, whether it is relieving their stress or rubbing their dick or massaging their prostate. Natural gifts have a lot to do with it, but so does taking my time. I know that a lot of my readers have partners or either or both sexes, I wonder how many have tried to make love to another with just their hands. I am not talking about a 90 second hand job, but exploring every inch of your partner with just your hands. Finding out how they are put together and what makes them feel good. Really taking the time to rub and caress every inch of your partner with nothing but your hands can be an awesome experience. You may find that this is easiest if you remain clothed, don’t let yourself get too caught up in the erotic energy that it causes you to rush. Set a timer somewhere in the room and start with just exploring your partner’s backside for at least 30 minutes, and I am talking every inch. I am not talking about trying to give a therapeutic massage, but just lovingly caressing every inch of your partner. You will probably want to use a moisturizing cream or maybe an oil (though I am not a fan of oils). After the timer goes off, have them turnover and reset the time for 30 minutes and again explore every inch. I would recommend that you avoid the genitals until after the timer goes off the second time so that you have spent and entire hour exploring your partner. Once the timer has gone off the second time, you can then approach the genitals again, just using your hands and take your time, use a normal lubricant for sex on them if needed. If you see them getting close to orgasm, back off a couple of times, let the erotic energy really build. Once they are super charged and beyond ready, bring them to orgasm, again, only using your hands. Try not to think about your own aching sex organs, this time is about your partner. When they have finished, then you can whip it out and take care of yourself all over them (don’t let them help you in anyway besides watching, don’t disturb the peace you have brought to them by making them work). Towel everybody off and just lay together under a blanket for 30 minutes, enjoying the moment.
If they want to reciprocate, schedule that for another night, and let them read this first so they understand the goals. I think that you will find that your hands can be the best sex organs you have and will be able to bring you both to amazing orgasms.

First times

2008-09-16T12:20:00.000-07:00

Do you remember each time that you lost your virginity?
I am not sure that I do. I remember the first time I had sex with a woman, her name was Sally. It was in college and I just really wanted to loose it. She was somebody I barely knew, a couple of years older than I, a bit larger and we had both been drinking. I took her to the house that I shared with several other people and took her to my single bed where we did the deed, it lasted about 3 minutes. I then left her in the bed and went to sleep on the couch. I later learned that another one of my roommates had taken the virginity of another casual acquaintance that same night and yet another roommate came staggering in the next morning having also had a one night stand to get over her ex who had decided that he was gay. I also got crabs from that first experience.
A couple of weeks later, I was hit on by a male bartender at one of my favorite bars. I excused myself and left quickly thinking that would be the end of it and that I had handled myself very well. Instead I was plagued with thoughts of what I had not done and decided that if the situation came up again, I would act on it. After all, I was in college and that was where you were supposed to learn about all that life had to offer. So I went back to the bar a couple of days later and hung out till it was closing time and we went to the office in the basement and had very awkward sex, basically just mutual masturbation. Again I thought that would be that, but being young and horny I went back and we tried several other things. I was also hanging with a very nice girl at the time but we never had sex, not that she didn’t want to, but I figured I should try to make up my mind about what I wanted before I do anything with her as I didn’t want to hurt her. When I decided I was gay, she was the first person I told. It still hurt her.
I remember the first time that the bartender and I tried anal sex. I was on the receiving end and just could not relax enough, I was very scared. I thought that the bartender and I were dating and exclusive but alas one day he announces his engagement to a girl from the college. She and I ended up getting into a bitch fight when she discovered that he also played with boys. Whatever. I left town. He later got married to another girl from college and about 5 years later got ill and died of Aids.
What I don’t remember is the first time that I successfully had anal sex. I know that it was after college. Aids was in the news every day and I was terrified of anal sex, even if condom was involved, so you would think that I would well remember who, when and where I lost that cherry either as a top or as a bottom. For whatever reason, it is gone from my mind, I don’t know if it was good or not. I know that when I had my first long term relationship it was not that big of a deal anymore, I still played safe but I was in love. We were both very proud to be "versatile" but in reality we were both wanting to be tops.
So why is this on my mind? Well, I know that on several occasions in my business, I have been somebody’s first time with another man. I am not their first anal experience, unless you count first prostate massage, but still, in a world of so many firsts, where do I fall and will I be part of that list that they remember for ages to come?
I have seen how my time with a man can change them forever. After several sessions with me, many men gain the confidence to look for male to male sexual experiences on a non professional basis. They will often tell me of their other experiences, good and bad. I have heard from men how they never knew that sex could be that good until they started experiencing male to male sex. I have no idea if any of them have ever found love with another man, at least none have told me about that. I would hate to think that our experiences together lead them to believe that sex with men is to be void of emotions, especially when those that fall for me I often have to end up pushing away.
I have often also been the first extramarital experience for several men, straight or gay. It is a safe place to have an outlet when things are dull at home. Here is where the exchange of money and lack of emotional demands is usually appreciated. Though there have been a couple of these situations where feelings developed over time which made things incredibly awkward. I was suddenly in the roll of a possible home wrecker, not exactly what I had signed up for, and they often feel very hurt.
On the other hand maybe I will be forgotten as well, like I cannot for the life of me remember actually losing my anal virginity. I guess it doesn’t matter, but I do think about it at times.
Though I would never break my self made vow of discretion, I do worry about the wives of the "straight" men who come to me. Knowing that eventually they will look elsewhere for more than I am willing to offer, I hope that they will play safe and not take anything home to their wives. I often feel, and have told a number of them that like to chat, that the wife should be told if man to man sex is something that the husband has decided that he needs in his life. Most will never say anything. I think that most spouses are aware when their significant other is getting something on the side, especially if it goes into the emotional realm. Generally speaking, if you suspect something, there is something to worry about. I believe in open communication so that the spouse can make up their mind what it is that they want. Who knows, maybe they will be fine with it. Maybe they have their own thing on the side. Maybe they are looking for permission to explore their own sexuality, or maybe they want a "don’t ask, don’t tell" policy. You just don’t know until it is brought out in the open. There are number of reasons I hear for not telling the spouse like "I don’t want to hurt them" or "I don’t want them to leave, I still love them" or my personal favorite "the bitch would take all my money."
To bring this around to the beginning, if I am their first, then let me be the first to give you my advice as well. Always play safe and be as honest with yourself and your other as you possible can be.

What makes a good sexual experience?

2008-09-09T17:56:00.000-07:00

I like sex, I don’t think that is a big secret, most people do. As a wise women (Mae West) once said “When sex is good, it’s great, but even when sex is bad, it’s still good.” But what makes sex great?

There can be a lot of answers to this depending on who you ask. Some say that it takes love to make sex great. Some say you have to really know your partner while others think that sex with a stranger is best. Some say it is best when it means something while others say that the more animalistic the sex the better. Some think it takes a taboo or a kink to make great sex and some say an element of danger. Some say physical attraction and others say emotional attraction and still others say mental attraction and some say attraction doesn’t matter at all.

For me it has little to do with how well I know the person, I have had great sex with strangers and lovers. It has little to do with looks, while the “right” look may get me in the mood faster, I have had sex with all shapes and sizes and ages and a lot of was really good. I have also had really lousy sex with all of the above. Kink, taboos and danger can be exciting but rarely create a great scene for me by themselves.

Personally, I believe it is the right combination of intentions. The best sex I have ever had in my life is when the intention on each party’s part was to please the other physically in a way that each partner also found pleasing. Case in point, I am a top and when I find a bottom that loves to bottom and will really get off on pleasing me I will most happily pound the hell out of them anyway that they like because I want to please them as well. You might find a guy who loves to suck and cums all over your feet while taking your dick down his throat (that’s hot). On the other hand, if I find myself with someone who just wants to please me and is not interested in my pleasing them, we have a problem. I can and will step up to the plate and play the role of the demanding very verbal top who doesn’t care about who or what is on the other end of my prick so long as I shoot my load, but it really isn’t as much fun for me. It might be good sex, but it isn’t great sex. Conversely if I run into someone who is just interested in getting themselves off and not in my satisfaction, I will be greatly disappointed.

It’s not that I don’t understand these ideas. With my partner there are times that I may not be that interested in getting off but if he is horny, I will gladly help him out and be there for his pleasure and not for mine. It is one of the reasons that many men like my massage. It is not about me but all about them. They can just lie there and receive pleasure and not worry about getting me off.

There are many men who have a great difficulty with this concept and really want to get me off during our time together, while I will allow them to play with my dick to help get them off, I do not get off for my clients as it leads to unreasonable expectations for the future. I can not get off with every client since I often have multiple clients in a day and I would have nothing left for my partner. There are also days that after a couple of clients I just want to get off, if my partner isn’t interested in having sex himself he may be willing to just service me and I am fine, other times I just take matters into my own hands.

Duration can have a lot to do with it for me as well. While a quickie can be nice for relieving some tension, I have rarely found that to be great sex. I know that not everyone is up for a marathon of sex, but it doesn’t have to end when somebody gets off either. Unless I am dog tired, I will keep going if I get off first, with all the vim and vigor I can muster. I respect others that will do the same, hell, this often leads to a round two for one or both of us. I like a lot of foreplay. I like being erect and excited and playful for a good long time. OK, so those who know me well know that I have what many have called “amazing dick control.” It comes with the territory. If you make a living giving naked massages and don’t want to cum with each client, you learn to control your orgasm. I was playing with a few guys a while back and one of them commented “you have three guys trying to get you off for 20 minutes and you still haven’t cum, what the hell?” My response was “I wasn’t aware that was the goal.” Seriously, I thought we were just playing with each other. No one else had cum yet, I thought this was supposed to be a marathon situation. I can cum quickly when I want to. For me it is all a matter of mental state. I will or will not give myself permission to ejaculate, I will tune in and out of the situation of what is happening to my dick. If my focus is on someone else instead of myself, the situation can last a long time. I do have my physical triggers as many men do, for me it is usually having my balls played with or being rimmed (rimming because I don’t get to experience that nearly often enough) but unless I am just out of my mind horny, I can control my orgasm for very long periods of time.

Expectations can also have an effect on good or great sex. Great sex for me is often a surprise encounter; where as if I have been fantasying of an experience with someone and I finally get my chance, it can be a let down. There was this guy in college who was a friend of mine and had become a bit of a sexual legend in his own time. Well, I got my chance to bed him and was so disappointed; it was a down right awkward experience. I am sure if we had tried it again it would have been better, but who knows.

Some would call it chemistry; I say it is matter of guessing the correct buttons to push. Every time I get a new client on the table for a sensual massage I have a lot of choices to make as to what I think will really turn them on. Fortunately I have an hour or more of touching their body to help me figure it out. Who takes that amount of time in a first sexual experience? Maybe we all should. When two people have sex for the first time their can be a lot of trial and error. Sometimes you guess right, sometimes you guess wrong. When both are guessing right it can be great, if both guess wrong, well then it is only good. Actually this can happen with a partner you have been with for years as well, hopefully after a number of years they will be open and honest enough to verbally tell you when you are off the mark (and yes, the buttons can change on daily basis).

So what is the point of this post? None really. People can learn to be better at sex if there is a patient teacher but even pros can have an off day and the best sex is when both people are really into doing what pleases the other and happen to get off on those activities as well. Here’s hoping that you will find some great sex soon.

Choices

2008-08-26T12:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the other day I had two of my favorite clients on the same day. This is truly an unusual occurrence. What makes a favorite client? Well, usually I would say their attitude and energy. However, while I am an equal opportunity bodyworker who will share a lot of myself with a lot of different types, I can still have a “type” that tickles my fancy more than any other. For example, someone within a few years of my age, tall, well proportioned, with an amazing ass that just happens to be a bottom will really make my job enjoyable.

So anyway, the first that came my way is a very sensual young man who likes a combination Deep Tissue and Sensual massage session. He usually likes a lot of anal work as well. Today however, he was not in the mood for anal, he still wanted a good sensual massage and he likes to see me naked so it was still fun.

So later in the day when James walked in, I was very happy. He is another who fits my perfect type. The kind of guy who makes me forget that I am doing this for money. Again, I like almost all of my clients, but I am not immune to something truly special. James comes to me looking for a massage and looking for some release. He has a great body, pretty face and is all bottom. Any time I get even close to his bubble butt he starts moaning and wriggling. When I start with prostate massage, he is nearly out of control, grabbing on to the table for dear life. He also has this lovely habit of lifting his torso every so often which only accentuates his butt.

It is extremely rare that I loose my self control with a client. There is the definite line that I draw, I can have fun as long as the client has a lot more fun, keep the focus on the client. I suddenly found myself walking all over that line with James. I wanted nothing more than to climb on the table and ravish his ass. This is a huge deal since I don’t go there with clients and as all bodyworkers know, the quickest way to loose a client is to have sex with him. This was not about love, it was all about lust, in fact I barely know James. He wanted a cock up his ass I wanted to give it to him. Two choices needed to be made right then, even though I was only thinking of one. I had to choose whether I was willing to cross that line and would it be worth it? In the heat of the moment, I was. With two fingers already up his ass and James moaning and thrashing on the table I lean down and ask “Do you want the real thing?”

Here is where the second choice came up… he replied “Oh god I want it, but, (long pause) I made a promise to my partner that I wouldn’t do that with anyone else.” Wow, I forgot that he had a choice, I mean I asked him but I thought at that time it was just a courtesy. I could deal with my commitments to my partner, I could deal with taking James, but there was nothing I could about his partner, whom I was not even aware of. So I came back to reality and said “of course, we will continue as normal.” I gave him a good prostate massage and then had him turn over and worked my way back down to his beautiful member and finished him off with three fingers in his ass and one hand on his dick.

Frustrating? Sure, a little, but only because I went someplace mentally that I should not have gone in the first place. I lost perspective of the distance that I need to keep as a professional.

We all have choices to make. Will we honor our vows? Will we honor our personal convictions? Will we throw ourselves into the passion of the moment? Most importantly, will we honor the choices of those around us at any given moment? As it turns out, I am very happy that we made the decisions we did. I found out later that I actually sort of know his partner. He is one of my favorite waiters, always friendly, remembers my drink orders, very attentive without ever interrupting, and always just a tad flirtatious. That reminds me, I need to go out to eat very soon…

It’s Happening All Over

2008-08-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

I deal with married men who like to have sex with other man on a daily basis. It is just a part of my life these days.

I just got a call from a female friend of mine. Actually she is a friend of a friend, someone that I probably do not have a lot in common with. She is however fascinated by my willingness to discuss anything sexual and with my extensive knowledge of all sorts sexual things from BDSM to Swinging to WS to Bisexuality to what have you. What can I tell you, sex fascinates me.

Anyway, once we caught up on pleasantries and the little gossip that we have in common, she starts telling me why she is really calling. She has had her second lesbian experience. Not exactly what you expect to hear from a very pretty married mother of two. I have only met her husband once and then extremely briefly since he is incredibly homo-phobic, not my word, but her’s. She believes it is because he can’t accept his own latent homosexuality, apparently he had a weird experience in High School with one of his teachers who sucked his dick once (while this never happened to me, apparently it did happen repeated at my high school while I was there and for years afterward). Anyway, they have a rather unique relationship, at least I thought they did, but perhaps this really is the norm.

A few years ago, the husband whom we will start calling Mike for purposes of this tale, had a randy experience at his high school reunion, a blow job in the parking lot from the girl that got away. He felt terribly guilty and told his wife whom we will start calling Patty. She was angry, not because of what he’d done, after all blow jobs are some people’s way of saying hello, no Patty was angry because he told her. You see, this made it something that she had to deal with. If he had kept his big mouth shut and since this was a one time thing, life would have gone on “normally,” but with knowledge comes consequences. Her solution was to inform him that she would have an affair and they would be even, he would not get to know who or when, only that someday she would tell him that she had gotten even.

I would have assumed that Patty was the kind of girl who would have been satisfied with driving her husband crazy and never actually act on the threat. She is smart, pretty, successful and in the prime of her life with nothing to prove. She did however have an affair with a long lost flame, for quite a while. It was hot, sexy and fun. They were both married with no desire to end their relationships so it was safe. She only called it off when the long lost flame starting getting “attached” and wanting more. Patty was furious that he had to ruin a good thing.

So anyway, Patty and Mike are better and decide to have a couple of kids. Patty tells Mike that she has always been a little curious about a “same sex” thing. Being a red blooded “straight” American male, he thinks this sounds hot.

They decide to go to a club together and Patty sees a girl that trips her trigger and they start making out on the dance floor. Mike gets a bit uncomfortable watching so Patty takes the girl to the bathroom and “does the deed.” All of this happens before I have even met Patty, or at least gotten to know her in any personal way.

A couple of more years pass and Patty and I are talking and she is asking about homosexuality, her husband, etc. and I explain about the sliding scale where some people are only interested in same sex to the other end where a person is only interested in opposite sex relationships and that most people are somewhere in the middle and where they are can even change on a day to day basis. Well, this got her quite excited. We talk about a lot of the choices that the local area has as far as clubs and venues for meeting like minded people for everything from swinging, bisexuality, to some good old fashion S and M.

A few months pass and I meet up for drinks with Patty again. This is when she tells me about Mike and Patty’s best friends, a couple around their same age that they hang with. While their relationship has been pretty normal, Patty says that she and Rose will occasionally play little silly games in front of their respective hubbies, like lifting their shirts and rubbing their boobs together. I laugh imagining two straight men pulling their shorts down and rubbing their penis together, I mean it would just never happen, right? Of course they do like to pat each other asses, and bump chests and wrestle, hmmm. Anyway, Rose and her husband invite Patty and Mike over, Mike isn’t feeling well so Patty goes alone. There is a lot of drinking and a couple of their neighbors drop in and join in the drinking. So Patty and Rose are drinking and go out to the garage with one of the male neighbors and start playing around and one thing leads to another and the girls go all the way in front of the neighbor. Now, before you say, this sort of thing never happens I will argue that the first time I saw other people having sex in front of me was in college, saw it twice, both times were straight couples. I have seen people have sex several times since, but usually it was just a few gay men saying “Hello.” So at this time I thinking “Oh you silly straight people.”

Then I hear the rest of the story that blows me away. They tell their spouses. Rose runs off and tells her hubby who is apparently very cool with it and was extremely upset that he did not get to watch. Patty goes and tells Mike the whole thing including the neighbor watching and Rose’s husband reaction. Mike is not quite as optimistic as Rose’s husband, but there was little for him to say or do. She was honest. He had let her do it once before, so a precedent had been set. There were witnesses. It was with someone he knew and had seen her be “playful” with before. Everyone else had been cool with it, so if he wasn’t it would make him seem un-cool. He apparently is not the kind of guy who would put his foot down and say this is unacceptable. So there you have it, Patty has set up a situation where she is apparently free to no strings attached lesbian sex. Who knows, maybe this will get Mike over his fears and try some man on man sex again.

Another Good Week

2008-08-05T13:06:00.000-07:00

Another good week (thank god). I was busy but not to the point of exhaustion. I had some really good clients and only one or two slightly annoying ones. I had a few new clients that seemed very happy.

One of the high-lights was the $60 tip that I got for giving a newbie his first prostate massage. He was in his mid-forties and was trying out the whole man to man thing. To be honest, I hear this a lot, so much so that I often don’t believe it. It is a fantasy that a lot of gay men play, to pretend to be straight and just experimenting. Just like it is the fantasy of a lot of gay men to convert a straight guy.

This one I believed. He did not tell me until the massage was over, but there were several little things that gave him away. First off there was the mullet hair cut combined with the half inch of carefully trimmed beard. He was tall, thin but definitely toned but not a gym body but the body of someone who has worked hard and not always eaten enough. The body of a man who has smoked, drank and partied hard more than once but not revived with daily moisturizers.

When he came in, I started with the usual questions about any aches or pains etc and he strips naked while chatting. This is also a bit unusual. Not that all gay men wait until I leave the room to strip, but the vast majority do, especially the underwear. He was also sporting a semi woody. Not that this has never happened, but it is again pretty rare, especially among those that strip naked in front of me. Besides the beard neatly trimmed to that odd ½ inch length, there was no other body grooming, again quite rare among gay men. I notice all this and the fact that his body is slightly crooked. He is giving me the details of the injuries that he has had in his life breaking horses and working rodeos. He does have the injuries and his legs are bowed. He reminds me a great deal of one of my other very straight clients, the hair cut, the beard, lack of manscaping, and general lack of modesty.

He gets on the table and I go to work on his shoulders and back, I remain clothed as I do with all new clients. I notice that one side literally has a hump and one shoulder is a good 3 inches higher than the other. I ask him if he has had this looked at and he replies that is the shoulder he usually lands on when thrown from a horse and where he has broken the most bones. As I work into some deep tissue he tells me that this is already the best massage he has ever gotten. He is a good client in that he is not fighting me or trying to help but rather just relaxing and letting me do the work. He does not pull away when my leg meets with his hand, neither does he try to reach for more. He is verbal when he likes what I am doing and occasionally moaning appreciatively. He remains relaxed when I work the lower-back/upper-glute area, no tensing up or table grinding.

I finish with light strokes on the back and then head to the feet to work my way back up. He allows me to manipulate his legs as I see fit, including leaving them spread rather wide. I hear more compliments on my techniques as I work the back of his legs. There is no reaction at all when my fingers graze first his scrotum and later his anus, he does not tense up, moan, or grind the table. I am assuming at this time that he came for a sensual massage, but this has not been discussed. He is not resisting nor is not asking for more verbally or through body language. I go for broke and do the under the leg move. This move involves one hand sliding under a hip from the outside to between the man’s legs where it meets the other hand that slides back with it effectively rubbing the inside of the crotch narrowly missing the penis but may or may not graze the scrotum usually causing a pretty intense erotic sensation. He is appreciative spreading his legs slightly farther apart. I work my way up the other leg and repeat all the moves.

I now work his glutes very hard, legitimately they are very tight. Just before I switch from one glute to the other, I work the fleshiness of his butt crack only lightly touching the anus. The legs are spread a little further apart. This is the time that almost all clients will try to rub my crotch since it is right at table height next to their hand. Normally their hand will first twitch, then the fingers reach out and slowly the hand will inch to the very edge of the table trying to make contact. This gentleman’s hand and fingers do not move at all, not even a twitch.

I do the end connecting full body strokes and again lightly tease his twitching anus. His penis is not showing so he is lying on it sandwiched under his belly but he is not grinding it into the table.

Time to roll over, I offer him water. He definitely has a full erection. He drinks the water greedily and lies down on his back. I start working on his chest with some deep strokes then switching to lighter as I work across his nips, they do not appear to be all that sensitive. I move to work on his abs, working in circles, his penis is still very hard and of course my hands are constantly bumping it as it lying on his stomach. His hands and fingers are still at his sides and show no intention of moving. I start stoking the penis and his balls and hips move instinctively up and down.

At this point I would like to remind everyone of the truth that once was spoken to my by a master of massage, “most men like some anal play, married men love it!” Though there is no ring on his finger, I have assumed he is indeed a straight man who is experimenting so I let a lubed finger slip down and rub gently on the exterior of his anus. Slowly the finger works a little harder until it starts to slowly slide in. I back off immediately and apply more lube and go back to work, this time the finger slides in quite quickly and starts exploring. Finding the prostate it starts a gentle, rhythmic stroke. He let’s out a moan.

“Oh man, is that like a prostate massage? Oh god that is great!” I assure him that it is indeed a prostate massage. I place my other hand on his penis again and he is gone in seconds. It’s over. I withdraw my finger slowly and release his penis. He is sensitive so I am very careful as I clean up the mess he made on his stomach, chest and neck. He is spent.

I finish the massage stretching his legs and rubbing down his arms. I spend some time on his neck and face and finish with the full body light strokes and the chakra blessing. He lies naked and unashamed. I cover him with a towel as I go to wash my hands. I return and ask if there was anything he needed or if I missed any spots. He is fine and tells me that he is very inexperienced with this sort of thing but he will definitely be back. The best massage he ever got. He dresses and leaves his money on the table and shakes my hand.

Once he is gone, I start cleaning up the linens and pick up the cash. $60 tip, how very sweet, he liked his first prostate massage. I hope he will be back. I hope he continues to look for what makes him happy. That is what the Dalai Lama says in the purpose of life, just to be happy.

Found this on the web

2008-07-30T19:08:00.000-07:00

On a massage site for finding gay masseurs I found the following. Some of it was useful, some of it is humorous to me but overall, I approve. Do not expect every masseur to have read this, keep communication open, it is the key to a great experience.

Gay Male Massage Introduction

This section teaches about male on male massage and how to give and receive massages for men. It discusses how gay massage therapists can help clients relax, and discusses how to help your client experience extended or multiple relaxation as part of the gay male massage, with massages being with clothed or non-clothed male massage.

Gay massage therapists should perform a gay male massage while client is lying on a massage table. After preparing an enticing space, gay massage therapists can start with a sensual general massage before shifting the focus to your partner’s popular centers. For male on male massage, this is best done through verbal or non-verbal communication which allows the highest amount of stress relief and relaxation to be changed before the inevitable.

Set and Setting

Gay massage therapists should take the time to create a sensual and appealing environment for the gay male massage showing that you care about your client and value pleasure. You may wish to put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door, illuminate the room with either candles or soft indirect lamps, burn incense, and turn up the heat to where one would be comfortable, especially for a nude male massage. Keep your oils and other supplies within easy reach, and cover the massage table with a clean sheet and blanket.

Put on your favorite music. Some male on male massage clients are more comfortable with a pillow underneath their knees, head, or ankles. If it is a first gay male massage you should ask client’s preference especially for nude male massage.

When doing a massage for men, take a look at your fingernails and clip them if necessary.

Massage Oils & Supplies

When conducting nude male massage, the right kind of oil and supplies need to be used when massaging the entire body, especially certain areas. For massage for men, use oil-based, water-based, or silicone-based lubricants. Gay massage therapists can purchase special massage oils at massage for men supply shops.

When doing massage for men, it’s convenient to have flip-top squeeze bottles for oils, and a massage oil “belt.” For male on male massage, it’s a good idea to put lubricants in your hand before applying them so you have a chance to rub your hands together to warm them. Note to gay massage therapists: be sure any water-based supplies DOESN’T contain Nonoxynol-9, which is an irritant.

Good Communication

When doing massage for men, it is critical that you discuss and if the gay male massage includes the possibility of the entire full body experience before going ahead with a nude male massage. Situations when a gay massage therapist tries to shift a relaxation massage into an erotic realm for the first time could be uncomfortable and embarrassing if the gay massage therapist and the client have not discussed expectations for the male on male massage.

If it is a nude male massage it’s important for the person on the table to always feel comfortable making requests. When doing massage for men, the client should feel free to mention anything that is getting in the way of his comfort and pleasure. Some male on male massages can bring up difficult emotional issues. When someone is crying, or in a similarly distressed emotional state, it’s usually best to just be there for that person. It’s a good idea for the gay massage therapist to reassure them that it’s OK to cry rather than engage in problem-solving.

Types of Man to Man Massages

1. Deep Tissue

2. Erotic Gay Massage

3. Hot Stone Therapy

4. Swedish Massage

5. Shiatsu

6. Sports Massage

7. Sensual Male Massage

Deep Tissue – Deep Tissue Massage is a man to man massage designed to reach the deep portions of thick muscles, specifically the individual muscle fibers. Using deep muscle compression and friction along the grain of the muscle, its purpose is to unstick the fibers of the muscles and release both toxins and deeply held patterns of tension.

Erotic Gay Massage – Erotic Gay Massage is a combination of a sensual male massage and relaxing bodywork. Not to be mistaken for Sex, Male Erotic Massage can be integrated with any number of legitimate massage techniques or a light body-rub that includes a sexual release by hand. Generally both the Gay Massage Therapist and Client are nude during this experience. Each Gay Massage Therapist has different ‘rules’ on Male Erotic Massage guidelines so it is important to talk to the therapist about the experience before coming to any conclusions.

Hot Stone Therapy – Developed in the Midwest for use in health spas, this technique uses stones that have been heated. These stones are positioned on the body and some are gently moved about with light pressure being exerted on the warm stones. ...

Swedish Massage – Swedish massage is now known as “traditional” massage. In the 1820s a Swedish doctor, Dr. Per Henrik Ling, developed the first modern method of massage through his study of physiology, gymnastics, and the massage techniques borrowed from China, Egypt, Greece, and Rome. Swedish massage includes long gliding strokes, kneading, friction, tapping, and shaking motions. It is effective for most ailments, because massaging the skin, the body’s largest organ, sets up a chain reaction that produces a positive effect on all layers and systems of the body. This man to man massage technique affects the nerves, muscles, glands, and circulation, and promotes health and wellbeing.

Shiatsu – Shiatsu, the most widely known form of acupressure, literally meaning “finger pressure” in Japanese, and has been practiced for more than a thousand years in Japan. Shiatsu uses rhythmic pressure from 3 to 10 seconds on specific points along the body’s meridians by using the fingers, hands, elbows, knees, and sometimes feet to unblock and stimulate the flow of energy. A man to man massage may also include gentle stretching and range-of-motions manipulations. Shiatsu is used to treat pain and illness, to relax the body, and to maintain general health.

Sports Massage – This special form of man to man massage is typically used before, during, and after athletic events to prepare the athlete for peak performance, to drain away fatigue, to relieve swelling, to reduce muscle tension, to promote flexibility and to prevent injuries. Depending on the needs of the athlete, a variety of techniques are used including classic Swedish strokes, Male Erotic Massage, Sensual Male Massage, cross-fiber friction, pressure-point work, and joint mobilization.

Sensual – This man to man massage is designed to use touch for an emotionally pleasing response. Strokes are typically light or moderate, and are not intended to be physically therapeutic. Typically, an atmosphere of relaxation is set through the use of candles and music. The gay massage therapist is often unclothed as well as the client. Unlike Erotic Gay Massage, Sensual Male Massage may not specify climax as a goal. Instead, it is intended to indulge the client and make him feel special. Sensual massage for man is widely offered by untrained practitioners where full-body contact is utilized. The only structured, trademarked variety of Sensual Male Massage is Body Electric. This variety of sensual massage for man is intended to promote positive self-image, and help to reattach a wholesome view of sexual energy within the body. Sensual massage for man should be discussed prior to the Sensual Male Massage.

While I was surfing, I found the following on a masseur’s web site. My rules are completely different and I don’t use a sliding scale for different services. I do what I want to do when I want to do it and the pay is always the same (though tips are always appreciated ;-)) I do understand his rules and admire him for being so straight forward.

Rules: ( I Dont Kiss, Role Play, W/S, ) Everything I do is listed below. If its NOT listed below that means I DONT DO IT!
Packages:
1. Deep Tissue Massage With Me Nude: $75.00 For One Hr
2. Deep Tissue Massage With Me Nude And I Release You By Oral: $100.00 For One Hr
3. Deep Tissue Massage With Me Nude And I Release You By Oral ,Mutual Touching: $130 For One Hr
4. Deep Tissue Massage With me Nude And I Release You By Oral , Mutual Touching, Mutual Oral: $150.00 For One Hr
5. Deep Tissue Massage With Me Nude, Mutual Touching , Mutual Oral, I Top You Safe: $200.00 For One Hr

Over Nite Packages:
12 Hour Over Nite $600.00
24 Hour Over Nite $1,000.00

Last week was a good week.

2008-07-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

It’ was a good and busy week. I actually made more money last week than I had in the previous three. I saw some of my favorite clients. I know that most of this can be attributed to the full moon, but I still enjoyed it.

I managed to also see a few movies, spend some time with my partner, and get all my chores done.

Now we are dealing with a heat wave which means a real slow down again. I am one of those people who really gets more done when I have more to do. If I have very little to do, even less will get done. Silly, isn’t it?

I mention that I got to see some of my favorite clients, what makes a favorite client? Well, first off, someone who treats me with respect, every time. Most of the time I am treated with a great deal of respect, but I always remember when I am not. Regular clients always get a little better treatment and probably a little better massage. I know there bodies better and we know each other better. Not saying that a first timer won’t get a good massage, but those I have gotten to know will probably get a better one. Good looking can help, but not all that necessary, although I do appreciate a nice ass. Tipping can help, I definitely always remember who does and who does not. A client that shares a little of themselves is nice, with in reason of course, I like to hear chit chat and even a joy or a sorrow, as long as it limited to 10 minutes or less ;-). Showing up on time, clean, and ready to go all help to make for a pleasant massage for the client and me, my time is valuable to me. A client who can laugh is nice. One that finds me in some way attractive is nice. One who is open and honest with me is helpful, so I know what they want or need and how we can best deal with that. A client who came for a massage with maybe some extras but that they mainly came for a massage is important; it really sets the tone for an enjoyable session.

So this past week I had polite, well kept, friendly, and sometimes even very attractive repeat clients. Thank you.

I am a Stress Eater.

2008-07-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

That is the latest confession of this Bodyworker. I am Stress Eater. I have the “Fat” gene also. My body does not carry extra weight well, it all sits in spare tire right around the middle. I would much rather take my pants and underwear off than take my shirt off. I think I look my worst just shirtless. My pants create a line just below the spare tire, nicely emphasizing it. This is my major body issue.

I am also now “over 40.” Which means a lot of things: my metabolism is slowing down so fat accumulates faster, my skin is far more willing to sag, I am getting gray hairs everywhere, crows feet are a given, and by popular single gay standards – I am basically deceased. Fortunately I have a loving partner.

The economy is still in the dumps and getting older is adding stress to my life and inches to my waist. Now a couple of inches is no reason to panic, but I grew up fat. I know what it is like and I do not want to go back there. Most of my single life I didn’t keep any food at home, since if it was there, I would eat it. Now days I do the cooking for me and my partner and I have found that I like cooking. I even don’t mind cooking healthy foods. It is just that eating 2 extra helping of healthy food is not really healthy.

Today was a classic example of stress eating, I started the day with a small bowl of cereal. I was going over finances and got a little freaked out and rationalized that I should eat my lunch (left over pizza) before I go to the Laundromat so about 11. I get the laundry going and the place is packed and there are tons of screaming children so I duck over to the 7/11 to get a coffee and without even thinking I bought an apple fritter. Of course I immediately had remorse about that purchase and wasn’t going to eat it but that would be wasteful so I ate it instead of taking it home so no one has to know that I bought the apple fritter in the first place. After laundry, I had a few errands to run which ended up taking much more time than I anticipated plus there were more screaming children everywhere I went. I got back and there was a message from my partner to meet him in town so we could go see an old Bette Davis movie and I was to eat before hand. So I ate a good size bowl of soup and left over Chinese. After the movie, my partner was desperate for a burger and fries and with out thinking I ordered one as well to eat with him.

So here I am at 41 with my waist being 36” for the first time in my life since I was junior in high school. My waist was actually larger than that for most of high school but I started loosing the weight around my junior year. I also weigh more than I ever have since I graduated. I am about 6’ tall and weight 190. By the American Population as a whole, this is not that bad, but it is 20 pounds over the top recommended weight for my height. The worst part is that for the last year or so, I have tried to lose some weight, but have been unable to keep it off for a sustained period. I do get some exercise, definitely more than I did a couple years ago, but alas, I am only holding steady.

Where am I going with all this? Excellent question!

First off let me say that I work with a variety of men of all shapes and sizes. The young and lean may be the minority, but they are there and they do often come back. In short, being my age and my size and doing my job only seems to be an issue for a minority of people seeking these types of services.

Business sucks for everyone right now. This past week I did an exchange with a very handsome (if a couple of years my senior), well built masseur who was also tired of having too much free time. We had a very nice time, if you were wondering, the man has beautiful butt with just the right amount of hair. I wanted to ravish it for…. I digress.

I recently went to a clothing optional gay bed and breakfast with my partner for a few days. I love these places. You are there to relax and you can take your clothes off and just be you. In an hour you forget you are naked. In a few hours you even forget your imperfections. Everyone is just letting it all hang out, flaws and all. Usually the only truly shy ones are in their early 20’s and a couple of gym bunnies. It always amazes me that they have the worst self body image. My few extra pounds didn’t seem to bother anyone there either as I has several men (including the hot muscle guy everyone was lusting after) offer to suck my dick Just as a reminder, I am of average length and am a grower, not a shower. Now it might just have been that there was over abundance of submissive bottom type guys that were looking for any take charge top minded men, but I think it had more to do with a confidence that comes from forgetting your flaws and just being you.

Would I still like to drop 20 pounds? Sure. Would I like to be 10 years younger? Maybe, but not really. Would I like to be all muscular and lean? Apparently not enough.

Tomorrow, I will forgive myself for today’s transgressions and focus again on eating the correct amount of food. I will make sure that I fit in my hour of exercise. In the mean time, I will throw off my clothes and walk around my apartment naked.

Do I like my work?

2008-07-02T04:13:00.001-07:00

It has been brought to my attention that I do not always sound like a person who is happy with the decisions in his life. Perhaps I do too much bitching in this column. It is not my intention, it is just that like all bloggers, I tend to use my blog to vent at times.

In truth, I am quite happy with my life.

I love my partner and he loves me and we really are one of the happiest couples I know.

I like my work most of the time. I could always use more money, who couldn’t? I don’t miss the rat race of the corporate world at all. I don’t miss commuting for an hour each way to work for 9+ hours but only getting paid for 8. I don’t miss having to travel to boring cities whenever my boss told me to, stuck in a hotel with very little to do but more work. I don’t miss the most of the people I worked with. I don’t miss the suit and tie. I don’t miss the artificial sense of panic instilled by what were really the most mundane issues. I don’t miss the juvenile clicks that would develop and the concern of whether you were “in” or not. I don’t miss “trying to look busy” when there was nothing to do and the dread of suddenly being swamped by deadlines. I don’t miss gossip.

What do I miss? I miss the steady pay check, camaraderie, benefits, and paid vacations.

What do I like about my job? I meet a lot of interesting men. I often get to work naked. No commute. I often get to work with an erection. I get to make men feel great inside and out. I do believe that what I do is an important service, whether it is giving a man his first longed for man on man experience or to help them forget that they have aged, or have gained a few pounds. I believe that I help these guys get through another week on this earth by letting them be the center of attention for an hour or 90 minutes. Relaxing their sore muscles and teaching them about stretches so that they can move a little more freely and easily. Give them a space where they are not judged. I like helping people. I like providing a sympathetic ear. Once is a great while, I even get to rub some amazingly attractive naked men.

The question then becomes “where do I go from here?” I do not have a definite answer for that yet. I do believe that I would like to own a gay Bed and Breakfast. I need to save up some money first. I may have to go back to the corporate world for a while to do that, or maybe the money will just fall into my lap. It could happen. Find a place with a couple of acres, with maybe a hall that could be rented for gay weddings and the like. Maybe it could have some space for naked yoga classes and rehearsal space for an acting group, maybe even a small theatre. Find a location in the country where they wouldn’t care about a clothing optional B and B. I could still do bodywork part time. It’s all worth working towards. Any suggestions?

Massage used in seduction

2008-06-22T12:47:00.000-07:00

Massage can be a very relaxing and often a very sensual experience. Have you ever felt that you were seduced into doing something you would not have ordinarily done, while receiving a massage?

When this question was posted to an on-line male massage site 32% of respondents replied that yes, they had done something they would not have ordinarily done as a result of receiving a massage.

This same group was also asked:

Was massage your first sensual experience with another man? 27% answered that: Yes, their first sensual experience with another man was a result of massage.

While asking an on-line group for men with interests in massage questions like these is a bit like shooting fish in a barrel, I was still surprised at the results. Less than half of this group label themselves as gay, the rest are mostly bi with a handful of straight and those who refused to be labeled.

Apparently, while receiving a massage, many men let down their defenses and can be rubbed into total submission. On some level I can relate to that, there was an experience I had where I was a client of a handsome very athletic masseur. Shortly after the massage started, the masseur offered to work in the nude for an extra $20. It was the first time that I had ever heard of someone charging extra for this, but he was cute, I was relaxed and his initial cost was pretty low, so I said OK. He was hung like a horse. So the massage continued in a quite a sensual manner (very low therapeutic skills, but once in a while, that is ok) and he is lying on my back with this huge sausage rubbing over my butt cheeks. He whispers into my ear “do you want it?”

Now I have mentioned before in this column that I am a total top, but in that moment, I was seriously ready to give bottoming the old college try to see if I could handle that monster. So I said “yeah, but it’s got to be safe, do you have condoms?”

He responds “Just kidding, I don’t do that with clients.” Talk about a tease! It could have been worse; he could have said “that will cost you an extra $100.” So in this case scenario, I was willing to try to take a monster penis that I would be hurting from for a week because I had been lulled there by a sensual massage.

So the next obvious thought is whether I have taken advantage of any men on my table? I guess that would depend on the point of view. I would of course say no. I have done nothing to a man on my table that he didn’t want me to do. Right? I only do what I think they want; the sessions are not about me, but about them. On the other hand, I am sure that straight guy whose prostate I rubbed for the first time ever may have another view. If ever I have gone too far, I hope my clients will forgive me. I know that most have, because they come back for more.

Things that I have learned

2008-06-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

Wow, how time flies. Sorry that it has been a month since I posted. I have been working on a couple of ideas but have not liked the finished product.
However, I was writing up a list of things I have learned in life for a couple of graduations and thought I would share them here:

1. When I was a teen, my mother always said to me as I was leaving the house, “Keep your chin up, your mouth shut and your nose clean. And remember you’re a gentleman.” I took these words to mean:

Keep your chin up – Have pride in yourself.
Your mouth shut – Never speak with out thinking about what you are going to say and what the repercussions of your words may be.
Your nose clean – Stay away from trouble.
And remember you’re a gentleman – Good manners will always pay off.

2. Consequences – When faced with any decision, no matter how big or small, stop and think what the worst thing that could happen is and then decide if it is worthwhile doing.

3. The truth is always the best bet. Lying always makes things worse, and odds are you will get caught.

4. People will lie to you especially if they want something, I know that is hard to believe, but it’s true.

5. Beware of eloquent speakers; they often have something to hide.

6. If you want to know what kind of person someone is, watch how they treat their waiter.

7. You cannot choose your family, but they will always be there for you, unless you ignore them.

8. Friends are the family you can choose. Lots of people will say they are your friends, but real friends will help you move your furniture. To have good friends, you must be a good friend.

9. Relationships (romantic or otherwise) must be tended to; they are wonderful and rewarding but must be nurtured everyday. Ignore them and they will go away.

10. Every time you are in an argument, stop and try to see things from the other side, they may know something that you don’t.

11. Speaking quietly will force others to listen to you more closely.

12. Learn to be independent and to enjoy your own company. Once you like yourself and know who you are, you will have something worthwhile to share with others.

13. Don’t expect someone else to throw you a party, life is short, throw your own party.

14. To become really good at anything takes a lot of practice; anyone who says different, is lying.

15. If you believe that there is something that you cannot do, you have just made it so.

16. You accomplish in proportion to what you attempt; the more you attempt, the more you will accomplish.

17. If you can figure out how to make a living at something you like to do, you will never have to work a day in your life.

18. If you are doing a job just for the money, you will never feel you are being paid enough.

19. You are not going to win the lottery, so play it if you like, but know it is just in good fun.

20. Money does not buy you happiness, but it can get you out of a trouble.

21. Credit cards are evil and the high interest rates should be outlawed.

22. If you want to know the real problem with the world, follow the money trail.

23. Selflessly help others whenever possible. If karma does exist, you want it working for you, not against you.

24. If you are ever feeling bad about your life, volunteer your time to help those less fortunate, trust me, there are plenty of them out there.

25. Never say never, and be careful not to judge others. You just never know.

26. There are so many religions in the world and all are certain that they are the only true religion. They all have good and bad aspects, study as many as you can.

27. Television does have some interesting things to watch, but it is mainly a tool to keep you from living your life.

28. Read books. There are so many amazing stories.

29. Never stop learning, the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know and nobody likes a know it all. Age does not bring wisdom, living does.

30. Travel – the world is a huge and wondrous place filled with amazing people, don’t take my word for it, go out there and meet them. Seriously. Travel.

31. Never hate someone because you were told to.

32. Continue to exercise and eat well, you want to be able to enjoy the time you have on earth.

33. Life really is short. Time is relative, the longer you live the shorter each day is and the faster life will go by. That being said, as long as you are alive, it is never too late.

34. Never sit there a bitch, get off your butt and do something, then you have the right to bitch.

35. Stand up for what you believe in, if not you, then who? If not now, then when? But gather all the facts first and find out why others oppose your ideas.

36. Sometimes, bad things just happen for no reason. The true test of an adult is how they deal with them.

37. According to the Dali Lama, the purpose of life is to be happy. This is a choice.

38. There will always be times in your life that it feels like you are starting over from scratch. It’s OK, everyone has to do it. Just learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself.

39. Sometimes your elders do know more than you, sometimes they don’t. Listen to their advice; it comes from years of making mistakes.

40. Never throw something away that can be used by someone else. Find them and give it to them freely.

41. Share what you have learned with others, they may not listen, but at least you tried. Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he will never go hungry.

42. Never follow the crowd with out deciding for yourself if that is the direction that you want to go in.

43. No one knows for certain what happens when you die, so make the most out of this life.

44. I have always liked the following:
Do not ask to have your life’s load lightened, but for the courage to endure. Do not ask for perfection in all you do, but for the wisdom not to repeat mistakes. Do not ask for fulfillment in all your life, but for the patience to accept frustration. Do not ask for more before saying thank-you for what you have already received. (by Brenda Short)

45. There are a lot of lonely people in the world just wanting to share their lives with someone.

46. Everyone has some sort of body issue.

47. The happiest people I know are nudists.

48. Everyone is a little bisexual.

49. You always want to be the second prettiest person in the bath house. Very few people will approach the prettiest thinking that they don't have a chance and no matter who they hook up with, they may feel they are tricking down.

50. Older or less attractive people can be really great at sex, conversely, really attractive people can be terrible at sex.

51. Everyone is somebody's type, it is just difficult to find the right match sometimes.

52. Midgets are proportional, dwarfs are not.

53. Penises come in all shapes and sizes but are all still pretty much the same and do the same things.

54. You can get an estimate to the size of a penis based on certain body parts (the first three fingers on the hand or relative size to the foot) but there are plenty of exceptions.

55. Write your own memoirs. If they seem boring, then you need to get to work.

Fall out

2008-05-01T13:32:00.000-07:00

OK, so I post a piece written by a fellow bodyworker at his request and we both get the fall out.

The post is entitled Responsibility. Basically it says that each person is responsible for their own health and safety when having sexual relations of any kind at any time, including if your massage get sensual. Going to a professional bodyworker or masseur is no guarantee of safe sexual relation. Remember, that what ever you do with your bodyworker or masseur, he is probably doing with others.

I was deluged with emails from strangers and clients a like. There were a great many that thanked me for the posting. Then there were the rest… I was accused of having AIDS, Purposefully putting men at risk, murder and at least three regular clients have cancelled appointments and refuse to see me again in the future.

I asked the original author if he was having the same difficulties and he also has had a couple of clients cancel, but no name calling or the like.

I guess we can forget sometimes the attachment that our clients can form with us. We treat them with courtesy and respect; we pay attention to their wants and their needs for an hour or 90 mins. This is often far more than they get in their daily lives with their spouses or significant others. We treat them special and then we are surprised when they feel that they are special. We are often unaware how great the attachment is until something happens to the bond, like finding out we treat most of our clients the same way, and they feel hurt.

One client thought long and hard about the post and realized that everything also applied to him and his wife. She supposes that she is the only one that he is intimate with and has no idea (at least he believes she doesn’t) that he also has intimate relations with men. It made him feel a bit guilty, but he still came back for the sensual massage. Another client sited this same reason for not coming back, realizing that he was not being fare to his significant other.

What about me? How do I feel? Where is my mind at?

I love my partner. Since we have met, I have not loved another. I can get turned on in the moment by a sexy ass or a couple of words of flattery, but no attachments. There are a few clients that I am friendly with, I know about their family lives, their jobs and their vacations. A few that have opened up to me about emotional problems and I have listened patiently (off the clock) and offered what comfort and advice that I could. But stronger feelings? No. If I did not have a partner that I loved, maybe things would be different, but I doubt it. It is one of the reasons I do this for money. If I were giving away massages I might want something else in return. I have chosen what I want in return. The balance in my universe is OK. I can give my all in a massage for what I have asked, and expect nothing else in return. In return they can receive pleasure, peace, respect, and if they choose to believe, love and pay only the asking price, nothing more is expected of them.

I regret the loss of a good woman who deserved better

2008-05-01T13:29:00.000-07:00

"DC madam" hangs herself in shed: Florida police

23 minutes ago

A woman who ran a prostitution ring catering to Washington's elite hanged herself in a storage shed at her mother's home in Florida on Thursday while awaiting sentencing, police said.

Police in the Gulf Coast town of Tarpon Springs said the 76-year-old mother of Deborah Jeane Palfrey woke from a short nap and began to search for her daughter. She found Palfrey's body hanging from a nylon rope looped around a metal beam in the shed alongside her mobile home, police said.

"Hand-written notes were found on scene that describe the victim's intention to take her life, and foul play does not appear to be involved," Capt. Jeffrey Young said in a statement.

Palfrey, 52, was found guilty last month of running an escort service that earned her at least $2 million. She had not yet been sentenced but media reports said could have faced up to 50 years in prison.

The scandal over the woman dubbed "the D.C. madam" ensnared Republican Sen. David Vitter of Louisiana, whose number was discovered in her telephone records.

Vitter apologized publicly for committing a "serious sin" in his past.

Palfrey had insisted her company, Pamela Martin and Associates, was a legal sexual fantasy business and initially considered selling her phone records to raise money for her defense. When she later released her phone records for free, they ended up shedding little further light on her clientele.

Her attorney, Montgomery Sibley, said he did not have any additional information about her death.

"My only comment is that I regret the loss of a good woman who deserved better," he said.

(Reporting by Robert Green; Additional reporting by Jeremy Pelofsky in Washington; Writing by Michael Christie; Editing by John O'Callaghan)

How to make your intentions known

2008-03-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

not wanting to be rude to you nice men...

Reply to: serv-503946798@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-09, 4:42PM EST
either you do it or you dont do it, right? that is the question, eh?? only how too get the answer?? do i email you? do i call you on the phone? do i go right out and ask for it, while i'm on the table? some or all of this could be considered so rude though, eh? what if you do it, but you want to feel comfortable with someone before you do, all of the above might get initial false negatives then, eh? so do i see you a few times then drop the "do give hj's bomb"? but i like you so much and enjoy your amazing massages, i dont want to mess up a good thing, do i?? do you give me any clues? you give me a little grin when your sheets or little towel starts moving, hmmm.., you say will that be all making eye contact with the moving towel? you start cracking up when the towel falls on the floor? or am i just misreading your intentions!!??! oh life can be just so confusing sometimes!

I found this on Craigslist. I love Craigslist. You can find anything.

So how do you find out if your therapist does a little extra? First off, realize that unless they advertise in an erotic section of advertising, they probably won’t say much over the phone or on email, remember, doing erotic or even sensual massage is illegal almost everywhere. Not only is there the police to worry about, but the local massage licensing board can revoke one’s license and levy some very heavy fines. So, starting with ad, there are some key words used in the trade, such as draping optional (where allowed by law), anytime a therapist only works on one gender, the word “release”, in some places in the country “full body”, in others it may be “completely satisfied”, if the ad gives the stats of the provider or uses terms to define their looks such as handsome, sexy, or fit. You get the idea. These are terms used to excite the customer into believing that this massage provides a little extra. They do not guarantee something extra. I know many workers who will only do sensual or erotic work on clients they find attractive but still use these terms to boost their client list, however, they are still a good indication that an erotic or sensual massage is at least a possibility. An ad that show a half naked photo of the therapist is also a good indication, but again, not fool proof.

The price is also an indication, though not always. Typically, if a therapist is charging 20% above the average going rate, they probably offer something extra, especially if they work out of their home. Spas are usually above average market price but almost never offer any extras. The most expensive are the rub and tug people who do not really massage but just use it as a front for prostitution clients.

Recommendations are always good way to go. Ask around anonymously on the web; be specific about what you want. Get more than one response. The problem with the web is that it is a great place for petty people to take out their aggressions. Say for example they wanted an erotic massage from someone and did not get it, when they see someone asking for an erotic massage, they may use it as an opportunity to send a pervert to them, sad but true.

When you talk to them on the phone, do they emphasize non-sexual? Do they talk on about medical terms and fancy techniques? These are probably truly non sexual.

Some styles that would indicate something more would be Tantric or Body Electric or in some cases Esalon. If prostate massage is offered or full body scrubs, these could also be signs that extra are being done.

Ask if draping is optional, if it is, the odds that it is a sensual or erotic massage go up.

If you are on the table, be somewhat vocal when touched in a way that you like and when you are touched where you like. If the masseur is close enough to the table that your hand is touching their leg, don't grab of poke or dig but ever so gently stroke lightly with a finger. Spreading your legs as far apart as possible is a good sign as well as arching the back slightly. Keep it all coming from a place of relaxation and enjoyment.

Personally, I believe the best approach is not to worry about it. Assume that the massage is not going to be sensual or erotic and just be pleasantly surprised if it is.

Spirituality

2008-03-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

I am not a big believer in organized religions. I was raised very religious, even more so than my parents. I was the youngest of five boys born in a very rural part of Wisconsin. My parents were also raised in rural settings where religion was common but churches were rare and most people would read from the bible and sing hymns at home, at least on the holidays. While they were both raised Christian, neither was raised with a particular denomination. As adults, as they each searched for the right church for them, it was usually based on the rapport with a particular preacher. Somehow the ended up being Wisconsin Synod Lutherans, which is a particularly conservative branch, women couldn’t be full members of the church, vote, but were expected to donate money and time in support of the church.

When I was approaching 3^rd grade, the church opened up a grade school in the church basement. A literal one room school with grades 1-5, my parents helped start the school so of course I was enrolled; my brothers were all too old. I believe there was a total of 20 students that first year and just one teacher. The school grades were extended each year until it taught Kindergarten through 8^th grade and eventually had three teachers.

We started each day with an hour of devotion, a bible story, sing a hymn, go over some memorization, and ask some questions. You see, being a Lutheran grade school, we were taught about how this man Martin Luther had the courage to question his own religion. So we were free to ask a lot of questions of this poor sweet man, our teacher, who tried his best to answer. I heard that about 10 years later he left the church; I would like to think that our questions had something to do with that.

Anyway, my having some sort of religion 6 out of 7 days each week (our family was very good about attending Sunday services), was making me just a bit holier than thou. I knew more about religion than just about anyone I knew, especially my family. By the time I was in the 6^th grade, my teacher was talking to me about a life in the service of god, either as a preacher or as a teacher. I was all for it and was gathering information about the closest Lutheran high school that was far enough away that I would have to be boarded there. This is when my parents stepped in to save me; I did not go to 7^th grade in my one room school. They took me out and sent me to public school. In hindsight, it was the best thing they ever did for me, at the time; I was bitter and a complete social outcast. No one should be overly religious in a public junior high. It wasn’t until I got to high school that I was no longer the biggest freak in the place. I was still not popular and I was quite overweight, but, there were people worse off than I was and I was learning to fit in. My preacher spent the next several years still trying to convince me to go to the seminary. I left the church instead, questioning my religion.

Over the years, I have never joined another organized religion, but I have looked at several and read about many. I like to think that I definitely have a spiritual side, but the answers are not going to be found here. We are more than the sum of our parts. We are all connected to each other. The Dali Lama says that we are on this planet to be happy. We are at our happiest when we give to others.

There is a lot of talk among most massage therapists about the seven chakra points on the body and bringing them into alignment. I end each session connecting the chakras with my hands in a 4 step move. As I do this, a benediction I heard each Sunday as I was growing up in my church goes through my mind: may the good lord bless you and keep you, may the lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you, may the lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

Responsibility

2008-03-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

An on-line friend and fellow bodyworker from DC wanted me to share the following with my readers. - Jack

A disturbing piece of information recently came to my attention; many men assume that it is ok to play around with their masseur or body-worker because they are professional and must be disease free and would never do anything to harm them.

In the course of a professional legit massage, there is very little that can happen that would be considered “unsafe.” About the only thing that one would have to worry about is the possible transmission of topical skin issue, such as ringworm or the like. Granted, the news of the MRSA bacteria is scary but still pretty rare, those who have come to see me know that I wash my hands often and have bottles of sanitizer sitting around. One of the simplest ways to keeping clean as a client (for those fearful of MRSA) is to shower (if possible) after a session especially if it goes into sexual activities.

Anything that happens beyond the “legit” massage is a matter of personal choices. We are each responsible for our own health and well being. It would be nice to think that no one would ever purposely harm you, but when it comes right down to it, it is still up to you to keep yourself safe.

Everyone has a slightly different idea of what safe behavior is, when you are on the table, you must come with a clear idea of what safe is to you. The best thing that you can do is arm yourself with information, know what the possible diseases are and what the risk levels of different activities are. Then you can call the shots and say “oh yeah, I love that” or “Stop, I don’t do that” or “wait, do you have a condom? If not, I have one in my pants pocket.” The masseur will understand all of this, trust me. He will have had many requests in his past where he has had to say “Sorry dude, I don’t do that,” and he may end up saying that to you at some point. Again, sex of any type is not part of a massage or bodywork session and is a matter of personal choices and should not be expected of the client or the masseur. Not judging anyone on their behavior, just reminding you to take responsibility for it.

So unless you have your own personal masseur locked up in your playroom night and day waiting for you and only you, remember, what ever he is doing with you he has probably done with others.

Don’t bother asking… I won’t tell

2007-12-06T19:37:00.000-08:00

Once again Mike Jones is breaking a cardinal rule… telling on a client.

Former male prostitute links two high-profile sex scandals

PlanetOut Network Tue Dec 4, 7:53 PM ET

SUMMARY: A 50-year-old former prostitute from Denver claims to have had sex with both the Rev. Ted Haggard and the conservative senator Larry Craig.

One of the rising stars of evangelical Christian politics resigns after allegations that he had sex with a man. More than a year later, a conservative U.S. senator is embroiled in a similar scandal.

The allegations against the Rev. Ted Haggard and Sen. Larry Craig have a common thread: A 50-year-old former prostitute from Denver named Mike Jones claims he had sex with both.

''I'll put my credibility up against Larry Craig's,'' Jones told The Associated Press on Monday. ''Here's a man that doesn't know the difference between innocence and guilty … I think people know he's been a liar.

OK, I have never met Mr. Jones, but a body worker, massage therapist, or prostitute never gives out names. They just don’t. The DC madam turned over her phone records, which is almost as bad, because she was being arrested and charged with a crime and the people in those records could come to her defense. Jones is just doing this for spite. Not that I don’t understand his feelings at times, I am not particularly fond men who go out of their way to make life rough for homosexuals and then suck dick or take it up the ass at night. One still does not hand out names. It is the most important rule when dealing in a shadier side of life, you see, when you give names you ruin everyone else’s business as well. If these were the good old days, someone would have taken Jones out of the picture by now, either a fellow worker for ruining the trade or a client who did not what to take any chances. Every time something like this comes up, business takes a nose dive. It is difficult enough to get a client to call since they are convinced that we will track their numbers but now when someone is going public with information just because their face was recognized it is near impossible. So many of my clients will only use email to contact me and change email addresses often. I have talked before how the same man will often give me 2 or 4 different names because they can’t remember which they used with me in the past.

The bigger issue of course is that we live in society that cares about what men or women do in private, whether money is involved or not. If society stopped caring men would stop going to the trouble of living double lives, politicians would stop passing harmful legislation, and maybe we could all get along a little better on this planet. What is it with this mentality that your morals must be my morals? If you don’t like what I do, don’t watch. Is it just that people are afraid that someone is having more fun than they are? Well of course we are, because we are not spending all of our time worrying about what everyone else is doing. We are just living our lives. - Jack

Another common problem

2007-12-05T08:42:00.000-08:00

OK, an embarrassing issue that can best be discussed in an online forum. Skin rashes. Below are some links to very good sites that discuss a variety of rashes. For the sake of the therapist, if you have a rash, look it up and get it treated. The vast majority of rashes can be treated quickly and easily and will clear up nicely.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/skin-rash/SN00016&slide=1

http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/tools/symptom/545.html

http://www.medicinenet.com/rash/article.htm

Many rashes are very contagious, while I usually am able to spot them and avoid them, there are times in my massage that my hand will slide under a leg or elsewhere that I may not see a rash first. When asked about aches, pains, injuries or illnesses always point out any rashes that you might have. If you have a rash and have discovered that it is a contagious type, do not get a massage. Treat the rash and wait for it to completely clear before scheduling a massage.

There is also a common issue of anal leakage. Everyone has anal leakage to some degree. Most people only are concerned with marks on their underwear or unpleasant odors. Another very real concern is the moisture involved as it often leads to the equivalent of adult diaper rash. This can be treated fairly easily, but one needs to be aware of it. If you are experiencing anal itch or pain, stand with your back to a mirror and bend over and spread your cheeks, if it is bright red in color and looks irritated, you may have “diaper rash” and it needs to be treated.

Skin care is an important part of all of our lives. Drink plenty of water, if you use a skin cream, look for something with Vitamin E which is great for repairing the skin (it does not need to cost a lot) and take some time to examine your skin. Stop smoking, it is terrible for your skin. Take a good long bath. It is good for the skin and it helps you relax. Stress is terrible for the skin (and the rest of your body). With in 6 months after quitting my corporate job, friends commented I looked refreshed, when I ran into an old co-worker a year later they accused me of getting “a whole bunch of plastic surgery done” because I looked so much younger without all that stress. Wash yourself all over daily. Dry yourself thoroughly after a shower or bath, a simple task but apparently too much work for some (get some good quality soft luxurious towels). Some men swear by talcum powder.

The interesting thing is that none of these care tips for men are new. Up trough the 1950’s, good grooming habits for men were standard and something that was passed down from father to son, everything from how to shave, treat your skin, trim unwanted hair. Why they fell by the way is beyond me, but it is time we pick them up again. Men are living longer than ever these days, we need to be sure that our skin and body can last and look good for a long time to come. - Jack

Thoughts on Straight People

2007-12-03T16:51:00.000-08:00

I was invited to no less than 4 naked parties this past weekend. These ranged from a naked happy hour at a local bar to an elegant early Christmas party to a good ol’ fashion naked play party. I didn’t go to any of them. I know, if you don't take advantage of these things, they will go away, but I wanted to spend some time with my partner.

Still, I think it is fascinating that nudity is catching on. There are 5 naked yoga classes for men a week here. There are 4 well organized male oriented nudist social groups that I am aware of. There is always the local bath house which most people still wear a towel at, but more and more are carrying the towel over their shoulder (not that I would know personally mind you, it is just what I have been told).

I used to feel sorry for the straight people; I just assumed that straight people do not have the same kind of fun as gay people. I may be wrong. I know that the straights are kinkier than the gays. There are a couple of organized kink groups for gay men but there are several for straights (they say they are pansexual, but that is just being PC). There is a small dungeon owned and operated by a few gay men and a really large one owned and operated by a straight guy. The large one has a men’s only party once a month that I really should go to, I really want to see the inside of the place, but I hear the attendance has been really low. Besides, I would have to dig out my S and M toy bag which is covered with dust under my bed. The rest of the month (at least 3 times a week, often more) it is used by straight people.

The straights have several organizations here: swinging, BDSM, education, playing and etc. Somehow I have gotten on quite a few of their mailing lists. I love that straights can get kinky and wild. It gives me hope for the future. While some of the groups have very strict rules about attendance, most are pretty gung ho about anything. The swingers will only allow couples and single women, no single men. Basically saying that it is OK for the women to go there but we are too macho for the guys to play together. That is not exactly true. The reason for the rule is to encourage the women to feel safe and to control the numbers. If it were open to anyone, there would be 50 men for every one woman (at least that is what happened with my co-ed on-line massage group). While that would not bother me in particular, it would bother a lot of the guys.

The BDSM groups tend to be a bit more balanced naturally. I am not sure why that is, but I can tell you that there are some pretty aggressive dominant women out there. I have attended a few of their classes and met a wide range of people and let me tell you, most of the men were being very submissive. I hear that the parties are a lot more balanced between male and female doms. They have several conventions a year here, hosted be different groups. They also have a summer camp in a near be town (used to be a kids summer camp) which hosts something nearly every weekend and many multi week functions.

Anyway, these straight groups boast very large and active memberships. There are numerous subgroups that have their own interests like bondage groups, pony play, spanking, sissy maids, under 40 and of course those that gather for theatre events or for brunch. The reason this has me so excited is that these people are forming good friendships and communities based on their sexual lives. I thought only gay men and lesbians did that. These are groups of people who have different politics, religions, ethnic backgrounds and education levels getting together because of their love of sex. Like all groups, they have their issues. I have seen some in-fighting and arguing over policies and the occasional “he said, she said” spats in their on-line exchanges. I have also seen them ban together when one of them needed a hand, or a club was in trouble, or a law needed changing. I have seen them mourn the loss of one of their own. I have seen them yell with pride when one of them gets recognized for a deed in their “normal” lives. They laugh together, they play together, fight, make-up, agree to disagree, celebrate their victories and rally after a loss. Yeah for them!

Some straight men have been attending naked yoga and they want to start a co-ed class. It takes a lot of work and dedication, but mostly it takes one person to stand up and say “OK, what do I need to do” and then do it. I am sure if they want it bad enough, it can happen. I hope it does. - Jack

To tip or not to tip, that is the question

2007-12-02T09:47:00.000-08:00

This is actually the most common question I get asked, not during a session mind you, but on-line. Do I tip my masseur, and if so, how much? One man wrote in an on-line discussion “If a therapist works for a studio, s/he certainly deserves a tip (if the massage was good), but if the therapist has an independent practice, s/he sets his/her own rates and shouldn't expect anything on top of that. If a client wishes to give more, fine, but since the price is set by the therapist (unlike in studios, where the MT receives substantially less than the price of the massage), then there is no reason to pay the therapist more than that. After all, we aren't morally obligated or expected to pay our doctor or plumbing contractor more than the price that that professional sets for their services.”

Yeah, well we don’t charge as much as a doctor or a plumber either and I always offer my plumber water, cookies, or whatever I can find, I want him to do as good a job as possible.

Tipping: When going to a salon, 15% to 20% is a good tip since most therapists there have to pay a fee to the owner of the salon for using their space. When going to a private in home studio a tip should not be expected since the therapist should be charging enough to cover their expenses and make a profit. That being said, there is nothing wrong with tipping in-home therapists either.
I tip based on the following:

· How satisfied am I with the massage?

· How close to the time paid was length of the massage (if I paid for 60 min did I get 60)? In case you were wondering, it takes the average client less than one minute to undress and get on the table, same for getting dressed.

· Did I spend a lot of time talking before or after the massage? Time is money, my average client spends at least 15 extra minutes, some much more, including one chatty fellow who has spent an extra hour asking me all kinds of questions until I pushed him out the door.

· What was the original price for the massage? I will tip better to therapists that are charging below average for the market; less for those who are charging the top rates.

· Was I a difficult client? Was I late, was I too early, did I have to re-schedule (big tip), did I have to make numerous calls or emails to the therapist before making the appointment? If I am any more than 10 minutes late and the therapist still offers and provides me with the length of time I originally requested, that is a big tip. Any time you cancel an appointment, especially same day, offer to pay at least half of the agreed fee. This is time that was set aside for you that the therapist could not give to someone else.

· Did I use his shower?

· Did I make any special requests of the therapist?
These bring us to the Erotic or Sensual massage, remember that this practice is illegal in almost every state in the union and can cost a masseur his license, his job, he can be arrested and fined large amounts of money and not allowed to work as a licensed masseur in that state ever again. For this reason alone, any masseur willing to provide this service deserves a huge tip.

I think that prostitution should be legalized, and I think that it is even more unfortunate that an erotic massage would be considered prostitution.

For me, Erotic or Sensual massage falls into two categories based on whether the giver can actually give a massage or not. There area lot of rub and tug people out there who can not give a one hour massage but give a light little rub down and then jack off the client. I don't believe these people should be paid at all (and yet, they usually have the highest rates). If the person can give a real massage and adds sensual or erotic elements and does not charge more for them, I would give them a very nice tip since this is going above and beyond the standard massage. If the therapist charges more for erotic elements, I do not tip (these people bother me and I don't know why). If the massage is in any way interactive (meaning I am allowed to touch the giver), another big tip since this is definitely going above and beyond and takes far more energy and concentration. Never assume that you are giving the therapist what he wants when you are touching him. He is actually giving you what he thinks you want.
I always tip my masseurs (CMT or otherwise, Spa or otherwise) 20% unless it was simply a really bad massage and of course what I can afford at the time. Contrary to popular belief, massage is not a get rich quick profession. According to data from the American Massage Therapy Association:
1. The average masseur works for himself (responsible for their own insurance, benefits, supplies, etc.)
2. Gives less than 10 massages a week.
3. Stays in the industry for less than 8 years.
4. Earns less than $30,000 a year (including tips).
5. Works another job to pay the bills
I do not begrudge someone who cannot afford to tip, I understand that and usually someone who can afford to will tip too much and it will balance in the end. To raise the fee of my work would prevent someone from getting a massage who may really need it. I trust in the balance of the universe.

That being said, I am very honest with the IRS and keep track of every tip that I receive and who gave it to me. I wish I was the kind of person who could say this never has any affect on my service. I am not. Tipping does affect priority of select appointment times, will I change my plans to give a massage, will I forgive them for being late or very early, or canceling, and yes it probably affects the service they get on my table though that is not a conscience decision. Though I hate to admit it, I have even seen bad clients again if they tipped really well, although I still draw lines and there are some I would never see again, regardless or what they paid. I will be more likely to accommodate special requests to a good tipper. A fellow body worker had this to say “Non tippers get what they pay for- if they are late it comes out of their time, and they will be in and out in as close to time as possible. So, tipping- even a little to show appreciation for a good service is not only classy- but expedient. The irony is that most clients who DO tip also tend to ask the least of you- whereas most who don’t also tend to be higher maintenance all the way around.” I too have found that a few of my non-tipping clients tend to be high maintenance.

Another very reasonable practice in some parts of the world is the giving of gifts to the masseur, either something that the client has made or something that the client feels the masseur might enjoy. Personally, I would rather have the cash, but I do usually appreciate the thought (though I have gotten a bit weirded out and worried about the massage relationship, see previous blogs).

I do not do barters for massages. I do not give discounts for students, senior citizens, jocks or pretty boys. I will occasionally do a massage exchange, though if you have read the rest of my blogs, you will know that I have many bad experiences from that.

So, the long and the short of it is you can make your own rules about tipping but the provider will notice and probably remember in the future. - Jack

Some times we all get stuck

2007-12-01T20:30:00.001-08:00

For those who read my blog on a regular basis and keep track of what goes on in my world, you know that I recently had gone through some depressing times, and took some time off. I had been feeling sorry for myself and more than ever wondering what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I was also having feelings of failure and inadequacy. On top of it all I was feeling old and that it was too late to do anything at new with my life.

I am 40 years old.

We all fall victim to negative thoughts and feelings at times. We get stuck in our lives and can’t see a way forward. For some, these are momentary instances, for others, they can drag on for weeks, months or even years. Even if we are aware of what is happening, we most likely cannot force our way out. Negative feelings can completely consume any sense of normal self-worth from the way one feels about the way they look, to pride in your work, to one’s ability to maintain a relationship with others. It is impossible to love someone else if you hate yourself.

The tie-in to body work is that many men come to me in exactly this state. What has brought them to this state is anybody’s guess. Life can be hard and difficult even in the best of circumstances, add in confusion about your sexual orientation or whatever and major depression can set in.

Why would they come to a body worker? It is often my job to make the client feel good about them selves, physically and mentally. For one hour to 90 minutes, this person can be the center of the universe. Someone is willing to pamper and caress every inch of their body and asks for nothing in return, well, except for money, but if I do my job right, they won’t think about that until just before they open the door to leave.

So, what good does feeling better for an hour or 90 minutes? With a little bit of luck, that will be a jumping off place, maybe a chance for them to think clearly for few minutes or an hour so that they can start finding their way out of the darkness. Feeling good again will also help them recognize that they are in a funk or depression perhaps triggering the desire to do something about it. Several of my clients have seen me regularly for 6 months or so and then suddenly disappear. Occasionally I will hear from them again, letting me know that they are in a much better place emotionally. Some have found support groups or sought other forms of counseling. Some have found new relationships that which is a big sign that they are feeling better. Still others have started whole new lives. I am not saying that what I have done for these men cured or even directly affected what happened in their lives, but maybe, it started a chain reaction or tipped a balance.

So what about me and my depression? Well, I was laughing with some friends and I realized that I had not been that happy for quite some time. I was coming out of what ever hole I had fallen into and I didn’t want to go back in. I suddenly was in a position of being able to make a choice, I could fall or I could find a goal and start climbing. I hope that I will keep going up. If it takes 5 years to accomplish a goal and you are already 40, so what, you are going to be 45 either way. - Jack

Back to the big “O”

2007-11-30T10:09:00.001-08:00

OK, so after I wrote the OOPS! Blog about premature ejaculators, I thought a lot about those who have the opposite problem, those who will not orgasm.

I can count on one hand the number of clients who have requested a release on my table and were not able to have one. I am not talking about men who cannot ejaculate due to prostate surgery; they still have the orgasm just without the ejaculate. I am also not talking about the men who cannot achieve an erection; they can still have an orgasm as well, including ejaculation. I am talking about men who are hard and medically able but sometimes just can’t have an orgasm.

The main reason there have been so few men who were unable to orgasm on my table is because the body work experience is very relaxing. Relax the body and the mind will follow. Orgasms are much easier if you have stopped thinking about work or your house or wife or kids or whatever.

The Psychology of the Big “O” is interesting. That is basically what it comes down to, a mental ability to have an orgasm. One of the few men who could not orgasm actually warned me before hand that he would probably not be able to have an orgasm since he has only been able to have orgasms alone. He has never been able to have an orgasm in the presence of another person. He only came to see me once, which is a shame because I would have liked to help him more with this issue. Obviously he was unable to orgasm with me in that one session because his mind was already made up that it could not happen. One the biggest hurdles in achieving orgasms is to give yourself permission. You can’t demand it, you can’t force, you can’t fear it, you have to say “yes, it is OK to have an orgasm now.” Sounds strange, but it is true.

In many cases, permission can come from an outside source. Perhaps this sounds familiar to you? “Shoot it! Do it now!” or maybe a little coaxing “Oh yeah baby, let me see you shoot, oh yeah, I feel it building, oh yeah, shoot it for me baby!” In these cases, orgasms are brought about by the decision being taken away from you. I have used this technique on a lot of men and the secret to making it work is the timing, I have to wait until it is obvious that they are having a problem and that they are on the brink of an orgasm but can’t quite make it over. The reason for the waiting to say something is that you have to take away the thought process. If you start too early the client may be thinking “he wants me to orgasm, I want me to orgasm, I need to orgasm for him, why can’t I orgasm?” The thought process you want is like this “I want to orgasm, I am so close, why can’t I orgasm?” then I interrupt with “Shoot it! Do it now!” very commanding and they are taken by surprised and just do it.

The issue for a couple of my clients is that they are not accustomed to receiving pleasure from another. Seriously. Biologically, men usually play a very active role in the sex act. To try to have an orgasm while being passive is very difficult for many men (my self included). It is difficult to just lie there and not engage in the sexual act. That is why I often allow mutual touch in my work, even if it is just holding my penis, it can make a world of difference.

For another client, it is described as sensory overload. If I am working his penis, balls, anus and occasionally tweaking his nips he cannot orgasm. He loves the feelings but it is too much. I can only work one thing at a time, finishing with just the penis while he closes his eyes.

One of the worst things that you can do, when trying to give a man an orgasm, is the “faster and harder” method as this almost never works. It usually just causes irritation. A slow, steady and firm hand is usually the best method. It is also a good idea to ask the man what his trigger is, most of us have them. For me it is my scrotum, for some it is their nipples (this does little for me). For one gentleman I work with it is his neck, rubbing the back of his neck is a sure trigger to make him fly.
I have a straight client who can only release at the end of his session and even then it takes a bit of time. Of course like all straight men, the moment I stoke his anus with my finger, he explodes. ;-) - Jack