So the partner and I decided to go to the beach this past weekend with another couple. They have been friends of ours for years now and we have done this trip before. We stayed at a clothing optional Bed and Breakfast that was a good distance from the beach (which meant we really didn't spend any time at the beach). The B+B had a nice in-ground pool (that was really cold), a very nice courtyard for sunning yourself naked, a large hot tub and a small gym with a sauna. Everything for the perfect get away except for a restaurant.
Now, I don't know how many of you have ever stayed at a clothing optional gay B+B, but they can get a bit cruisy at times. Not that there is anything wrong with that mind you. There are 11 rooms and it was full up, most with couples but a couple of singles as well. It was a nice variety of men from young preppy, to muscular, to bears to a very sweet older couple who won the award for most displays of public affection.
My favorite thing about staying at a place like this is meeting new people. I love getting to know some new friends for a few days. Makes me feel like I am in one of those Agatha Christie movies where a bunch of strangers are thrown together and mysteries start to unravel. Who knows whom before they arrived, who is with whom, who is alone, where are they from, what are they looking for if they are looking for anything? This place also allows day passes for those who cannot afford the rooms or are living near by and just want to sun naked.
Joe is one who apparently lives near by. We saw him every day come and work out in the gym (wearing just a jock strap) and then either lie out in the sun for a while or sit in the hot tub or the sauna (naked). Interesting thing about Joe, he is apparently a fire fighter and just likes to hang out naked, he was not looking for sex. Now he has an incredible body (works out every day) and could get just about anyone he wanted but from what the owners told me, he is basically straight and just comes for nudity. He has apparently on occasion let someone service him but only if there was no one else around.
The owners are a gay couple, one with a body builder shape and the other more or less a little nerdy (in a cute kind of way) in their late 40's. Only the nerdy one was there this weekend since this is only one of several businesses that they own and his partner watches over the others. Our host was a lonely man. Owning a B+B is a lonely job apparently. No one stays for long, you have work to do when everyone else is enjoying themselves, and you shouldn't "play" with the guests since it blurs the line of host and guest and can lead to you being taken advantage of. Apparently it is not uncommon for someone to offer sex and then ask that their bill be reduced accordingly.
Our friends arrived about 8 hours before we did and apparently got busy with someone on a day pass within the first hour. I know because they told me. So did our host and another couple that was staying there. Apparently a gay B+B is not the place to keep secrets.
Going on a trip with friends is fascinating on many levels. It can be a test of the friendship. It can also make the trip much more enjoyable. Spending time with your friends while naked really means that you trust and like your friends a great deal. We had a great time drinking and swimming and hot tubbing and playing board games (all naked). Did we cross any new boundaries? No. That's not what we were there for (at least not with each other). I am not sure what my reaction would have been if someone had put it on the table, sex with our good friends. My fear is that it would change the nature of our friendship, my hope would be that it would not and we could all have a few good laughs. Would I or wouldn't I? I think it really depends on the moment and how everyone was feeling about it at the time.
One of the mysteries that weekend was the man sitting alone on his balcony in the dark, chain smoking cigarettes and working on his computer the evening when we arrived. I made it one of my objectives to find out his story. I did not see him at all the next day and wondered if he had checked out. I asked our host who explained he was a last minute guest who arrived a couple of days earlier. He took the best room for the first two nights but since it was booked by someone else for the rest of the weekend, he had moved to one of the smaller rooms. That night after my partner and our friends had gone to bed, I was sitting in the courtyard in my PJ's (it got chilly at night) unable to sleep. I see someone walk out of the house and around the long way to the opposite side of the pool, sit in a chair and light up. Since I had seen no one else smoking, I assumed it was our mystery man. He was sitting in a chair directly opposite me, looking casually my way. I walk around the pool and introduce my self. Standing next to him, I gauge his age at around 40, very handsome and in excellent shape, dressed in walking shorts and an open jacket. He has a short crew cut and the cigarette gives him a mysterious and slightly dangerous look (amazing how easily we can fall into stereotypes). He says his name is Nick and he has a broad smile. His manner of speech could best be described as slightly California surfer. I mentioned that I had not seen him during the day and he explained that he had gotten too much Sun the day before and stayed in today. Looking up at what has been his point of view for the last 10 minutes or so I see that he had a direct line of view of the older couple having sex in their room with the curtains wide open, they would have been behind me when I was sitting in my chair. Realizing this was probably what he was looking at, I make some short polite chit chat (names, where we are from, have you stayed here before) and then excuse myself to go back to my seat. After a few minutes he comes over to me and we continue our conversation. He has interesting job with a major cosmetic company and gets to go to Milan and Paris on a regular basis for work. He loves the job but not the gay men he works with (wearing their latest sexual conquest as if displaying the latest shirt from Milan). He asks me to continue the conversation in his room since it is chilly and my partner is asleep in mine. I go. Well, as you can assume, he did have ulterior motives. Now normally I would consider this guy out of my league, but he was coming on to me and who was I to say no? He proceeded to give me one of the most sensual and loving BJ's I have ever had. He allows me to play with him, but tells me that he is not interested in an orgasm for himself but just wants to give me pleasure. Again, who am I to say no to that? After we have finished, I excuse myself to go take a shower outside before retiring for the evening. He insists upon washing me himself and lovingly washes me from head to toe. Love the occasional mystery man.
I think that is enough for now. There is more to tell on this weekend, but I will save it for later.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Underwear...
Anonymous said...
can you talk about guys and their choice of underwear that you see. any correlation between orientation and the type of underwear? i like to wear thongs and I'm straight. have to hide it from my wife as she isn't too keen on them.
OK, I do see a lot of underwear in my job. What does it say about a guy? Well....
Let's start with the real purpose of underwear. It is a protective garment meant to keep your other garments from getting soiled with sweat or "other" stains. Later, some was designed to offer support to keep from flopping around or from "showing" your good through certain garments. Side note: in Wisconsin there is a law on the books that it is illegal for a man to show an erection through his clothing in public, so be careful in WI. Today there is also "enhancing" underwear to give a boost to what nature gave you.
Fashion follows function and a wide variety of styles, colors and prints have become popular in the last 50 years.
Now, in my practice I do take note of the underwear of my clients because it will say something about them. I have both sensual and non sensual clients and sometimes, with a new client, I will take stock of their underwear if I am unsure of what they are looking for. Some observations follow.
First, the more money one spends on their underwear is usually related to how sensual they are as people. They wear undergarments to bring attention to their genitals and butts. They usually like to wear undergarments that make them feel good there as well. Gay men in general spend more money on their underwear than straight men.
Younger men tend to wear longer undergarments like boxers and boxer briefs. Older men tend to wear briefs or smaller (though some much older men have only worn boxers in their entire lives).
Commando (no underwear) accounts for only about one out of every 30 clients. These are also the men who will start stripping the moment they enter the room.
Thongs are the least common of types of underwear I see. Most of the time a man who wears thongs has an underwear fetish and finds them sexy. This person usually likes to see others dressed similarly and often owns a large collection of underwear and is always interested in more.
Tightey Whiteys are usually only worn by straight men who may or may not be interested in an erotic massage but if they are, it is something that they are just recently getting into with guys.
Old white boxers tell me they are probably only looking for a regular massage (again, straight). Not saying that straight men don't wear any or all of the above.
Boxer Briefs are currently the most popular style that I see followed by fashion briefs in a variety of colors.
Men who are "coming out" later in life will often start buying more fashionable underwear.
I notice that a lot of men don't wear underwear that fits them. Older men tend to buy underwear too small and younger men to wear underwear too large. Very old men tend to wear boxers that are too large.
I do have a couple of clients that are true underwear lovers that never wear the same underwear twice to see me. They will show up in thongs, jocks, mesh, leather, nylon, chain or whatever they love on that day. Occasionally I have been asked to wear special underwear (I only do this if I already own it or if they provide it) and even to wear the underwear that they had been wearing (I did this once) and then they wore it home again.
I do not understand the current fascination with the younger generation to wear their pants down below their butt and show some baggy boxers. I snicker every time I see it. They look silly! I am sure they feel sexy and someone somewhere must find them sexy but I still laugh. By the way, I personally do not know any gay men who do this, I am sure they are some somewhere.
Do I find underwear sexy? Sure, sometimes. More when I was younger than I do now. I usually wear boxer briefs myself since they are comfortable. Occasionally I will wear one of the more interesting pairs that I have a few of. Occasionally I like to go "Commando."
So, does wearing a thong make you gay or bisexual? No. Having a desire to have sex with other men makes you gay or bisexual. Wearing a thong is simply a sign that you are a sensual person.
Nothing wrong with that as far as I am concerned...
can you talk about guys and their choice of underwear that you see. any correlation between orientation and the type of underwear? i like to wear thongs and I'm straight. have to hide it from my wife as she isn't too keen on them.
OK, I do see a lot of underwear in my job. What does it say about a guy? Well....
Let's start with the real purpose of underwear. It is a protective garment meant to keep your other garments from getting soiled with sweat or "other" stains. Later, some was designed to offer support to keep from flopping around or from "showing" your good through certain garments. Side note: in Wisconsin there is a law on the books that it is illegal for a man to show an erection through his clothing in public, so be careful in WI. Today there is also "enhancing" underwear to give a boost to what nature gave you.
Fashion follows function and a wide variety of styles, colors and prints have become popular in the last 50 years.
Now, in my practice I do take note of the underwear of my clients because it will say something about them. I have both sensual and non sensual clients and sometimes, with a new client, I will take stock of their underwear if I am unsure of what they are looking for. Some observations follow.
First, the more money one spends on their underwear is usually related to how sensual they are as people. They wear undergarments to bring attention to their genitals and butts. They usually like to wear undergarments that make them feel good there as well. Gay men in general spend more money on their underwear than straight men.
Younger men tend to wear longer undergarments like boxers and boxer briefs. Older men tend to wear briefs or smaller (though some much older men have only worn boxers in their entire lives).
Commando (no underwear) accounts for only about one out of every 30 clients. These are also the men who will start stripping the moment they enter the room.
Thongs are the least common of types of underwear I see. Most of the time a man who wears thongs has an underwear fetish and finds them sexy. This person usually likes to see others dressed similarly and often owns a large collection of underwear and is always interested in more.
Tightey Whiteys are usually only worn by straight men who may or may not be interested in an erotic massage but if they are, it is something that they are just recently getting into with guys.
Old white boxers tell me they are probably only looking for a regular massage (again, straight). Not saying that straight men don't wear any or all of the above.
Boxer Briefs are currently the most popular style that I see followed by fashion briefs in a variety of colors.
Men who are "coming out" later in life will often start buying more fashionable underwear.
I notice that a lot of men don't wear underwear that fits them. Older men tend to buy underwear too small and younger men to wear underwear too large. Very old men tend to wear boxers that are too large.
I do have a couple of clients that are true underwear lovers that never wear the same underwear twice to see me. They will show up in thongs, jocks, mesh, leather, nylon, chain or whatever they love on that day. Occasionally I have been asked to wear special underwear (I only do this if I already own it or if they provide it) and even to wear the underwear that they had been wearing (I did this once) and then they wore it home again.
I do not understand the current fascination with the younger generation to wear their pants down below their butt and show some baggy boxers. I snicker every time I see it. They look silly! I am sure they feel sexy and someone somewhere must find them sexy but I still laugh. By the way, I personally do not know any gay men who do this, I am sure they are some somewhere.
Do I find underwear sexy? Sure, sometimes. More when I was younger than I do now. I usually wear boxer briefs myself since they are comfortable. Occasionally I will wear one of the more interesting pairs that I have a few of. Occasionally I like to go "Commando."
So, does wearing a thong make you gay or bisexual? No. Having a desire to have sex with other men makes you gay or bisexual. Wearing a thong is simply a sign that you are a sensual person.
Nothing wrong with that as far as I am concerned...
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Ahhhh..... Springtime, when a young man's fancy turns to other young men.... and my allergies act up. I have talked before about the issues my allergies can have on my work. It is hard to get and keep an erection with a sinus headache and even more difficult if I am zoning on antihistamines. The weather this Spring has been difficult. The weather got hot for a few short days very early and has been cold, wet and dreary for weeks. This is bad for business. I should have been busy with week leading to the full moon, but it was too slow for words.
Had a new client today though, a plumber. I love when I get a client with an unexpected career. How many plumber are there who come to a guy for erotic massage? Probably more than we would expect. He was a handsome dark skinned man, about 6'1", 200+ pounds, muscular with a very large bubble butt. He asked for a combination of some deep tissue and sensual work. Fine with me. He strips down and hops on the table face down, I stay dressed since this was not discussed. I work on his back, his muscles are hard and I use a good deal of pressure and check with him often. While a man may have great muscles, he may have a very low pain tolerance.
He has only asked for an hour massage and there is a lot to do so I end the work on the upper back earlier than I would have liked (there were several knots that needed attention) and work the lower back for a bit. He is a butt lifter, every time I graze one of those bubble butt cheeks he lifts his butt and waves it in the air. This usually means he's a bottom, but not always.
I work the legs and my eventually I get back to his butt. A few exploratory touches reveal that he definitely likes a bit of butt play. His dick is hard and extending between his legs (worth noting that despite the size of his butt, feet and hands; his dick is average). I go for broke and let a well lubed finger start sliding in. He seems to be enjoying the attention, his butt is undulating. The finger slips in and I find his prostate, his butt clenches on to my finger with an incredible amount of pressure. This is not unusual, most men will involuntarily clench when the prostate is first touched. He does not let go. I eventually slowly slide my finger back out and let him relax. I give him a light touch all over and again slowly work a finger in. There is no resistance until again, I hit the prostate and he clenches hard and does not let go. I again slowly withdraw and let it be. He has been very quiet through all of this. I climb onto the table and work on his back, he is still waving his butt at my crotch. After dismounting, I wipe him down and ask him to turn over.
Working my way down from his shoulders I test his nipples, they do not seem to be overly sensitive. I rub his belly and watch his dick, it has been soft since he turned over. I graze the base of it and it stirs but does not get hard. I vary from the usual and work his legs for a while, still no reaction from his dick. Finally I just start rubbing it out right and occasionally letting a hand slip down to his crack, the dick is coming back to life; I play with his balls, it's getting much harder. I go back and tweak a nipple, they are very sensitive now. For the first time, the client is reaching for my crotch, fortunately I have a semi woody. I let him feel around through my clothes, he reaches for the waistband of my pants, trying to get his hand on my penis. I stop my work and fish out my dick for him to play with (wouldn't you?). For a plumber he has a pretty good touch. It happens within 30 seconds of touch my dick that he sighs and cums. Those reactions always surprise me; I am used to hearing grunts and yells.
I finish the massage and send him on his way. He was not a talker so other than the plumbing thing (he pulled up in a plumbing truck, so I asked) I know little about him. I don't believe he is married, no ring or noticeable missing ring spot. He could be bi or he might be gay or he might be "straight but curious". He had given me the money before we started so I don't think this was his first time. He was nice enough though like I said, not a talker and there is nothing wrong with that.
So what did you do today?
Had a new client today though, a plumber. I love when I get a client with an unexpected career. How many plumber are there who come to a guy for erotic massage? Probably more than we would expect. He was a handsome dark skinned man, about 6'1", 200+ pounds, muscular with a very large bubble butt. He asked for a combination of some deep tissue and sensual work. Fine with me. He strips down and hops on the table face down, I stay dressed since this was not discussed. I work on his back, his muscles are hard and I use a good deal of pressure and check with him often. While a man may have great muscles, he may have a very low pain tolerance.
He has only asked for an hour massage and there is a lot to do so I end the work on the upper back earlier than I would have liked (there were several knots that needed attention) and work the lower back for a bit. He is a butt lifter, every time I graze one of those bubble butt cheeks he lifts his butt and waves it in the air. This usually means he's a bottom, but not always.
I work the legs and my eventually I get back to his butt. A few exploratory touches reveal that he definitely likes a bit of butt play. His dick is hard and extending between his legs (worth noting that despite the size of his butt, feet and hands; his dick is average). I go for broke and let a well lubed finger start sliding in. He seems to be enjoying the attention, his butt is undulating. The finger slips in and I find his prostate, his butt clenches on to my finger with an incredible amount of pressure. This is not unusual, most men will involuntarily clench when the prostate is first touched. He does not let go. I eventually slowly slide my finger back out and let him relax. I give him a light touch all over and again slowly work a finger in. There is no resistance until again, I hit the prostate and he clenches hard and does not let go. I again slowly withdraw and let it be. He has been very quiet through all of this. I climb onto the table and work on his back, he is still waving his butt at my crotch. After dismounting, I wipe him down and ask him to turn over.
Working my way down from his shoulders I test his nipples, they do not seem to be overly sensitive. I rub his belly and watch his dick, it has been soft since he turned over. I graze the base of it and it stirs but does not get hard. I vary from the usual and work his legs for a while, still no reaction from his dick. Finally I just start rubbing it out right and occasionally letting a hand slip down to his crack, the dick is coming back to life; I play with his balls, it's getting much harder. I go back and tweak a nipple, they are very sensitive now. For the first time, the client is reaching for my crotch, fortunately I have a semi woody. I let him feel around through my clothes, he reaches for the waistband of my pants, trying to get his hand on my penis. I stop my work and fish out my dick for him to play with (wouldn't you?). For a plumber he has a pretty good touch. It happens within 30 seconds of touch my dick that he sighs and cums. Those reactions always surprise me; I am used to hearing grunts and yells.
I finish the massage and send him on his way. He was not a talker so other than the plumbing thing (he pulled up in a plumbing truck, so I asked) I know little about him. I don't believe he is married, no ring or noticeable missing ring spot. He could be bi or he might be gay or he might be "straight but curious". He had given me the money before we started so I don't think this was his first time. He was nice enough though like I said, not a talker and there is nothing wrong with that.
So what did you do today?
Friday, May 8, 2009
Forget your troubles...
First off, again, I will apologize for not writing in a very long time. I took some time off for the holidays and then I thought I would wait to see if anyone missed me. They didn't. At least not enough to say so. Finally someone wrote asking if I had quit so I will write again.
What has happened in the intervening months? Not a lot. Had some good weeks and some not so good weeks as far as business goes. It has continued to decline over all. I really must find a new source of main income. If I need to quit doing Bodywork to make that happen I will. Just so everyone understands, I have no issues with the work I do, others may. It simply is not paying the bills.
Of course work is hard to find these days since the economy is in the toilet. There have been reports of people committing suicide and taking their spouses and/or children with them. Well on some level I can understand their frustration and even their depression; I do not understand the actual exits. If I were suicidal, I would hope that I remember that it is always an option and I can do it later after I really freaking live my life for a while. For example: I quit my high paying job a few years back and have now gone through all my savings and am in quite a bit of debt. I have no great future prospects as this time and to be honest the thought of starting over in a new career is not appealing. SO? I can always kill myself later. For now I may as well enjoy the fact that I am here. Go see some free museums or live theater or movies or hitch hike to somewhere or whatever. I mean it's not as if I can undo any of the choices that have brought me to this point. I quit my job because I was miserable. Happiness is still a choice for any of us. So I have no retirement plan, I can always kill myself later. Right?
I mean if I wanted to get depressed I could, but why? So I have not had a single client all week, OK, hopefully I will be overworked next week, in the mean time, I am writing my blog again. So I still rent an apartment, I am not in fear of loosing a house. My partner has stuck with me through all of this and is actually thriving in his role of bread winner (mind you are income is still half of what it was 3 years ago). Great! I feel bad that I am not able to help more right now, but things will turn around. It is a time for me to think about what I want to do next, even if it does mean starting over. It's OK. I can always borrow a bunch of money and go back to college and get a Masters in something...
I was going to write about some other thoughts but I will end this here and save the rest for another day. Hopefully someone who is having a rough time will read this and think "I can live a while longer and enjoy life!" - Jack
What has happened in the intervening months? Not a lot. Had some good weeks and some not so good weeks as far as business goes. It has continued to decline over all. I really must find a new source of main income. If I need to quit doing Bodywork to make that happen I will. Just so everyone understands, I have no issues with the work I do, others may. It simply is not paying the bills.
Of course work is hard to find these days since the economy is in the toilet. There have been reports of people committing suicide and taking their spouses and/or children with them. Well on some level I can understand their frustration and even their depression; I do not understand the actual exits. If I were suicidal, I would hope that I remember that it is always an option and I can do it later after I really freaking live my life for a while. For example: I quit my high paying job a few years back and have now gone through all my savings and am in quite a bit of debt. I have no great future prospects as this time and to be honest the thought of starting over in a new career is not appealing. SO? I can always kill myself later. For now I may as well enjoy the fact that I am here. Go see some free museums or live theater or movies or hitch hike to somewhere or whatever. I mean it's not as if I can undo any of the choices that have brought me to this point. I quit my job because I was miserable. Happiness is still a choice for any of us. So I have no retirement plan, I can always kill myself later. Right?
I mean if I wanted to get depressed I could, but why? So I have not had a single client all week, OK, hopefully I will be overworked next week, in the mean time, I am writing my blog again. So I still rent an apartment, I am not in fear of loosing a house. My partner has stuck with me through all of this and is actually thriving in his role of bread winner (mind you are income is still half of what it was 3 years ago). Great! I feel bad that I am not able to help more right now, but things will turn around. It is a time for me to think about what I want to do next, even if it does mean starting over. It's OK. I can always borrow a bunch of money and go back to college and get a Masters in something...
I was going to write about some other thoughts but I will end this here and save the rest for another day. Hopefully someone who is having a rough time will read this and think "I can live a while longer and enjoy life!" - Jack
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Anal stimulation
I often wonder how many women are aware of the power that lies in a single finger. I know that most gay men do. All gay male sensual body workers should know.
One of the reasons that "straight" men will come to see a gay body worker is for a little attention to the areas that the Sun don't shine. Many have gone to female body workers and have gotten off one way or another, everything from hand jobs to blow jobs to a few who apparently will hop up on the table and use their vagina, it's true, I have had several clients tell me so.
They come to us for something a little more, which in the grand scheme of things is so much less. They want anal stimulation. No big deal for most of us, hell, a lot of us are happy to oblige.
The amount and the depth that they want varies and can be an interesting guessing game. Pretty much all men like external massage of the sphincter area, those who do not are just really tense and afraid of what might come next. If you can assure them that is all you are going to do and they relax a bit, they will love it as well. There are a lot of nerve endings in the area of the sphincter that get ignored for most of a life time. The only attention they get is a wipe of toilet paper and a little soapy water when showering. Most "straight" men do not think of the sphincter as a place for arousal when they are home masturbating (give it up, we all know you masturbate). The thought of lightly stroking down there is for some repulsive, for others "too gay," and simply does not occur for a good majority of the population.
So how is it that they come looking for me and my kind? Perhaps they read about it in a porn story, or heard a dirty joke, or saw it in a movie or heard about on a tv show (usually as a joke) or perhaps when they were showering one day, they noticed that soapy finger felt kind of good down there. The issue for most though is that they are fixated on penetration, that if something is rubbing around down there, the goal must be to stick it in. This is where it can go very wrong for the inexperienced.
There are a lot of jokes about prostate exams and how "uncomfortable" they are. Well, I had my first medical prostate exam last year and even as a gay man who has a lot of experience with my anal region, it was indeed uncomfortable. Icy cold lube smeared unceremoniously followed immediately with a rubber coated finger poking all the way in and yanked back out after a quick feel. It was as if every possible care was taken to make this procedure as nasty as it could be. The only thing that would have been worse is if they had not used any lube. It is because of experiences like this that many men fear penetration. Not that penetration is the end all and be all of anything. There are "tops" and "bottoms" in the world for a reason, being penetrated is not for everyone, but until it is approached in a calm and sympathetic manner, most men just know fear.
So, when approaching this in a massage, I start with a little tease. While the client is lying on his stomach and his entire back side has been massaged, I work on his glutes. Starting on the side that is opposite from the side of the table on which I am standing (So if I am on the right side of the table, I work the client's left glute) I knead the muscle tissue with both hands working in a circular motion around the glute. This will expose the sphincter to daylight and air for brief moments over and over again. When the glute is well worked, I work the crevice of the buttocks from top to bottom using my thumbs to lightly push the flesh out away from the sphincter area. I do this three times from top to bottom, lightly grazing the sphincter occasionally on the second and third passes. I then move to the other side of the table and repeat the process.
Once the second cheek is finished and the passes down the crevice are complete, I treat the entire buttocks as a whole with some sweeping circular strokes. Then the body is treated as a whole with long connecting strokes from the shoulders to the feet. I will then do a a very light stroke from between shoulder blades to the sphincter and lightly stroke the external sphincter alternating between up and down strokes and circular strokes. I will graze the balls and rub the perineum. After a few moments, I will follow the balls down and stroke the penis, if it is exposed, then move up between the shoulder blades and repeat, adding a bit more lube warmed in my hands each time. On the third time stroking the sphincter, I may let my thumb test the resistance of penetration (make sure your nails are well trimmed). It is generally pretty easy to tell at this point what the client is used to, many will lift their hips to try to impale themselves on my thumb, others simply open up and the thumb falls into the hole. With others, there may be a great deal of resistance and I simply continue to rub lightly, taking penetration off the table. Still others open after a moments hesitation then grasp my thumb tightly after penetration to the point where any movement on my part is nearly impossible. With these men, I simply let my thumb stay still while my other hand continues long strokes along their back and legs. When the sphincter relaxes, I may try a little back and forth or I may slowly pull out and repeat the process.
Many men feel confused or ashamed if they ejaculate at this moment, usually with out touching themselves or with minimal movement against the sheet. It's no big deal. Happens a lot. Really.
For many men, just the external massage is all they want, something that they don't get at home or those "other" massage parlors.
I will include some light external rubbing during the "release" portion of the massage on every man, regardless of their reactions earlier. Even the most uptight of men will enjoy their anus being rubbed while their penis being stimulated, and by this time, I usually have their trust that I will not try to rape them in any way.
So the moral of this lesson is "rub you anus every day, it feels good, and if their are any doctors reading this, seriously, slow down and let a guy relax a little for those prostate exams!"
One of the reasons that "straight" men will come to see a gay body worker is for a little attention to the areas that the Sun don't shine. Many have gone to female body workers and have gotten off one way or another, everything from hand jobs to blow jobs to a few who apparently will hop up on the table and use their vagina, it's true, I have had several clients tell me so.
They come to us for something a little more, which in the grand scheme of things is so much less. They want anal stimulation. No big deal for most of us, hell, a lot of us are happy to oblige.
The amount and the depth that they want varies and can be an interesting guessing game. Pretty much all men like external massage of the sphincter area, those who do not are just really tense and afraid of what might come next. If you can assure them that is all you are going to do and they relax a bit, they will love it as well. There are a lot of nerve endings in the area of the sphincter that get ignored for most of a life time. The only attention they get is a wipe of toilet paper and a little soapy water when showering. Most "straight" men do not think of the sphincter as a place for arousal when they are home masturbating (give it up, we all know you masturbate). The thought of lightly stroking down there is for some repulsive, for others "too gay," and simply does not occur for a good majority of the population.
So how is it that they come looking for me and my kind? Perhaps they read about it in a porn story, or heard a dirty joke, or saw it in a movie or heard about on a tv show (usually as a joke) or perhaps when they were showering one day, they noticed that soapy finger felt kind of good down there. The issue for most though is that they are fixated on penetration, that if something is rubbing around down there, the goal must be to stick it in. This is where it can go very wrong for the inexperienced.
There are a lot of jokes about prostate exams and how "uncomfortable" they are. Well, I had my first medical prostate exam last year and even as a gay man who has a lot of experience with my anal region, it was indeed uncomfortable. Icy cold lube smeared unceremoniously followed immediately with a rubber coated finger poking all the way in and yanked back out after a quick feel. It was as if every possible care was taken to make this procedure as nasty as it could be. The only thing that would have been worse is if they had not used any lube. It is because of experiences like this that many men fear penetration. Not that penetration is the end all and be all of anything. There are "tops" and "bottoms" in the world for a reason, being penetrated is not for everyone, but until it is approached in a calm and sympathetic manner, most men just know fear.
So, when approaching this in a massage, I start with a little tease. While the client is lying on his stomach and his entire back side has been massaged, I work on his glutes. Starting on the side that is opposite from the side of the table on which I am standing (So if I am on the right side of the table, I work the client's left glute) I knead the muscle tissue with both hands working in a circular motion around the glute. This will expose the sphincter to daylight and air for brief moments over and over again. When the glute is well worked, I work the crevice of the buttocks from top to bottom using my thumbs to lightly push the flesh out away from the sphincter area. I do this three times from top to bottom, lightly grazing the sphincter occasionally on the second and third passes. I then move to the other side of the table and repeat the process.
Once the second cheek is finished and the passes down the crevice are complete, I treat the entire buttocks as a whole with some sweeping circular strokes. Then the body is treated as a whole with long connecting strokes from the shoulders to the feet. I will then do a a very light stroke from between shoulder blades to the sphincter and lightly stroke the external sphincter alternating between up and down strokes and circular strokes. I will graze the balls and rub the perineum. After a few moments, I will follow the balls down and stroke the penis, if it is exposed, then move up between the shoulder blades and repeat, adding a bit more lube warmed in my hands each time. On the third time stroking the sphincter, I may let my thumb test the resistance of penetration (make sure your nails are well trimmed). It is generally pretty easy to tell at this point what the client is used to, many will lift their hips to try to impale themselves on my thumb, others simply open up and the thumb falls into the hole. With others, there may be a great deal of resistance and I simply continue to rub lightly, taking penetration off the table. Still others open after a moments hesitation then grasp my thumb tightly after penetration to the point where any movement on my part is nearly impossible. With these men, I simply let my thumb stay still while my other hand continues long strokes along their back and legs. When the sphincter relaxes, I may try a little back and forth or I may slowly pull out and repeat the process.
Many men feel confused or ashamed if they ejaculate at this moment, usually with out touching themselves or with minimal movement against the sheet. It's no big deal. Happens a lot. Really.
For many men, just the external massage is all they want, something that they don't get at home or those "other" massage parlors.
I will include some light external rubbing during the "release" portion of the massage on every man, regardless of their reactions earlier. Even the most uptight of men will enjoy their anus being rubbed while their penis being stimulated, and by this time, I usually have their trust that I will not try to rape them in any way.
So the moral of this lesson is "rub you anus every day, it feels good, and if their are any doctors reading this, seriously, slow down and let a guy relax a little for those prostate exams!"
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thoughts
I deal mostly with men who are in relationships. I am not sure why that is, but it's true. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have a number of single clients who see me on a semi regular basis, but the bulk of my clientle are in relationships, gay or straight.
I think what amazes me even more is that they tell me. I don't mind hearing it, but I am not sure why they feel the need. I understand someone who has seen me on several occassions, but even a lot of first timers will tell me about their wife and children or what their partner does just before or after a sensual session. Does it make them feel better to be honest with me? Is it cathartic? Do they just need someone to talk to? Please understand that only a few tell me about problems in their relationships, most tell me the mundane things about vacations, jobs, in-laws and the such.
I guess that it wouldn't be so odd if there wasn't also the opposite group of guys. Those who will say fewer than 10 words, use a fake name and only call me from pay phones and park their cars on another street. These extreme opposites amuse me, though I actually understand the paronia more than the free font of information. If someone sees their time with me as something that they shouldn't be doing or as cheating on their spouse, then they are bound to take a few extra precautions, or if they are very deep in the closet and a member of some conservative political or religeous party (I do have clients like that, and I know because they told me, so maybe that shoots a hole in that theory).
Now it is true that there are those clients who think of our time together and a normal paid transaction, an exchange of services and monies. These people usually feel no guilt and would never consider what we are doing as a form of cheating since their is no emotional attachment. I am simply a very expensive sex toy that makes them fell good all over.
What brought this all to mind is that a recent client contacted me using his professional email address that had his name as the address. He is a semi-famous professor and author with a lovely wife and a couple of children and he contacted me asking specifically for a sensual massage. Now, a lesser type of person may have used this information for a possible extra gain. Thank god I am not that type of person.
Now, that being said, obviously such things enter my mind. To me, it is a funny passing thought. To others, it may not be. I hate to say that there are dishonest people in my business, but there are. In these tough economic times, I would be a little extra careful about how much and what kind of personal information you share with your bodyworker. A lack of money can make the kindest, sweetest, most honest person go a little crazy and do things that they would normally never do. Just be careful out there.
I think what amazes me even more is that they tell me. I don't mind hearing it, but I am not sure why they feel the need. I understand someone who has seen me on several occassions, but even a lot of first timers will tell me about their wife and children or what their partner does just before or after a sensual session. Does it make them feel better to be honest with me? Is it cathartic? Do they just need someone to talk to? Please understand that only a few tell me about problems in their relationships, most tell me the mundane things about vacations, jobs, in-laws and the such.
I guess that it wouldn't be so odd if there wasn't also the opposite group of guys. Those who will say fewer than 10 words, use a fake name and only call me from pay phones and park their cars on another street. These extreme opposites amuse me, though I actually understand the paronia more than the free font of information. If someone sees their time with me as something that they shouldn't be doing or as cheating on their spouse, then they are bound to take a few extra precautions, or if they are very deep in the closet and a member of some conservative political or religeous party (I do have clients like that, and I know because they told me, so maybe that shoots a hole in that theory).
Now it is true that there are those clients who think of our time together and a normal paid transaction, an exchange of services and monies. These people usually feel no guilt and would never consider what we are doing as a form of cheating since their is no emotional attachment. I am simply a very expensive sex toy that makes them fell good all over.
What brought this all to mind is that a recent client contacted me using his professional email address that had his name as the address. He is a semi-famous professor and author with a lovely wife and a couple of children and he contacted me asking specifically for a sensual massage. Now, a lesser type of person may have used this information for a possible extra gain. Thank god I am not that type of person.
Now, that being said, obviously such things enter my mind. To me, it is a funny passing thought. To others, it may not be. I hate to say that there are dishonest people in my business, but there are. In these tough economic times, I would be a little extra careful about how much and what kind of personal information you share with your bodyworker. A lack of money can make the kindest, sweetest, most honest person go a little crazy and do things that they would normally never do. Just be careful out there.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Unpleasant times
Sorry for the delay. I have a lot on my mind again and bit of an issue trying to put it all in to words.
I want to write a much longer post soon, but I think it will help if I get this off my chest first.
For anyone considering a profession similar to mine, I must remind you that it has it's pitfalls. A couple of weeks ago, I had a very unpleasant encounter. I have been very fortunate since these are very few and far between, but I do believe that it should still be discussed.
The encounter was with a client who had seen me once before, almost a full year before, I keep good enough records that I can usually look something like that up. It was a sensual massage, not much different than a lot that I do. The client was a big guy in his late 30's early 40's. When it was over, he compliments my work, gets dressed and says "I'll pay you next time." Money being as tight as it is, and the fact that the last time I saw this guy was a year ago, I protest.
I explain that I don't do business that way and if he needs to get some cash, I will happily walk across the street with him while he gets some out of the ATM. He starts on about how I can trust him, and I push on with I just don't do business like that. He then takes out a wad of money, peels off a $20 bill, tossing it on the table and says "here, how's that?"
I remind him of what the cost is and he claims he has never paid that much. I explain that I have not increased my rates since the last time he saw me and with tip, he paid me more than that last time.
He then gets angry. He starts to leave and I stand before the door blocking his path, I want my money. He threatens me with violence. Now, I have to decide if he is serious and what is worth it. I inform him he still owes me money and if ever wants to see me again, he needs to pay. Now he starts in on how that's not fair, I argue what he is doing to me is not fair, he still refuses to pay and is getting more and more angry. I now say fine, go, but don't bother calling again, I will not take you as a client. He throws down another 20 and asks how about now? You are almost halfway there I reply. He curses and storms out. I block his number on my phone.
All in all I was lucky. He did not hit me, or worse. I got about half the money. I know the economy is bad and that can really drive people crazy. I don't think he was on drugs (though I may be wrong) and he wasn't drunk.
This can happen to any massage therapist, sensual work or not, who works on their own. I have been short changed before, but never threatened with violence, again, I have been lucky. It has made me long for the day when I went to a mindless job and collected a big fat check for little work. I never thought I would say that.
Most of my clients are wonderful people and most of the time I really enjoy my work, but with the economy being so bad..... this is not really worth it.
Here is hoping that December and the new year will bring me some better work and money. - Jack
I want to write a much longer post soon, but I think it will help if I get this off my chest first.
For anyone considering a profession similar to mine, I must remind you that it has it's pitfalls. A couple of weeks ago, I had a very unpleasant encounter. I have been very fortunate since these are very few and far between, but I do believe that it should still be discussed.
The encounter was with a client who had seen me once before, almost a full year before, I keep good enough records that I can usually look something like that up. It was a sensual massage, not much different than a lot that I do. The client was a big guy in his late 30's early 40's. When it was over, he compliments my work, gets dressed and says "I'll pay you next time." Money being as tight as it is, and the fact that the last time I saw this guy was a year ago, I protest.
I explain that I don't do business that way and if he needs to get some cash, I will happily walk across the street with him while he gets some out of the ATM. He starts on about how I can trust him, and I push on with I just don't do business like that. He then takes out a wad of money, peels off a $20 bill, tossing it on the table and says "here, how's that?"
I remind him of what the cost is and he claims he has never paid that much. I explain that I have not increased my rates since the last time he saw me and with tip, he paid me more than that last time.
He then gets angry. He starts to leave and I stand before the door blocking his path, I want my money. He threatens me with violence. Now, I have to decide if he is serious and what is worth it. I inform him he still owes me money and if ever wants to see me again, he needs to pay. Now he starts in on how that's not fair, I argue what he is doing to me is not fair, he still refuses to pay and is getting more and more angry. I now say fine, go, but don't bother calling again, I will not take you as a client. He throws down another 20 and asks how about now? You are almost halfway there I reply. He curses and storms out. I block his number on my phone.
All in all I was lucky. He did not hit me, or worse. I got about half the money. I know the economy is bad and that can really drive people crazy. I don't think he was on drugs (though I may be wrong) and he wasn't drunk.
This can happen to any massage therapist, sensual work or not, who works on their own. I have been short changed before, but never threatened with violence, again, I have been lucky. It has made me long for the day when I went to a mindless job and collected a big fat check for little work. I never thought I would say that.
Most of my clients are wonderful people and most of the time I really enjoy my work, but with the economy being so bad..... this is not really worth it.
Here is hoping that December and the new year will bring me some better work and money. - Jack
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