Last time I talked about my list of notes on clients, nothing that could identify them to a stranger, no addresses, no last names (occasionally a last initial to help identify the numerous Rons, Toms and Johns), no full phone numbers or email addresses; just enough that I can indentify them from a previous visit and what their wants or likes are.
So when Mike called and scheduled an appointment I checked my sheet. He had only been to see me once before and according to my sheet I remained clothed and it was totally legit. I described him as tall, thin, blonde, shy and late 20’s to early 30’s. He called and said he was having issues with his shoulder.
When he arrived he looked a little younger than I remembered. He told me about his shoulder pain in a bit more detail and I left him alone to get on the table and to cover himself. I returned and he was completely covered and I started my work. His shoulder was indeed in bad shape, it felt as if there was definitely some injury. He also had several stress knots through out his back so a lot of time was spent there. His lower back seemed fine so I saved some time there and move to the feet and work up. Now the interesting thing about covering with a towel is that it really doesn’t work to cover much if you shove your genital down between your legs, which is what Mike had done. As I worked his legs they spread further apart, the usual sign for someone wanting a sensual massage including butt work. I have a rule that unless a clear message has been sent, I will not deviate from a prearranged agreement.
When he turns over he is obviously very aroused with a dreamy look on his face. I offer him water and continue with the massage… he groans loudly as I work his chest and abdomen. He reaches for crotch and rubs my erection through my shorts. OK, this well now be a sensual massage. I allow my hands to wander down between his legs lightly stroke his anus before lightly stroking his balls and cock. His eyes are locked on my face as his hands try to find a way inside my shorts to my cock. I help him out by untying my shorts and letting them drop. He strokes my cock as tease his balls. His hand is working it’s way up under my shirt and I remove it. He plays with my nipples as I stroke his anus and tease the whole with the tip of my finger.
He decides now that he wants sex. Not part of my normal service. I try to get him to relax but he is hot and squirming all over the place. He wants to put his hands everywhere on me. I am now trying to get him off so that he will relax and we can finish the massage but he won’t cum. As I have said earlier, 90 seconds to 2 minutes is the norm for a guy to get off once I start actually touching his cock. We are now going 4 minutes and he doesn’t even seem close. He’s obviously enjoying my actions but is also way too focused on me. For some guys, they can only get off if they touch me or give me some pleasure. I fear now that I have a case of a guy who only gets off on getting other guys off. Now my regulars will tell you that this is just not something I do. Some think I just can’t get off, others believe that it must take me hours, most can not believe my staying power, but all know that I do not really want to get off during a session and accept it.
This kid however wants my dick everywhere, he tries to get me in his ass, he wants me in his mouth, and mostly he seems to want to get me off. I explain that isn’t going to happen and he starts begging for my cum on his face, he can’t cum unless I shoot on his face, he’ll do whatever but he needs my cum on his face.
OK. I tell him alright, but I will not to handle my own piece and he will need to handle his. He agrees and grabs his cock and starts jacking as I start jacking my piece right in front of his face. His eyes are glued to my cock as I jack it, his hand is flying on his own piece. I ask if he is getting close and says yes. “Alright” I say, “it’s time. Get ready for my cum. Close your eyes, I don’t want to get it into your face.” He does.
“Yeah dude.” I say “Jack that cock, show me how much you want my cum, yeah man! Jack it. Ready? Here it cums! Oh Fuck! I’m Cumming!” I start grunting up a storm, I let the tip of my cock slap his face repeatedly as I yell. He shouts out “Fuck!” and cums. I cheer him on.
When he is done he wipes his face. “Did you cum? I don’t feel any.”
“Nope” I say. “Told you that I wouldn’t and I didn’t. But you shot a great load, feel better?” He does. When the massage was over (not that there was a lot of time left), I asked him how old he was. He says “19.” You could have knocked me over with a feather. I normally don’t take clients that young. I was tempted to ask for his ID to make sure he was 19 and not any younger but decided that I probably didn’t want to know. He has had some experience with men but not much and just really wanted to see me cum. He asks if I will ever break my rule. I told him I doubt it, but I hope that he will still consider seeing me in the future. He promised to come back as often as he can afford it.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
No Orgasm, Thank You!
Not all of my clients want a “Happy Ending” or in my case, “Happy Middle.” I have a number of very legit clients who come to me for just a normal Swedish/Deep Tissue massage. I like to think that most of my clients would come see me even if I didn’t do sensual work, though I may be dreaming on that front.
There is also another group that see me occasionally, those who want sensual massage with no orgasm. Their reasons could be many and varied: they don’t feel they are cheating if they have no orgasm (really), they save their orgasms for their partner, they enjoy the building of sexual energy and want to keep it high, they view edging as a fetish, they are someone’s slave and it what their master wishes, they are exploring non orgasm sex, etc., I have actually heard all of these reasons, and others don’t share their reasons.
These clients make note taking on my part imperative. Case in point, last week I had a returning client and the note I had on my spread sheet simply said “Does not want Orgasm.” So I was giving a sensual massage with anal work, prostate work and other sensual touching while he was on his stomach. When he turned over I worked my way down to his crotch and very lightly and honorably stroked his cock once and moved on. The poor man freaked out on me and got very upset that I touched his penis. Apparently everything else was fine and he liked having the raging hard-on but did not want his penis touched, ever. This was the fault of both of us, he should have made his rules clear and I should have taken better notes. He didn’t want his penis touched on the previous visit either and I had not made that note.
The other day I had a new client the other day, a gorgeous Italian man, who had asked in advance for a very therapeutic massage. Once he arrived he said he did not need a towel for covering himself as he was very open minded. By this time, I know when I hear a phrase like “I am very open minded” that he wants a therapeutic and sensual massage. I decide that I will focus on the therapeutic aspect as much as possible. He is a beautiful man with a very nice ass with the perfect amount of body hair and a lovely color to his skin… so I really needed to focus on the therapeutic touch.
He was definitely a groaner and enjoyed my touch. He occasionally made contact with my leg when I was standing close to the table. I behaved and did not massage his prostate or even his ass lips. When he turned over he was obviously aroused and even asked for a Kleenex to wipe up some of the pre-cum. He asks me if I would be comfortable nude. I go ahead and undress and allow the massage to go into the sensual side. I lovingly stroke his body and start paying attention to his genitals and anal area. He asks me to take it easy with his penis as he is very close. “I don’t want to cum, it will ruin it” he says. “I love the anticipation.” He did enjoy touching me as much as I would allow him and asked for full body contact both on his front side and then again when our time was just about out on his back side. He thanks me repeatedly saying that I was the best massage experience he had found since coming to the States. He tells me about his wife and the troubles they have, how he has always enjoyed the touch of men and women, how repressed America is, how he misses the European values, and how he hopes to see me again is a couple of weeks. No tip. Just saying, nice guy, very attractive, but I remember the fact that there was not tip. I know, Europeans don’t tip. Anyway, all of this goes into short hand in my notes. The clothed to nude aspect that I did, the amount of ass play he seems to like, no ejaculation, the full body contact, his looks, age, no tip, the amount of time we went over, etc. Hopefully, if he does return in a couple of weeks, I will be able to give him better what he wants without going overboard, after all there was no tip ;-).
There is also another group that see me occasionally, those who want sensual massage with no orgasm. Their reasons could be many and varied: they don’t feel they are cheating if they have no orgasm (really), they save their orgasms for their partner, they enjoy the building of sexual energy and want to keep it high, they view edging as a fetish, they are someone’s slave and it what their master wishes, they are exploring non orgasm sex, etc., I have actually heard all of these reasons, and others don’t share their reasons.
These clients make note taking on my part imperative. Case in point, last week I had a returning client and the note I had on my spread sheet simply said “Does not want Orgasm.” So I was giving a sensual massage with anal work, prostate work and other sensual touching while he was on his stomach. When he turned over I worked my way down to his crotch and very lightly and honorably stroked his cock once and moved on. The poor man freaked out on me and got very upset that I touched his penis. Apparently everything else was fine and he liked having the raging hard-on but did not want his penis touched, ever. This was the fault of both of us, he should have made his rules clear and I should have taken better notes. He didn’t want his penis touched on the previous visit either and I had not made that note.
The other day I had a new client the other day, a gorgeous Italian man, who had asked in advance for a very therapeutic massage. Once he arrived he said he did not need a towel for covering himself as he was very open minded. By this time, I know when I hear a phrase like “I am very open minded” that he wants a therapeutic and sensual massage. I decide that I will focus on the therapeutic aspect as much as possible. He is a beautiful man with a very nice ass with the perfect amount of body hair and a lovely color to his skin… so I really needed to focus on the therapeutic touch.
He was definitely a groaner and enjoyed my touch. He occasionally made contact with my leg when I was standing close to the table. I behaved and did not massage his prostate or even his ass lips. When he turned over he was obviously aroused and even asked for a Kleenex to wipe up some of the pre-cum. He asks me if I would be comfortable nude. I go ahead and undress and allow the massage to go into the sensual side. I lovingly stroke his body and start paying attention to his genitals and anal area. He asks me to take it easy with his penis as he is very close. “I don’t want to cum, it will ruin it” he says. “I love the anticipation.” He did enjoy touching me as much as I would allow him and asked for full body contact both on his front side and then again when our time was just about out on his back side. He thanks me repeatedly saying that I was the best massage experience he had found since coming to the States. He tells me about his wife and the troubles they have, how he has always enjoyed the touch of men and women, how repressed America is, how he misses the European values, and how he hopes to see me again is a couple of weeks. No tip. Just saying, nice guy, very attractive, but I remember the fact that there was not tip. I know, Europeans don’t tip. Anyway, all of this goes into short hand in my notes. The clothed to nude aspect that I did, the amount of ass play he seems to like, no ejaculation, the full body contact, his looks, age, no tip, the amount of time we went over, etc. Hopefully, if he does return in a couple of weeks, I will be able to give him better what he wants without going overboard, after all there was no tip ;-).
Monday, July 26, 2010
Old Age...
Old age. It will hit all of us, if we are lucky.
A new client the other day reminded me how rough getting older can be.
The gentleman whom I will call Ira is somewhere between 70 and death. He is very winded from climbing the one flight of stairs to my humble abode and needs to sit and breathe for a few minutes. According to the pre-massage interview, he gets a massage about once every two months. He prefers male masseurs since he doesn’t want any funny business that happens with some of those female Asian places. He also likes to be uncovered during the massage. He mentions a few sore spots from where he had fallen the week before. I tell him to undress and lay on the table face down as I wash my hands.
I return and he is lying on the table, there is a definite order now in the room that was not there before. It is the old man smell. The smell of a body decaying before it is dead. His feet and ankles are swollen. The skin on his body is saggy and loose and smells of decay. There are scabs in patches on various areas which I assume are from the fall that he had mentioned – on his shoulder blade and hip and later I will find them on his legs, feet and hands including a swollen finger that appears broken but not bandaged or splinted.
I check to make sure that he is comfortable and go to work. I ask him who he normally sees and he mentions a man named David at an address I am familiar with. I go to work with my massage cream. He likes a fairly firm pressure and I oblige. The skin is soaking in the massage cream as fast as I can apply it. My hands are feeling sticky and I realize that there is so much dead skin coming off his body that it is turning the massage cream into a paste on my hands. I have to clean my hands every 5 minutes or so.
I go to a place in my mind that will help me through this. I go into full empathy mode. I relate to the age of the man and his needs. I feel the wear of the years, the loneliness that comes from living longer than your loved ones. I give support and care. I send love and compassion. I think about how I might someday be in his place and about the kind of care and attention I would want.
I give a very caring and thorough and completely legit massage. Not even the slightest hint of anything sexual, I really don’t think I could of if I tried. He did not make any advances either; he was looking for a regular massage. Not that I have not had men on my table who were his age or older who did want a sexual massage, one gentleman drove 20 miles from his assisted living retirement home to come to me for a massage with release.
When I am finished, I get a warm wash cloth and wipe away the remaining dead skin and massage cream. I gently towel him dry. He looks very peaceful and happy. I am incredibly drained.
He compliments my work and pays the exact amount for a 90 minute session (I knew there would be no tip). I ask him why he was changing masseurs, he replies that his old masseur David whom he liked very much, sent a message that he has moved away from the area.
Now, I happen to know the Masseur David about whom he was speaking from the address he had given me earlier. David has not moved. David was passing this client on to the universe. David is a nice guy, I have exchanged massages with him and had several nice chats. However, I do understand completely what he has done. A client like Ira requires a ton of energy, stamina, and an ability to keep your lunch down when smelling death. None of this is easy. He will never tip. He will always come to you smelling of death and covered with dead skin. Hell, I have passed a client or two onto the universe as well. You see, they will come to you as regular as clock work until they die. It is the knowledge that they will be back time and again that makes it so much more difficult. If Ira came to me just this once, I can work through it like I did and feel good that I did something nice for an old man. However, he will now come back in that same state every 8 weeks or so (he could never afford once a month) with 8 weeks of dead skin and stank on him and expect the same level of care and work that you gave him that first time. As a professional, you suck it up and do it as long as you can but there comes a day when you just can’t face that particular Ira again. You don’t have the energy or the stomach for it anymore. You have to cut him loose. So, you make up a story of going out of business, new job, different hours, moving away… anything so your Ira will move on. It sounds terrible, but it’s true.
I will keep Ira as long as I can handle him, and then send him out to the universe, with a recommendation to one of my competitors who I know is compassionate enough to put up with him for awhile as well.
A new client the other day reminded me how rough getting older can be.
The gentleman whom I will call Ira is somewhere between 70 and death. He is very winded from climbing the one flight of stairs to my humble abode and needs to sit and breathe for a few minutes. According to the pre-massage interview, he gets a massage about once every two months. He prefers male masseurs since he doesn’t want any funny business that happens with some of those female Asian places. He also likes to be uncovered during the massage. He mentions a few sore spots from where he had fallen the week before. I tell him to undress and lay on the table face down as I wash my hands.
I return and he is lying on the table, there is a definite order now in the room that was not there before. It is the old man smell. The smell of a body decaying before it is dead. His feet and ankles are swollen. The skin on his body is saggy and loose and smells of decay. There are scabs in patches on various areas which I assume are from the fall that he had mentioned – on his shoulder blade and hip and later I will find them on his legs, feet and hands including a swollen finger that appears broken but not bandaged or splinted.
I check to make sure that he is comfortable and go to work. I ask him who he normally sees and he mentions a man named David at an address I am familiar with. I go to work with my massage cream. He likes a fairly firm pressure and I oblige. The skin is soaking in the massage cream as fast as I can apply it. My hands are feeling sticky and I realize that there is so much dead skin coming off his body that it is turning the massage cream into a paste on my hands. I have to clean my hands every 5 minutes or so.
I go to a place in my mind that will help me through this. I go into full empathy mode. I relate to the age of the man and his needs. I feel the wear of the years, the loneliness that comes from living longer than your loved ones. I give support and care. I send love and compassion. I think about how I might someday be in his place and about the kind of care and attention I would want.
I give a very caring and thorough and completely legit massage. Not even the slightest hint of anything sexual, I really don’t think I could of if I tried. He did not make any advances either; he was looking for a regular massage. Not that I have not had men on my table who were his age or older who did want a sexual massage, one gentleman drove 20 miles from his assisted living retirement home to come to me for a massage with release.
When I am finished, I get a warm wash cloth and wipe away the remaining dead skin and massage cream. I gently towel him dry. He looks very peaceful and happy. I am incredibly drained.
He compliments my work and pays the exact amount for a 90 minute session (I knew there would be no tip). I ask him why he was changing masseurs, he replies that his old masseur David whom he liked very much, sent a message that he has moved away from the area.
Now, I happen to know the Masseur David about whom he was speaking from the address he had given me earlier. David has not moved. David was passing this client on to the universe. David is a nice guy, I have exchanged massages with him and had several nice chats. However, I do understand completely what he has done. A client like Ira requires a ton of energy, stamina, and an ability to keep your lunch down when smelling death. None of this is easy. He will never tip. He will always come to you smelling of death and covered with dead skin. Hell, I have passed a client or two onto the universe as well. You see, they will come to you as regular as clock work until they die. It is the knowledge that they will be back time and again that makes it so much more difficult. If Ira came to me just this once, I can work through it like I did and feel good that I did something nice for an old man. However, he will now come back in that same state every 8 weeks or so (he could never afford once a month) with 8 weeks of dead skin and stank on him and expect the same level of care and work that you gave him that first time. As a professional, you suck it up and do it as long as you can but there comes a day when you just can’t face that particular Ira again. You don’t have the energy or the stomach for it anymore. You have to cut him loose. So, you make up a story of going out of business, new job, different hours, moving away… anything so your Ira will move on. It sounds terrible, but it’s true.
I will keep Ira as long as I can handle him, and then send him out to the universe, with a recommendation to one of my competitors who I know is compassionate enough to put up with him for awhile as well.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I am alive.
I know that it has been an eternity since I posted. I am alive and well and thinking. Probably over thinking. I do have things to write about, but I also want them to be good. Plus I am still trying to figure best where to go next in my life. More later, I promise.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Sexual addiction
There have been a number of celebrities who have been caught by the press cheating on their spouses and then enter rehab for sex addiction, is it real?
I am supposed to be looking for steadier work right now. I am having a bit of a focus problem. You see, I just can’t seem to focus on finding a job until after I masturbate. It’s silly but true. Once I orgasm then I’m fine and I can buckle down and do what needs to be done. The issue? I don’t want to do that first thing in the morning in case I get a last minute client, I need to be “up” for my work. I could take my chances and figure that when the time comes, my erection won’t fail me, but speaking from experience, it is much more difficult to keep an erection up if I already had a morning orgasm. I can get one, just can’t keep it up for the whole session.
The reason I am sharing this is I was recently asked by a client about sex addiction and whether I know anyone who suffers from it. I guess that depends on your definition of sex addiction. I have had clients who have discussed with me some of their issues and identified themselves as sex addicts. I am not a huge fan of labels, but if it helps you define who you are then more power to you. Basically a sexual addiction is when sex interferes with your ability to live your everyday life. It has really nothing to do with number of partners or the kind of sex you have. There are those who would like to believe that a person with a sexual addiction will have sex whenever they can with whomever the can, and while a person who exhibits such behavior would most likely have a sexual addiction all sex addicts are different and have very different practices.
I have an orgasm every day, sometimes more than one. Does that make me an addict? No. Can’t find a job because I can’t stop thinking about sex? Maybe, but not if I just go ahead and masturbate and find a job, then it is not a problem.
So, it stands to reason that a person who likes to have sex with every day but can still hold down a relationship and a job and follow his other dreams does not have a sexual addiction problem, even if he is having a different partner every day. It also stands to reason if a person who likes sex a lot and decides to be a prostitute does not have a sexual addiction since he has changed his lifestyle to fit his sexual needs.
Gay men have a reputation of having very high sex drives. I think that most men, straight or gay have high sex drives. It is just a matter of opportunity. If straight men thought that they could have sex at any given moment, and nobody would care, I am sure they would.
So, back to me, before I started working as a bodyworker, did I have issues with Sexual Addiction? I don’t think so. I held down a government job for a number of years and before that I ran a live theater, before that, I taught at a University. Through all of these jobs (and a few others thrown in here and there) I still masturbated every day, sometimes more than once, and it never interfered with my work. Yes, occasionally I would throw one off in the privacy of a men’s room at work, but only on my break and usually alone, and then I would go back to work.
I would probably be more likely to worry about this if I had not spoken to literally hundreds of men, straight and gay, who have discussed the same issues. I don’t want you to fret if this does not describe you, like all things in the world, the level of sex drive in individuals varies a great deal. However, there are more than a few of us who find an orgasm a day to be the ideal. Almost every man whom I have discussed such things with admits that he still masturbates, even if he does have multiple partners with whom to have sex, again this includes straight and gay men. It unusual for most men if they have not had an orgasm in a few days, unless they are “Saving up” for some special event (I have more than one client who like to do this before a visit with me). Most men have confessed to “rubbing one out” in the men’s room at work occasionally. Some men like to start the day with an orgasm, others like to do it before they go to sleep.
There can be other issues related to sexual addiction such as the need for more extreme thrills, the need for multiple partners, the need for BDSM activities, in short if you need an extra element for you to orgasm and this "need" continues to grow. In the short term, this may not seem like an issue, but as time goes on, it becomes harder and harder to fulfill these extra needs. Issues like this may definitely require some therapy. Of course if you want to talk to a therapist about anything in your sex life, you should not hesitate to do so. It can make you feel better and help identify if there is a problem or not.
So the answer to my daytime issues with job hunting and getting a "grip" on my want or need to orgasm and my worry about last minute clients is this: if I do not have a client scheduled after 1:30 PM by 1:30 PM, I will go ahead and masturbate so I can focus on the rest of what I need to get done. So if you call me after 1:30 for a same day appointment, you are taking your chances if you want an erection from me. ;-)
Now, if I could only get to work without my three cups of coffee in the morning, my hour or so of facebook and let's face it, my day always seems better when I start it with a fresh apple fritter. These are all far worse addictions in my book.
- Jack
I am supposed to be looking for steadier work right now. I am having a bit of a focus problem. You see, I just can’t seem to focus on finding a job until after I masturbate. It’s silly but true. Once I orgasm then I’m fine and I can buckle down and do what needs to be done. The issue? I don’t want to do that first thing in the morning in case I get a last minute client, I need to be “up” for my work. I could take my chances and figure that when the time comes, my erection won’t fail me, but speaking from experience, it is much more difficult to keep an erection up if I already had a morning orgasm. I can get one, just can’t keep it up for the whole session.
The reason I am sharing this is I was recently asked by a client about sex addiction and whether I know anyone who suffers from it. I guess that depends on your definition of sex addiction. I have had clients who have discussed with me some of their issues and identified themselves as sex addicts. I am not a huge fan of labels, but if it helps you define who you are then more power to you. Basically a sexual addiction is when sex interferes with your ability to live your everyday life. It has really nothing to do with number of partners or the kind of sex you have. There are those who would like to believe that a person with a sexual addiction will have sex whenever they can with whomever the can, and while a person who exhibits such behavior would most likely have a sexual addiction all sex addicts are different and have very different practices.
I have an orgasm every day, sometimes more than one. Does that make me an addict? No. Can’t find a job because I can’t stop thinking about sex? Maybe, but not if I just go ahead and masturbate and find a job, then it is not a problem.
So, it stands to reason that a person who likes to have sex with every day but can still hold down a relationship and a job and follow his other dreams does not have a sexual addiction problem, even if he is having a different partner every day. It also stands to reason if a person who likes sex a lot and decides to be a prostitute does not have a sexual addiction since he has changed his lifestyle to fit his sexual needs.
Gay men have a reputation of having very high sex drives. I think that most men, straight or gay have high sex drives. It is just a matter of opportunity. If straight men thought that they could have sex at any given moment, and nobody would care, I am sure they would.
So, back to me, before I started working as a bodyworker, did I have issues with Sexual Addiction? I don’t think so. I held down a government job for a number of years and before that I ran a live theater, before that, I taught at a University. Through all of these jobs (and a few others thrown in here and there) I still masturbated every day, sometimes more than once, and it never interfered with my work. Yes, occasionally I would throw one off in the privacy of a men’s room at work, but only on my break and usually alone, and then I would go back to work.
I would probably be more likely to worry about this if I had not spoken to literally hundreds of men, straight and gay, who have discussed the same issues. I don’t want you to fret if this does not describe you, like all things in the world, the level of sex drive in individuals varies a great deal. However, there are more than a few of us who find an orgasm a day to be the ideal. Almost every man whom I have discussed such things with admits that he still masturbates, even if he does have multiple partners with whom to have sex, again this includes straight and gay men. It unusual for most men if they have not had an orgasm in a few days, unless they are “Saving up” for some special event (I have more than one client who like to do this before a visit with me). Most men have confessed to “rubbing one out” in the men’s room at work occasionally. Some men like to start the day with an orgasm, others like to do it before they go to sleep.
There can be other issues related to sexual addiction such as the need for more extreme thrills, the need for multiple partners, the need for BDSM activities, in short if you need an extra element for you to orgasm and this "need" continues to grow. In the short term, this may not seem like an issue, but as time goes on, it becomes harder and harder to fulfill these extra needs. Issues like this may definitely require some therapy. Of course if you want to talk to a therapist about anything in your sex life, you should not hesitate to do so. It can make you feel better and help identify if there is a problem or not.
So the answer to my daytime issues with job hunting and getting a "grip" on my want or need to orgasm and my worry about last minute clients is this: if I do not have a client scheduled after 1:30 PM by 1:30 PM, I will go ahead and masturbate so I can focus on the rest of what I need to get done. So if you call me after 1:30 for a same day appointment, you are taking your chances if you want an erection from me. ;-)
Now, if I could only get to work without my three cups of coffee in the morning, my hour or so of facebook and let's face it, my day always seems better when I start it with a fresh apple fritter. These are all far worse addictions in my book.
- Jack
Sunday, February 21, 2010
The Life Chosen...
It is Sunday as I am typing this, a rather quiet day. It is a slow period of the month and the weather is slightly better than it’s been in weeks so everyone is out enjoying it and not getting massage.
Of course I often don’t work on Sundays for other reasons. It is a day I often spend with my partner. So I shouldn’t be surprised when I have a free Sunday to work, that I end up with no clients. Business has been slow lately and I am again looking for extra income. I know that I should really pursue a new career and do massage part time (if at all), but who would want to give up my life? ;-)
As I said, it is Sunday, my partner is away today attending a conference and will be back by this evening. So I am sitting here typing in the nude (why dress and make more laundry for myself?). I have a new porno playing on the DVD player to keep in the mood. It is Rocks and Hard Places, a Kristen Bjorn video, I love his stuff. Yes they are a bit all the same but they are really well done. He uses nice relaxing background music instead of the cheesy 70’s porn soundtrack that you still hear on a lot of videos. He uses models from all over the world, though he seems to have a fondness for Italians, Spaniards, and other Mediterranean types. His early work was very plot heavy and often whimsical; lately he has been more into just getting as many attractive men together as possible. He loves outdoor scenes. He also averages a cum shot every 7.5 minutes (and more cum shots per movie than any other director I’ve seen). Bottoms always shoot with a hard dick up their ass. Someone who is sucking cock will cum with out missing a stroke. Generally, everyone in the scene will cum at least three times. If I have any issues with his work is that generally he does follow a bit of a formula, sucking till they cum, fucking till they cum, rimming till they cum and then start over with the next group. He does usually work in at least one very unusual position or true double penetration and he is big on the daisy chain sucking in group scenes.
Well, I got a bit off the subject there, what I wanted to talk about was a bit about my lifestyle. Yesterday I went to a nudist happy hour, since my partner was at a conference. I feel weird about going without him and he only likes to go once in a very great while (like once a year or so). I am sure that if he were single he would go more often, but there is always a bit of weirdness when we go to events like that together. Worrying about if the other is having a good time and then wondering if they are having too good of a time. Some couples have that down to a science, we do not. We both learned long ago that these types of situations are just not easy when we are there as a couple (though it is easier if we are out of town).
Now I had not been to the naked happy hour in probably a year. I saw a few friends there, but generally it was a lot of strangers. I was not as nearly social as I could have been or should have been. I even left very early as I was just not in the mood to be outgoing. It happens. I was also not in the mood to drink which may have been an issue. I also was feeling bloated. Now I do carry at least 10 extra pounds (some would argue more) but I know deep down that I am not obese. In the straight world I am considered skinny. Now the naked happy hour is not filled with gods and Adonises, though there are few there, and it is not about hook ups or sex (there are strict rules about behavior at most of these events), but you still don’t want to be seen as the fat one. There were several men who were much larger than I and much older than I who were having a great time and being very social. I just couldn’t get there. I have in the past with no problems. I was just not in the right mood and realized I only went because my partner was at a conference and I would not be missed for a few hours.
I sometimes wonder if my daily life of not having to be dressed often, seeing other naked men, engaging in some sexual activity on a regular basis is making me a bit jaded about these other events. It is true that I almost never see any other bodyworkers at these events. I almost never get aroused at these events (most of the other men do, it is not big deal). Oh well, be thankful of the fun that I have that they don’t.
Which brings me to one of the favorite parts of my life; I get to hear the confessions of all kinds of people. Take for example a fairly new friend of mine I met in the theater world. I will call him Kevin. We were working on a show together and figured out that we were somewhat kindred spirits, both a little left of center. I am very out about being gay and doing massage work (not so much about the other stuff that can go on). Well after the run was over we were exchanging some emails and he shares with me a bit about his sex life including a secret blog he writes about his sexual adventures. Apparently my friend Kevin is a bit of a swinger with his wife and back in the day was into a bit of the ol’ S and M world. Go Kevin! Love Kinky straight people. Then he also shares that he is a bit of a bisexual as well! Alright, you go boy! Even though I feel that labels are really not necessary, if it helps to put a label on yourself, go ahead. Of course since he was sharing all of that, I shared with him this blog so he could get caught up on where I was coming from, more or less. He may or may not make an appointment some day. We’ll see. I have no illusions that anything would happen, I am totally not his type, he likes “skater” boys.;-)
But what made me think of him was that most (not all) but most all of his adventures were the past, like over ten years in the past. As we were emailing, I shared with him that I was naked at the time, something that I know he enjoys. He told me that unfortunately with a 10 year old boy, he does not feel that he can enjoy that around home so much. Now I know that he loves his family more than anything in the world, as do most of my married clients, and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but many of them envy me for the freedoms that I have. To sit naked and type in my journal, go to a naked happy hour when I please, have sexual adventures at the drop of a hat.
Now Kevin has shared with his readers and with me some of his previous experiences and I must say that I was impressed. Very few people can learn at an early enough age that there is a lot more to sex than what we are taught by our parents. His first experience with a man was sweet and touching and hot! He discovered that he loves to suck cock! He was a major player in one of the local straight BDSM groups. He knows the joys of setting yourself free from inhibitions and the pitfalls that can happen (like how difficult it is to have a successful three-way and what jealousy can do to otherwise sane people).
Kevin has a very cool wife and they have played together on a number of occasions with both men and women, and as far as I know continue to do so when there is a chance. Chances are just fewer and farther between these days. While it would be easier for him to play with out her, he doesn’t think she would like that, so he doesn’t (as far as I know). So he writes about his days gone by and occasionally plans for a time when he and his wife can find that certain set of right circumstances when the stars align and they can play together with a man or woman (or both) of their choice.
So, is life like a porno? Not really, they are fiction, and Kristin Bjorn will take days to shoot a truly successful 20 minute scene. Not everyone in the world looks like a porn star. Not every opportunity for sex is taken. Not all scenes end with everyone cumming. Every one does not have a good time, every time. There is no instant soundtrack. However, there is a lot of fun to be had. Whatever choices that you make, just be happy. Don’t look at someone else and wish that you had their life. Just enjoy the life you’ve chosen. Who knows, someone maybe looking at you with envy. ;-)
Of course I often don’t work on Sundays for other reasons. It is a day I often spend with my partner. So I shouldn’t be surprised when I have a free Sunday to work, that I end up with no clients. Business has been slow lately and I am again looking for extra income. I know that I should really pursue a new career and do massage part time (if at all), but who would want to give up my life? ;-)
As I said, it is Sunday, my partner is away today attending a conference and will be back by this evening. So I am sitting here typing in the nude (why dress and make more laundry for myself?). I have a new porno playing on the DVD player to keep in the mood. It is Rocks and Hard Places, a Kristen Bjorn video, I love his stuff. Yes they are a bit all the same but they are really well done. He uses nice relaxing background music instead of the cheesy 70’s porn soundtrack that you still hear on a lot of videos. He uses models from all over the world, though he seems to have a fondness for Italians, Spaniards, and other Mediterranean types. His early work was very plot heavy and often whimsical; lately he has been more into just getting as many attractive men together as possible. He loves outdoor scenes. He also averages a cum shot every 7.5 minutes (and more cum shots per movie than any other director I’ve seen). Bottoms always shoot with a hard dick up their ass. Someone who is sucking cock will cum with out missing a stroke. Generally, everyone in the scene will cum at least three times. If I have any issues with his work is that generally he does follow a bit of a formula, sucking till they cum, fucking till they cum, rimming till they cum and then start over with the next group. He does usually work in at least one very unusual position or true double penetration and he is big on the daisy chain sucking in group scenes.
Well, I got a bit off the subject there, what I wanted to talk about was a bit about my lifestyle. Yesterday I went to a nudist happy hour, since my partner was at a conference. I feel weird about going without him and he only likes to go once in a very great while (like once a year or so). I am sure that if he were single he would go more often, but there is always a bit of weirdness when we go to events like that together. Worrying about if the other is having a good time and then wondering if they are having too good of a time. Some couples have that down to a science, we do not. We both learned long ago that these types of situations are just not easy when we are there as a couple (though it is easier if we are out of town).
Now I had not been to the naked happy hour in probably a year. I saw a few friends there, but generally it was a lot of strangers. I was not as nearly social as I could have been or should have been. I even left very early as I was just not in the mood to be outgoing. It happens. I was also not in the mood to drink which may have been an issue. I also was feeling bloated. Now I do carry at least 10 extra pounds (some would argue more) but I know deep down that I am not obese. In the straight world I am considered skinny. Now the naked happy hour is not filled with gods and Adonises, though there are few there, and it is not about hook ups or sex (there are strict rules about behavior at most of these events), but you still don’t want to be seen as the fat one. There were several men who were much larger than I and much older than I who were having a great time and being very social. I just couldn’t get there. I have in the past with no problems. I was just not in the right mood and realized I only went because my partner was at a conference and I would not be missed for a few hours.
I sometimes wonder if my daily life of not having to be dressed often, seeing other naked men, engaging in some sexual activity on a regular basis is making me a bit jaded about these other events. It is true that I almost never see any other bodyworkers at these events. I almost never get aroused at these events (most of the other men do, it is not big deal). Oh well, be thankful of the fun that I have that they don’t.
Which brings me to one of the favorite parts of my life; I get to hear the confessions of all kinds of people. Take for example a fairly new friend of mine I met in the theater world. I will call him Kevin. We were working on a show together and figured out that we were somewhat kindred spirits, both a little left of center. I am very out about being gay and doing massage work (not so much about the other stuff that can go on). Well after the run was over we were exchanging some emails and he shares with me a bit about his sex life including a secret blog he writes about his sexual adventures. Apparently my friend Kevin is a bit of a swinger with his wife and back in the day was into a bit of the ol’ S and M world. Go Kevin! Love Kinky straight people. Then he also shares that he is a bit of a bisexual as well! Alright, you go boy! Even though I feel that labels are really not necessary, if it helps to put a label on yourself, go ahead. Of course since he was sharing all of that, I shared with him this blog so he could get caught up on where I was coming from, more or less. He may or may not make an appointment some day. We’ll see. I have no illusions that anything would happen, I am totally not his type, he likes “skater” boys.;-)
But what made me think of him was that most (not all) but most all of his adventures were the past, like over ten years in the past. As we were emailing, I shared with him that I was naked at the time, something that I know he enjoys. He told me that unfortunately with a 10 year old boy, he does not feel that he can enjoy that around home so much. Now I know that he loves his family more than anything in the world, as do most of my married clients, and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but many of them envy me for the freedoms that I have. To sit naked and type in my journal, go to a naked happy hour when I please, have sexual adventures at the drop of a hat.
Now Kevin has shared with his readers and with me some of his previous experiences and I must say that I was impressed. Very few people can learn at an early enough age that there is a lot more to sex than what we are taught by our parents. His first experience with a man was sweet and touching and hot! He discovered that he loves to suck cock! He was a major player in one of the local straight BDSM groups. He knows the joys of setting yourself free from inhibitions and the pitfalls that can happen (like how difficult it is to have a successful three-way and what jealousy can do to otherwise sane people).
Kevin has a very cool wife and they have played together on a number of occasions with both men and women, and as far as I know continue to do so when there is a chance. Chances are just fewer and farther between these days. While it would be easier for him to play with out her, he doesn’t think she would like that, so he doesn’t (as far as I know). So he writes about his days gone by and occasionally plans for a time when he and his wife can find that certain set of right circumstances when the stars align and they can play together with a man or woman (or both) of their choice.
So, is life like a porno? Not really, they are fiction, and Kristin Bjorn will take days to shoot a truly successful 20 minute scene. Not everyone in the world looks like a porn star. Not every opportunity for sex is taken. Not all scenes end with everyone cumming. Every one does not have a good time, every time. There is no instant soundtrack. However, there is a lot of fun to be had. Whatever choices that you make, just be happy. Don’t look at someone else and wish that you had their life. Just enjoy the life you’ve chosen. Who knows, someone maybe looking at you with envy. ;-)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
More about Clients
This week I was reminded again about what kind or hole we fill in this world.
One of my favorite clients, who has come to see me for several years, came to see me this week. I was happy to hear from him, it had been a few months since I had last seen him. I knew the economy had cost him his job over a year ago and he had not found anything permanent to replace it yet. I still stick by my policy of no discounts even in hard times (you don’t have to tip me) but once discounts start happening, there is no turning back.
Anyway, back to the client. “Don” is a very giving person, one of the nicest guys I have ever met. His former job was fundraising for a non-profit for people with AIDS. He would ride every year in a national AIDS bike ride fundraiser. In addition he volunteers as a director at local community theaters and had been taking artistic photographs for fun. He has a partner whom I have never met, but to whom he is devoted. I know what you are thinking, how devoted is he if he is seeing an erotic masseur, well, extremely. He and his partner have different sex drives and Don would rather pay a little cash to get what he is missing at home than to look for someone else, he loves his partner.
Don is a very sensual man, his nipples are very sensitive and he has a need to give pleasure as well as receive it. I was amazed that one of the first times he saw me that he came without either of us touching his cock simply by him sucking mine and my playing with his nips. Over the years, he would usually see me once a month and most of the time it was always both a delight and hot. He is not what you may consider the hottest looking man. He is mid 50’s, rather large belly, but still very toned legs and arms, rather hairless, average cock and a very round soft ass. He radiates good energy and happy sensuality.
Since he lost his job, I have only seen Don a handful of times, when he has sold some photos or other flexible spending money that month. So I was very happy to hear from him and glad I had free time in my schedule to fit him last minute. When I greeted him at the door he had the same big smile on his face that I have always loved seeing, I noticed that he had shaved his head, it becomes him.
In the comfort of my apartment, as he starts getting undressed, I ask him how he is and how he has been doing. He answers “Not so well.” He then proceeds to tell me that he was diagnosed some months ago with lung cancer and is currently in the recuperation phase of treatment, basically recovering from the last round of chemo before beginning another phase. The lung cancer was fairly progressed before it was caught. He went into some detail on how horrible the treatment is, the illness that accompanies it, the stress it puts on his relationship, the fears that can accompany all of this and of course the financial strain. I express my sympathy and asked if the doctors had an idea what caused this, he responded that even though he had quit smoking over 20 years ago that he was a heavy smoker for 20 years before that. I can’t help but say aloud how much that sucks. I give him a hug and tell him to climb up on the table and see if we can’t help him forget his problems.
He is as I said a long time client and I have always worked nude with him, so I disrobe and start to work. His shoulders and back have always been tense and seem doubly so today. I put my weight behind my kneading and work the knots. I drape his arm over my knee as I work his neck and shoulder, his caresses my calf gently. I work for about 30 minutes just on his back and then move down and work from his feet back up. He often sighs contently and moans when I get to his butt. His sexual appetite seems very good. I work his glutes and then massage the perineum and the external anus. Slowly I introduce my thumb into his ass. He responds most favorably. I do a feather light stroke on his back and legs while massaging his prostate, he massages my cock with his hand. I eventually climb onto the table and lay my naked body on his. My cock is hard. It slides between his bubble shaped cheeks and teases his hole. He arches his back and moans loudly. I slide my cock back and forth over the opening, his anus flexing and trying to grab my cock. My cock is bare since this is not about penetration, however, the tip does slip in for a brief moment when he suddenly bucks up onto my cock. I withdraw quickly and am more careful.
I hop off the table and towel him down followed by a light feathery touch of his entire body from the head down to the toes. I grab a bottle of water and ask him to turn over and give him the water to refresh himself before we continue.
I work on his chest, standing above his head, my bare cock rubbing on his shaved head. Each moment my hands touch his nipples he gasps and spasms. My cocks slides up along the side of his head and he nuzzles it.
I move to his left side and work his big round belly, my hands moving in circles, sliding down into the pubic region, his cock is hard and dripping. I give his cock and quick stoke and tease his balls briefly before moving to his right side and repeating the movements. He once again takes hold of my cock and strokes it lightly, using his finger tips. Having been a long time client, he knows that this is about him and not me, but his need to give pleasure will be recognized. I tease his ass and balls again, avoiding the shaft, he is very excited and I don’t want him to come to quickly. I play with his nipples and he again gasps and spasms. I tickle his balls, causing his cock to throb. I slip a finger into his ass and stroke his prostate, his hips undulating. His hand is working my cock harder, I am focusing my attention on him, if I don’t, I might cum. I lick one of his nipples, then the other, and then a brief little nibble on each one, something that I wouldn’t do with any of my other clients, but Don is an exception, a friend and client who is in need. He writhing and makes a request, one that I often hear and continually deny: he wants to see me cum.
In my mind, I know that I should not, it creates a change in the dynamic, a change in the relationship, a change in the expectations, on the other hand I want to make him feel better, I want to help him forget the past few months. I climb on table between his legs and stroke our cocks together briefly. I know that if I do it too long, he will cum way too soon. I then focus on my dick. With one hand I play with his nipples and the other is on my cock, stroking away. He plays with my balls and is focused on my dick, encouraging me. I erupt in volley of sprays all over his belly and chest. He grabs his own dick and joins me shooting before I have I finished. His belly and chest are covered in the mixture of our cum. I lean down and kiss his cheek and he hugs me, covering my body with our juices as well.
I climb off the table and grab a towel to clean us both off. I continue the massage with stretching, legs, arms and facial/scalp massage. I then used the usual feather touch to remove any remaining bad energy out through the finger tips and toes. I then re-connect the chakras and give the blessing. He tells me afterward that as I was removing the bad energy, he envisioned the cancer cells leaving his body. As he leaves, I wish him the best and hope that I will see him again soon.
These are the cases and the days when I know deep in my soul that what I do is valid and good. I know that most of today’s society would not understand or approve. I know that I will always be judged. I know that I will never become rich off of this work. I know that it can prevent me from certain job possibilities in the future. It is still a good and giving thing that I do and I hope someday, the world will understand.
One of my favorite clients, who has come to see me for several years, came to see me this week. I was happy to hear from him, it had been a few months since I had last seen him. I knew the economy had cost him his job over a year ago and he had not found anything permanent to replace it yet. I still stick by my policy of no discounts even in hard times (you don’t have to tip me) but once discounts start happening, there is no turning back.
Anyway, back to the client. “Don” is a very giving person, one of the nicest guys I have ever met. His former job was fundraising for a non-profit for people with AIDS. He would ride every year in a national AIDS bike ride fundraiser. In addition he volunteers as a director at local community theaters and had been taking artistic photographs for fun. He has a partner whom I have never met, but to whom he is devoted. I know what you are thinking, how devoted is he if he is seeing an erotic masseur, well, extremely. He and his partner have different sex drives and Don would rather pay a little cash to get what he is missing at home than to look for someone else, he loves his partner.
Don is a very sensual man, his nipples are very sensitive and he has a need to give pleasure as well as receive it. I was amazed that one of the first times he saw me that he came without either of us touching his cock simply by him sucking mine and my playing with his nips. Over the years, he would usually see me once a month and most of the time it was always both a delight and hot. He is not what you may consider the hottest looking man. He is mid 50’s, rather large belly, but still very toned legs and arms, rather hairless, average cock and a very round soft ass. He radiates good energy and happy sensuality.
Since he lost his job, I have only seen Don a handful of times, when he has sold some photos or other flexible spending money that month. So I was very happy to hear from him and glad I had free time in my schedule to fit him last minute. When I greeted him at the door he had the same big smile on his face that I have always loved seeing, I noticed that he had shaved his head, it becomes him.
In the comfort of my apartment, as he starts getting undressed, I ask him how he is and how he has been doing. He answers “Not so well.” He then proceeds to tell me that he was diagnosed some months ago with lung cancer and is currently in the recuperation phase of treatment, basically recovering from the last round of chemo before beginning another phase. The lung cancer was fairly progressed before it was caught. He went into some detail on how horrible the treatment is, the illness that accompanies it, the stress it puts on his relationship, the fears that can accompany all of this and of course the financial strain. I express my sympathy and asked if the doctors had an idea what caused this, he responded that even though he had quit smoking over 20 years ago that he was a heavy smoker for 20 years before that. I can’t help but say aloud how much that sucks. I give him a hug and tell him to climb up on the table and see if we can’t help him forget his problems.
He is as I said a long time client and I have always worked nude with him, so I disrobe and start to work. His shoulders and back have always been tense and seem doubly so today. I put my weight behind my kneading and work the knots. I drape his arm over my knee as I work his neck and shoulder, his caresses my calf gently. I work for about 30 minutes just on his back and then move down and work from his feet back up. He often sighs contently and moans when I get to his butt. His sexual appetite seems very good. I work his glutes and then massage the perineum and the external anus. Slowly I introduce my thumb into his ass. He responds most favorably. I do a feather light stroke on his back and legs while massaging his prostate, he massages my cock with his hand. I eventually climb onto the table and lay my naked body on his. My cock is hard. It slides between his bubble shaped cheeks and teases his hole. He arches his back and moans loudly. I slide my cock back and forth over the opening, his anus flexing and trying to grab my cock. My cock is bare since this is not about penetration, however, the tip does slip in for a brief moment when he suddenly bucks up onto my cock. I withdraw quickly and am more careful.
I hop off the table and towel him down followed by a light feathery touch of his entire body from the head down to the toes. I grab a bottle of water and ask him to turn over and give him the water to refresh himself before we continue.
I work on his chest, standing above his head, my bare cock rubbing on his shaved head. Each moment my hands touch his nipples he gasps and spasms. My cocks slides up along the side of his head and he nuzzles it.
I move to his left side and work his big round belly, my hands moving in circles, sliding down into the pubic region, his cock is hard and dripping. I give his cock and quick stoke and tease his balls briefly before moving to his right side and repeating the movements. He once again takes hold of my cock and strokes it lightly, using his finger tips. Having been a long time client, he knows that this is about him and not me, but his need to give pleasure will be recognized. I tease his ass and balls again, avoiding the shaft, he is very excited and I don’t want him to come to quickly. I play with his nipples and he again gasps and spasms. I tickle his balls, causing his cock to throb. I slip a finger into his ass and stroke his prostate, his hips undulating. His hand is working my cock harder, I am focusing my attention on him, if I don’t, I might cum. I lick one of his nipples, then the other, and then a brief little nibble on each one, something that I wouldn’t do with any of my other clients, but Don is an exception, a friend and client who is in need. He writhing and makes a request, one that I often hear and continually deny: he wants to see me cum.
In my mind, I know that I should not, it creates a change in the dynamic, a change in the relationship, a change in the expectations, on the other hand I want to make him feel better, I want to help him forget the past few months. I climb on table between his legs and stroke our cocks together briefly. I know that if I do it too long, he will cum way too soon. I then focus on my dick. With one hand I play with his nipples and the other is on my cock, stroking away. He plays with my balls and is focused on my dick, encouraging me. I erupt in volley of sprays all over his belly and chest. He grabs his own dick and joins me shooting before I have I finished. His belly and chest are covered in the mixture of our cum. I lean down and kiss his cheek and he hugs me, covering my body with our juices as well.
I climb off the table and grab a towel to clean us both off. I continue the massage with stretching, legs, arms and facial/scalp massage. I then used the usual feather touch to remove any remaining bad energy out through the finger tips and toes. I then re-connect the chakras and give the blessing. He tells me afterward that as I was removing the bad energy, he envisioned the cancer cells leaving his body. As he leaves, I wish him the best and hope that I will see him again soon.
These are the cases and the days when I know deep in my soul that what I do is valid and good. I know that most of today’s society would not understand or approve. I know that I will always be judged. I know that I will never become rich off of this work. I know that it can prevent me from certain job possibilities in the future. It is still a good and giving thing that I do and I hope someday, the world will understand.
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