A good exchange

I told you before on this blog about a bad massage exchange that I had recently. In the name of fairness, I will now tell you about a very good exchange that I had recently.

I was approached on line by a masseur who belongs to an online massage group that I belong to. He had read a couple of my posts and I had read a couple of his and he seemed very professional. This was a massage group for men and women and there had been no discussion of sexuality or eroticism, in fact, I assumed he was straight. He agreed to travel to me, which I appreciated since I was having some issues with my car of late. I was fully prepared when he arrived, water bottles, table set up, plenty of towels, extra table sheets, and I was prepared for draping from a small towel to a full sheet draping, whatever he was comfortable with.

As I was hosting, I suggested that I give first and he receive first. I asked him if he had any aches, pains, injuries, or illnesses that I needed to know about. He said he was basically fine and was looking for a relaxing massage. I asked if he was interested in one hour or 90 mins, he asked for 90 and I excused myself so he could undress and cover himself however he chose.

I returned and he is lying uncovered on his stomach. He is around my age, about 5’10, I would guess his weight around 170, not a gym guy (and neither am I) but put together OK with a very nice butt (remember, I love a good butt). However, this all means nothing. I continued to assume that he is a straight uninhibited male masseur. His cock was not visible.

I proceeded to give him a very good and legit massage. Working first on his back and then working from the feet up. He remained for the most part unresponsive, no moaning, no butt waving or table grinding, no spreading his legs further apart and no mutual touching. I did decide to go for the inner crotch rub at which point I can usually determine if the client has an erection, I felt nothing. As I did the right side however, I found his penis and it was semi-erect. I decided to go ahead and start working on his butt cheeks, for this I stand on one side of the table and reach across to work the opposite cheek. This places my crotch up tight against the table. His hands had not moved during the massage, neither closer to his body nor closer to the edge. As I leaned over the table, my crotch came in contact with his hand, he did not pull away. I focused on my work then his fingers began to move and feel my crotch ever so lightly. I took this as the sign he wanted a bit more so I moved into my working the crack and stroking the scrotum. His hands continued the light feeling of my crotch, but otherwise, no other reaction. I switched sides and the same game continued. I remained clothed through this and hopped on the table between his legs to focus on some full body strokes and deeper work on his back. Again, very little response one way or the other, it was time to ask him to turn over.

Once on his back, I saw that he still had a semi-woody. I worked on his chest and grazed his nipples lightly. His penis jumped slightly. I moved down and worked his stomach grazing his pubic area with each circular motion. I let my hands slide down over his penis and it began to swell in earnest.

I took this as a good sign. He had a nice penis, it was of average length and very thick. I stroked him to an orgasm and then continued the last 30 minutes of the massage.

It was time for us to switch places, he helped my change out the sheets, I showed him where everything was and he asked me if I needed anything special worked on. I mentioned my shoulder and he asked me to disrobe and get on the table. He remained naked. He then gave me a wonderful relaxing and sensual massage that lasted almost 2 full hours. He spent extra time on my shoulder as I asked. He added sensual aspects through out and gave me a nice manual release. He also continued the massage after for a good 30 minutes or more. We talked a few minutes discussing techniques and training. I mention my appreciation for the sensual aspects, especially since we had not discussed it prior. He replied that it can be an embarrassing discussion and related some unfortunate experiences. I sympathized and it was time for him to leave. All in all it was a wonderful experience and I hope that he felt the same way. At least he told me he did and that he wanted to do it again. I hope he means it. It would be nice to have a new massage friend.

- Jack

More on Straight Men

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Conversations about and with straight Men

Not to long ago, a question was asked on a Yahoo group for men who like massage why straight men would go to a gay man for massage. For the purposes of this blog, I will use my name for the person asking the questions and I have changed the names of the responders.

Jack wrote:

OK, a topic that I have wanted to bring up for quite a while has to do with Straight Men who go to a gay man for an erotic or sensual massage. Based on our own poll, only half of the men who responded identify themselves as gay. Of my own cliental, almost half have told me that they are married to women. While it easy to say these men are in denial of their own orientation, I know that this is not always the case.

So the question becomes why do these straight men want a sensual or erotic massage from a gay man? What role do we as gay men who give massage play in these straight men's lives?

Jim wrote:

I think it is fairly simple.....men, whether gay/straight/bi, like sex and will have it with anyone, anytime, anywhere.

Ted wrote:

A guy being married doesn't necessarily make him straight or gay. I’m bi and like having a sensual massage.

Jack wrote:

Granted, but, there are indeed straight men who may or may not be married who get sensual or erotic massages from other men and that is there only man to man contact. What I am getting at is does the act of massage transcend sexual boundaries?

Rick wrote:

I am not a professional massage therapist yet, so I am unable to provide insight from that particular perspective. However, I have had a number of interactions (exchanges, etc.) with guys on this list. Rarely does the topic of sexual orientation (or identity) get discussed during the initial contact/communication between myself and other individuals, and often is not discussed at all during our interactions.

As someone who is in the process of becoming a professional massage therapist, I believe that sexual orientation (as well as other demographic information) is irrelevant. Yes, I generally post information (basic demographics & profile name [that has pics]) in my e-mails to this group and will sometimes ask for the same. I do this so people have some kind of point of reference about me and like to have the same about the other person. I do not recall ever (thus far), and hope that I never will, refuse to provide or exchange a massage based on any particular demographic (e.g., sexual orientation, age, gender, etc.).

In short, massage and touch can be beneficial to anyone, whether it be sensual/erotic or not. Regardless of the individual's sexual orientation it is not my place to determine if he is in denial or not, nor do I generally make such assumptions or judgments. I do have to admit that my beliefs or views about some of these issues have changed as a result of my own experiences with other men both within and outside of this group, as well as my own journey with eroticism and sensuality.

Jack wrote:

Oh, I am not suggesting that there is nor should there be any prjudice against Straight or bi men from gay masseurs. I for one would lose half my business. I usually don't know until they tell me (usually after the massage or before their second appointment) that they are identified as straight or have never had another man touch them. I guess that what I see is that we are as close to a safe space as these men can get to experiencing man to man touch and we should be aware and honor that.

In this modern world of laws and certifications and etc. it would be a shame if we lost this useful (at least I consider it useful) service in society.

Markus wrote:

Thanks Jack. Love the topic.

One aspect of this topic naturally begs the question how do I define what it means to be straight or gay or bi? It is a question of identity. And that, my friends, leads us to the philosophical realm of existentialism. Which is akin the rabbit hole in Alice in
Wonderland. Which I don't want to go too far into and get lost and confused.

I like to keep things simple when in discussion with a wider group but in small groups and even better in one-on-one conversations; I like to wax philosophical with the best of them.

So to keep this simple, first, I will say, in my humble opinion, that how another man defines himself is his right and his business, correspondingly what another man thinks of me is none of my business. Second, I would like to turn the direction of thinking away from identifying based on sex to one of being based on societal roles.

I recently attended a gay Native American conference and one workshop was on the subject of the historical roles of "two-spirits" (our generic term for lesbian gay bisexual & transgender people).

Some of y'all may have heard that Indians traditionally honored two-spirit people.

We were thought of as a third gender role, fulfilling specific, sacred and honored roles in our societies. The role reminds me of a concept in playing card games, and that is the role of the "wild card". It can be mated with any grouping depending on the role that needs to be fulfilled. So the point is that we are not about sex, we are about roles needed in our cultures. Fulfilling sexual needs was just one of many aspects of who we were, healers, marriage councilors, working with women, children and elders, etc..

Thus, a "straight married" man could come to us for sexual reasons without threatening their roles as "men". In many but not all tribes, at puberty and also in time of war, it was especially important for men to have sex with us so as to imbue them with great spiritual male power and strength. Male to male sexual energy was known to be very powerful.

Unfortunately, while there are isolated communities on reservations that are more accepting of two-spirit people, today most of our traditional customs and values have been lost and assimilated into the great Borg collective known as American society.

We have a running joke among two-spirit men that when we have sex we are "fulfilling our roles." LOL

I don't know much about female two-spirits, I was only interested in what was going on with the men, LOL. I do know there were a couple of well-known warrior chiefs who were women and had wives.

That's it for the Indian history lesson for today; I'll be here fulfilling my role.

Van wrote:

Had anyone asked me when I was in my 20's if I was gay, my answer would have been no. My relationships with men until I reached 37 were limited. I was married for 15 years before I had a relationship with a man that gave me a sense of what it was like to fully and openly love another man - which allowed me to think of myself as gay. As time goes by, I have no use for the labels, gay straight or bi. But I do understand that we are all somewhere on a continuum of sexual identity that runs from only attracted to the opposite sex to only attracted to the same sex and most of us fall in between. Depending upon where we are on the continuum, and the societal factors that allow us to explore our identities, men who might consider themselves straight still find pleasure in being massaged and masturbated by another man. I am reminded of my childhood friend who took my "virginity" and loved to have me go down on him, but remains to this day steadfastly identified as straight and unwilling to revisit his past enjoyment of being with another man (albeit a teen). The bottom line is, we are often motivated to do what feels good and the labeling and categorizing often serves to make us feel "different."

Matthew wrote:

I think Marlon hit the nail in the head when he wrote in the home page: "In our society men touching men is generally taboo and tragically the reason most American men are extremely touch-deprived. How many times a day do you get a hug or get a gentle caress on your back? Especially from another man? Only a man's touch creates the strong masculine affirming bond that can only come from another man."

Massage is a great opportunity to touch and be touched by another man. For me it is “touch therapy”. We believe that a gay masseur will understand and be less queasy about touching and be touched without necessarily getting into sex. I once said, you guys have a special place in heaven for providing this service to us, married guys. Sometimes a massage works better than a session with a shrink.

Don wrote:

I'm a LOT older than you and have been around the block a few more times, perhaps too many times, and am a gay massage therapist.

Over 75% of my male clients are married with families and nearly EVERY ONE of them is so terribly touch deprived, thanks to our weird society, and they particularly like being touched by a male. Not only do they like being touched by a male, they are desperate to be touched by a male!!!

Is there a reason the Romans ruled the world for 2000 years (we were lucky to make it to 200) and they ALL had men for their sexual partners, wives were strictly for impregnating, nothing else. The married men who come to me are desperately in need of sensual touching, and they want to be able to talk to me privately and discreetly to tell me what they REALLY like, many of them are suffering from sexual dysfunction. Age 40 is THEE year of their deciding that maybe being married to a woman is not the way
to go. I think most males, even the totally homophobic ones, have a tinge of bisexuality in them, though they would not, of course, admit it. If you are interested in who I am and where I am, I will happily give you that privately, but not in this e-mail because I don't know if it is going to remain private and wouldn't want any of my clients reading an e-mail I wrote stating that most of my married male clients want me [in spite of my age!!!] (lol) I wish you were closer. I would get a massage from you. Or maybe you have
age limits for your clients????

James:

Great topic Jack. I am genuinely interested in hearing the responses. I am a gay guy with some professional message experience. I occasionally offer free full body erotic massages to guys in this group as a way to meet other gays. In addition, I have an interest in prostate massage and enjoy improving my erotic massage techniques. I offer the following as my own response to sexual orientation and massage realizing that other views are equally valid. While I personally am gay, and definitely gay (and not bi), I realize that beyond that ID I am also a sexual human being and that I have sexual attraction to both sexes, just a marked preference for one. I wonder to what extent this could be true for straight guys seeking a sexual massage from a gay guy. Also, I think curiosity is quite a strong animal when it comes to sexual exploration. Hope this adds to mix.

David wrote:

I think many men like sensual massage, be it with a male or a female.

I think maybe that men feel like it is NOT crossing a line, and they can justify rationalize the "happy ending" if there is one.

Selecting a male or a female shows, I guess, the underlying interest in being with another person.

Just my 2 cents.

Jeff wrote:

The short answer is, some of us don't know what we are--gay, bi, or something in between. Whatever we are, those of us who go to gay men for a massage do so because the naked encounter with another man, whatever his orientation, even when there is no sexual touching, fulfills something deep inside us while still allowing us stay married and avoid cheating. (For example: "Where were you this afternoon?" "I got a massage." No deception is required.) When I get a massage, I usually prefer men because they are not squeamish; you don't have to worry about being draped or throwing wood. Also, a man is more likely to hit the inner thighs and butt than a woman. (A woman certainly won't massage a guy's naked butt, at least not in my experience.)

For myself, I prefer non sensual massage--i.e., no touching of actual genitals--because paying $80 to get off seems, well, sleazy. But I will admit I have gone the sensual route and it was an unbelievable experience...that left me feeling guilty.

The other issue is, I don't always know what the therapist is assuming. For example, when I get an appointment with you, which I intend to do, I won't know whether you do straight massage or something extra, and how that will be determined. So normally I go with the flow, and let the therapist determine.

To make a long post short, If you're a guy, and you like massage, you are by nature somewhat uninhibited and sensual, and you only have to move a few degrees on the gay-straight spectrum to decide, 1) I want to be nude, 2) I want a guy to do it and 3) if he's gay he'll probably hit all the spots except the money spots. Would a totally straight guy let a gay massage therapist get him off? I doubt it, but I don't know because I am bi/gay.

I can also tell you that for someone like me, who is somewhere between bi and gay, and is in a committed marriage, a good, non-sexual massage from a gay guy keeps me saner than I otherwise would be, considering the life I lead.

Mark wrote:

A massage feels good whether it is from a man or a woman. Men, often being stronger and more familiar with a man's body, have a special ability to please. The concept of being looked at by a different person, without feeling like you are cheating, is kind of fun and erotic in and of itself. The ability to fantasize about exactly what might be happening is great too..

(but, it is sometimes ruined if the masseur tries to turn the event into a reciprocal thing, by trying to rub their penis against the person receiving the massage.. this can be a shocking awakening as to exactly what is happening... or assuming the person receiving the massage is really having recessed homosexual feelings and wants to have sex with them, but just can't admit it)

Tom Wrote:

So many of the responses to this seem to me like, sorry to say, complete crap. These responses are not written by straight men, but by gay or bisexual men. Straight men do not all have secret yearnings to touch your penis or have "man on man" sex. Try to have some empathy.... If you were getting a massage from a woman would you want to touch her vagina, would you want to lick her vagina, rub against her pubic region, etc? Unless you are bi, the answer I am betting is no. Thus, if that happened, and you were getting a massage from a woman, any arousal you might have had because you were enjoying a peaceful moment and daydreaming about Brad Pitt or whatever, would be gone.

This, I believe, is the same for straight men getting a massage from a man. They want the masseur to remain clothed, they do not secretly want to touch or suck the masseur, and they are not interested in body contact. They may get aroused, and enjoy having their body touched and adored, and may get off.

In my experience gay men make the mistake of assuming everyone is "a little gay." Well, next time you are thinking that just think if you want to perform oral sex on a woman...if you do, you may be "a little straight." This may help you have empathy and actually begin to realize that some men really are straight.

Having said all of that, I love getting a massage from a man. I am able to get deep muscle penetration, and I enjoy getting touched. I am sometimes thinking it is Angelina Jolie giving me the massage, but as long as the guy giving the massage doesn't mind, I don't mind!

Jack writes:
Great! This is the kind of response I was looking for. I hope you don't mind if I pick your brain for a moment or two.
Is it often the case that you feel the masseur wants you to touch them back?

Tom wrote:
Not often... just sometimes when I am getting a "free" massage and the masseur, like when massaging my hands, makes sure my hand accidentally touches his crotch .. or, he rubs his erection against my head. Usually in these cases the masseur has stripped down to his underwear or t-shirt and underwear. This is fine.

Jack writes:
When you look for a masseur, where do you look? What is it that you are looking for?

Tom wrote:
I get them at my health club, which are totally professional. I also look from time to time on places like this group or aol profiles or referrals from friends.

Jack writes:
When you get a massage, do you normally ask for draping or no draping?

Tom wrote:
draping in a professional setting. either a towel, draping or underwear in a non-professional setting

Jack writes:
The reason I ask these questions is that in a truly professional setting, there would be draping, there would be no touching of genitals, and the masseur would be fully dressed. To do any thing else they could lose their license. Typically, the only time that draping is optional, or touching for the purpose of arousal or touching of the genitals happens is if the masseur knows that is what you came for based on the ad that they placed or the questions that you asked. Also, if you don't mind me asking, would you not be offended if a man touched you inappropriately during a massage?

Tom wrote:
I would not be offended. Maybe I should be, but I would not be. It never happens in a professional setting, and happens about 90% of the time in nonprofessional settings, so I have come to expect the outcome. If I was offended, I guess I would skip to doing only professional massages.

I hope that you all found this exchange as interesting and enlightening as I did. - Jack

My life in the nude

In today’s American Society, prudishness among males has reached an all time high, especially with the younger generation. Often I have been at the gym and seen men trying to change their clothes with a towel wrapped around their waist the entire time. I have seen men wear underwear to the shower and only take them off once the curtain was pulled tight and carefully arranged and put them on again before they leave the shower. At the beaches, the trunks are longer and many no longer even remove their shirts. Even with the men who like to walk around with their pants pulled down below their butts, they are wearing loose boxers underneath (I will never understand that fashion statement). Even when the temps here are in the 90’s, I look out my window and see all the young men wearing long pants and big baggy shirts.

On my table, most men strip naked and lie down on their stomachs with out using the provided towel to cover themselves. Then again, most of them are over 50 and have come there for the express reason of trying to get a sensual massage. Occasionally however I get a local college kid, who will not only use the towel but not take off their underwear. This is of course taken by me as a sign that they most definitely don’t want a sensual massage. On at least two occasions, this was not the case, the young men got erections which were noticeable when the turned over. I was planning on ignoring this but with each, as I was rubbing the belly they would reach and pull their underwear down enough to expose their dick only. I gave them each a manual release and cleaned them up, and the underwear was right back in place as I finished the massage.

This is a fairly new phenomenon in American society, even most of our fathers spent more time naked with other men than we have (OK, so I have spent more time with naked men than my father, but I live an unusual life). My grandfather used to talk about the swimming holes where he and the other men would swim naked all the time. My father was in the army and still talks about the total lack of privacy and that it seemed that he and the other men were naked at least half the time. As for myself, going to school, I remember that showers were required after gym class starting in the 7^th grade and that we had to stay in those showers until the gym instructor came in to be sure we were all in there. Though personally I had no luck in sports in high school, the times that I did participate, the guys in the locker room would talk and laugh and rough house naked for the longest time, at least it seemed so to me. And what about those famous naked parties and concerts of the 60’s?

I stated in an earlier post that I have no problems with being nude in my personal life. While I don’t live my life naked or even spend every possible moment naked, I have been home alone and done exercises naked and been involved with social naked events like naked happy hour, naked yoga and I love staying at clothing optional Bed and Breakfasts.

Doing body work naked is something I have already discussed both the pros and the cons. What I want to discuss today is the effect that can have on the rest of your life.

I spend more time than ever before in my life naked now. I often don’t bother to dress after my shower in the morning until it is time for my first client. So I do all the set up and watch my morning television and drink my morning coffee in the nude. I then put on my shorts, shirt and shoes so I am ready to receive my first client. If it is someone I have done nude massage with before, I undress again once they are in my apartment. I dress again when the session is over and see them out. I will then most likely undress again and jump in the shower again so I am as fresh as can be for the next client and repeat the process.

When my “work” day is over, I stay dressed from then on. I feel no need to frolic around naked in the evening when I have been naked most of the day. Now if my partner wants to get naked and have some fun, great! Otherwise, I will stay dressed. I even wear pajamas to bed these days. I never used to.

Even going to naked happy hour or staying at the clothing optional Bed and Breakfasts isn’t quite the same. It does not hold the titillation that it once did. I see naked people every day on my table. I see lots and lots of naked people. I am often naked with these naked people, this is my job. It kind of takes the fun out these social situations.

For example, I was at a clothing optional Bed and Breakfast this spring with some friends and my partner. I have been to this particular place before and often had a wonderful time. I still had a good time but it was so different. In the past the thought of running around naked and lying out naked and swimming naked and hot tubing naked was all quite exciting. I was being naughty. Everyone around me was being naughty. It was fun looking at the penises and the buttocks. It was fun looking at the guys looking at the other guys. I liked watching the guys just showing off or the timid ones so nervous that they would only flash themselves occasionally as if by accident “oops, my towel fell and my penis is showing.” My partner is often in that category. There is also the famous “my balls are sweating, excuse me while I scratch them” or “this book is so good it’s getting me aroused, hope it doesn’t bother you.”

However, this time I was there and got naked and sat in my lounge chair and actually read my book. Every so often I would remind myself that there is probably stuff to see if I look up and so I would, but often found myself wishing the new Harry Potter book was already out. There were boys there being very playful with each other and putting on quite a show, I hardly noticed and when I did, I turned away and went back to my book. Normally, when in the hot tub, it is always exciting to see who will show up and take a seat next to me. This time when a decent guy sat next to me and reached over, all that went through my head was “well, so much for enjoying the hot tub, I guess I will go back out and enjoy my book and let the rest of these guys enjoy each other.” Again, I want to emphasize that I had a good time, just a different time than in the past. I was not offended by the behavior of the others, quite the contrary, I thought it was cute. That’s right, I said cute. However, I was on vacation and I did not need to be aroused all day or naked all day (though I still was a lot of the time) or looking at other aroused naked men all day.

So are the days of me getting titillated by the mere presence of other naked men in social situations over? I am sure they are not. I still have a wicked sex drive and tend to like to orgasm at least once a day, and that will always be more pleasurable with someone else. There is just no longer any sense of urgency or the horrible fear that I will miss something exciting if I get wrapped up in my book or if I miss a naked happy hour.

In the course of my life, I have seen more erect penises than any one should. I have had my penis touched by more people than any one should. I have come to the understanding that quality is indeed better than quantity. I know that there will always be missed opportunities but better still there will be more opportunities should I choose to look for them. I am as comfortable naked as I think I could possibly be and think it is a shame that more people are not that comfortable. Of course there is something to be said about a little bit of mystery. Personally, if I could, I would wear a sarong around my waist with nothing under it at all times, but I doubt that style will ever be in vogue in the US.

While I was in Paris, I found the men there to be a lot more open about both sex and nudity. They have more than bar that is all nude, all the time. The bath houses have more men completely naked than men in towels. Even in the “seedy” video booths at an adult bookstore, the men strip naked. The men were also far more passionate within the context of anonymous sex. Not only were they naked, having sex with strangers in public, but they kissed and hugged and rubbed and caressed each other like secret lovers meeting briefly before they must return to their dull lives. If you have ever seen anonymous sex in an American bath house, it is barely sex. It is all about the penis and how quickly can they get off.

I am not sure where all this is heading. Has the internet made us so introverted that we fear connections with others all together? Is more or less nudity better? Are we headed for some strange puritanical time? If we are, I am quite certain that my business will pick up. The less we connect with those around us, the more likely people will look for those of us they can pay for some sort of physical connection.

- Jack

A question asked and answered

Hello Jack,

While passing some time surfing the web this weekend, I came across your blog, "Confessions of a Bodyworker." I found it to be quite an interesting read and I thought I'd drop you a note to possibly obtain some advice from you.

Long story short: About five or six years ago, I purchased a portable massage table and some Biotone lotions with the intent of getting myself ready to take professional massage training. (Plus the fact that the guy I was dating at the time was a dancer and I would frequently massage him after his rehearsals and it was just easier to use a table then massage him in bed). I'm from the Washington, DC, area and there's a school near here, the Potomac Massage Institute that was offering classes. After I saw the time involved (inconvenient given my day job and how long it would take to satisfy the course curriculum) as well as the cost involved (yeesh, you'd think I was going back to college with the cost of their courses) I decided to abandon the idea. Needless to say, over the years I've used my table maybe once or twice a year.

Still being interested in massage (and, like most people, not able to afford one as regularly as I would like) I thought: join a massage group to practice, learn and exchange from other like-minded individuals. Wow, second big mistake. Most of the guys I met weren't interested in the "exchange" part of the massage and nine times out of ten I would be left massage-less after having performed a massage on someone else. Plus, let's face it, there are times when I simply want to receive only and there are other times when I simply want to give only.

Okay, enough history as I don't want to write the next great American novel here. While reading through your blog, I read where you had mentioned working with other massage therapists in order to at least learn the craft and to strengthen your knowledge of the craft. Now why didn't I think of that? LOL. Okay, I'm going to digress and go back to the "history" part - LOL. I have attended a few group massage workshops which were held in my area, but I found those to be almost of no use: most guys in attendance weren't there for the "learning" and I found it difficult to learn massage in 10 minutes of "here's how you do it" and the rest of the time "doing it." Hence, I've stopped going to those workshops. Guess that there's the third mistake. Fourth big mistake was attending a weekend-long "Body Electric" workshop which wasn't about learning massage as I had thought - don't even get me started on that...

Anyway, back at the ranch.... I'm interested in knowing how you went about locating a massage therapist that was interested in working/teaching/mentoring you. Were most of them open to the idea? Did you scan the classifieds/Internet for therapists in your area, contact them and see what they had to say? Did you offer to pay them for their teaching or did they request a fee for their teaching you? Paying someone individually to teach me is something I wouldn't mind doing and is something I'd have to do anyway if I were to take classes. That being said, did you find that there was a "going rate" that these therapists charged (or that you offered) for their teaching you? Was it more of a "bartering" system (they taught you and then they let you practice on them?) Lastly, given that everyone learns at different rates, how long did it take (or how many "classes" did it take) for you to feel comfortable enough in your skills to "perform a paying massage?"

I figured it couldn't hurt to revive my idea of wanting to learn how to perform a massage and hey, maybe down the road I might make a little bit of pocket cash from it, or at least get a better sense of how to perform a massage.

I appreciate any insight you'd be able to provide. Have a great weekend.

Wayne

Hello Wayne,

So sorry to hear your experiences in the DC area have not been all that you had hoped for especially with these different groups. They all sound like they should have been great ideas.

I do have a pet peeve against Massage Schools. The owners of such schools are in it for the money and there is a lot of money to be made. Most of the teacher are massage therapists who are not making enough money from their own practice so they take teaching jobs. They are usually woefully underpaid in these positions as well since massage schools are about profit. It is also a bit absurd that as each year goes by, the schools petition their State Legislature to pass laws requiring more hours than any of the teachers ever had to take.

Body Electric has gone through many changes over the years. My understanding is that it started off as a massage type work but has developed over the years into other things. The school itself has changed hands a few times and there are very few people left from the original group. It seems now more than ever the work is about connecting with your sexual selves. A worthwhile endeavor for many but not for all.

Massage exchange groups can be great or terrible. Most of it depends on the people running them. When it is just an on-line meet-up group, the owners of the group probably have little control over people's behavior. The only control they have is maintaining requirements for membership and that is not a lot.

In many places in the country, there are actual massage sessions/classes for men. This would be a scenario where everyone pays a fee to take a classes from a professional and practice on each other. They would all meet once a week for say 6 to 10 weeks for at least 3 hours a session. The first bit of time is spent in discussion and demonstration of a particular series of massage strokes, then next is spent with half the class practicing on the other half while the instructor watches, going from table to table, and then they would switch. All of this is usually set up by a private massage therapist who serves as the instructor. The groups are usually quite small since it takes one table for every two participants which creates an issue with both having access to the tables and the space for them.

Another scenario in the San Francisco area is a larger scale of a once a week meeting that is supervised by massage therapists, but is not necessarily as educational based. It is set up that everyone receive for an hour and give for an hour. It is monitored so that while it can be sensual it is definitely not erotic (no, orgasms, lips). While it is a scenario that people can learn from each other, if you are partnered up with someone who knows nothing, you will get nothing.

So how did I do it? Well first I paid for massages to find therapists that I like. Then I expressed to them my interest in learning some massage techniques. How it worked out from there varies. There was one that I would pay for a session and he would give me a massage for an hour and then he would lie on the table for an hour or 30 minutes where I could practice on him for a fee, all prearranged. I paid him for his time since he needed to make a living.

Another arrangement I made with a different therapist was I arranged a private series of classes. I found two other people who were interested in learning massage, together we booked three 90 minute sessions with a therapist whom I had discussed this with, then he taught us lessons with demonstrations, and practice on each other. He did not have to do any extra work as far as formally trying to set up a class and got paid his normal rate for his time and we each got a break on the cost.

I have also had the privilege of private free lessons from a very kind massage therapist. I was his client first for some time and when I expressed my interest, he offered up his services. It is more difficult to learn this way since an ideal situation involves three people so you can watch a stroke before you attempt a stroke. However, he would talk me through certain strokes as I practiced on him. Occasionally he would jump up and we would switch places and he would demonstrate on me then switch back and let me try again. I know that this is a rare occurrence. A big part of my education was really paying attention when receiving massage. I also bought a few massage tapes which were OK and allowed me to watch strokes and learn a routine, but nothing beats hands on training.

As far as the length of time, I spent at least two years with massage therapists before I started to do exchanges with new people. It was probably another two years before I started charging. I am still learning with every massage exchange I do and with every massage I receive.

All that being said, realize that as you go into this path that men wanting sex is always going to be an issue. Men who want sex for a teaching. Men who want sex for being practiced on, men who want to hire you for sex. Even the most professional massage therapists often expect sex after or during an exchange. If this is going to be a big issue for you, then you are truly following the wrong path. If you can and are willing to deal with this and can set your limits, tell people your limits, deal with it when people test your limits repeatedly then you may be OK.

I hope that some of this helps. Let me know how things go and if you have any more questions.

- Jack

On a more positive note

After a couple of somewhat negative posts, I want to assure you that there are a lot of perks to this life as well.

Take for example my client yesterday. He was a very beautiful 26 year old man of what I believe was Italian mixed with something very large, possible Swedish. He stood 6’6” tall and weighed in at about 220 pounds which was so perfectly distributed, I was almost breathless. All he needed was a stronger chin and a couple of years on him and the guy would have been my perfect wet dream. The knowledge that these things will probably come with time just made it that much hotter.

Just so you understand, a man like this is rare under normal circumstances, so for one to walk in the door and want to strip naked and be rubbed all over by you can be pretty amazing. He had asked specifically for a sensual massage. I knew him from an on-line group so I knew his age, height and weight before I saw him. I figured at least some of it was going to be a lie. I had prepared myself for someone just over 6’, 30 something, and really overweight. At the very least I figured he would be plain looking if not down right ugly, we all know that good stats don’t necessarily translate to good looking. Not that it matters as far as the bodywork goes, in all cases I try to find something that appeals to me and focus on it to keep me in to the moment of the work. I confess that I often envision the worst case scenario before a new client arrives, that way I am usually pleasantly surprised, not always, but usually.

So I receive his call that he has arrived and is waiting at the front door of my building. I sometimes try to peak through the curtains to catch them on the sidewalk before they reach my door so I have an idea of what I am in for, but I had missed this one. I open the door and there he is in all his beauty, charming sweet youthful face, dark wavy hair, bright blue eyes, recently tanned skin, nice chest, flat stomach, narrow hips, long legs and so tall. I am 6’ myself, so I can appreciate a tall man. He is dressed in rather a preppy style with a striped button down shirt and khaki shorts and leather sandals. I shake his hand and welcome him in. I offer him some water and the use of the bathroom before we start. When asked if he has any aches or pains that need to be worked on, he replies that he is fine and just looking for something relaxing and fun. Yeah for me! I instruct him to undress and lie face down on the table, show him the towel to cover himself if he so chooses and excuse myself to wash my hands. Even though he has asked for a sensual massage I do not disrobe myself. For one thing, he has not asked for it, for anther I rarely if ever disrobe with a new client, and lastly, he appears to be in much better shape than I am. I wait an appropriate amount of time for the client to be on table before I return, most clients prefer to be face down the first time I see them nude. Walking into the room, he is in the position; face in the cradle, lying on his stomach, his feet hanging over the bolster giving a nice line to those incredibly long legs, his torso an almost perfect V shape leading down to a most pleasing uncovered butt (they almost never use the towel to cover themselves).

It is worth mentioning here that in my normal everyday “private” sex life I am a top. I am a top who really loves a good butt; always have as long as I could remember. In first grade I remember staring at Jeffery H’s bubble butt in his tight corduroys and not knowing why I thought it was so beautiful. When I was first entering puberty and being inundated with messages from all around me that I am supposed to be sexually attracted to girls, I only really ever found their butts attractive. I have never had much use for their breasts. In high school, Jeff H was into all kinds of sports and had one of those short compact bodies that’s all muscle with an arched back and a butt that went on for days. We were never really friends, nor were we ever enemies, we traveled in completely different circles, but we did have a few classes together including one year when we had gym together and I got to see him in the showers on a regular basis. Careful to never look for too long for fear of being caught or developing an erection, I would however steal a glimpse whenever I could. Being a jock type, he liked to walk around naked in the locker room. I was still pretty certain that I was straight, the whole gay thing was something that happened to other people in other towns, but Jeff’s butt was a huge clue. You see we lived in the Midwest and most men’s butts were really flat. Even most of the athletes in the school only had a marginal behind and really could not fill out their jeans properly. Jeff was the first bubble butt that I had ever seen. He did have a rather small penis though. I am sure he was impossible straight as well. Even if I could have figured out my interest in him, it would have done no good. Besides, in those days I was one of the fat kids, always picked 2^nd last for teams always coming in 2^nd last in races (there was one fatter boy), and getting at least one fat joke a day.

I digress, back to the boy on the table. His name was Tim by the way. Tim did not have a bubble butt or a muscle butt; rather he had a man’s butt with just a hint of baby fat on it. As nice as it was, there was again the knowledge that in a couple years, it would be better. It is unusual for a tall white man to have a nice butt, fortunately it is not impossible. Thank goodness the boy wanted a 90 minute session; it will take me that long to touch every inch of this body.

As I said before, I have elected to keep my clothes on. I start working on Tim from the top, working his back and shoulders. It is with the shoulders that he makes his first move at stoking my leg; I do not pull away. I finish with the back and skip down to the feet to work my way back up. His feet are good sized. This may or may not mean that he has a large penis. Over the years I have been able to do an extensive if informal study on body proportions. It is true that generally speaking, the larger the hands and feet, the larger the penis. There are a great number of exceptions to this rule so you never really know, but it is a decent bet. Normally clients push their penis down between their legs as they first lie down. The reason is so that I don’t miss it when they get an erection. Some men do keep their penis pointing up which is actually more comfortable for them and probably more exciting as the underside can then rub against the flannel sheet, however this does often lead to premature ejaculation. Tim’s penis is pointing down but is remaining quite flaccid so all I can see is a shriveled head. As I work up the first leg, I usually get to watch the penis stretch out; forcing its way in short throbs further down between the client’s legs. Tim’s has not moved yet. Even as I work the inner thigh, it is only showing minimal interest. Tim’s hand however is grazing my leg through my shorts again. As I move his leg so I can reach under his inner thigh, his hand finds my dick sporting a semi-woody. I have had a semi-woody this entire session. As he grasps my dick through the shorts his penis takes off, throbbing urgently and quickly lengthening down between his legs. It looks like his penis will be a nice proportionate size to the rest of his body with out being an “oh my god” moment. It also looks like young Tim really likes penis.

I move to the other leg and start again from the foot. I watch the turgid penis slowly deflate. I work my way up the leg and nothing more than occasional nod from the penis head. His hand finds my dick again through my shorts and his penis is again off to the races. OK. This is what turns the boy on, having his hand on my dick, even if it is through my shorts. I am about to spend some major time working on his butt from first one side of the table and then the other, the entire time my crotch will be right next to the table within easy reach of his hand. I am pretty sure he would rather I take my shorts off at this point so he can just go ahead and stroke my dick, the question is will I?

Since it is so obvious that the only thing that excites the boy is touching my dick, I let him have it. I strip off my clothes before I work on his butt so that he can stroke my dick, and boy does he! I have to fight for focus and concentration and most importantly, to not ejaculate. I am in control of the situation, I do not ejaculate with clients, and I have to make sure that he does not ejaculate until I want him to. It is hard to tell if the work I am doing on his butt is having any effect on him at all, since he is really into my penis. I finish this part of the massage by climbing onto the table and working his butt and back from that angle. This means that my penis will come in contact with his ass but not the actual sphincter; at this point I can determine what a client wants by how much he tries or does not try to get my penis to connect with his sphincter. Tim barely moves at all, so I can assume he is not interested in prostate work in this session. I towel him off and have him turn over.

His penis has shrunk again. It happens. He takes a sip of the water he is offered and lays back down on the table and closes his eyes. He said nothing about my nudity and made no effort to touch me during this break. My erection is still pretty full. I move to above his head and start working his chest. I test the water around the nipples to see how sensitive they are. While they do stiffen a bit, the penis does not move at all, not that unusual in one of his age, some men have very sensitive nipples very early, but far more men develop sensitive nipples as the years go by. I am purposely trying to keep my hips away from the table so I am not hitting him in the head with my penis. It just seems rude to me. I notice however that he is moving his head from sided to side and stretching his neck, he is trying to find my penis with his head while his eyes are closed. Fine, you want the penis, here it is, I will slide it up along side your left ear as I work your right tit. He feels it and a big smile brightens his face and his penis re-inflates in no time at all. I move to work the left tit and move my penis to his right ear; he rolls his head on top of it and smiles. His erection is throbbing. I move to the left side of his body and start working on his belly in circular motions, brushing his pubic bush. His left hand finds my penis and begins to stroke, his eyes remain closed and his penis throbs and leaks. I move to the right side and continue the circular motions, his right hand finds my penis, and his penis is leaking more. I then go for the “no touch zone” grazing his anus, stroking his testicles, tickling his penis. He strokes me harder. I focus on the task at hand, introducing his nips to the torture associated with the pleasure with penis; I can sense the connection being made. I go back and repeat the steps: anus, testicles, penis, and nips. He is oozing quite a lot now and his body is writhing. His right hand is stroking me and his left is grasping the table; his eyes are clamped shut. I stroke his penis with one hand as I alternate between his nips and his balls with the other. He is close now. I settle with the ball play while I continue to stroke his penis, trying not to go to fast, slowing a bit when he looks close, wanting to prolong his moment as long as possible. With a little vocal encouragement, I send him over the edge, milking out every last drop and he thrashes a bit on the table. When he is lying still again, I remove my penis from his grip and grab a towel to wipe him down. His eyes remain shut. I continue the massage with leg work, arm work, neck and a face massage and finally a light touch over his entire body leaving him with goose flesh. I wipe him down with a fresh towel and cover him. I ask how he is feeling, he is fine. I excuse myself to wash up and dress and tell him to lie still until I return.

He is very relaxed now. I give him water to drink and tell him about what I found on his body as far as tightness and where he needs to stretch. He thanks me and dresses in front of me as I clean up the towels and massage cream. He writes me a check for my fees and thanks me again. I wish him well and tell him I hope to see him again. He smiles and leaves.

This is what a really good day can be like. - Jack

Exchanges and Contadictions

I had a massage exchange today. Professionals do that with each other every so often. It is a way for us to get a massage with out paying for it, and a chance for us to share our knowledge with each other. These are often sensual massages since there is no money changing hands so even they most conservative of masseurs will feel at ease and have a little fun.

I mention this because it was a very odd experience, from the moment I was contacted this was all odd.

I did the exchange with a therapist that I did not know. He contacted me first from an ad on the internet where I was advertising my “legit” bodywork. His first email to me was something to the effect of “hung top looking for sensual massage” to which I responded that he would probably be happier with someone else. I never take these guys who start off with “hung top” or “total bottom” since they are looking for a cheap hooker. He sends another email with "I just thought since you have a dick pic up that you were up for sensual massage." I freaked out, where the heck do I have a dick pic up? I looked at my sites and there were none showing, none on my profiles, where had he seen this? So I ask him and responds that it was a massage exchange site. OK, well that is a different thing all together, I explain that yes, I do sensual massage in exchanges with other professionals but the ad he responded to is for my paying bodywork. He informs me that he is professional LMT and was looking for a sensual massage and was willing to pay for it or to do an exchange. I think that I could really use a massage, great! We agree to meet for a sensual massage exchange, with the understanding that sensual meant that while we would both be nude, there would be no sexual intercourse other than manual release. I do a quick search for his info on the net and find that he was an LMT in California and apparently recently moved back in the area.

OK, so today we do the exchange. He is about 10 years older than I am with an average body, definitely a few extra pounds but not obese. None of us are perfect. We did it at my place where I am absorbing all the costs, towels, sheets, massage cream, bottled water, etc. Normally when I have done exchanges there is always a bit of discussion about who gives and who receives first. Everyone secretly wants to give the massage first and receive second since few people really want to hop off the table after receiving a great massage and have to go to work. The default answer is that the host will give first since they have set things up the way that they like them. The person who gives the first massage also sets the tone, expectations and the boundaries that will or will not be crossed. So this guy arrives and immediately starts taking off his clothes and jumps on the table, no chit chat. OK. So I disrobe as well and start giving him my best combination of Swedish, Deep Tissue and Sensual bodywork. I know that he is a total top from his first email, but since this is a hands only affair, the only thing that means to me is he may or may not enjoy work on his butt. From the beginning he is doing a lot of stroking of my legs and commenting how much he likes them. I give him a full 90 minute massage with the usual release about ¾ of the way through. He seems to really be into the sensual aspects and likes it when I am near his butt, so I include a fair amount of butt work and he tells me that maybe he is a bit of bottom after all. He is erect through most of the massage and there is plenty of mutual touch when we are working toward the release. He loves the release and is pretty spent. Fortunately for me that he will have a good 30 minutes or more to recover before we switch.

After I am finished with the massage, I start changing the sheets and he asks that we lower the table a few inches, so we flip it and lower each of the legs. I put on the new sheets and ask if he needs anything before I lie down, he assures me he does not and we start the massage. He asks if I need any special work and I tell him that my right shoulder has been a bit stiff. The massage he is giving is very deep tissue, he works both shoulders hard but not any more time on the right than on the left. So he couldn’t remember which one was stiff, it happens. It is obvious that he has had formal training, as a matter of fact the massage seems very familiar, like I have had this exact massage before from another therapist in my past somewhere. As he gets close to the old “no touch” zone I start getting erect but he ignores it and my butt. The massage is still very deep tissue with no sensual aspects yet. Well not everyone is into the release being ¾ of the way through, so I guess it will come at the end. I relax and the erection goes away. He is sweating on me, but that can happen. As he getting near the end of the massage I stroke his leg every so often but he seems to oblivious to it. He finishes the massage with a scalp massage and then says “I don’t believe in Happy Endings for massages, I hope that you are OK with that. I believe that you should just enjoy this moment.”

What the hell? What I am supposed to say? No, damn it, I want you to jerk me off? So I mumble the word fine and lie still to “enjoy the moment.” “Are you sure your fine?” Yes I say. “OK then, here’s your water.” So much for even enjoy the moment, there was no moment. I end a massage with an all over soft body touch, then a light toweling off and then cover the body with towels and leave the client in peace for a minute or two while I wash my hands and this is exactly what I did for him. He does none of this. Out of curiosity I glance at the clock, about 50 minutes had passed. I had given him a 90 minute therapeutic and sensual massage with a mind blowing orgasm and got 50 minutes of deep tissue in return with no sensual aspects. He then is dressed and out of there is seconds, no offer to help clean up or small talk, just out.

When will I learn? This is not the first time that I have had a disappointing exchange. My shoulder is still stiff as well. What really got my goat was that he came to me for a sensual massage but then says he doesn’t believe in giving one? What kind of freak is that? Talk about someone with serious problems.

There are a lot masseurs and body workers who never do exchanges for these very reasons. Unfortunately I can’t afford to get massages as often as I would like. So, life goes on. I take chances and I get disappointed. Not getting a great massage is not the end of the world. I was hoping that it would be great and I would have new exchange partner and perhaps even a new friend with whom I could talk to about the business, but whatever.

The really frightening aspect is that I am actually meeting someone in another week or so to do an exchange with, another stranger. Maybe this one will be better. Hope is springs eternal.

- Jack