Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I am alive.
I know that it has been an eternity since I posted. I am alive and well and thinking. Probably over thinking. I do have things to write about, but I also want them to be good. Plus I am still trying to figure best where to go next in my life. More later, I promise.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Sexual addiction
There have been a number of celebrities who have been caught by the press cheating on their spouses and then enter rehab for sex addiction, is it real?
I am supposed to be looking for steadier work right now. I am having a bit of a focus problem. You see, I just can’t seem to focus on finding a job until after I masturbate. It’s silly but true. Once I orgasm then I’m fine and I can buckle down and do what needs to be done. The issue? I don’t want to do that first thing in the morning in case I get a last minute client, I need to be “up” for my work. I could take my chances and figure that when the time comes, my erection won’t fail me, but speaking from experience, it is much more difficult to keep an erection up if I already had a morning orgasm. I can get one, just can’t keep it up for the whole session.
The reason I am sharing this is I was recently asked by a client about sex addiction and whether I know anyone who suffers from it. I guess that depends on your definition of sex addiction. I have had clients who have discussed with me some of their issues and identified themselves as sex addicts. I am not a huge fan of labels, but if it helps you define who you are then more power to you. Basically a sexual addiction is when sex interferes with your ability to live your everyday life. It has really nothing to do with number of partners or the kind of sex you have. There are those who would like to believe that a person with a sexual addiction will have sex whenever they can with whomever the can, and while a person who exhibits such behavior would most likely have a sexual addiction all sex addicts are different and have very different practices.
I have an orgasm every day, sometimes more than one. Does that make me an addict? No. Can’t find a job because I can’t stop thinking about sex? Maybe, but not if I just go ahead and masturbate and find a job, then it is not a problem.
So, it stands to reason that a person who likes to have sex with every day but can still hold down a relationship and a job and follow his other dreams does not have a sexual addiction problem, even if he is having a different partner every day. It also stands to reason if a person who likes sex a lot and decides to be a prostitute does not have a sexual addiction since he has changed his lifestyle to fit his sexual needs.
Gay men have a reputation of having very high sex drives. I think that most men, straight or gay have high sex drives. It is just a matter of opportunity. If straight men thought that they could have sex at any given moment, and nobody would care, I am sure they would.
So, back to me, before I started working as a bodyworker, did I have issues with Sexual Addiction? I don’t think so. I held down a government job for a number of years and before that I ran a live theater, before that, I taught at a University. Through all of these jobs (and a few others thrown in here and there) I still masturbated every day, sometimes more than once, and it never interfered with my work. Yes, occasionally I would throw one off in the privacy of a men’s room at work, but only on my break and usually alone, and then I would go back to work.
I would probably be more likely to worry about this if I had not spoken to literally hundreds of men, straight and gay, who have discussed the same issues. I don’t want you to fret if this does not describe you, like all things in the world, the level of sex drive in individuals varies a great deal. However, there are more than a few of us who find an orgasm a day to be the ideal. Almost every man whom I have discussed such things with admits that he still masturbates, even if he does have multiple partners with whom to have sex, again this includes straight and gay men. It unusual for most men if they have not had an orgasm in a few days, unless they are “Saving up” for some special event (I have more than one client who like to do this before a visit with me). Most men have confessed to “rubbing one out” in the men’s room at work occasionally. Some men like to start the day with an orgasm, others like to do it before they go to sleep.
There can be other issues related to sexual addiction such as the need for more extreme thrills, the need for multiple partners, the need for BDSM activities, in short if you need an extra element for you to orgasm and this "need" continues to grow. In the short term, this may not seem like an issue, but as time goes on, it becomes harder and harder to fulfill these extra needs. Issues like this may definitely require some therapy. Of course if you want to talk to a therapist about anything in your sex life, you should not hesitate to do so. It can make you feel better and help identify if there is a problem or not.
So the answer to my daytime issues with job hunting and getting a "grip" on my want or need to orgasm and my worry about last minute clients is this: if I do not have a client scheduled after 1:30 PM by 1:30 PM, I will go ahead and masturbate so I can focus on the rest of what I need to get done. So if you call me after 1:30 for a same day appointment, you are taking your chances if you want an erection from me. ;-)
Now, if I could only get to work without my three cups of coffee in the morning, my hour or so of facebook and let's face it, my day always seems better when I start it with a fresh apple fritter. These are all far worse addictions in my book.
- Jack
I am supposed to be looking for steadier work right now. I am having a bit of a focus problem. You see, I just can’t seem to focus on finding a job until after I masturbate. It’s silly but true. Once I orgasm then I’m fine and I can buckle down and do what needs to be done. The issue? I don’t want to do that first thing in the morning in case I get a last minute client, I need to be “up” for my work. I could take my chances and figure that when the time comes, my erection won’t fail me, but speaking from experience, it is much more difficult to keep an erection up if I already had a morning orgasm. I can get one, just can’t keep it up for the whole session.
The reason I am sharing this is I was recently asked by a client about sex addiction and whether I know anyone who suffers from it. I guess that depends on your definition of sex addiction. I have had clients who have discussed with me some of their issues and identified themselves as sex addicts. I am not a huge fan of labels, but if it helps you define who you are then more power to you. Basically a sexual addiction is when sex interferes with your ability to live your everyday life. It has really nothing to do with number of partners or the kind of sex you have. There are those who would like to believe that a person with a sexual addiction will have sex whenever they can with whomever the can, and while a person who exhibits such behavior would most likely have a sexual addiction all sex addicts are different and have very different practices.
I have an orgasm every day, sometimes more than one. Does that make me an addict? No. Can’t find a job because I can’t stop thinking about sex? Maybe, but not if I just go ahead and masturbate and find a job, then it is not a problem.
So, it stands to reason that a person who likes to have sex with every day but can still hold down a relationship and a job and follow his other dreams does not have a sexual addiction problem, even if he is having a different partner every day. It also stands to reason if a person who likes sex a lot and decides to be a prostitute does not have a sexual addiction since he has changed his lifestyle to fit his sexual needs.
Gay men have a reputation of having very high sex drives. I think that most men, straight or gay have high sex drives. It is just a matter of opportunity. If straight men thought that they could have sex at any given moment, and nobody would care, I am sure they would.
So, back to me, before I started working as a bodyworker, did I have issues with Sexual Addiction? I don’t think so. I held down a government job for a number of years and before that I ran a live theater, before that, I taught at a University. Through all of these jobs (and a few others thrown in here and there) I still masturbated every day, sometimes more than once, and it never interfered with my work. Yes, occasionally I would throw one off in the privacy of a men’s room at work, but only on my break and usually alone, and then I would go back to work.
I would probably be more likely to worry about this if I had not spoken to literally hundreds of men, straight and gay, who have discussed the same issues. I don’t want you to fret if this does not describe you, like all things in the world, the level of sex drive in individuals varies a great deal. However, there are more than a few of us who find an orgasm a day to be the ideal. Almost every man whom I have discussed such things with admits that he still masturbates, even if he does have multiple partners with whom to have sex, again this includes straight and gay men. It unusual for most men if they have not had an orgasm in a few days, unless they are “Saving up” for some special event (I have more than one client who like to do this before a visit with me). Most men have confessed to “rubbing one out” in the men’s room at work occasionally. Some men like to start the day with an orgasm, others like to do it before they go to sleep.
There can be other issues related to sexual addiction such as the need for more extreme thrills, the need for multiple partners, the need for BDSM activities, in short if you need an extra element for you to orgasm and this "need" continues to grow. In the short term, this may not seem like an issue, but as time goes on, it becomes harder and harder to fulfill these extra needs. Issues like this may definitely require some therapy. Of course if you want to talk to a therapist about anything in your sex life, you should not hesitate to do so. It can make you feel better and help identify if there is a problem or not.
So the answer to my daytime issues with job hunting and getting a "grip" on my want or need to orgasm and my worry about last minute clients is this: if I do not have a client scheduled after 1:30 PM by 1:30 PM, I will go ahead and masturbate so I can focus on the rest of what I need to get done. So if you call me after 1:30 for a same day appointment, you are taking your chances if you want an erection from me. ;-)
Now, if I could only get to work without my three cups of coffee in the morning, my hour or so of facebook and let's face it, my day always seems better when I start it with a fresh apple fritter. These are all far worse addictions in my book.
- Jack
Sunday, February 21, 2010
The Life Chosen...
It is Sunday as I am typing this, a rather quiet day. It is a slow period of the month and the weather is slightly better than it’s been in weeks so everyone is out enjoying it and not getting massage.
Of course I often don’t work on Sundays for other reasons. It is a day I often spend with my partner. So I shouldn’t be surprised when I have a free Sunday to work, that I end up with no clients. Business has been slow lately and I am again looking for extra income. I know that I should really pursue a new career and do massage part time (if at all), but who would want to give up my life? ;-)
As I said, it is Sunday, my partner is away today attending a conference and will be back by this evening. So I am sitting here typing in the nude (why dress and make more laundry for myself?). I have a new porno playing on the DVD player to keep in the mood. It is Rocks and Hard Places, a Kristen Bjorn video, I love his stuff. Yes they are a bit all the same but they are really well done. He uses nice relaxing background music instead of the cheesy 70’s porn soundtrack that you still hear on a lot of videos. He uses models from all over the world, though he seems to have a fondness for Italians, Spaniards, and other Mediterranean types. His early work was very plot heavy and often whimsical; lately he has been more into just getting as many attractive men together as possible. He loves outdoor scenes. He also averages a cum shot every 7.5 minutes (and more cum shots per movie than any other director I’ve seen). Bottoms always shoot with a hard dick up their ass. Someone who is sucking cock will cum with out missing a stroke. Generally, everyone in the scene will cum at least three times. If I have any issues with his work is that generally he does follow a bit of a formula, sucking till they cum, fucking till they cum, rimming till they cum and then start over with the next group. He does usually work in at least one very unusual position or true double penetration and he is big on the daisy chain sucking in group scenes.
Well, I got a bit off the subject there, what I wanted to talk about was a bit about my lifestyle. Yesterday I went to a nudist happy hour, since my partner was at a conference. I feel weird about going without him and he only likes to go once in a very great while (like once a year or so). I am sure that if he were single he would go more often, but there is always a bit of weirdness when we go to events like that together. Worrying about if the other is having a good time and then wondering if they are having too good of a time. Some couples have that down to a science, we do not. We both learned long ago that these types of situations are just not easy when we are there as a couple (though it is easier if we are out of town).
Now I had not been to the naked happy hour in probably a year. I saw a few friends there, but generally it was a lot of strangers. I was not as nearly social as I could have been or should have been. I even left very early as I was just not in the mood to be outgoing. It happens. I was also not in the mood to drink which may have been an issue. I also was feeling bloated. Now I do carry at least 10 extra pounds (some would argue more) but I know deep down that I am not obese. In the straight world I am considered skinny. Now the naked happy hour is not filled with gods and Adonises, though there are few there, and it is not about hook ups or sex (there are strict rules about behavior at most of these events), but you still don’t want to be seen as the fat one. There were several men who were much larger than I and much older than I who were having a great time and being very social. I just couldn’t get there. I have in the past with no problems. I was just not in the right mood and realized I only went because my partner was at a conference and I would not be missed for a few hours.
I sometimes wonder if my daily life of not having to be dressed often, seeing other naked men, engaging in some sexual activity on a regular basis is making me a bit jaded about these other events. It is true that I almost never see any other bodyworkers at these events. I almost never get aroused at these events (most of the other men do, it is not big deal). Oh well, be thankful of the fun that I have that they don’t.
Which brings me to one of the favorite parts of my life; I get to hear the confessions of all kinds of people. Take for example a fairly new friend of mine I met in the theater world. I will call him Kevin. We were working on a show together and figured out that we were somewhat kindred spirits, both a little left of center. I am very out about being gay and doing massage work (not so much about the other stuff that can go on). Well after the run was over we were exchanging some emails and he shares with me a bit about his sex life including a secret blog he writes about his sexual adventures. Apparently my friend Kevin is a bit of a swinger with his wife and back in the day was into a bit of the ol’ S and M world. Go Kevin! Love Kinky straight people. Then he also shares that he is a bit of a bisexual as well! Alright, you go boy! Even though I feel that labels are really not necessary, if it helps to put a label on yourself, go ahead. Of course since he was sharing all of that, I shared with him this blog so he could get caught up on where I was coming from, more or less. He may or may not make an appointment some day. We’ll see. I have no illusions that anything would happen, I am totally not his type, he likes “skater” boys.;-)
But what made me think of him was that most (not all) but most all of his adventures were the past, like over ten years in the past. As we were emailing, I shared with him that I was naked at the time, something that I know he enjoys. He told me that unfortunately with a 10 year old boy, he does not feel that he can enjoy that around home so much. Now I know that he loves his family more than anything in the world, as do most of my married clients, and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but many of them envy me for the freedoms that I have. To sit naked and type in my journal, go to a naked happy hour when I please, have sexual adventures at the drop of a hat.
Now Kevin has shared with his readers and with me some of his previous experiences and I must say that I was impressed. Very few people can learn at an early enough age that there is a lot more to sex than what we are taught by our parents. His first experience with a man was sweet and touching and hot! He discovered that he loves to suck cock! He was a major player in one of the local straight BDSM groups. He knows the joys of setting yourself free from inhibitions and the pitfalls that can happen (like how difficult it is to have a successful three-way and what jealousy can do to otherwise sane people).
Kevin has a very cool wife and they have played together on a number of occasions with both men and women, and as far as I know continue to do so when there is a chance. Chances are just fewer and farther between these days. While it would be easier for him to play with out her, he doesn’t think she would like that, so he doesn’t (as far as I know). So he writes about his days gone by and occasionally plans for a time when he and his wife can find that certain set of right circumstances when the stars align and they can play together with a man or woman (or both) of their choice.
So, is life like a porno? Not really, they are fiction, and Kristin Bjorn will take days to shoot a truly successful 20 minute scene. Not everyone in the world looks like a porn star. Not every opportunity for sex is taken. Not all scenes end with everyone cumming. Every one does not have a good time, every time. There is no instant soundtrack. However, there is a lot of fun to be had. Whatever choices that you make, just be happy. Don’t look at someone else and wish that you had their life. Just enjoy the life you’ve chosen. Who knows, someone maybe looking at you with envy. ;-)
Of course I often don’t work on Sundays for other reasons. It is a day I often spend with my partner. So I shouldn’t be surprised when I have a free Sunday to work, that I end up with no clients. Business has been slow lately and I am again looking for extra income. I know that I should really pursue a new career and do massage part time (if at all), but who would want to give up my life? ;-)
As I said, it is Sunday, my partner is away today attending a conference and will be back by this evening. So I am sitting here typing in the nude (why dress and make more laundry for myself?). I have a new porno playing on the DVD player to keep in the mood. It is Rocks and Hard Places, a Kristen Bjorn video, I love his stuff. Yes they are a bit all the same but they are really well done. He uses nice relaxing background music instead of the cheesy 70’s porn soundtrack that you still hear on a lot of videos. He uses models from all over the world, though he seems to have a fondness for Italians, Spaniards, and other Mediterranean types. His early work was very plot heavy and often whimsical; lately he has been more into just getting as many attractive men together as possible. He loves outdoor scenes. He also averages a cum shot every 7.5 minutes (and more cum shots per movie than any other director I’ve seen). Bottoms always shoot with a hard dick up their ass. Someone who is sucking cock will cum with out missing a stroke. Generally, everyone in the scene will cum at least three times. If I have any issues with his work is that generally he does follow a bit of a formula, sucking till they cum, fucking till they cum, rimming till they cum and then start over with the next group. He does usually work in at least one very unusual position or true double penetration and he is big on the daisy chain sucking in group scenes.
Well, I got a bit off the subject there, what I wanted to talk about was a bit about my lifestyle. Yesterday I went to a nudist happy hour, since my partner was at a conference. I feel weird about going without him and he only likes to go once in a very great while (like once a year or so). I am sure that if he were single he would go more often, but there is always a bit of weirdness when we go to events like that together. Worrying about if the other is having a good time and then wondering if they are having too good of a time. Some couples have that down to a science, we do not. We both learned long ago that these types of situations are just not easy when we are there as a couple (though it is easier if we are out of town).
Now I had not been to the naked happy hour in probably a year. I saw a few friends there, but generally it was a lot of strangers. I was not as nearly social as I could have been or should have been. I even left very early as I was just not in the mood to be outgoing. It happens. I was also not in the mood to drink which may have been an issue. I also was feeling bloated. Now I do carry at least 10 extra pounds (some would argue more) but I know deep down that I am not obese. In the straight world I am considered skinny. Now the naked happy hour is not filled with gods and Adonises, though there are few there, and it is not about hook ups or sex (there are strict rules about behavior at most of these events), but you still don’t want to be seen as the fat one. There were several men who were much larger than I and much older than I who were having a great time and being very social. I just couldn’t get there. I have in the past with no problems. I was just not in the right mood and realized I only went because my partner was at a conference and I would not be missed for a few hours.
I sometimes wonder if my daily life of not having to be dressed often, seeing other naked men, engaging in some sexual activity on a regular basis is making me a bit jaded about these other events. It is true that I almost never see any other bodyworkers at these events. I almost never get aroused at these events (most of the other men do, it is not big deal). Oh well, be thankful of the fun that I have that they don’t.
Which brings me to one of the favorite parts of my life; I get to hear the confessions of all kinds of people. Take for example a fairly new friend of mine I met in the theater world. I will call him Kevin. We were working on a show together and figured out that we were somewhat kindred spirits, both a little left of center. I am very out about being gay and doing massage work (not so much about the other stuff that can go on). Well after the run was over we were exchanging some emails and he shares with me a bit about his sex life including a secret blog he writes about his sexual adventures. Apparently my friend Kevin is a bit of a swinger with his wife and back in the day was into a bit of the ol’ S and M world. Go Kevin! Love Kinky straight people. Then he also shares that he is a bit of a bisexual as well! Alright, you go boy! Even though I feel that labels are really not necessary, if it helps to put a label on yourself, go ahead. Of course since he was sharing all of that, I shared with him this blog so he could get caught up on where I was coming from, more or less. He may or may not make an appointment some day. We’ll see. I have no illusions that anything would happen, I am totally not his type, he likes “skater” boys.;-)
But what made me think of him was that most (not all) but most all of his adventures were the past, like over ten years in the past. As we were emailing, I shared with him that I was naked at the time, something that I know he enjoys. He told me that unfortunately with a 10 year old boy, he does not feel that he can enjoy that around home so much. Now I know that he loves his family more than anything in the world, as do most of my married clients, and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but many of them envy me for the freedoms that I have. To sit naked and type in my journal, go to a naked happy hour when I please, have sexual adventures at the drop of a hat.
Now Kevin has shared with his readers and with me some of his previous experiences and I must say that I was impressed. Very few people can learn at an early enough age that there is a lot more to sex than what we are taught by our parents. His first experience with a man was sweet and touching and hot! He discovered that he loves to suck cock! He was a major player in one of the local straight BDSM groups. He knows the joys of setting yourself free from inhibitions and the pitfalls that can happen (like how difficult it is to have a successful three-way and what jealousy can do to otherwise sane people).
Kevin has a very cool wife and they have played together on a number of occasions with both men and women, and as far as I know continue to do so when there is a chance. Chances are just fewer and farther between these days. While it would be easier for him to play with out her, he doesn’t think she would like that, so he doesn’t (as far as I know). So he writes about his days gone by and occasionally plans for a time when he and his wife can find that certain set of right circumstances when the stars align and they can play together with a man or woman (or both) of their choice.
So, is life like a porno? Not really, they are fiction, and Kristin Bjorn will take days to shoot a truly successful 20 minute scene. Not everyone in the world looks like a porn star. Not every opportunity for sex is taken. Not all scenes end with everyone cumming. Every one does not have a good time, every time. There is no instant soundtrack. However, there is a lot of fun to be had. Whatever choices that you make, just be happy. Don’t look at someone else and wish that you had their life. Just enjoy the life you’ve chosen. Who knows, someone maybe looking at you with envy. ;-)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
More about Clients
This week I was reminded again about what kind or hole we fill in this world.
One of my favorite clients, who has come to see me for several years, came to see me this week. I was happy to hear from him, it had been a few months since I had last seen him. I knew the economy had cost him his job over a year ago and he had not found anything permanent to replace it yet. I still stick by my policy of no discounts even in hard times (you don’t have to tip me) but once discounts start happening, there is no turning back.
Anyway, back to the client. “Don” is a very giving person, one of the nicest guys I have ever met. His former job was fundraising for a non-profit for people with AIDS. He would ride every year in a national AIDS bike ride fundraiser. In addition he volunteers as a director at local community theaters and had been taking artistic photographs for fun. He has a partner whom I have never met, but to whom he is devoted. I know what you are thinking, how devoted is he if he is seeing an erotic masseur, well, extremely. He and his partner have different sex drives and Don would rather pay a little cash to get what he is missing at home than to look for someone else, he loves his partner.
Don is a very sensual man, his nipples are very sensitive and he has a need to give pleasure as well as receive it. I was amazed that one of the first times he saw me that he came without either of us touching his cock simply by him sucking mine and my playing with his nips. Over the years, he would usually see me once a month and most of the time it was always both a delight and hot. He is not what you may consider the hottest looking man. He is mid 50’s, rather large belly, but still very toned legs and arms, rather hairless, average cock and a very round soft ass. He radiates good energy and happy sensuality.
Since he lost his job, I have only seen Don a handful of times, when he has sold some photos or other flexible spending money that month. So I was very happy to hear from him and glad I had free time in my schedule to fit him last minute. When I greeted him at the door he had the same big smile on his face that I have always loved seeing, I noticed that he had shaved his head, it becomes him.
In the comfort of my apartment, as he starts getting undressed, I ask him how he is and how he has been doing. He answers “Not so well.” He then proceeds to tell me that he was diagnosed some months ago with lung cancer and is currently in the recuperation phase of treatment, basically recovering from the last round of chemo before beginning another phase. The lung cancer was fairly progressed before it was caught. He went into some detail on how horrible the treatment is, the illness that accompanies it, the stress it puts on his relationship, the fears that can accompany all of this and of course the financial strain. I express my sympathy and asked if the doctors had an idea what caused this, he responded that even though he had quit smoking over 20 years ago that he was a heavy smoker for 20 years before that. I can’t help but say aloud how much that sucks. I give him a hug and tell him to climb up on the table and see if we can’t help him forget his problems.
He is as I said a long time client and I have always worked nude with him, so I disrobe and start to work. His shoulders and back have always been tense and seem doubly so today. I put my weight behind my kneading and work the knots. I drape his arm over my knee as I work his neck and shoulder, his caresses my calf gently. I work for about 30 minutes just on his back and then move down and work from his feet back up. He often sighs contently and moans when I get to his butt. His sexual appetite seems very good. I work his glutes and then massage the perineum and the external anus. Slowly I introduce my thumb into his ass. He responds most favorably. I do a feather light stroke on his back and legs while massaging his prostate, he massages my cock with his hand. I eventually climb onto the table and lay my naked body on his. My cock is hard. It slides between his bubble shaped cheeks and teases his hole. He arches his back and moans loudly. I slide my cock back and forth over the opening, his anus flexing and trying to grab my cock. My cock is bare since this is not about penetration, however, the tip does slip in for a brief moment when he suddenly bucks up onto my cock. I withdraw quickly and am more careful.
I hop off the table and towel him down followed by a light feathery touch of his entire body from the head down to the toes. I grab a bottle of water and ask him to turn over and give him the water to refresh himself before we continue.
I work on his chest, standing above his head, my bare cock rubbing on his shaved head. Each moment my hands touch his nipples he gasps and spasms. My cocks slides up along the side of his head and he nuzzles it.
I move to his left side and work his big round belly, my hands moving in circles, sliding down into the pubic region, his cock is hard and dripping. I give his cock and quick stoke and tease his balls briefly before moving to his right side and repeating the movements. He once again takes hold of my cock and strokes it lightly, using his finger tips. Having been a long time client, he knows that this is about him and not me, but his need to give pleasure will be recognized. I tease his ass and balls again, avoiding the shaft, he is very excited and I don’t want him to come to quickly. I play with his nipples and he again gasps and spasms. I tickle his balls, causing his cock to throb. I slip a finger into his ass and stroke his prostate, his hips undulating. His hand is working my cock harder, I am focusing my attention on him, if I don’t, I might cum. I lick one of his nipples, then the other, and then a brief little nibble on each one, something that I wouldn’t do with any of my other clients, but Don is an exception, a friend and client who is in need. He writhing and makes a request, one that I often hear and continually deny: he wants to see me cum.
In my mind, I know that I should not, it creates a change in the dynamic, a change in the relationship, a change in the expectations, on the other hand I want to make him feel better, I want to help him forget the past few months. I climb on table between his legs and stroke our cocks together briefly. I know that if I do it too long, he will cum way too soon. I then focus on my dick. With one hand I play with his nipples and the other is on my cock, stroking away. He plays with my balls and is focused on my dick, encouraging me. I erupt in volley of sprays all over his belly and chest. He grabs his own dick and joins me shooting before I have I finished. His belly and chest are covered in the mixture of our cum. I lean down and kiss his cheek and he hugs me, covering my body with our juices as well.
I climb off the table and grab a towel to clean us both off. I continue the massage with stretching, legs, arms and facial/scalp massage. I then used the usual feather touch to remove any remaining bad energy out through the finger tips and toes. I then re-connect the chakras and give the blessing. He tells me afterward that as I was removing the bad energy, he envisioned the cancer cells leaving his body. As he leaves, I wish him the best and hope that I will see him again soon.
These are the cases and the days when I know deep in my soul that what I do is valid and good. I know that most of today’s society would not understand or approve. I know that I will always be judged. I know that I will never become rich off of this work. I know that it can prevent me from certain job possibilities in the future. It is still a good and giving thing that I do and I hope someday, the world will understand.
One of my favorite clients, who has come to see me for several years, came to see me this week. I was happy to hear from him, it had been a few months since I had last seen him. I knew the economy had cost him his job over a year ago and he had not found anything permanent to replace it yet. I still stick by my policy of no discounts even in hard times (you don’t have to tip me) but once discounts start happening, there is no turning back.
Anyway, back to the client. “Don” is a very giving person, one of the nicest guys I have ever met. His former job was fundraising for a non-profit for people with AIDS. He would ride every year in a national AIDS bike ride fundraiser. In addition he volunteers as a director at local community theaters and had been taking artistic photographs for fun. He has a partner whom I have never met, but to whom he is devoted. I know what you are thinking, how devoted is he if he is seeing an erotic masseur, well, extremely. He and his partner have different sex drives and Don would rather pay a little cash to get what he is missing at home than to look for someone else, he loves his partner.
Don is a very sensual man, his nipples are very sensitive and he has a need to give pleasure as well as receive it. I was amazed that one of the first times he saw me that he came without either of us touching his cock simply by him sucking mine and my playing with his nips. Over the years, he would usually see me once a month and most of the time it was always both a delight and hot. He is not what you may consider the hottest looking man. He is mid 50’s, rather large belly, but still very toned legs and arms, rather hairless, average cock and a very round soft ass. He radiates good energy and happy sensuality.
Since he lost his job, I have only seen Don a handful of times, when he has sold some photos or other flexible spending money that month. So I was very happy to hear from him and glad I had free time in my schedule to fit him last minute. When I greeted him at the door he had the same big smile on his face that I have always loved seeing, I noticed that he had shaved his head, it becomes him.
In the comfort of my apartment, as he starts getting undressed, I ask him how he is and how he has been doing. He answers “Not so well.” He then proceeds to tell me that he was diagnosed some months ago with lung cancer and is currently in the recuperation phase of treatment, basically recovering from the last round of chemo before beginning another phase. The lung cancer was fairly progressed before it was caught. He went into some detail on how horrible the treatment is, the illness that accompanies it, the stress it puts on his relationship, the fears that can accompany all of this and of course the financial strain. I express my sympathy and asked if the doctors had an idea what caused this, he responded that even though he had quit smoking over 20 years ago that he was a heavy smoker for 20 years before that. I can’t help but say aloud how much that sucks. I give him a hug and tell him to climb up on the table and see if we can’t help him forget his problems.
He is as I said a long time client and I have always worked nude with him, so I disrobe and start to work. His shoulders and back have always been tense and seem doubly so today. I put my weight behind my kneading and work the knots. I drape his arm over my knee as I work his neck and shoulder, his caresses my calf gently. I work for about 30 minutes just on his back and then move down and work from his feet back up. He often sighs contently and moans when I get to his butt. His sexual appetite seems very good. I work his glutes and then massage the perineum and the external anus. Slowly I introduce my thumb into his ass. He responds most favorably. I do a feather light stroke on his back and legs while massaging his prostate, he massages my cock with his hand. I eventually climb onto the table and lay my naked body on his. My cock is hard. It slides between his bubble shaped cheeks and teases his hole. He arches his back and moans loudly. I slide my cock back and forth over the opening, his anus flexing and trying to grab my cock. My cock is bare since this is not about penetration, however, the tip does slip in for a brief moment when he suddenly bucks up onto my cock. I withdraw quickly and am more careful.
I hop off the table and towel him down followed by a light feathery touch of his entire body from the head down to the toes. I grab a bottle of water and ask him to turn over and give him the water to refresh himself before we continue.
I work on his chest, standing above his head, my bare cock rubbing on his shaved head. Each moment my hands touch his nipples he gasps and spasms. My cocks slides up along the side of his head and he nuzzles it.
I move to his left side and work his big round belly, my hands moving in circles, sliding down into the pubic region, his cock is hard and dripping. I give his cock and quick stoke and tease his balls briefly before moving to his right side and repeating the movements. He once again takes hold of my cock and strokes it lightly, using his finger tips. Having been a long time client, he knows that this is about him and not me, but his need to give pleasure will be recognized. I tease his ass and balls again, avoiding the shaft, he is very excited and I don’t want him to come to quickly. I play with his nipples and he again gasps and spasms. I tickle his balls, causing his cock to throb. I slip a finger into his ass and stroke his prostate, his hips undulating. His hand is working my cock harder, I am focusing my attention on him, if I don’t, I might cum. I lick one of his nipples, then the other, and then a brief little nibble on each one, something that I wouldn’t do with any of my other clients, but Don is an exception, a friend and client who is in need. He writhing and makes a request, one that I often hear and continually deny: he wants to see me cum.
In my mind, I know that I should not, it creates a change in the dynamic, a change in the relationship, a change in the expectations, on the other hand I want to make him feel better, I want to help him forget the past few months. I climb on table between his legs and stroke our cocks together briefly. I know that if I do it too long, he will cum way too soon. I then focus on my dick. With one hand I play with his nipples and the other is on my cock, stroking away. He plays with my balls and is focused on my dick, encouraging me. I erupt in volley of sprays all over his belly and chest. He grabs his own dick and joins me shooting before I have I finished. His belly and chest are covered in the mixture of our cum. I lean down and kiss his cheek and he hugs me, covering my body with our juices as well.
I climb off the table and grab a towel to clean us both off. I continue the massage with stretching, legs, arms and facial/scalp massage. I then used the usual feather touch to remove any remaining bad energy out through the finger tips and toes. I then re-connect the chakras and give the blessing. He tells me afterward that as I was removing the bad energy, he envisioned the cancer cells leaving his body. As he leaves, I wish him the best and hope that I will see him again soon.
These are the cases and the days when I know deep in my soul that what I do is valid and good. I know that most of today’s society would not understand or approve. I know that I will always be judged. I know that I will never become rich off of this work. I know that it can prevent me from certain job possibilities in the future. It is still a good and giving thing that I do and I hope someday, the world will understand.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Sample Client
In this forum of relative anonymity, I feel safe to give some particulars on specific clients. No real names or pics but just some interesting specifics that are still generic enough to not give away any one's identity.
For example:
"Ed" - Ed is approaching retirement. He had a long career in the Navy and then worked in the government for a number of years. He is about 5'7" and weighs in at about 250lbs, most of it fat these days as he admits he doesn't exercise hardly at all any more. He has been coming to me for almost 2 years now.
He is married and has been for most of his life. He has at least 2 grown children that he has told me about, a daughter and a son, both of whom he worries about since as he sees it, the opportunities for young people are just not as available as when he was young.
His wife works though she is entering semi-retirement. He blames a bit of his weight gain on her since she prepares the meals and has gotten fat as well, they both have had health issues. Together they have made a commitment to lose some weight and get in better shape, this started about a year ago and though Ed has made some small progress, he tells me his wife is doing much better. Not having been fat for most of his life, I explained that some of the skin issues he is having are due to his weight (skin rashes and fungus).
Ed is still very active with the Navy and even travels occasionally to Annapolis to see the Navy Football team play. He attends reunions and a lot of his closest friends are either active or retired Navy. He is making plans to retire to Tennessee where he has family and some other Navy buddies. He has bought a house there and is having work done on it to prepare it for he and his wife. Since he is not moving there for a couple of years, he may rent it out once the work is complete.
I chose to call him Ed since to me he most closely resembles Ed Asner at age 65ish. I do this a lot when I enter a new client into my database as a short cut to help me remember who they are, I think of someone they look like or remind me of either famous or from my life like my Freshman Computer teacher.
Ed has not shared much about his sexual life as many other clients do and I have never asked. On his first appointment, he asked if I did Prostate massage and if it would cost extra. Upon hearing that it did not, he asked for it. From there the massage went pretty straight forward. He did make a hard grab for my junk through my shorts but I backed off and took his hand and gently placed it on the table. You see, I do not find Ed sexually attractive in any way. He seems nice enough but I find it pretty difficult to get it up for an old overweight Ed Asner so I would like to keep my clothes on and not have some one groping my limp cock. He gets the non-verbal message and never makes another attempt, ever.
I do the prostate massage, he is not as clean as he should be, so it doesn't last very long. I ask him to turn over as I go wash my hands. I work again from the chest down. He has been a little chatty but is silent now. He is wondering if I will give him "release" and though his dick is twitching it is not erect. I stroke a few times. He is uncut and again, not as clean as he should be. I play with his balls and stroke his perineum. His dick is getting harder, but is still not very firm. He takes over stroking his dick hard while I concentrate on his balls until he comes, he never really got hard and has a small amount of ejaculate. I clean him up and finish the massage. No tip.
He has since become a regular, coming once a month. He always asks me about my life and my partner, nothing too personal, just friendly chit chat and fills me in on his life, his vacations etc. He tried a few 60 minute massages but has decided that 90 minutes works better. I did discuss some of hygiene issues and he has been much better. He always counts out his money before we start and hands it to me. Just after he lays on the table he always says "Oh, I would like one of those prostate massages." I should have charged extra for them in the beginning ;-). Over the last two years, I have discovered that he likes big things up his butt. He never asked for more, but I did try two fingers and there was only a positive grunt. Another session I tried three and now most of my hand goes up there, haven't gotten the whole thing in yet, but it may happen.
If I could, I would ask him about his other man2man experiences. Did he get any action in the Navy? Has he been used as a whorish bottom as it appears he wants to be? Or did he at the age of 65 say "Y'know, I think I want a man to stick his hand up my butt, I wonder how I can make that happen?" I also wonder what he will do when he moves to TN, will he find another man to give him his monthly prostate massage? What about his wife? Wonder if she knows (they usually suspect) and what would she think?
Anyway, I hope you liked reading a bit about one of my clients. If you like, more may follow.
For example:
"Ed" - Ed is approaching retirement. He had a long career in the Navy and then worked in the government for a number of years. He is about 5'7" and weighs in at about 250lbs, most of it fat these days as he admits he doesn't exercise hardly at all any more. He has been coming to me for almost 2 years now.
He is married and has been for most of his life. He has at least 2 grown children that he has told me about, a daughter and a son, both of whom he worries about since as he sees it, the opportunities for young people are just not as available as when he was young.
His wife works though she is entering semi-retirement. He blames a bit of his weight gain on her since she prepares the meals and has gotten fat as well, they both have had health issues. Together they have made a commitment to lose some weight and get in better shape, this started about a year ago and though Ed has made some small progress, he tells me his wife is doing much better. Not having been fat for most of his life, I explained that some of the skin issues he is having are due to his weight (skin rashes and fungus).
Ed is still very active with the Navy and even travels occasionally to Annapolis to see the Navy Football team play. He attends reunions and a lot of his closest friends are either active or retired Navy. He is making plans to retire to Tennessee where he has family and some other Navy buddies. He has bought a house there and is having work done on it to prepare it for he and his wife. Since he is not moving there for a couple of years, he may rent it out once the work is complete.
I chose to call him Ed since to me he most closely resembles Ed Asner at age 65ish. I do this a lot when I enter a new client into my database as a short cut to help me remember who they are, I think of someone they look like or remind me of either famous or from my life like my Freshman Computer teacher.
Ed has not shared much about his sexual life as many other clients do and I have never asked. On his first appointment, he asked if I did Prostate massage and if it would cost extra. Upon hearing that it did not, he asked for it. From there the massage went pretty straight forward. He did make a hard grab for my junk through my shorts but I backed off and took his hand and gently placed it on the table. You see, I do not find Ed sexually attractive in any way. He seems nice enough but I find it pretty difficult to get it up for an old overweight Ed Asner so I would like to keep my clothes on and not have some one groping my limp cock. He gets the non-verbal message and never makes another attempt, ever.
I do the prostate massage, he is not as clean as he should be, so it doesn't last very long. I ask him to turn over as I go wash my hands. I work again from the chest down. He has been a little chatty but is silent now. He is wondering if I will give him "release" and though his dick is twitching it is not erect. I stroke a few times. He is uncut and again, not as clean as he should be. I play with his balls and stroke his perineum. His dick is getting harder, but is still not very firm. He takes over stroking his dick hard while I concentrate on his balls until he comes, he never really got hard and has a small amount of ejaculate. I clean him up and finish the massage. No tip.
He has since become a regular, coming once a month. He always asks me about my life and my partner, nothing too personal, just friendly chit chat and fills me in on his life, his vacations etc. He tried a few 60 minute massages but has decided that 90 minutes works better. I did discuss some of hygiene issues and he has been much better. He always counts out his money before we start and hands it to me. Just after he lays on the table he always says "Oh, I would like one of those prostate massages." I should have charged extra for them in the beginning ;-). Over the last two years, I have discovered that he likes big things up his butt. He never asked for more, but I did try two fingers and there was only a positive grunt. Another session I tried three and now most of my hand goes up there, haven't gotten the whole thing in yet, but it may happen.
If I could, I would ask him about his other man2man experiences. Did he get any action in the Navy? Has he been used as a whorish bottom as it appears he wants to be? Or did he at the age of 65 say "Y'know, I think I want a man to stick his hand up my butt, I wonder how I can make that happen?" I also wonder what he will do when he moves to TN, will he find another man to give him his monthly prostate massage? What about his wife? Wonder if she knows (they usually suspect) and what would she think?
Anyway, I hope you liked reading a bit about one of my clients. If you like, more may follow.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
A Troubled Night
Again, sorry for the delay between posts. Life. You know?
What prompted me to write this morning is that a friend has started a blog that is very personal and esoteric (she is Reverend and follower of a female god). If you want to check it out it's http://bountifulbonepot.blogspot.com/
Anyway, I often forget that many people who read my blog are looking for my thoughts and reflections as well as the sex stuff, so when I think I have nothing new to write, I am wrong.
I keep thinking "Well, we have talked about this and or that and there are only so many experiences that happen in my job before it gets very repetitive" but I don't consider sharing my everyday thoughts and fears, maybe I have considered them too personal. But I have found that what makes us individual is often what connects us to others.
Case in point, last night I awoke at 3:45 AM when the garbage truck emptied the dumpster for the apartment complex. This triggered a series of almost automatic responses. I realized I was thirsty so I got up to get a glass of water, this made me realize that my back was hurting again (a story I need to fill you in later). I then had to pee since I was up and moving around. Finally crawling back into bed I could not get comfortable and after tossing and turning and trying not to wake my partner I decided to lay in the guest room for a while.
There my mind starts stirring with all the issues that keep people awake at night. Where is my life heading? What happened to my dreams of stardom? How will I afford the Christmas Holiday? Will I ever get out of this apartment and into my own house? Will I ever be able to retire? Will I be able to make good money again? Why does my partner put up with me? How much longer will he put up with me? How long can he handle be being the major bread winner? Where have the last 4 years gone? Why can't I seem to make any major changes in my life for the good? Why am I afraid to start over again? Why don't I just go back to school? What should I study if I did? Would I be able to get in? Could I afford it? Do I want to take on the kind of debt now in my life? What will happen if I don't? Have I ruined my chances for a good life by doing what I wanted for the last several years? Why do I not seem to be qualified to do anything? Why do you need to be rich in order to make money? Why can't I just have a successful Bed and Breakfast somewhere warm, near the water and afford enough help that my partner and I can occasionally leave it for a couple of weeks at a time and visit our friends around the world and see more of the world? I am not afraid of growing older, but am I afraid of growing old without money? If my back gets bad again, can I afford the doctors visits and rehab? Is my life just messed up beyond belief?
So, even after I took one of the few remaining muscle relaxers, it still took me a good long time to fall back asleep. Now most of these questions seem much less frightening in the daylight, but it is easier to distract myself then. And while things don't look so bad in the light of day, but I know deep down that somethings must change. I'm standing at a crossroads but not able to see in any direction due to a heavy fog.
One of my best pieces of advice, is to give of yourself at times like these. This past weekend I cleaned house and packed up my car with all the items I kept saying I was going to sell at some mythical yard sale and donated them to Goodwill. A small step I know but it did make me feel better. I also found a lot of stuffed toys that I had received over the years in gift baskets and the like, they were quite dusty so I took them to the laundry mat and gave them a good washing while I did my laundry. I then proceeded to hand them out to the small children there and the ones left over I lined up neatly on machines for anyone that may want one. Small things.
By getting rid of things that I do not need but was holding on to for some unknown reason, I felt I was also making room for the abundance that is coming to me soon. At least I hope so. I know that many of my regular clients will miss me if I need to move on to other adventures, but there will be others to take my place. They may not approach it the way I have, but hopefully my clients will still be able to get what they need.
I hope that my sharing this will make a few others out there realize that we all go through these doubts and troubled times in our lives, no matter what we do, how much money we have, and where we live or how we were raised.
What prompted me to write this morning is that a friend has started a blog that is very personal and esoteric (she is Reverend and follower of a female god). If you want to check it out it's http://bountifulbonepot.blogspot.com/
Anyway, I often forget that many people who read my blog are looking for my thoughts and reflections as well as the sex stuff, so when I think I have nothing new to write, I am wrong.
I keep thinking "Well, we have talked about this and or that and there are only so many experiences that happen in my job before it gets very repetitive" but I don't consider sharing my everyday thoughts and fears, maybe I have considered them too personal. But I have found that what makes us individual is often what connects us to others.
Case in point, last night I awoke at 3:45 AM when the garbage truck emptied the dumpster for the apartment complex. This triggered a series of almost automatic responses. I realized I was thirsty so I got up to get a glass of water, this made me realize that my back was hurting again (a story I need to fill you in later). I then had to pee since I was up and moving around. Finally crawling back into bed I could not get comfortable and after tossing and turning and trying not to wake my partner I decided to lay in the guest room for a while.
There my mind starts stirring with all the issues that keep people awake at night. Where is my life heading? What happened to my dreams of stardom? How will I afford the Christmas Holiday? Will I ever get out of this apartment and into my own house? Will I ever be able to retire? Will I be able to make good money again? Why does my partner put up with me? How much longer will he put up with me? How long can he handle be being the major bread winner? Where have the last 4 years gone? Why can't I seem to make any major changes in my life for the good? Why am I afraid to start over again? Why don't I just go back to school? What should I study if I did? Would I be able to get in? Could I afford it? Do I want to take on the kind of debt now in my life? What will happen if I don't? Have I ruined my chances for a good life by doing what I wanted for the last several years? Why do I not seem to be qualified to do anything? Why do you need to be rich in order to make money? Why can't I just have a successful Bed and Breakfast somewhere warm, near the water and afford enough help that my partner and I can occasionally leave it for a couple of weeks at a time and visit our friends around the world and see more of the world? I am not afraid of growing older, but am I afraid of growing old without money? If my back gets bad again, can I afford the doctors visits and rehab? Is my life just messed up beyond belief?
So, even after I took one of the few remaining muscle relaxers, it still took me a good long time to fall back asleep. Now most of these questions seem much less frightening in the daylight, but it is easier to distract myself then. And while things don't look so bad in the light of day, but I know deep down that somethings must change. I'm standing at a crossroads but not able to see in any direction due to a heavy fog.
One of my best pieces of advice, is to give of yourself at times like these. This past weekend I cleaned house and packed up my car with all the items I kept saying I was going to sell at some mythical yard sale and donated them to Goodwill. A small step I know but it did make me feel better. I also found a lot of stuffed toys that I had received over the years in gift baskets and the like, they were quite dusty so I took them to the laundry mat and gave them a good washing while I did my laundry. I then proceeded to hand them out to the small children there and the ones left over I lined up neatly on machines for anyone that may want one. Small things.
By getting rid of things that I do not need but was holding on to for some unknown reason, I felt I was also making room for the abundance that is coming to me soon. At least I hope so. I know that many of my regular clients will miss me if I need to move on to other adventures, but there will be others to take my place. They may not approach it the way I have, but hopefully my clients will still be able to get what they need.
I hope that my sharing this will make a few others out there realize that we all go through these doubts and troubled times in our lives, no matter what we do, how much money we have, and where we live or how we were raised.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Maybe a grid....
Married Men.
I have talked about them before and I know I will again. They make up just over half of my clientele so it is something I talk about a lot.
They have given a better understanding of the Kinsey scale and the whole gay straight argument. A wise person once told me to "never believe everything you think to be true." What this means is just because you believe it based on whatever your experiences have been, does not mean that it is what is really happening. The world looked flat, any fool could see that, but it was not to be true.
The same goes with my preconceived notions of gay, bi, straight and what married men want. There is no easy answer to any of this.
We are familiar with the three common titles:
Gay: people who are attracted physically and emotionally to the same sex.
Straight: people who are attracted physically and emotionally to those of the opposite sex.
Bisexual: people who are attracted to either sex emotionally and physically.
Now, what about the rest.
What about people who are attracted to the same sex physically but not emotionally?
What about people attracted to the same sex emotionally but not physically?
I think these two are far more common than we realize. I see many men who are interested in the sexual aspect of gay men but not the emotional, their hearts and minds belong to women (though their sex lives there may be a bit faulty).
Also, I have met men (not clients) who have deep emotional attachments to specific individual men but no interest in sex with them at all. Likewise I have know several women who fall into this category.
This then begs the question whether these are learned or natural differences and can we slide from one category to another?
If the Kinsey scale was a line between straight and gay physical attraction, perhaps a cross line needs to be made to measure straight and gay emotional attraction forming a grid.
Are we selling ourselves short by not acknowledging these differences? The Greeks had four types of love: Philios, Eros, Agape, Storge.
Philios was a dispassionate, virtuous love.
Eros was passionate love, with sensual desire and longing.
Agape was a pure idea of love.
Storge was a natural love for your fellow man or your offspring.
Maybe this is our problem in our society. We are labeling acts and not emotions. We need more words for love! We need to be acknowledge our feelings for one another in a safe and comfortable way.
The married men I see often ask me if they are gay or bi or what. I usually tell them that those are just words that someone made up. Just try to be true to yourself and not do harm to others.
Truth be told, about half the married men I see should not be married to women since they are emotionally and physically attracted more to men. Another third would rather have sex with men but could never have the emotional attachment with another man that they have with their wife. The rest fall in between somewhere.
Occasionally I meet a man living a gay life who has real problems trying to form the emotional attachment with another man, but that is who he is sexually attracted to (I am sure that many of my readers have seen them as well). They would be quite happy setting up house with a woman but with seperate bedrooms so they can have sex with men.
I have no answers as to what can be done for these people. They are not "broke" just different and falling between the cracks in our society. I am sure there are many women who fit these parameters as well. Keep an eye out for them and befriend them if you can. It can be a big lonely world out there if you feel you are all alone.
- Jack
I have talked about them before and I know I will again. They make up just over half of my clientele so it is something I talk about a lot.
They have given a better understanding of the Kinsey scale and the whole gay straight argument. A wise person once told me to "never believe everything you think to be true." What this means is just because you believe it based on whatever your experiences have been, does not mean that it is what is really happening. The world looked flat, any fool could see that, but it was not to be true.
The same goes with my preconceived notions of gay, bi, straight and what married men want. There is no easy answer to any of this.
We are familiar with the three common titles:
Gay: people who are attracted physically and emotionally to the same sex.
Straight: people who are attracted physically and emotionally to those of the opposite sex.
Bisexual: people who are attracted to either sex emotionally and physically.
Now, what about the rest.
What about people who are attracted to the same sex physically but not emotionally?
What about people attracted to the same sex emotionally but not physically?
I think these two are far more common than we realize. I see many men who are interested in the sexual aspect of gay men but not the emotional, their hearts and minds belong to women (though their sex lives there may be a bit faulty).
Also, I have met men (not clients) who have deep emotional attachments to specific individual men but no interest in sex with them at all. Likewise I have know several women who fall into this category.
This then begs the question whether these are learned or natural differences and can we slide from one category to another?
If the Kinsey scale was a line between straight and gay physical attraction, perhaps a cross line needs to be made to measure straight and gay emotional attraction forming a grid.
Are we selling ourselves short by not acknowledging these differences? The Greeks had four types of love: Philios, Eros, Agape, Storge.
Philios was a dispassionate, virtuous love.
Eros was passionate love, with sensual desire and longing.
Agape was a pure idea of love.
Storge was a natural love for your fellow man or your offspring.
Maybe this is our problem in our society. We are labeling acts and not emotions. We need more words for love! We need to be acknowledge our feelings for one another in a safe and comfortable way.
The married men I see often ask me if they are gay or bi or what. I usually tell them that those are just words that someone made up. Just try to be true to yourself and not do harm to others.
Truth be told, about half the married men I see should not be married to women since they are emotionally and physically attracted more to men. Another third would rather have sex with men but could never have the emotional attachment with another man that they have with their wife. The rest fall in between somewhere.
Occasionally I meet a man living a gay life who has real problems trying to form the emotional attachment with another man, but that is who he is sexually attracted to (I am sure that many of my readers have seen them as well). They would be quite happy setting up house with a woman but with seperate bedrooms so they can have sex with men.
I have no answers as to what can be done for these people. They are not "broke" just different and falling between the cracks in our society. I am sure there are many women who fit these parameters as well. Keep an eye out for them and befriend them if you can. It can be a big lonely world out there if you feel you are all alone.
- Jack
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