Question from reader

Sorry I have not written in a while, I like to write when I have something to say, I try to stay silent when I don't. So a question from a reader:

Hi Jack,
I love your blog, thanks for putting so much time into it!

I'm writing because I have a question for you, but let me give some background first. I'm a fit bi guy in my early 30s and have seen this particular massage therapist several times. He's probably in his early 60s, also fit, and works out of a private studio, very professional set up.

The first time I got a massage from him, we didn't really discuss much. I just wanted to relax. Of course he asked me all the usual questions about if I had any issues that needed to be worked on, then he asked me to get undressed and to lay down on the table face up, as he leaves the room to give me some privacy.

I've always prefer no drape but we didn't talk about it so I figured why not see what happens. I get undressed and laid on top of the table face up as he asked. When he returned I could hear the surprise in his voice, even though he was trying to downplay it. He said I could get under the sheet if I want but that it doesn't matter to him. So I said I prefer nothing covering me. And the massage began.

He gave a great massage, I happened to get aroused when he worked on my thighs but nothing was said. He bumped my penis with his forearms a few times, and then managed to sort of trap my penis between his forearms and stroke me with a twisting motion of his forearms until I came. Then he spent some time finishing the rest of the massage.

I paid and tipped well, and thanked him for a great massage.

The next time I saw him 6 weeks later, he apologized for what happened and said that he doesn't do that kind of thing. Which seemed odd to me because the forearm maneuver seemed pretty advanced. But I told him there's no need to apologize, I enjoy getting a massage regardless of any extras. Nothing less than professional happened during that session.

At my third appointment a month later, he gave me the original forearm treatment. And ever since then it has progressed to the point where he uses his hands and hardly waits a five minutes before going for my penis. Of course I enjoy it but I am only scheduling time with him for when I want something more stimulating with that extra attention, and I go to someone else for a more traditional relaxing massage. I'm not complaining though, it's nice.

My question though is that I want to see if he would be comfortable being nude. But every time he's fully dressed and it seems like he pulls away whenever I try to let my hand graze over his leg or his crotch. I'm not sure how to approach the subject since he has seemed less than comfortable from the beginning. And despite his pulling away, he seems like he can't keep his hands away from my penis.

It's a confusing situation, hopefully you can provide a point of view from the massage therapist side of the table. Is there a non-offensive way to ask a massage therapist to get undressed? Considering this situation or just in general? (In case I offend him and end up looking for someone new.)

Thanks,
Fan

My response:

Hey Fan,

 

Communication is key to any good relationship, including one with a therapist. Do you usually contact him by phone or email when setting up an appointment? Use that method to ask him if he would be willing to work nude, also let him know your intentions. I am assuming if you want him to work nude you also want mutual touch. Assure him that you will respect his choices and will continue to see him regardless, and mean it. 

 

Every masseur sets up their own personal boundaries. It sounds as if you have already gotten him to cross a couple, but there will be a limit. He may not like mutual touch because to him that feels too much like prostitution, or he has a significant other and it feels too much like cheating, or he has issues getting an erection. There could be many reasons, but you won't know unless you ask.

 

I am also concerned that you have chosen to go to someone else for non-erotic massage. This tells me you do have issues with communication. You should be able to tell your masseur what you want when you call or email, and they should respect that.

 

Just be polite, say please and thank you, let him choose his path of action, don't give him any ultimatums.

I wish you the best of luck.

- Jack

Let me know if any of you have similar experiences and how they turned out!

The importance of variety

So I work on a variety of men, all shapes sizes and ages (over 18). I know a lot of gay bodyworkers who won't or will do things to discourage some guys from showing up on their table. There is one who charges by the pound, others who will not offer erotic services to anyone they consider less than desirable, some set age limits or flat out state in their ads that only men of a certain age ranges and/or weight range are allowed since their massages are such that guys outside that range would not benefit their work or could even endanger them.
I work on just about anyone, especially if they have good energy. Hard to put that in an ad, but it's true. Karma often pays off well because of it.
Take for example Mark. He works at a local university and is a big gay guy. 450 lbs at least and not a bit of it muscle. He is probably in his late 40's and flaming. He is also very lonely. So when he showed up for an appointment and climbed the stairs and  was all out of breath and chatting a mile a minute I was pleased to give him the massage he needed. The only difference being that I didn't climb on top of the table with him to work on his back, I was pretty sure that the table wouldn't take it. He was very appreciative and though he didn't give me a big tip he did take a few of my cards and promised to give them out to people looking for a good massage. He promised to come back regularly but that turned out to be about once every three months.
However, he gave one of my cards to a co-worker, Gary the librarian. He called and set up an appointment and let me know that Mark was the one who had recommended me. So of course in my mind, limited as it is at times, I assumed at the very least, Gary would be on the larger side. When he showed up, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Gary was in his late 40's but he had a body to kill for. Not an ounce of body fat, except on his bubble but, definitely a life long body builder, beautiful face and perfect hair. Very responsive to my touch and very sensual. Total bottom and loved to touch me and my dick as much as I loved to touch him. This man should never wear clothes! He sees me about every three weeks and tips very well. I never would have him as a client if it were not for Mark's recommendation which I only got by treating him as well as I try to treat every customer. Good lesson for us all.

The young and first time

In a previous post I talked about the men of a certain (older) age that come to me for their first man to man experience. I also see a number of guys in their 20's and 30's who want their first experience with a guy to be at my hands.
Try to understand that words like gay and straight and bi sexual are all relatively unimportant to me as they are to a lot of my clients. Many of my clients see themselves as straight, but they just happen to like to suck cock or to have something shoved up their ass. I understand what they are saying. They are willing to separate the physical acts of sex from the emotional acts of love. They would never dream of "marrying" another man. They feel a kinship perhaps with other men, no love or strong emotional attachments, but hell yes the like the sex.
In today's world of acceptance, many young men are willing to try man to man sexual contact out of curiosity about the physical acts. There is no deep-seeded longing to find the man of their dreams. Emotionally these men still love women and sexually are primarily attracted to women, but are willing to experiment with man to man contact for fun. Perhaps the religious leaders were right all along, with greater acceptance of homosexuality soon everyone will be trying it. ;-)
Michael has become one of my regular clients. He is in his late 20's, married with two daughters, is a self described "blatino" with a good body and a charming smile. He loves his wife and has a very active sex life with her. He first came to me to get a 90 min "legit" massage, he was not shy or nervous, stripping nude and using a small towel for coverage. The first half hour of the massage went pretty normal, I worked on his back and his tense tired shoulders and then lower back and hips. He did get a bit of an erection and adjusted himself a bit, apologized and I assured him it was perfectly normal. He re-affirmed he was straight but he gets aroused easily, he came to me because he thought he wouldn't get so excited getting a massage as he does from a woman. I told him not to worry about it and I finished with light touches before moving down to his feet.
I work the legs one at a time from the feet up, he calmed down and was quite peaceful. He was starting to adjust for his erection again when I worked the outside lateral muscles on his legs up to his hips. As I worked the back of his right thigh he was definitely very aroused. He spoke up that maybe we needed to stop for a moment to let him cool down, I agreed and stepped back. He settled down after a few moments and said that he was OK. I went back to the back of the thigh and when I moved to the inner thigh he came. He apologized and was worried about the table and the sheet, I told him that was what laundry was for and I slipped a towel under him so he would not be lying in his cum. I went to work on the other leg and he was much better though he did start getting aroused when I worked the inner thigh again. I moved his towel so I could work on his right butt cheek and he exclaimed "oh god!" as he came again. I finished working the back of his body and asked him to turn over and changed out his towel. He did not bother with the drape this time.
I worked his chest and abs, his cock throbbing the entire time.  I worked his legs and and inner thighs his cock is dripping.  He has stopped apologizing by this time. He keeps his hands to himself and his eyes closed. Without asking, I grasp his cock and stroke it twice and he cums a third time.
Since then he has been back 4 times. He never bothered with draping again. He has discovered that he loves prostate massages, 3 fingers even. He has managed to cum three times during each session. He keeps his eyes open now and talks freely about how much he enjoys how I make him feel. He has never reached for me or my cock, but he does not withdraw if my body (or clothed cock) touches his hand.
There is still no doubt that Michael is straight and loves his wife and kids and always will. He will always have plenty of sex with women. He is an extremely sexual person who has discovered that he can get his rocks off with men as well. Will he ever learn to reciprocate? Most likely. It will just take the right person.

Older men First time

The majority of my clients are over 40, most probably over 50. I amazed how many men come to me for their first experience with another guy at these ages.
A Hispanic man who recently started seeing me is over 60 and has been married with kids, grand kids and great grand kids. After a heart attack scare a few years ago, he decided to do those things he has always wanted to do. Spend more time with his family, travel, and have sex with men. Our first time together started as a normal massage, he laid face down on the table and covered himself with a towel. I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and was giving him a combination of Swedish and Deep Tissue. My leg was pressed against his hand at one point and at first he withdrew slightly but then returned the hand, slowly, touching me. He eventually started to slowly move his fingers against my leg. No more. No grabbing frantically or pulling at the material of my shorts, just gentle moving - almost a tickle. I moved on to work on his legs and I worked up toward his covered butt, he shifted slightly to make room for his erection. He did not remove the towel, so I folded it to cover on cheek at a time as I worked on his glutes.
When he turned over, his erection was obvious. Not a huge cock, but definitely standing at attention. I asked if he still wanted the towel, he said no. I worked on his chest and lay perfectly still, almost afraid to move. I worked on his stomach and he again let his fingers lightly touch my shorts. I asked if he wanted me to take care of his erection, he said yes and did not move. I jacked him off, he came very quickly. I cleaned him up and finished the massage. Afterwards, I said I hope that he got what he was looking for and if he had any questions, either now or later, feel free to ask, he tipped me well and left. Within 24 hrs he made an appointment for the following week.
The next appointment he didn't bother with the towel at all. He was a little more vocal and his hips moved a lot more when I got close to butt. I tickled his rose bud and he came. I finished the massage (putting a towel down over the wet spot) and he again tipped very well. The third appointment was two weeks late, we managed to get two fingers in his ass before he came. Two weeks after that he asked to touch my cock and he came immediately. He has been coming about every other week since then and has opened up about his life and how he has always craved m4m sex but never had the courage to try it and that he loves his wife and family and would not change any of those choices but wishes he started exploring his feelings ages ago, he never knew sex could be so satisfying. He asked if I would fuck him and I stated that was against the rules. He later told me that he finally hired a chick with a dick to fuck him since I wouldn't. He didn't want to hire another guy since he just couldn't trust another guy like he trusts me. Why he could trust a transgender is something I didn't ask. He loves dick in his mouth and up his ass (he brought a dildo I can use on him during our sessions).
This in a nutshell what I like about the work I do. It is helping people. I just wish the rest of the world could see that. - Jack

So do I ever develop a Crush?

I have been with my partner over 18 years. I also do sensual bodywork. I have no problem with keeping these parts of my life completely separate. Many times I have had problems with clients developing crushes on me and have had to deal with them, usually by having to dismiss them. So, do I ever develop crushes on clients? No.

Do I ever develop a crush at all? Well, nobody is perfect. The important thing is what you do about it, or not.

Case in point, in a current production I am doing I am working with a very nice gay man, short, hairy, muscular and super sweet. He is talented and intelligent and from what I have seen, I would bet he looks great naked. So yeah, I am crushing on him a little.

Now, if I were a different person, I could explore this and see what comes of it. I could flirt, I could be blunt and say “hey, you wanna grab drink and maybe we could fuck later.” I could stroke his ego, compliment his body, his talent and make a move – I know how to play the game. All of this would of course be feeding the crush, allowing it to grow.

So I do nothing. I chit chat with him as I would with any other actor, but no more, perhaps a bit less. I ignore my impulse and feelings towards him and let them fade away. They will fade away and already have a great deal.

So, the thing to remember if you develop a crush that may jeopardize your primary relationship, the best thing to do is just ignore it, it will go away.

How do you Keep from cumming?

I get asked this question a lot from my clients. The shortest and simplest answer is that I am working. While I at times enjoy my work, I don’t enjoy it to the point of orgasm. Not many people do enjoy their jobs that much.

The longer answer has to do with where my focus is. My focus is not on me but rather on the client on the table. I am doing all that I can to make sure he has the best time possible so he will give me a tip and come to see me again. It’s that simple. When you take the focus completely off yourself it is really easy not to have an orgasm. Now some will argue that when they are having sex and they are trying to get the other person to have an orgasm that they themselves often cum with slightest touch. This can be very true, however I am not really having sex, I am working. If the client is jacking me, he is doing it because it gives him pleasure; I am jacking him because it is my job. All the focus is on him. Granted it helps that I am not very sexually attracted to many of my clients. The issue for me is far more often how do I get an erection with a client rather than how to keep from cumming. I am proud to say I am still Viagra and Cialis free! As I have said before on this blog, I can usually find some aspect of the man on the table that is attractive. It may be a body part or his personality, but I can usually find something. Other times I will let the client play with my penis and close my eyes and fantasize (or recall) a sexy situation. If none of it works I realize that I don’t need to keep this man as a client.

Now on the rare occasion, I get someone incredibly hot on my table, who for whatever reason is really into me. This last part is important. If the hot guy on the table is not into me, I won’t be able to maintain an erection, much less come close to cumming. So, there is hot guy on the table who is really into me and wants nothing more than to make me cum. This is fortunately rare because these are the times I have to really use self-control. If I realize that the focus is changing from him to me and I am getting close to cumming I will focus on something else, anything else. Often times it is something in the room like “I should buy some new pots and dirt and replant some of these plants” or “When was the last time I washed those curtains” or “How did that scratch get into the floor and how can I fix it.” You get the idea. It works most of the time. Have I accidentally cum? Yes. It has happened. A couple of times from the expert jacking techniques of the client, a couple of times from seeing the client shoot a huge load and once or twice when the massage went out the window and I lost all control (I can count on one hand the number of times that has happened).

It is actually one of the things I am asked to teach my clients, how to have better cum control. It can be taught. Most of it psychological, taking the focus off your penis completely and focus on the partner completely. There can be physical aspects as well and the practice can be fun, it involves hours of masturbation. Day one of training I recommend cumming as many times as you can. Block out a day and get some good porn and lots of lube and stroke it all day long. Cum as quick as you want, but as soon as you are done, do everything you can to get that erection back and cum again and again and again. For 99% of men, each successive orgasm will take longer than the one before. Give yourself a day or two of rest and then do an all-day erection. The goal is not only to not cum, but to not even get close. The only goal is to remain hard. This is not the same as edging where you get as close to cumming as possible and then stop and restart but rather to just keep your dick hard for as many hours straight as you can. Give it the occasional stroke as you do naked housework, play your favorite games, read a non-sexual book or whatever non-orgasm inducing activity you can find. At the end of the day reward yourself by giving your penis complete attention and cum as big as you can. Rest a day or two and then you can do an edging day of getting as close to orgasm as possible and then stop let yourself go soft and start over. If you accidentally have an orgasm wait a couple of hours and start again. If you go through this 3 day cycle a few times in one month, you will be well on your way to total dick control. ;-)

- Jack

Topics of Conversation

Some client seem to have an incredible need to talk. Very rarely will they talk about sex or why they are seeing me (some do, and I appreciate it). No, most just seem to want to chat about anything, I suppose to feel closer to me. This is not a bad thing but be careful what kind of topics you bring up. I am working on your body, and need to remain focused. You would also do well not to piss me off.

True story: A client starts going off about Barack Obama and the thought of raising taxes on the wealthy. The client had been seeing me for a long time. He is extremely over weight, never tips and is very grabby in a not fun way so he already has some strikes against him, but he is a regular and they are our bread and butter. He has told me in the past that he was a teacher and that his wife works and that he has a daughter in college. Every time I have seen him, he was always dressed in old worn out clothes and drives a big ol’ beater of a car. Anyway, he has been going off on our “communist” president for a long time blaming him for the National Debt and the job market and the housing economy and harping on raising the taxes for the wealthy. My elbows have been digging a little deeper each time, not so much that he is a republican, couldn't care less about that, but that he had so many “facts” wrong and he was speaking with such hate. I finally speak up and say, you know, he’s not really raising taxes, just letting some tax break expire and it will only affect people making over $250,000 a year so it won’t affect you at all. He responds “I know, I make well over that, it will affect me plenty.” I had to bite my tongue so I didn't yell out AND YOU NEVER FUCKING TIP ME! He then told me with great pride how he got his college aged daughter on welfare so he wouldn't have to pay for her health insurance anymore because he pays taxes to cover other people’s welfare, why shouldn't he get the benefits! He also doesn't believe that gays should serve in the military (he is former Navy) and that they should not be allowed to change the definition of marriage and don’t need the same rights as real families. He of course is not gay. No. Just ask him. He is not even bi. He just asks to suck my cock once a month, has begged me for a year to fuck him and likes my entire fist up his ass. So now I am always busy when he calls. It’s been a couple of months but he still hasn't figured it out. Do I owe him the courtesy of being honest with him? Perhaps. But why get into an argument over politics for any reason.

So here is a quick list of topics that you should keep to yourself:

1. Politics
2. Religion
3. Your children/wife
4. My partner/family
5. Any question about my business other than “How’s business”
6. Other Clients
7. How much money I make
8. My sex life  
9. Racist, sexist, homophobic comments

- Jack