I first saw him in October of 2006. He had found me on
Craigslist and then on an online massage exchange group that I helped run and
sent me an email and introduced himself as Tom. When he showed up at my door
for his first appointment what struck me were his wiry unkept hair, his dark
frame glasses and how thin he was. He was incredibly nervous. He told me he had
not done a lot of this sort of thing and that he was married to a woman and
that he was in his 50’s. He was also a diabetic with an implanted insulin pump.
When the appointment was over, I noted in my log: Thin, nervous, married, no
prostate massage, sensitive balls. I had remained clothed for our first
session. The last time he saw me for a massage was October 1, 2014. He saw me
70 times in those 8 years, 90 minutes almost every time. It took him two years to
tell me that Tom was his first name but he went by Andy, his middle name. He
only used Tom when trying to hide his identity on line.
I took my clothes off for him on our third session, his
request. We would spend some time of each session just talking. I heard about
his marriage, his kids and his jobs. We talked about whether he should tell his
wife about his sexual and emotional attraction to men. I pointed out that as
long as he didn’t, he was not allowing her to deal with it, one way or the other.
He eventually did tell her. They eventually split.
One day he asked to explore my body, so I lay on the table
and he gave me a massage. He wasn’t very good, no reason why he should have
been. He claimed I was the first cock that he put his mouth, I believed him.
Eventually he got over his fear of anal and asked for a prostate massage. Over
time we worked up to three fingers. He eventually wanted to be fucked, and
after much discussion, I agreed to take his ‘virginity.’ It would be something
that he would ask for occasionally after that. His favorite activity though was
always frottage. He liked sucking cock as well, but he preferred when I climbed
on the table and we rubbed our bodies together until he came. He also had an
underwear fetish and loved modeling his latest purchases, and occasionally
would bring me a pair to keep.
There was a six month break in seeing each other. When he
returned, he explained that he had been seeing someone else and didn’t want to
cheat on him. I said I understood, though he was still living with his wife at
the time so I was confused. After that session we talked about the relationship
that he had just finished. Turned out that it was all on line. They would chat,
send pics and jack off together on video. However, when Andy wanted to meet, the
other guy ghosted him. Andy went through the angst that many older people feel
when they start coming out – they are too old to fit into the gay world, they
waited too long to come out, they missed the best days of their lives. I
offered him many suggestions of where to go to meet men that he may be
interested in and may be interested in him. There was another break when he
felt that he was becoming too emotionally attached to me, even though we only
saw each other once a month at most.
It was a few years between when he told his wife and when he
told his kids, and then only because he had decided to move out and get his own
place. Their reactions were mixed, somewhat supportive and they loved him, but an
over whelming sympathy for their mother for being lied to (as they felt they
were lied to as well).
He moved to the far side of the city and he stopped seeing
me as a client. He called occasionally and sent an occasional email. I saw him
out at the bars a few times. He was more comfortable with himself than I had
ever seen him. He was genuinely happy. To the best of my knowledge he never
found a full time male lover, but he found friends and he found sex partners.
He came out loud and proud. He marched in gay pride parades. He wrote articles
of gay men in art and in history! He became a leader.
I heard he passed away in May. He was 66. I don’t know what
he passed away from, doesn’t matter. It was a life well lived.
- Jack
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