Touch in a Pandemic

The pandemic has last a year now. While I had to take over two months off completely, a lot of my regulars still have not come back for personal safety and I totally respect that. 

Interestingly I have a lot of new clients, which is great! Many of them are brand new to receiving massage. 

The over whelming thing I hear from clients right now is how touch deprived they are. "This is first somebody has touched my body in almost a year!" or as one tearful client said "This is the first time I have touched another person in a year." 

The weight of these statements is not lost on me. It is not just "I haven't touched a cock in a year" or I haven't felt an ass in a year." We are not just talking about a year with a "hook up" but a year with out any shared touch with another human being at all. No hand shakes, no hugs, no bumping into another person... nothing. This is what this past year has been like for some people. I am lucky enough to have a loving partner to see me through these times. It blows my mind to think what it must be like if you don't. To be the first person allowed to touch this person in almost a year is an honor and a duty I do not take lightly. 

There are also a number of men who are in sexless marriages, either married to a woman or another man, who are also suffering from a lack of sensual touch. Perhaps they had play partners or casual hook ups to fill their needs but for the past year have been completely closed off. The pandemic has also reeked havoc on even the most healthy of relationships. I know of more than one couple who took sex off the table once they were forced to spend 24 hours a day, every day with each other. They still love each other, but sex became more of a chore than a pleasure.

I am trying to make my massage space as safe as possible for myself and my clients (and my hubby). Lots of cleaning, air circulation, fresh air, so much disinfectant are a part of my daily life. Masks are worn by both the client and myself through out their time here. As soon as they are out of my home, Lysol and other disinfects are used everywhere before I take off my mask. Even with all of these precautions, I cannot guarantee everyone's absolute safety, I can only do my best. So if a regular client does not want to come back, I really do understand. Vaccinations are happening and some of my elderly clients have stated that they will be back soon. I have no idea when I will be able to be vaccinated, I am on a couple of lists but have been told I most likely will not be able to get a shot for 3-4 months. 

If you are out there and suffering from a lack of touch, what have you done about it if anything?

Do you think that as a subculture, men who have sex with men are usually more in need of touch? 

Are we more tactile with each other even in non-sexual situations? 

Trapped and needing alone time...

 Business is still about 50% of what it should be. I am afraid it will get worse again before it gets better. 

However, I am grateful that I still have money coming in. Not everyone does right now. I am also an actor, of course that money has completely dried up. Still, not doing too bad. 

One of the more interesting aspects of this fall has been both my hubby and I are working from home. Usually not an issue, he can work on the patio while I do massage. If the weather isn't ideal he can work in his office as long as he remains quiet. But then there are Zoom meetings... Suddenly each day is "I have a client at X time" "Well, I have a Zoom at Y time but should be done by then." Add in last minute schedules of clients and emergency zooms and it can get complicated. This is not how we expected it to be. We thought by the time I could do massage again, he would be at work full time in his office... oh well. On the plus side, I have been getting new clients who are becoming regulars.

I am not sure how other office people are behaving now that they are working from home, but for my husband, he has made the entire house his office. Not that he making a mess everywhere, quite the contrary, he is often just randomly cleaning or tidying. But he does pace through the house when on the phone or when trying to work out an idea. It can be quite disconcerting. On one occasion while he was in his room because I had a client he burst opened the door and started walking into the room, realized his mistake and spun around and got out. He was very apologetic afterwards. Fortunately the client was face down and while he knew what had happened his only response was "your hubby can watch, I don't care. Might be fun!"

It's some of the other private moments that I miss as well. I orgasm everyday, with or without my husband. I love watching or reading (still my favorite) porn for hours while playing with myself until I shoot everywhere. Even though I an absolute top, I like sitting with the Hitachi wand pressing against ass until I start slipping out of reality. While I will occasionally do some of these things with my hubby, I really prefer to do these things alone. However, he is just always here now. And even though he spends most of his time in his office, I never know when he will pop out to either pace around the house or come tell me something he just discovered. Hell, I even jacked off in the shed in the back yard last week, which had it's own slight eroticism to it, but not something I want to make a regular thing. 

Again, in the grand scheme of things, it's not terrible. Sometimes I will just stay up for an extra hour or so after he goes to bed to take care of my personal needs. Not my favorite time of day to do it, but we adjust. I know he is in the same boat, however, he does have his office and he knows I will not disturb him if the door is closed. I have no such space, except supposedly when I give a massage. 

His life has been difficult since the pandemic. He works in education and trying to manage all the teachers, children, parents, advocates, social workers, state and country representatives involved in the day to day education system of our youth in the best of times is near impossible. Trying to manage them through Zoom meetings, on-line class rooms, group texts and conference calls is so much worse. He will quit by the end of the school year. He says this situation has verified that those above him do not have his back. When he leaves, we will take a trip if we are allowed and I will be the bread winner until he lines up something new. Not a big deal, tighten our belts and move on. 

If things get worse with the pandemic (as I expect they will) and we are forced into a complete lockdown again, I have warned him that I will be ripping up the carpets in the house. We bought our house 4 years ago and it has wall to wall beige carpet in all the rooms. There are supposed to be dark stained hardwood floors underneath, though god only knows what shape they are in. The only way to find out is to rip it all up. Something I have been putting off since it would be a major disruption to my business. However, if I am forced to suspend work, up they will come. He is dead set against the idea because he hates having the house in complete disarray. Even the idea of hiring a company come in to replace the current carpet seems to be too much for him to handle. I get it, he wants some control of something in his life. I will do it anyway because if I have nothing to do, I will go mad. If the floors are in decent shape, great! I will buy some area rugs and be done. If they need to be refinished, hopefully I will be able to get that done. If they are completely beyond saving, then new carpet it is! But definitely not beige. 

Is anal sex still taboo?

 This past week, I had a regular client see me. He is in his mid 40's, tall, well built, dark hair, beard and married to a woman. We have experimented with prostate massage before, at first it was just one finger and he was really nervous. Another visit we tried again and he took 2 fingers. This week he was able to take three fingers and he had two in his ass when he came. 

Now to clarify, this man identifies as straight. However, he started playing with my cock during his second visit and was sucking it by his fourth visit. That in my book is all fine, if you want to identify as straight while playing with and sucking cock, who am I to judge? At one time or another, I have had sex with just about every gender variation out there, but I still consider myself gay. 

So the moment where I was taken aback was when the massage was over I told my client (we will call him Don) that he took three fingers up his ass. His response was "Man, don't tell me that!" 

I was speechless for a moment, then I asked him why. "Just don't say that, I'm not ready to hear that." OK. I tell him that it's no big deal, just means that he is relaxed. Then I asked him if he likes prostate massage and fingers in his ass. "Not sure yet." OK. I inform him as I always do, that we never have to do it again and if I am ever doing something he doesn't like, he must tell me to stop. Don replied that yes he knows and it was fine. 

Now I have seen his reaction when he is getting a prostate massage and when he had three fingers going in and out of his ass... he enjoyed it. The issue I believe is one that I have heard from other straight clients is that anal sex is crossing a line from straight to gay. It is the taboo moment that changes who they are. 

On the flip side, it is also one of the most common requests that I get, "can you teach me how to bottom?" Usually from long time clients but also from brand new clients both gay and straight. It is something that they have been interested in but don't want to admit to a sexual partner that they have never done it before. A smart choice as far as I am concerned, we need more education in sex. We also need tops to are willing to learn to be a good top. Communicate what you like and don't like, even in the moment. 

But back to the beginning... I get that there can a psychological hang up over receiving anal sex. It just surprises me is all. If you are willing to have a cock thrusting in and out of your mouth, having three fingers shoved up your ass, why is it such a big leap mentally to actually have a cock ass up your ass? Or is it the IDEA of WANTING a cock up your ass the hang up? Is that what would actually make them have to redefine their personal label of who and what they are?

In my personal world, blow jobs and hand jobs and even Princeton rubs are far more the norm of gay sex than anal sex. It is not at all the first thing that comes to mind when talking about gay sex. To me, being gay is about who you want to spend your life with, not  what orifice you have sex with. Feedback? 

Time flies when you are having fun?

 Two months since my last post? Doesn't seem possible. Time in the time of Covid is surreal. My handsome well hung visitor from the July 4th post came back today. Things went pretty much the same but the comfort level was better. This time as we fucked and our eyes held each other, he communicated much more with slow head movements. His head moved side to side to let me know he was not ready to come yet. He nodded as I picked up the pace of pounding his ass. He nodded again as I grunted like I was getting ready to cum and then I slammed him hard and he came, shooting volleys of cum over his head. He obviously wanted me to cum before him (I didn't, saved it for later). Yes, I do fake cumming once in awhile. 

Wearing masks while having sex is still odd. It's no big deal if I am taking a guy from behind, but when face to face it's weird. To understand better, when I fuck a guy on my table (which is rare), there are generally two positions that we use: 1. Doggy style with both of us on the table 2. me standing on the floor with the client on their back on the table and their legs over my shoulders. It's not just sex. I am used to watching my client's face when I massage them for feedback for what they like and what they do not. The same is true for the client, they will occasionally look at my face to see if touching my leg bothers me or not (or wherever they may be touching). The eyes can say a lot, but I miss the rest of it. Oh, and the look of peace on a man's face when I continue to massage them after their orgasm.

I think that I have weathered the pandemic as well as can be expected. If you are in a long term relationship (as I have been these past 20 some odd years), then you may have experienced the odd duality of both wanting desperately to spend time with others and desperately wanting alone time. I love my husband and I think we are managing really well. However, I would love to have the house to myself again for a few hours every day. I am sure he feels the same. It is harder than ever right now as he works for a school system but is working from home. This means he is constantly on the phone or on zoom mtgs and I need peace and quiet for my clients. My business is still pretty slow, so usually I can manage to schedule around his mtgs but not always. I have had to send my poor husband outside behind the house (which is a nice covered patio with nice furniture) so he can do his mtgs and I can work in peace. Up until now it had not really been an issue, when schools closed so did my business. When I was able to start taking clients, he was on summer break. We really thought that he would be working in the school building by this time. But we adjust and life goes on if we are lucky. However, there are days that I just want to stay naked and masturbate over and over until I shoot dust and pass out, and then when I come to, stay naked and eat pasta....  you know what I mean.

I am still at about 50% of where my business is normally this time of year. I have also lost a lot of income from cancelled theatrical shows. One of the companies that I worked for on a regular basis may have closed for good. And yet, knock on wood, we are doing OK financially, while our income is down, so is our spending. We rarely eat out anymore and we haven't paid for a theatre ticket since March, huge cost savings. Also there was no summer vacation - no wknd trips to the beach or week long camping trips, or trips to Europe or visit to family. I have the urge to spend money on some big home reno project but also feel that we could face another shut down sometime this fall or winter so I had better hold onto that cash. 

I really wish I had a magic look into the future, if this is the beginning of the end of times, I would like to know. I can then pick up all the dirty habits of my youth: smoking, drinking, some pot, lots of sex... OK, so I actually have way more sex now than I did in my youth but it would still be nice to not worry about tomorrow for awhile. 

Happy 4th of July!

Then there are days like today.

I always say, never do anything with a client you are not willing to repeat every time you see them from that point on.  That is one of the reasons I never cum for a client (at least on purpose). I have very few clients that I fuck, and when I do, I let them know that this is a one time only thing, it most likely will never happen again, unless we both want it too and either of us can always say “sorry, not today.”

Let’s face it when sex is part of your job, and you are a man, there are going to be limitations. You can only cum so many times a day. You can only keep up an erection for so long. You have to be stimulated to get an erection by something, anything. That is why you should never fuck a first-time client; you are setting up some pretty high expectations. Shouldn’t even get undressed. Leave it at a hand job.

This morning my first client was a great guy who has been seeing me for about 3 years. Things started pretty slow back then: he didn’t try to touch me; I only gave him a hand job when he was very erect. He didn’t say much before or after – just a short embarrassed “thanks.” His wife had left him, he worked two jobs and usually only had one or two entire days off a month. Eventually he started feeling me up outside my shorts and I started giving him prostate massages. One day he takes my shorts off so he can jack me. Another day he pulls my dick out while it is near his head so he can lick it. We slowly over time work up to three fingers in his ass and he seems to really like it. Eventually I ask him if he would like the real thing and he says nothing, so I keep fingering him till he cums. This happens at least twice more before he says he wants the real thing. He is an extremely handsome man, about 50, good shape, huge dick and a very nice ass. We go slow and I fuck him for the first time, he doesn’t last long. I generally pull out as soon as a guy cums, knowing that it can be painful for a lot of guys to still have a dick in their ass after cumming. The second time I fuck him he wants me to keep going – keep stroking his cock and keep fucking his ass after he cums. OK, I can do that. He kept cumming and cumming and grunting and groaning, it was sweet. So that did become the norm, he likes to get fucked, I like fucking him and I ask before we do it and he says yes and so it goes. This morning was no exception except that we had not seen each other in months due to his schedule before the lockdown and then the lockdown itself so the passion of the moment was a bit higher than normal and a good time was had by all, keeping in mind that I don’t cum.

Ninety minutes later I greet a new client at the door, Randy. He is about 30 years old, 6’, shaved head, well built and very friendly. We are both wearing masks due to Covid. He wanted to know if he could shower before hand and I showed him to the bathroom with a towel and wash cloth. After his shower he returns wrapped in a towel and wearing his mask. He drops the towel and stands naked except for the mask and says “strange world we live in, where do you want me?” I tell him to lie facedown and offer a towel for draping to which he replies “I’m not shy.” He is hairy and well hung, has a multitude of tattoos – mostly Celtic in design in black and bright green. He has a prince albert piercing. I ask the usual about whether he has any aches, pains, illnesses or anything I should know about. He tells me he in the army so he works his body hard, but especially he legs and glutes as of late. I go to work and he is friendly and chatty, compliments my home, pride flag, choice of music etc. I tell him to let me know if I ever use too much or not enough pressure, he likes the deep pressure. I have an erection through most of the massage. He is flirty, nice, attractive and behaving like a gentleman – perfect. I remind myself that I am 20 years older than him and in not nearly as good of shape. It is not until I do the abductor rub under his leg that he first finds my erection and starts rubbing it. He is very receptive as I rub his glutes and when I narrow in on his sphincter, he lifts his hips only very slightly. I ask him it he would like a prostate massage. “Sure, why not?” I start with my thumb, then two fingers, then three… driving them in and out and finally 4 fingers slide in.  So… he is not a virgin.

I ask him to turn over and work immediately on his abs, sliding down over his pubic bone. His cock is erect and I work it lightly then down to his balls. He is freely rubbing my cock through the shorts, so I finally drop them. I switch sides of the table and repeat and then linger with one hand massaging his sphincter and the other working his nips. I couldn’t help myself; I ask if he would like to be fucked. “Why not?” I tell him that I don’t usually do this especially with a new client, but it is the 4^th of July wknd and he is active duty. I put a condom on and throw his legs up over my shoulders and ease in. He is staring intently over the mask into my eyes, as I am staring at his. This is unusual. Most guys will look at me then away, then roll their heads, back at me, close their eyes etc. He has locked eyes with me and not letting go. OK, I can go with that. I fuck him hard and intense, keeping my eyes locked on his, jacking his big cock (careful of the prince albert). I feel he is close but his eyes are looking at me without flinching. I nod my head. He says “here it comes, I shoot a lot!” He puts a hand up to shield his face as volleys of cum fly over his head, on his hand, shoulders, chest and eventually stomach. I laugh as I clean him up, he is extremely sensitive after. I finish the massage with stretching and some deep tissue on his legs and arms. While I work, his hands find my legs, ass, cock, whatever naked body part is closest to him.

When it is over, he gets dressed and repeatedly tells me how good it all was and that he will definitely see me again. He leaves me a nice tip and I show him to the door. In the pre-covid time, I would have hugged him and possibly kissed, but today it is a nod and a “hope to see you again soon.”

Afterwards, I realize I have broken a few rules, but I still haven’t cum and I am still good for another massage or two. So far, a good day.

My story of Tom AKA Andy

I first saw him in October of 2006. He had found me on Craigslist and then on an online massage exchange group that I helped run and sent me an email and introduced himself as Tom. When he showed up at my door for his first appointment what struck me were his wiry unkept hair, his dark frame glasses and how thin he was. He was incredibly nervous. He told me he had not done a lot of this sort of thing and that he was married to a woman and that he was in his 50’s. He was also a diabetic with an implanted insulin pump. When the appointment was over, I noted in my log: Thin, nervous, married, no prostate massage, sensitive balls. I had remained clothed for our first session. The last time he saw me for a massage was October 1, 2014. He saw me 70 times in those 8 years, 90 minutes almost every time. It took him two years to tell me that Tom was his first name but he went by Andy, his middle name. He only used Tom when trying to hide his identity on line.

I took my clothes off for him on our third session, his request. We would spend some time of each session just talking. I heard about his marriage, his kids and his jobs. We talked about whether he should tell his wife about his sexual and emotional attraction to men. I pointed out that as long as he didn’t, he was not allowing her to deal with it, one way or the other. He eventually did tell her. They eventually split.

One day he asked to explore my body, so I lay on the table and he gave me a massage. He wasn’t very good, no reason why he should have been. He claimed I was the first cock that he put his mouth, I believed him. Eventually he got over his fear of anal and asked for a prostate massage. Over time we worked up to three fingers. He eventually wanted to be fucked, and after much discussion, I agreed to take his ‘virginity.’ It would be something that he would ask for occasionally after that. His favorite activity though was always frottage. He liked sucking cock as well, but he preferred when I climbed on the table and we rubbed our bodies together until he came. He also had an underwear fetish and loved modeling his latest purchases, and occasionally would bring me a pair to keep.

There was a six month break in seeing each other. When he returned, he explained that he had been seeing someone else and didn’t want to cheat on him. I said I understood, though he was still living with his wife at the time so I was confused. After that session we talked about the relationship that he had just finished. Turned out that it was all on line. They would chat, send pics and jack off together on video. However, when Andy wanted to meet, the other guy ghosted him. Andy went through the angst that many older people feel when they start coming out – they are too old to fit into the gay world, they waited too long to come out, they missed the best days of their lives. I offered him many suggestions of where to go to meet men that he may be interested in and may be interested in him. There was another break when he felt that he was becoming too emotionally attached to me, even though we only saw each other once a month at most.

It was a few years between when he told his wife and when he told his kids, and then only because he had decided to move out and get his own place. Their reactions were mixed, somewhat supportive and they loved him, but an over whelming sympathy for their mother for being lied to (as they felt they were lied to as well).

He moved to the far side of the city and he stopped seeing me as a client. He called occasionally and sent an occasional email. I saw him out at the bars a few times. He was more comfortable with himself than I had ever seen him. He was genuinely happy. To the best of my knowledge he never found a full time male lover, but he found friends and he found sex partners. He came out loud and proud. He marched in gay pride parades. He wrote articles of gay men in art and in history! He became a leader.

I heard he passed away in May. He was 66. I don’t know what he passed away from, doesn’t matter. It was a life well lived.   

- Jack

Back at work

Pandemic and all, back at work. Honestly, it's probably too soon, but one can only live so long on reduced funds and the state says it's OK. I am only taking one hour appointments and masks are required for us both when the client is face up, so we spend 45 minutes with the client face down. Most of my regular clients like a lot of ass play so they are good with that. The legit ones like a lot of work on their backs and shoulders so they are good with it as well.
It was weird to go back to it after 3 months. No problem with the actual work, but the little things like: Where is my favorite music? How does my Square payment system work again? Where are my candles? etc.
It has been a busy week with returning clients and new ones. It has also been odd having to have an erection for most of the day again. The first few clients it was kind of fun and exciting all over again, by the end of the week it was "You can do this!" It was the biggest change during the break - for about 6 weeks, I only got hard for sex with my husband - no masturbation at all. It was a real vacation for my dick. After that my libido and dick started jumping back to life.
It was clear that many of my clients were very happy to see me again. Starting with how quickly my scheduled filled up and the warm greetings they gave me when the entered and how they just kept chatting and catching up while stripping naked, and everyone came really fast.
The laundry also came back, in spades. usually 3 to 4 towels per massage plus the sheets and face cradle. Also going through a lot of lysol spray and hand sanitizer, and masks. It's all good. I have had a bit of push back on the mask issue, which honestly surprised me. I'm only asking them to wear it for 15 minutes of table time, but it does mean that it is harder to suck my dick, so there's that. I am secretly trying to get them off while they are still face down so it is less of an issue.
I have heard of the death of one of my clients, I will write more about him next time.
Stay safe everyone.

The Pandemic Continues

The pandemic continues. Some parts of the country are allowing masseurs back to work, others are not. I live in a place where we are not allowed back yet, though again, many have never stopped working. The rate of cases here has not slowed down yet so I am ok with putting off working far a bit yet. If there were an antibody test that was reliable and readily available, I would love to take it. If I knew that I had some immunity I would feel much better about letting strangers lie naked on a table in my home for 90 minutes at a time while I work over them.... ;-)
I have painted just about every room in my house, including closets. I have worked on the landscaping around my home. I spent a lot of time watching movies and working on puzzles and reading. I spend an hour or so each day contacting people I know from various periods of my life to check up on them. My husband and I play board games, a lot.
Every day I get contacted for massage work. Most are regular clients who wonder when I will go back to work. Telling them that I will obey the Governor's non-essential business guidelines, seems to go in one ear and out the other. Financially, I am still okay - not great - but okay. I can last another month or two without panicking.
At this time of social distancing, people are more touch deprived than ever. An elderly friend of mine sent me a message after a doctor's appointment how startled she was that he touched her arm, and then she realized no one had touched her anywhere on her body in over a month.
My fellow masseurs have some differing opinions about what to do now. Some have closed, like me, not only for the sake of themselves and their families but for the good of their clients. Others who have remained open (against the edicts handed down from their states) have said that business is slow, but the tips are good. The clients they are seeing are exclusively those who want sensual work (even if their normal practice is mostly 'legit' work).
I feel bad for my clients on many levels. While they have the option to go see another therapist, many don't feel comfortable with that option. For many, I am the only male that they have ever let touch them in such an intimate manner and they feel safe with me. So for them this interruption of life has been even more difficult. Imagine, if you will, that you crave the touch of another man and had been denied it for most of your life for one reason or another. You finally work up the courage to pay for a massage from a man and discover the touch that you had so longed for. You build up a level of trust with your masseur that goes just beyond simple touch and see him a regular basis to keep your life in balance. Then suddenly, the option is taken away from you and you are stuck at home. You feel as though you are right back to where you started again, except now you have the knowledge of what you were actually missing.
Then you have the men in sexless marriages who are now locked up with their spouses. Marriages turn sexless for a lot of different reasons - incompatible partners, sex drives, preferences, communication, apathy etc. The level of stress that must be experienced by these people during this time must be pretty high. Growing up in the great Northland, we called it Cabin Fever, seeing the same people over and over with no ability to get away from them. It can be difficult to even find the time and place to jack off.
So I understand the stress out there and I feel for all of you. I hope you all stay safe and sane until we can see each other again.

Pandemic

Who would have thought it would have come to this???
I am adhering to the non-essential business closure to keep people healthy. I pride myself in keeping my massage business as clean as possible (fresh sheets, towels, hand sanitizer, disposable face rest covers, etc), massage also means 60 to 90 minutes in very close proximity with another person. In my area, about 1 out of every 10 gay male masseurs have closed. Which means 9 out of 10 have not. I understand their decision even if I do not agree with it. We are self employed which means we are not immediately eligible for unemployment insurance, so if we close there is absolutely no money coming in. The latest stimulus package provides for self employed people, but it has been three weeks since that has passed and my state still is not accepting claims from self employed people. Fortunately, I am better off than most, I have money set aside and a husband who is still working. Others I know are not as fortunate. There is also no set date when things can get back to normal.
So I understand why some of my fellow massage therapists are still working. It is a little harder to understand the clients, but this is hardly unheard of. If the fear of AIDS in the 80's was not enough to stop risky behavior, the Coronavirus is hardly going to stop it.
I hope that everyone is staying safe and healthy. I hope that you all survive the temporary financial set backs.
- Jack

I'm alive.

Wow, so long since my last post!
I am still alive but apparently not good at the discipline required to be a great blogger. Part of the issue is writing about interesting things without constantly repeating myself. Also I need to be careful with some of my descriptive encounters as most of my clients would rather not recognize themselves while reading my blog.
So what has happened in the intervening years?
Well I got legally married to my husband, we got married on our 20th Anniversary (over 5 years ago now). We bought a new house. We still work together as actors. I still do massage, he is still indulgent of this choice.
I have thought of quitting many times over the years. The reason always being the same, money. I don't mind the work most days, in fact it is still sometimes a lot of fun. However, the money isn't great. I try to schedule clients during the day on weekdays so that it doesn't interfere with my husband's free time. This does mean that I am not as available as other masseurs who make most of their money in the evenings and wknds. The demand ebbs and flows with the change of seasons, weather, the moon, the economy, politics, etc and it makes it difficult to have a steady income. You hope for the best, that it will balance in the end and sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. I have had some good years and some bad ones. I often feel that as a responsible partner and husband, I should find a better paying and more consistent source of income.
I have been out of circulation from both full time Theatre and EEO work for over 15 years and I am now over 50, so getting a new job has been tough. In the mean time, I rub naked guys and try to keep the business as successful as possible.
Fortunately, getting older has not affected my business too much. I know there are guys out there who will not choose me for a massage because I am older and not in perfect shape and that's ok. I also don't get the tourists who are just looking for a rub and tug from a pretty face, I never wanted that crowd anyway. I do get a wide variety of men from all ages, ethnic, educational, religious, and physical groupings that become repeat clients. They are for the most part all great guys.
I will try to post more often, assuming anyone out there still wants to hear from me.
- Jack

Dating a Masseur?

I received the following email and also got his permission to share our conversation with all of you. The names have all been changed.

Hi Jack,

First and foremost, I love your blog, you are a very skilled writer and masseur from what I read ;) I've been looking in the web for a few days now trying to get some "answers" and your site just hit home.

If you don't mind, I would like to share a recent experience with hopes of obtaining your perspective, as someone who performs sensual bodywork, and perhaps gain some peace of mind of my own.

I'm fairly new to sensual/erotic massages (started this year). My first few times were great and limited to just mutual touching, and/or happy ending. After months of curiosity and as recent as this month, I started experimenting with new masseurs in my area, to my surprise some of the sessions have gone beyond the mutual touching and into oral and rimming etc.

My dilemma comes from this one masseur, tall, blonde, fit, eastern European decent, totally my type, claims to be straight. Throughout the session he was very nice, he kept complimenting me, at first it seemed like he was telling me what I wanted to hear but then again, he was pointing out things others had complimented me on before. Overall a very nice guy, though out the end of the session he let me give him a BJ and after we finished he offered to jump in the shower with me, as we are done chatting and washing off our oil, he looks into my eyes gets close to me and we start making out, I asked if he wanted to cum but he said that he had masturbated already, we both get out of the shower, we dress, we chat a bit more and before he leaves, he leaned over to me and made out with me again, then left. He left me thinking there for a bit after he left..

Come the following week, I schedule another appointment, he wont on with his massage, when he asked me turn over,  I pulled him close to me, we start a deep passionate kissing session, this time he also let me rim him and instead of releasing in bed, we just went to the shower to finish off.. This time while he was trying to cum he just held me tight as we continued to make out, it was hot and intense, and the same, as we got dressed he told me that one of these days he was going to pick me up and go out for drinks (he had mentioned that in the first session), he then kissed me goodbye and left. He later sent me a text, which led to us making arrangements to meet up casually later in the week.

The day off, he seemed to be backed up with work, still he took the time to come and meet, it was a bit awkward, there seemed to be a lot in his head and his phone was non-stop with texts, so we just kept conversation general, can't deny I flirted a bit, then we each went our ways, he said he would be in touch but haven’t heard back.

I've had nice repeat hot sessions with other masseurs, and they've also complimented me but they also kept it cool afterwards. No text backs, no social invites and no kissing.

So I'm not sure if he was just playing me into more sessions/creating client "rapport" or if there was a true spark from his side.. and this is where I'm needing another perspective

It's way too soon to be thinking about stuff, its only been 2 sessions, but would love to explore if there is something more..

I feel silly as in my mid 30s, not in high school, and I guess I should know better, but I just cant stop thinking about him!

Thoughts?

p.s. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long email.

I responded back with:

Dear Adam,

I think the big question here is what are you hoping for? Free sex? Dating? A relationship?

Most sensual workers have to deal with very old men all day long. We are always happy to have someone that we could actually be attracted to. It makes our job easier, even enjoyable. We will always treat such clients better because we like them. Personally, I have never gone on a date with a client because I am not looking to date, I have a partner. I have gone out to lunch with a client (he paid) after a session because he really wanted to talk about the session and his life. I did this only once since we have to be careful of clients getting too attached. 

So, are you getting played? Is he just trying to keep a good client? Maybe. He might actually like you. But, remember he has a job to do and bills to pay. So don't expect him to give up his "job" for you. 

If you are just wondering if he will have anal sex with you, sure! If that's his thing.

So what are you wanting out of this?

To which he responds:

Dear Jack,

Quite frankly, I think I was longing for that physical desire/connection and he just happen to push the right buttons. Is too early for me to think relationship, perhaps friends with benefits, he did mention he was straight, but who knows.. I tend to have no expectations as those usually lead to attachment/disappointment. So I guess In the meantime, I'll enjoy the moment, keep things professional and if something happens then great..

What I know for sure, is that I needed to get this off my chest in order to ground myself, get him out of my head (or at least not have him there as often) and move on.

I truly Thank you for taking the time to read and answer my email and in a non-judgmental way, It's definitely something I cant easily talk with anyone else.

Hope you are having great rest of your day and looking forward to more of your posts! ;)

To which I responded:

No problem Adam,

He may claim to be straight, but I doubt it. He is either saying to attract more customers or he is lying to himself.

Friends with benefits may happen, but realize he would be losing money if he loses you as a client. It has happened the masseurs will date a client, but it is rare.

Anyway, I am glad that I could help and I hope you remember to keep me posted. 

And about 30 days later he did:

Hi Jack,

It's been a while, wanted to give you an update on my situation and my observations, and I apologize upfront as I certainly don't want to nag you with my stories.

I have continued having sessions with him ever since we last talked, each session continues to be intense: kissing, oral, mutual orgasms etc.

Aside from the sexual stuff though, I am starting to notice that I also simply enjoy spending time with him, he's witty, we share some good laughs, stories about our families and I feel as we have a great connection, he always leaves me feeling great. I wish the time I spend with him would never end but unfortunately it seems to be limited to just a couple of hours a month. He always talks about us going clubbing or working out together but aside from that other time we went out, we really don't communicate in between sessions, there's maybe a small catch up chat when I contact him for an appointment but that's about it, which is perhaps a good idea, based on what I've read about client/therapist boundaries.

To add to my frustration, I learned from social media (I found him online :-)) that he's been going out with this girl! He had talked briefly about her a couple of sessions ago, but it didn't seem as something serious, however social media seems to indicate otherwise, although it looked as if it's one side sided from her, (could be my wishful thinking kicking in) plus, I'm pretty sure she doesn't know about his gig. Either way, can't deny it stung a bit seeing them together.

From what I'm telling you today, does it sound like another case of transference? Here I am speaking about of his relationship with this girl being one sided, yet I wonder if all these feelings I'm having are a result of me reading too much into his actions when in fact I'm just another day at his "job".

I replied:

Dear Adam,

Yes, it does sound like a case of transference. You are seeing what you want to see. He could easily be very much in love with this woman and marry her someday. That has little to do with your relationship with him. Whether he is just being nice to keep a good client or whether he genuinely likes you or more has little to do with his feelings for this woman. Just realize that he most likely will never leave her for you, that almost never happens. ;-)

He responded:

I wish there could be more of this out there on which people could share and discuss these types of experiences without the LMTs getting all worked up and judgmental about it.

As far as your advice, I concur, woman/man, it's not my intent for him to leave anyone for me (still bummer for me), however I now know better to at least hold-off on making any moves. I'm fairly new to sensual/erotic work, so my feelings may be more common than what I think.

Anyway, I literally just finished a session with him this afternoon and all I got to say is, if he's not feeling anything whatsoever towards me, then he's one hell of an actor!

Thanks again,
- Adam

About a week later I received this from him: 

To buy or not to buy, that is the question..

I typically have tons of candles around my place when he comes, a while ago he had mentioned he really liked one of them. I'm going home the Holidays, and I'm thinking of getting him one, for our last session of the year, its a tad pricey. What do you think? Is it tacky/creepy/clingy? I wonder if other clients also feel this way.. lol

p.s. I share my feelings with you, but I haven't mentioned any of this to him of course, up to this point, I've kept things professional in between sessions, I think, not sure if he knows how I feel.. don't want to make a fool of myself.. 

- Adam

My response: 

Hey Adam,

Many of my regular clients give me something around the Holidays. Generally, it is an extra large tip, but other gifts I have received are collectable Christmas ornaments, bottles of wine or other alcohols that they noticed on my bar, live plants and the like. It is better to give an early gift than to come back from vacation with something you bought while you were away because you were thinking of him, that starts getting creepy. Just relax and have fun with the situation, however, keep your eyes open for the real man of your dreams, one who is not taken or "straight."

He replies:

That's valid point, I did think about bringing him something :-p, but I'll just go ahead and get him the early gift instead. You are so right about the relaxing part, I need to remind myself to do that, I'm usually good at keeping things NSA or not even consider "straight" guys, but then there's always that one person/exception to the rule that gets to you.. sigh..

I appreciate you getting back to me, hope your day is going well

About 10 days later I received:

Dear Jack,

I know that you advised me to just relax and enjoy the situation, and to a certain extent I am, however as each session progresses, the feelings of taking things a step further grow, next step being perhaps hanging out socially.

First, there's not much of an age difference between us, we both have pretty active social lives, like similar music and attend similar places (I go to gay bars but tend to hangout more in the straight scene also).

Second, there's been a couple of things he's said and done that lead me to believe there's a mutual interest there but I've taken them with a grain of salt due to the nature of his job and/or because he never seems to follow through in between sessions:

• Constantly bringing up us going for a drink or him picking me up at the gym - he hasn’t followed through on this one as of yet.
• During one of our latest conversations, as we cuddled, we discovered we had a bar in common, which he followed by a “Well.. that’s where we met right?” - I took this as him trying to come up with a story for if we ever hang out together, don’t know
• He has foreign phrase tattooed on one his arm, when I asked him what it meant, he said "Adam is my favorite client" - cliche I know and I rolled my eyes but still thought it was cute ;)
• He also mentioned that if he ever has sex (intercourse) with a man, he would like for me to be the one - also cliche, won't hold my breath but still included it here
• Now the one that threw me of was that during the last session, he mentioned that his roommate was gonna be out for the weekend and that if I wanted, I could come over to his place for a visit, I told him I would let him know  - This one I figured was a bit more elaborate, why would you go through all that hassle of having to deal with someone and offering such a thing if you weren’t interested
• That same day, late evening he sent me a picture of him, just because
• A couple of days later, I sent him good morning text, he actually followed through, we had a nice exchange for a couple of hours, totally unexpected

I'm not sure if I should just sent him a follow up on his offer to meet him as his place, what do you think?

- Adam

My advice:

Adam, 

Sure, if you are interested and he is interested why not have a meet up at his place. You trust him. See if he follows up with it. Still, don't expect love, but friendship and sex may be on the table. If however he does not follow up with any of it, you will have to decide whether you want to continue with things as they are or not. Hope that helps. 
- Jack

Jack,

It does, I guess the point is to go with it and if nothing happens I'll have my answer. 

But the do the things I've mentioned below sound like typical "sales" techniques? Like you personally wouldn't do some of these things with your clients, right?

thanks for responding Jack

- Adam

Dear Adam, 

I would never go that far, quite the contrary, I make it very clear that it is a provider/client relationship. Especially when asked by a client to spend time together outside of massage, I answer that I am flattered, but I keep my personal and professional life very separate. If he is willing to spend a fair amount of time with you, without getting paid for it, then it is legitimate friendship (and who know, maybe more). Always be wary of those that say they are straight, they may have issues that you can not help them with. 
- Jack

Jack,

Yep, Im trying to be extremely careful because of that, I certainly dont wanna get hurt, but I do like him a lot!

He just responded that he wont be able to meet tonight, so I'm not going to make any further efforts and let him make the next move if he's interested..

Adam, 

Let him know that you are available (if you are) for the rest of the weekend and if he wants to get together with you, he just needs to let you know. In other words, make it clear the ball is in his court. 

Jack,

I'm guessing by now, he should have a pretty decent idea that I want to hang out, so if he really wanted to meet, I would expect for him to ask for my availability some other day.. 

- Adam

Dear Adam,

You are most likely correct. It seems that he has a very active social life, between working at massage, having a girlfriend, a roommate and other friends he hangs with. No point in sitting around waiting for him to call, best get out there and have some fun! Best of luck Adam!

Jack,

That's the other thing, he seems to always be available whenever I want a massage, not sure how he does it, he only does out calls, so he drives all over town/burbs.. but you're absolutely right, I'm definitely not sitting around, just a bit frustrated :-/

Thanks for keeping up with me Jack.

So people who read all the way through this, what do you think of the situation that Adam is in? Have you had similar situations? How did they end?  What advice would you have given? What jumps out at you in this exchange? Keep in mind, Adam is a regular reader and will see your responses. Thanks! 

- Jack

Hot time, with a young priest

In my line of business, we meet all types of people and that is really cool. However, we have to be careful since there are a lot of freaks in the world as well, which is why, when I get a request from someone new, I tend to do at least cursory search on any info I have on them. Depending on the means of contact, I can do a quick search on line to see if any flags go up. The biggest flag of all is if nothing shows up at all, that makes me worry. Some guys in the business keep on line lists of bad clients information that remain free and searchable so other workers can avoid them. The best search results show something personal about the client which usually means they have nothing to hide, like if I find a Facebook listing for them or a Linkedin listing, anything that lets me know just a smidgen of who they are. I get the use of fake names and blocked numbers and anonymous email addresses, you don't want to be blackmailed and are scared. Put yourself in my shoes though and you realize that I have a lot more to be worried about than you.
So, the other day I get a call from a new number and a guy wants to set up an appointment for later that afternoon, the time is available so I set up the appointment and give him my info. I then check the phone number quickly on the net and it looks like it belongs to a priest. Now this is not the first time this has happened and I am sure it will not be the last that I get someone from the clergy. Past experience says that there is a 50/50 chance he won't actually show and if he does, he will be over 60.
When the time arrives, he is a minute or two late, but he showed! I open the door and try to hide my surprise. Standing before me is a very attractive man in his mid-30's, reddish hair, 6', slim, well dressed in black slacks and a button down shirt (no priest collar).
He tells me name is Trent. I welcome him and show him to the room, do the usual check in with possible aches and pains and places he may not want touched, everything seems fine. He seems friendly, a little nervous and not overly chatty. I let him know that he should undress and lay face down on the table and hold up the towel that he can use to cover himself if he so desires. I leave the room to wash my hands and to give him time to undress. When I enter again, he lying on his stomach, uncovered. His skin is extremely pale, his legs are very hairy, almost satyr like. His ass is round and plump. He is indeed quite thin, but his legs are well defined. I check to make sure he is comfortable and then go to work on his shoulders (I remain clothed as I do for all new clients). His shoulders are tight and I drape his arm over my leg as I sit on the edge of the table to lift the shoulder blade and out me in a better position to work the trapezius muscle. His hand finds itself next to my calf muscle and his fingers slowly start stroking my leg is soft little circles. I switch sides and there is a repeat performance of the light stroking, nothing more, just soft little circles.
I get up to work the rest of his back, there are not a lot of issues so the strokes are more long and flowing than and deep tissue work,  I think that I hear the occasional soft moan, but it is so soft, I am not sure. I finish the back with a very light touch with just my finger tips. His glutes become covered with goose flesh, his back arches slightly, possibly another of those soft moans is heard.
I move to his feet and start working my way up to his ass. Those solid hairy legs require a bit deeper work, but he can take it. The hair on his legs stop about a 1/4 of the way up his very round ass, then they are completely smooth. A small bit of hair peeks from the crack. I start working his glutes with earnest and his hand is now next to my crotch, he ever so lightly explores the mound in my shorts with his fingers, finding the tip of my cock through the fabric and starts making lazy circles around it. I stroke up and down the crack of his ass, separating the cheeks and teasing his puckered hole, now his ass starts to rise and fall, as his hole begs for more attention. I switch sides and repeat the process, his hand becoming bolder and actually gripping my cock through the fabric. I lube up my thumb and center in on his hole, rubbing him with the lazy circles he seems so fond of, he raises his ass higher trying to impale himself on my thumb. I tease for a little longer then let him have it. Now a real moan escapes his lips as my thumb explores his inner most regions. I back off but only for a moment as I lubricate two fingers and slip them into his hole so very slowly, vibrating my hand as I do so. His hips start bucking back against my hand, forcing my fingers deeper inside, bouncing off his prostate. I slowly fuck him with my fingers while he moans appreciatively, my hand slides under his hips to find his throbbing cock. I play with it lightly until the pre-cum is leaking out in a slow steady stream.
Removing my fingers from his ass and cock, I give him a light rub down with a towel and light strokes along his entire backside with my finger tips before I tell him to turn over. I let him drink some water while I check out his stiff cock, it is not overly long but it is quite thick, nestled in a nest of neatly trimmed red pubes.It looks almost angry as it jerks and continues to leak pre-cum.
He lays down on his back and I move to his head to work his chest, accidentally grazing his head with my erection. He reaches back over his head and grabs my shorts, pulling them down, my cock springs up and hits him in the side of the face. He turns his head and reaches out with his tongue to taste my cock. I let him lick it for a bit before moving around so I can feed him the entire length. He takes it greedily down his throat, moaning as he does so. I slowly fuck his mouth for a time as he looks up at my face. I pull out, he says nothing but never takes his eyes off of me. Moving to the side of the table, I start massaging his cock. He moans and thrusts into the air. I play with his balls and he rolls his head from side to side, his hand has found my cock and is beating it frantically. I move my left hand down between his thighs and stick three fingers up his ass. He humps on them and it is all I can do to keep from jumping on the table and throwing his ankle up to his ears and fuck the living daylights out of him. But alas, I let frig my cock while I frig his while leaving him to hump my three fingers up his ass. He comes rather quickly after that.
Now that he has come, he is looking directly into my face again. I continue with the massage and stretches, but his eyes continue to follow me as I work. His hand will occasionally stroke my cock when it is near. When I finish, I ask him how he feels and if there are any places I missed. He states that when he has sex he doesn't want it to end until the both parties have come. I smile and say this is all about you, not me.
After he leaves, I look him up on line and finally find a picture of him in his Priest outfit. Next time....;-)
- Jack

Fame

Occasionally I get someone famous on my table, sometimes I recognize them easily, other times I don't. People can be famous for a lot of different things, though most people will immediately assume I mean someone on television or in the movies. While that has happened, it is not the norm. I have had famous authors whose names may be easily recognizable but their faces are not. I have had famous lawyers, activists, artists, politicians, actors, CEOs and even porn stars. They all have one thing in common, they want a good massage.
I have found that dealing with famous people, the best thing is to just ignore that they are famous. I would never bring it up to a client that I recognize them as a celebrity.  This is usually appreciated, especially in an intimate setting. Often times they have given me a fake name so I am buying into something they have set up. There has only been one occasion when I was asked "Don't you recognize me?" I replied with "No, should I?" They told me who they were and I said "That's nice. Now back to the session, is everything ok?"
There are times when a celebrity doesn't want to be a celebrity. When an actor can just be themselves and not the persona that has been created, or a politician can just be a guy enjoying a massage, or a porn star is not expected to perform for someone else. Guys on my table can spend 90 mins not acting like they think people expect them to and just relax.
But what goes through my head? Well, most of the time I spend a few minutes wondering "Is that really so an so?" and then I can focus on the job again. A few times I have been distracted with the idea of power over this powerful person. I have a lot of control in that sacred space. I can massage gently or vigorously, light or deep, I can allow or not mutual touch, I can be clothed or naked, I can give a legit or sensual massage, I can go farther if I want or not. All this is dependent on what the client wants, but once their intentions are known, everything else is my choice.
I think I have talked before about perhaps doing a much deeper tissue massage than what the client needs when hearing a client spout on about conservative politics. Have not done that often, but I have done it. Not proud of it, but I will be honest about it. There was also the time I was asked to fist one of the biggest CEO's in the country, a bit of a power trip there. And yes, there is a very special feeling when a porn star, who could have any guy he wants, asks if he can suck your dick. And you let him. And he pays you.
There are times, though not often, that I am giving a celeb a massage that is perfectly legit, but my mind is constantly saying "I could so fuck this guy, man what a great story that would make!" I of course would not actually tell anyone if I did, much less even say that they were on my table. I usually have to remind myself to just give the massage and focus on that, otherwise my work will be terrible and they will never come back.
Sorry, no lurid tales here of specific acts or body parts. Some powerful guys have huge dicks, some do not. Some want to be in control, some do not. Some are tops, some are bottoms. They just want a good massage, some with release, some without.
- Jack

Question from reader

Sorry I have not written in a while, I like to write when I have something to say, I try to stay silent when I don't. So a question from a reader:

Hi Jack,
I love your blog, thanks for putting so much time into it!

I'm writing because I have a question for you, but let me give some background first. I'm a fit bi guy in my early 30s and have seen this particular massage therapist several times. He's probably in his early 60s, also fit, and works out of a private studio, very professional set up.

The first time I got a massage from him, we didn't really discuss much. I just wanted to relax. Of course he asked me all the usual questions about if I had any issues that needed to be worked on, then he asked me to get undressed and to lay down on the table face up, as he leaves the room to give me some privacy.

I've always prefer no drape but we didn't talk about it so I figured why not see what happens. I get undressed and laid on top of the table face up as he asked. When he returned I could hear the surprise in his voice, even though he was trying to downplay it. He said I could get under the sheet if I want but that it doesn't matter to him. So I said I prefer nothing covering me. And the massage began.

He gave a great massage, I happened to get aroused when he worked on my thighs but nothing was said. He bumped my penis with his forearms a few times, and then managed to sort of trap my penis between his forearms and stroke me with a twisting motion of his forearms until I came. Then he spent some time finishing the rest of the massage.

I paid and tipped well, and thanked him for a great massage.

The next time I saw him 6 weeks later, he apologized for what happened and said that he doesn't do that kind of thing. Which seemed odd to me because the forearm maneuver seemed pretty advanced. But I told him there's no need to apologize, I enjoy getting a massage regardless of any extras. Nothing less than professional happened during that session.

At my third appointment a month later, he gave me the original forearm treatment. And ever since then it has progressed to the point where he uses his hands and hardly waits a five minutes before going for my penis. Of course I enjoy it but I am only scheduling time with him for when I want something more stimulating with that extra attention, and I go to someone else for a more traditional relaxing massage. I'm not complaining though, it's nice.

My question though is that I want to see if he would be comfortable being nude. But every time he's fully dressed and it seems like he pulls away whenever I try to let my hand graze over his leg or his crotch. I'm not sure how to approach the subject since he has seemed less than comfortable from the beginning. And despite his pulling away, he seems like he can't keep his hands away from my penis.

It's a confusing situation, hopefully you can provide a point of view from the massage therapist side of the table. Is there a non-offensive way to ask a massage therapist to get undressed? Considering this situation or just in general? (In case I offend him and end up looking for someone new.)

Thanks,
Fan

My response:

Hey Fan,

 

Communication is key to any good relationship, including one with a therapist. Do you usually contact him by phone or email when setting up an appointment? Use that method to ask him if he would be willing to work nude, also let him know your intentions. I am assuming if you want him to work nude you also want mutual touch. Assure him that you will respect his choices and will continue to see him regardless, and mean it. 

 

Every masseur sets up their own personal boundaries. It sounds as if you have already gotten him to cross a couple, but there will be a limit. He may not like mutual touch because to him that feels too much like prostitution, or he has a significant other and it feels too much like cheating, or he has issues getting an erection. There could be many reasons, but you won't know unless you ask.

 

I am also concerned that you have chosen to go to someone else for non-erotic massage. This tells me you do have issues with communication. You should be able to tell your masseur what you want when you call or email, and they should respect that.

 

Just be polite, say please and thank you, let him choose his path of action, don't give him any ultimatums.

I wish you the best of luck.

- Jack

Let me know if any of you have similar experiences and how they turned out!

The importance of variety

So I work on a variety of men, all shapes sizes and ages (over 18). I know a lot of gay bodyworkers who won't or will do things to discourage some guys from showing up on their table. There is one who charges by the pound, others who will not offer erotic services to anyone they consider less than desirable, some set age limits or flat out state in their ads that only men of a certain age ranges and/or weight range are allowed since their massages are such that guys outside that range would not benefit their work or could even endanger them.
I work on just about anyone, especially if they have good energy. Hard to put that in an ad, but it's true. Karma often pays off well because of it.
Take for example Mark. He works at a local university and is a big gay guy. 450 lbs at least and not a bit of it muscle. He is probably in his late 40's and flaming. He is also very lonely. So when he showed up for an appointment and climbed the stairs and  was all out of breath and chatting a mile a minute I was pleased to give him the massage he needed. The only difference being that I didn't climb on top of the table with him to work on his back, I was pretty sure that the table wouldn't take it. He was very appreciative and though he didn't give me a big tip he did take a few of my cards and promised to give them out to people looking for a good massage. He promised to come back regularly but that turned out to be about once every three months.
However, he gave one of my cards to a co-worker, Gary the librarian. He called and set up an appointment and let me know that Mark was the one who had recommended me. So of course in my mind, limited as it is at times, I assumed at the very least, Gary would be on the larger side. When he showed up, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Gary was in his late 40's but he had a body to kill for. Not an ounce of body fat, except on his bubble but, definitely a life long body builder, beautiful face and perfect hair. Very responsive to my touch and very sensual. Total bottom and loved to touch me and my dick as much as I loved to touch him. This man should never wear clothes! He sees me about every three weeks and tips very well. I never would have him as a client if it were not for Mark's recommendation which I only got by treating him as well as I try to treat every customer. Good lesson for us all.

The young and first time

In a previous post I talked about the men of a certain (older) age that come to me for their first man to man experience. I also see a number of guys in their 20's and 30's who want their first experience with a guy to be at my hands.
Try to understand that words like gay and straight and bi sexual are all relatively unimportant to me as they are to a lot of my clients. Many of my clients see themselves as straight, but they just happen to like to suck cock or to have something shoved up their ass. I understand what they are saying. They are willing to separate the physical acts of sex from the emotional acts of love. They would never dream of "marrying" another man. They feel a kinship perhaps with other men, no love or strong emotional attachments, but hell yes the like the sex.
In today's world of acceptance, many young men are willing to try man to man sexual contact out of curiosity about the physical acts. There is no deep-seeded longing to find the man of their dreams. Emotionally these men still love women and sexually are primarily attracted to women, but are willing to experiment with man to man contact for fun. Perhaps the religious leaders were right all along, with greater acceptance of homosexuality soon everyone will be trying it. ;-)
Michael has become one of my regular clients. He is in his late 20's, married with two daughters, is a self described "blatino" with a good body and a charming smile. He loves his wife and has a very active sex life with her. He first came to me to get a 90 min "legit" massage, he was not shy or nervous, stripping nude and using a small towel for coverage. The first half hour of the massage went pretty normal, I worked on his back and his tense tired shoulders and then lower back and hips. He did get a bit of an erection and adjusted himself a bit, apologized and I assured him it was perfectly normal. He re-affirmed he was straight but he gets aroused easily, he came to me because he thought he wouldn't get so excited getting a massage as he does from a woman. I told him not to worry about it and I finished with light touches before moving down to his feet.
I work the legs one at a time from the feet up, he calmed down and was quite peaceful. He was starting to adjust for his erection again when I worked the outside lateral muscles on his legs up to his hips. As I worked the back of his right thigh he was definitely very aroused. He spoke up that maybe we needed to stop for a moment to let him cool down, I agreed and stepped back. He settled down after a few moments and said that he was OK. I went back to the back of the thigh and when I moved to the inner thigh he came. He apologized and was worried about the table and the sheet, I told him that was what laundry was for and I slipped a towel under him so he would not be lying in his cum. I went to work on the other leg and he was much better though he did start getting aroused when I worked the inner thigh again. I moved his towel so I could work on his right butt cheek and he exclaimed "oh god!" as he came again. I finished working the back of his body and asked him to turn over and changed out his towel. He did not bother with the drape this time.
I worked his chest and abs, his cock throbbing the entire time.  I worked his legs and and inner thighs his cock is dripping.  He has stopped apologizing by this time. He keeps his hands to himself and his eyes closed. Without asking, I grasp his cock and stroke it twice and he cums a third time.
Since then he has been back 4 times. He never bothered with draping again. He has discovered that he loves prostate massages, 3 fingers even. He has managed to cum three times during each session. He keeps his eyes open now and talks freely about how much he enjoys how I make him feel. He has never reached for me or my cock, but he does not withdraw if my body (or clothed cock) touches his hand.
There is still no doubt that Michael is straight and loves his wife and kids and always will. He will always have plenty of sex with women. He is an extremely sexual person who has discovered that he can get his rocks off with men as well. Will he ever learn to reciprocate? Most likely. It will just take the right person.

Older men First time

The majority of my clients are over 40, most probably over 50. I amazed how many men come to me for their first experience with another guy at these ages.
A Hispanic man who recently started seeing me is over 60 and has been married with kids, grand kids and great grand kids. After a heart attack scare a few years ago, he decided to do those things he has always wanted to do. Spend more time with his family, travel, and have sex with men. Our first time together started as a normal massage, he laid face down on the table and covered himself with a towel. I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and was giving him a combination of Swedish and Deep Tissue. My leg was pressed against his hand at one point and at first he withdrew slightly but then returned the hand, slowly, touching me. He eventually started to slowly move his fingers against my leg. No more. No grabbing frantically or pulling at the material of my shorts, just gentle moving - almost a tickle. I moved on to work on his legs and I worked up toward his covered butt, he shifted slightly to make room for his erection. He did not remove the towel, so I folded it to cover on cheek at a time as I worked on his glutes.
When he turned over, his erection was obvious. Not a huge cock, but definitely standing at attention. I asked if he still wanted the towel, he said no. I worked on his chest and lay perfectly still, almost afraid to move. I worked on his stomach and he again let his fingers lightly touch my shorts. I asked if he wanted me to take care of his erection, he said yes and did not move. I jacked him off, he came very quickly. I cleaned him up and finished the massage. Afterwards, I said I hope that he got what he was looking for and if he had any questions, either now or later, feel free to ask, he tipped me well and left. Within 24 hrs he made an appointment for the following week.
The next appointment he didn't bother with the towel at all. He was a little more vocal and his hips moved a lot more when I got close to butt. I tickled his rose bud and he came. I finished the massage (putting a towel down over the wet spot) and he again tipped very well. The third appointment was two weeks late, we managed to get two fingers in his ass before he came. Two weeks after that he asked to touch my cock and he came immediately. He has been coming about every other week since then and has opened up about his life and how he has always craved m4m sex but never had the courage to try it and that he loves his wife and family and would not change any of those choices but wishes he started exploring his feelings ages ago, he never knew sex could be so satisfying. He asked if I would fuck him and I stated that was against the rules. He later told me that he finally hired a chick with a dick to fuck him since I wouldn't. He didn't want to hire another guy since he just couldn't trust another guy like he trusts me. Why he could trust a transgender is something I didn't ask. He loves dick in his mouth and up his ass (he brought a dildo I can use on him during our sessions).
This in a nutshell what I like about the work I do. It is helping people. I just wish the rest of the world could see that. - Jack

So do I ever develop a Crush?

I have been with my partner over 18 years. I also do sensual bodywork. I have no problem with keeping these parts of my life completely separate. Many times I have had problems with clients developing crushes on me and have had to deal with them, usually by having to dismiss them. So, do I ever develop crushes on clients? No.

Do I ever develop a crush at all? Well, nobody is perfect. The important thing is what you do about it, or not.

Case in point, in a current production I am doing I am working with a very nice gay man, short, hairy, muscular and super sweet. He is talented and intelligent and from what I have seen, I would bet he looks great naked. So yeah, I am crushing on him a little.

Now, if I were a different person, I could explore this and see what comes of it. I could flirt, I could be blunt and say “hey, you wanna grab drink and maybe we could fuck later.” I could stroke his ego, compliment his body, his talent and make a move – I know how to play the game. All of this would of course be feeding the crush, allowing it to grow.

So I do nothing. I chit chat with him as I would with any other actor, but no more, perhaps a bit less. I ignore my impulse and feelings towards him and let them fade away. They will fade away and already have a great deal.

So, the thing to remember if you develop a crush that may jeopardize your primary relationship, the best thing to do is just ignore it, it will go away.