Another Good Week

Another good week (thank god). I was busy but not to the point of exhaustion. I had some really good clients and only one or two slightly annoying ones. I had a few new clients that seemed very happy.

One of the high-lights was the $60 tip that I got for giving a newbie his first prostate massage. He was in his mid-forties and was trying out the whole man to man thing. To be honest, I hear this a lot, so much so that I often don’t believe it. It is a fantasy that a lot of gay men play, to pretend to be straight and just experimenting. Just like it is the fantasy of a lot of gay men to convert a straight guy.

This one I believed. He did not tell me until the massage was over, but there were several little things that gave him away. First off there was the mullet hair cut combined with the half inch of carefully trimmed beard. He was tall, thin but definitely toned but not a gym body but the body of someone who has worked hard and not always eaten enough. The body of a man who has smoked, drank and partied hard more than once but not revived with daily moisturizers.

When he came in, I started with the usual questions about any aches or pains etc and he strips naked while chatting. This is also a bit unusual. Not that all gay men wait until I leave the room to strip, but the vast majority do, especially the underwear. He was also sporting a semi woody. Not that this has never happened, but it is again pretty rare, especially among those that strip naked in front of me. Besides the beard neatly trimmed to that odd ½ inch length, there was no other body grooming, again quite rare among gay men. I notice all this and the fact that his body is slightly crooked. He is giving me the details of the injuries that he has had in his life breaking horses and working rodeos. He does have the injuries and his legs are bowed. He reminds me a great deal of one of my other very straight clients, the hair cut, the beard, lack of manscaping, and general lack of modesty.

He gets on the table and I go to work on his shoulders and back, I remain clothed as I do with all new clients. I notice that one side literally has a hump and one shoulder is a good 3 inches higher than the other. I ask him if he has had this looked at and he replies that is the shoulder he usually lands on when thrown from a horse and where he has broken the most bones. As I work into some deep tissue he tells me that this is already the best massage he has ever gotten. He is a good client in that he is not fighting me or trying to help but rather just relaxing and letting me do the work. He does not pull away when my leg meets with his hand, neither does he try to reach for more. He is verbal when he likes what I am doing and occasionally moaning appreciatively. He remains relaxed when I work the lower-back/upper-glute area, no tensing up or table grinding.

I finish with light strokes on the back and then head to the feet to work my way back up. He allows me to manipulate his legs as I see fit, including leaving them spread rather wide. I hear more compliments on my techniques as I work the back of his legs. There is no reaction at all when my fingers graze first his scrotum and later his anus, he does not tense up, moan, or grind the table. I am assuming at this time that he came for a sensual massage, but this has not been discussed. He is not resisting nor is not asking for more verbally or through body language. I go for broke and do the under the leg move. This move involves one hand sliding under a hip from the outside to between the man’s legs where it meets the other hand that slides back with it effectively rubbing the inside of the crotch narrowly missing the penis but may or may not graze the scrotum usually causing a pretty intense erotic sensation. He is appreciative spreading his legs slightly farther apart. I work my way up the other leg and repeat all the moves.

I now work his glutes very hard, legitimately they are very tight. Just before I switch from one glute to the other, I work the fleshiness of his butt crack only lightly touching the anus. The legs are spread a little further apart. This is the time that almost all clients will try to rub my crotch since it is right at table height next to their hand. Normally their hand will first twitch, then the fingers reach out and slowly the hand will inch to the very edge of the table trying to make contact. This gentleman’s hand and fingers do not move at all, not even a twitch.

I do the end connecting full body strokes and again lightly tease his twitching anus. His penis is not showing so he is lying on it sandwiched under his belly but he is not grinding it into the table.

Time to roll over, I offer him water. He definitely has a full erection. He drinks the water greedily and lies down on his back. I start working on his chest with some deep strokes then switching to lighter as I work across his nips, they do not appear to be all that sensitive. I move to work on his abs, working in circles, his penis is still very hard and of course my hands are constantly bumping it as it lying on his stomach. His hands and fingers are still at his sides and show no intention of moving. I start stoking the penis and his balls and hips move instinctively up and down.

At this point I would like to remind everyone of the truth that once was spoken to my by a master of massage, “most men like some anal play, married men love it!” Though there is no ring on his finger, I have assumed he is indeed a straight man who is experimenting so I let a lubed finger slip down and rub gently on the exterior of his anus. Slowly the finger works a little harder until it starts to slowly slide in. I back off immediately and apply more lube and go back to work, this time the finger slides in quite quickly and starts exploring. Finding the prostate it starts a gentle, rhythmic stroke. He let’s out a moan.

“Oh man, is that like a prostate massage? Oh god that is great!” I assure him that it is indeed a prostate massage. I place my other hand on his penis again and he is gone in seconds. It’s over. I withdraw my finger slowly and release his penis. He is sensitive so I am very careful as I clean up the mess he made on his stomach, chest and neck. He is spent.

I finish the massage stretching his legs and rubbing down his arms. I spend some time on his neck and face and finish with the full body light strokes and the chakra blessing. He lies naked and unashamed. I cover him with a towel as I go to wash my hands. I return and ask if there was anything he needed or if I missed any spots. He is fine and tells me that he is very inexperienced with this sort of thing but he will definitely be back. The best massage he ever got. He dresses and leaves his money on the table and shakes my hand.

Once he is gone, I start cleaning up the linens and pick up the cash. $60 tip, how very sweet, he liked his first prostate massage. I hope he will be back. I hope he continues to look for what makes him happy. That is what the Dalai Lama says in the purpose of life, just to be happy.

Found this on the web

On a massage site for finding gay masseurs I found the following. Some of it was useful, some of it is humorous to me but overall, I approve. Do not expect every masseur to have read this, keep communication open, it is the key to a great experience.

Gay Male Massage Introduction

This section teaches about male on male massage and how to give and receive massages for men. It discusses how gay massage therapists can help clients relax, and discusses how to help your client experience extended or multiple relaxation as part of the gay male massage, with massages being with clothed or non-clothed male massage.

Gay massage therapists should perform a gay male massage while client is lying on a massage table. After preparing an enticing space, gay massage therapists can start with a sensual general massage before shifting the focus to your partner’s popular centers. For male on male massage, this is best done through verbal or non-verbal communication which allows the highest amount of stress relief and relaxation to be changed before the inevitable.

Set and Setting

Gay massage therapists should take the time to create a sensual and appealing environment for the gay male massage showing that you care about your client and value pleasure. You may wish to put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door, illuminate the room with either candles or soft indirect lamps, burn incense, and turn up the heat to where one would be comfortable, especially for a nude male massage. Keep your oils and other supplies within easy reach, and cover the massage table with a clean sheet and blanket.

Put on your favorite music. Some male on male massage clients are more comfortable with a pillow underneath their knees, head, or ankles. If it is a first gay male massage you should ask client’s preference especially for nude male massage.

When doing a massage for men, take a look at your fingernails and clip them if necessary.

Massage Oils & Supplies

When conducting nude male massage, the right kind of oil and supplies need to be used when massaging the entire body, especially certain areas. For massage for men, use oil-based, water-based, or silicone-based lubricants. Gay massage therapists can purchase special massage oils at massage for men supply shops.

When doing massage for men, it’s convenient to have flip-top squeeze bottles for oils, and a massage oil “belt.” For male on male massage, it’s a good idea to put lubricants in your hand before applying them so you have a chance to rub your hands together to warm them. Note to gay massage therapists: be sure any water-based supplies DOESN’T contain Nonoxynol-9, which is an irritant.

Good Communication

When doing massage for men, it is critical that you discuss and if the gay male massage includes the possibility of the entire full body experience before going ahead with a nude male massage. Situations when a gay massage therapist tries to shift a relaxation massage into an erotic realm for the first time could be uncomfortable and embarrassing if the gay massage therapist and the client have not discussed expectations for the male on male massage.

If it is a nude male massage it’s important for the person on the table to always feel comfortable making requests. When doing massage for men, the client should feel free to mention anything that is getting in the way of his comfort and pleasure. Some male on male massages can bring up difficult emotional issues. When someone is crying, or in a similarly distressed emotional state, it’s usually best to just be there for that person. It’s a good idea for the gay massage therapist to reassure them that it’s OK to cry rather than engage in problem-solving.

Types of Man to Man Massages

1. Deep Tissue

2. Erotic Gay Massage

3. Hot Stone Therapy

4. Swedish Massage

5. Shiatsu

6. Sports Massage

7. Sensual Male Massage

Deep Tissue – Deep Tissue Massage is a man to man massage designed to reach the deep portions of thick muscles, specifically the individual muscle fibers. Using deep muscle compression and friction along the grain of the muscle, its purpose is to unstick the fibers of the muscles and release both toxins and deeply held patterns of tension.

Erotic Gay Massage – Erotic Gay Massage is a combination of a sensual male massage and relaxing bodywork. Not to be mistaken for Sex, Male Erotic Massage can be integrated with any number of legitimate massage techniques or a light body-rub that includes a sexual release by hand. Generally both the Gay Massage Therapist and Client are nude during this experience. Each Gay Massage Therapist has different ‘rules’ on Male Erotic Massage guidelines so it is important to talk to the therapist about the experience before coming to any conclusions.

Hot Stone Therapy – Developed in the Midwest for use in health spas, this technique uses stones that have been heated. These stones are positioned on the body and some are gently moved about with light pressure being exerted on the warm stones. ...

Swedish Massage – Swedish massage is now known as “traditional” massage. In the 1820s a Swedish doctor, Dr. Per Henrik Ling, developed the first modern method of massage through his study of physiology, gymnastics, and the massage techniques borrowed from China, Egypt, Greece, and Rome. Swedish massage includes long gliding strokes, kneading, friction, tapping, and shaking motions. It is effective for most ailments, because massaging the skin, the body’s largest organ, sets up a chain reaction that produces a positive effect on all layers and systems of the body. This man to man massage technique affects the nerves, muscles, glands, and circulation, and promotes health and wellbeing.

Shiatsu – Shiatsu, the most widely known form of acupressure, literally meaning “finger pressure” in Japanese, and has been practiced for more than a thousand years in Japan. Shiatsu uses rhythmic pressure from 3 to 10 seconds on specific points along the body’s meridians by using the fingers, hands, elbows, knees, and sometimes feet to unblock and stimulate the flow of energy. A man to man massage may also include gentle stretching and range-of-motions manipulations. Shiatsu is used to treat pain and illness, to relax the body, and to maintain general health.

Sports Massage – This special form of man to man massage is typically used before, during, and after athletic events to prepare the athlete for peak performance, to drain away fatigue, to relieve swelling, to reduce muscle tension, to promote flexibility and to prevent injuries. Depending on the needs of the athlete, a variety of techniques are used including classic Swedish strokes, Male Erotic Massage, Sensual Male Massage, cross-fiber friction, pressure-point work, and joint mobilization.

Sensual – This man to man massage is designed to use touch for an emotionally pleasing response. Strokes are typically light or moderate, and are not intended to be physically therapeutic. Typically, an atmosphere of relaxation is set through the use of candles and music. The gay massage therapist is often unclothed as well as the client. Unlike Erotic Gay Massage, Sensual Male Massage may not specify climax as a goal. Instead, it is intended to indulge the client and make him feel special. Sensual massage for man is widely offered by untrained practitioners where full-body contact is utilized. The only structured, trademarked variety of Sensual Male Massage is Body Electric. This variety of sensual massage for man is intended to promote positive self-image, and help to reattach a wholesome view of sexual energy within the body. Sensual massage for man should be discussed prior to the Sensual Male Massage.

While I was surfing, I found the following on a masseur’s web site. My rules are completely different and I don’t use a sliding scale for different services. I do what I want to do when I want to do it and the pay is always the same (though tips are always appreciated ;-)) I do understand his rules and admire him for being so straight forward.

Rules: ( I Dont Kiss, Role Play, W/S, ) Everything I do is listed below. If its NOT listed below that means I DONT DO IT!
Packages:
1. Deep Tissue Massage With Me Nude: $75.00 For One Hr
2. Deep Tissue Massage With Me Nude And I Release You By Oral: $100.00 For One Hr
3. Deep Tissue Massage With Me Nude And I Release You By Oral ,Mutual Touching: $130 For One Hr
4. Deep Tissue Massage With me Nude And I Release You By Oral , Mutual Touching, Mutual Oral: $150.00 For One Hr
5. Deep Tissue Massage With Me Nude, Mutual Touching , Mutual Oral, I Top You Safe: $200.00 For One Hr

Over Nite Packages:
12 Hour Over Nite $600.00
24 Hour Over Nite $1,000.00

Last week was a good week.

It’ was a good and busy week. I actually made more money last week than I had in the previous three. I saw some of my favorite clients. I know that most of this can be attributed to the full moon, but I still enjoyed it.

I managed to also see a few movies, spend some time with my partner, and get all my chores done.

Now we are dealing with a heat wave which means a real slow down again. I am one of those people who really gets more done when I have more to do. If I have very little to do, even less will get done. Silly, isn’t it?

I mention that I got to see some of my favorite clients, what makes a favorite client? Well, first off, someone who treats me with respect, every time. Most of the time I am treated with a great deal of respect, but I always remember when I am not. Regular clients always get a little better treatment and probably a little better massage. I know there bodies better and we know each other better. Not saying that a first timer won’t get a good massage, but those I have gotten to know will probably get a better one. Good looking can help, but not all that necessary, although I do appreciate a nice ass. Tipping can help, I definitely always remember who does and who does not. A client that shares a little of themselves is nice, with in reason of course, I like to hear chit chat and even a joy or a sorrow, as long as it limited to 10 minutes or less ;-). Showing up on time, clean, and ready to go all help to make for a pleasant massage for the client and me, my time is valuable to me. A client who can laugh is nice. One that finds me in some way attractive is nice. One who is open and honest with me is helpful, so I know what they want or need and how we can best deal with that. A client who came for a massage with maybe some extras but that they mainly came for a massage is important; it really sets the tone for an enjoyable session.

So this past week I had polite, well kept, friendly, and sometimes even very attractive repeat clients. Thank you.

I am a Stress Eater.

That is the latest confession of this Bodyworker. I am Stress Eater. I have the “Fat” gene also. My body does not carry extra weight well, it all sits in spare tire right around the middle. I would much rather take my pants and underwear off than take my shirt off. I think I look my worst just shirtless. My pants create a line just below the spare tire, nicely emphasizing it. This is my major body issue.

I am also now “over 40.” Which means a lot of things: my metabolism is slowing down so fat accumulates faster, my skin is far more willing to sag, I am getting gray hairs everywhere, crows feet are a given, and by popular single gay standards – I am basically deceased. Fortunately I have a loving partner.

The economy is still in the dumps and getting older is adding stress to my life and inches to my waist. Now a couple of inches is no reason to panic, but I grew up fat. I know what it is like and I do not want to go back there. Most of my single life I didn’t keep any food at home, since if it was there, I would eat it. Now days I do the cooking for me and my partner and I have found that I like cooking. I even don’t mind cooking healthy foods. It is just that eating 2 extra helping of healthy food is not really healthy.

Today was a classic example of stress eating, I started the day with a small bowl of cereal. I was going over finances and got a little freaked out and rationalized that I should eat my lunch (left over pizza) before I go to the Laundromat so about 11. I get the laundry going and the place is packed and there are tons of screaming children so I duck over to the 7/11 to get a coffee and without even thinking I bought an apple fritter. Of course I immediately had remorse about that purchase and wasn’t going to eat it but that would be wasteful so I ate it instead of taking it home so no one has to know that I bought the apple fritter in the first place. After laundry, I had a few errands to run which ended up taking much more time than I anticipated plus there were more screaming children everywhere I went. I got back and there was a message from my partner to meet him in town so we could go see an old Bette Davis movie and I was to eat before hand. So I ate a good size bowl of soup and left over Chinese. After the movie, my partner was desperate for a burger and fries and with out thinking I ordered one as well to eat with him.

So here I am at 41 with my waist being 36” for the first time in my life since I was junior in high school. My waist was actually larger than that for most of high school but I started loosing the weight around my junior year. I also weigh more than I ever have since I graduated. I am about 6’ tall and weight 190. By the American Population as a whole, this is not that bad, but it is 20 pounds over the top recommended weight for my height. The worst part is that for the last year or so, I have tried to lose some weight, but have been unable to keep it off for a sustained period. I do get some exercise, definitely more than I did a couple years ago, but alas, I am only holding steady.

Where am I going with all this? Excellent question!

First off let me say that I work with a variety of men of all shapes and sizes. The young and lean may be the minority, but they are there and they do often come back. In short, being my age and my size and doing my job only seems to be an issue for a minority of people seeking these types of services.

Business sucks for everyone right now. This past week I did an exchange with a very handsome (if a couple of years my senior), well built masseur who was also tired of having too much free time. We had a very nice time, if you were wondering, the man has beautiful butt with just the right amount of hair. I wanted to ravish it for…. I digress.

I recently went to a clothing optional gay bed and breakfast with my partner for a few days. I love these places. You are there to relax and you can take your clothes off and just be you. In an hour you forget you are naked. In a few hours you even forget your imperfections. Everyone is just letting it all hang out, flaws and all. Usually the only truly shy ones are in their early 20’s and a couple of gym bunnies. It always amazes me that they have the worst self body image. My few extra pounds didn’t seem to bother anyone there either as I has several men (including the hot muscle guy everyone was lusting after) offer to suck my dick Just as a reminder, I am of average length and am a grower, not a shower. Now it might just have been that there was over abundance of submissive bottom type guys that were looking for any take charge top minded men, but I think it had more to do with a confidence that comes from forgetting your flaws and just being you.

Would I still like to drop 20 pounds? Sure. Would I like to be 10 years younger? Maybe, but not really. Would I like to be all muscular and lean? Apparently not enough.

Tomorrow, I will forgive myself for today’s transgressions and focus again on eating the correct amount of food. I will make sure that I fit in my hour of exercise. In the mean time, I will throw off my clothes and walk around my apartment naked.

Do I like my work?

It has been brought to my attention that I do not always sound like a person who is happy with the decisions in his life. Perhaps I do too much bitching in this column. It is not my intention, it is just that like all bloggers, I tend to use my blog to vent at times.

In truth, I am quite happy with my life.

I love my partner and he loves me and we really are one of the happiest couples I know.

I like my work most of the time. I could always use more money, who couldn’t? I don’t miss the rat race of the corporate world at all. I don’t miss commuting for an hour each way to work for 9+ hours but only getting paid for 8. I don’t miss having to travel to boring cities whenever my boss told me to, stuck in a hotel with very little to do but more work. I don’t miss the most of the people I worked with. I don’t miss the suit and tie. I don’t miss the artificial sense of panic instilled by what were really the most mundane issues. I don’t miss the juvenile clicks that would develop and the concern of whether you were “in” or not. I don’t miss “trying to look busy” when there was nothing to do and the dread of suddenly being swamped by deadlines. I don’t miss gossip.

What do I miss? I miss the steady pay check, camaraderie, benefits, and paid vacations.

What do I like about my job? I meet a lot of interesting men. I often get to work naked. No commute. I often get to work with an erection. I get to make men feel great inside and out. I do believe that what I do is an important service, whether it is giving a man his first longed for man on man experience or to help them forget that they have aged, or have gained a few pounds. I believe that I help these guys get through another week on this earth by letting them be the center of attention for an hour or 90 minutes. Relaxing their sore muscles and teaching them about stretches so that they can move a little more freely and easily. Give them a space where they are not judged. I like helping people. I like providing a sympathetic ear. Once is a great while, I even get to rub some amazingly attractive naked men.

The question then becomes “where do I go from here?” I do not have a definite answer for that yet. I do believe that I would like to own a gay Bed and Breakfast. I need to save up some money first. I may have to go back to the corporate world for a while to do that, or maybe the money will just fall into my lap. It could happen. Find a place with a couple of acres, with maybe a hall that could be rented for gay weddings and the like. Maybe it could have some space for naked yoga classes and rehearsal space for an acting group, maybe even a small theatre. Find a location in the country where they wouldn’t care about a clothing optional B and B. I could still do bodywork part time. It’s all worth working towards. Any suggestions?

Massage used in seduction

Massage can be a very relaxing and often a very sensual experience. Have you ever felt that you were seduced into doing something you would not have ordinarily done, while receiving a massage?

When this question was posted to an on-line male massage site 32% of respondents replied that yes, they had done something they would not have ordinarily done as a result of receiving a massage.

This same group was also asked:

Was massage your first sensual experience with another man? 27% answered that: Yes, their first sensual experience with another man was a result of massage.

While asking an on-line group for men with interests in massage questions like these is a bit like shooting fish in a barrel, I was still surprised at the results. Less than half of this group label themselves as gay, the rest are mostly bi with a handful of straight and those who refused to be labeled.

Apparently, while receiving a massage, many men let down their defenses and can be rubbed into total submission. On some level I can relate to that, there was an experience I had where I was a client of a handsome very athletic masseur. Shortly after the massage started, the masseur offered to work in the nude for an extra $20. It was the first time that I had ever heard of someone charging extra for this, but he was cute, I was relaxed and his initial cost was pretty low, so I said OK. He was hung like a horse. So the massage continued in a quite a sensual manner (very low therapeutic skills, but once in a while, that is ok) and he is lying on my back with this huge sausage rubbing over my butt cheeks. He whispers into my ear “do you want it?”

Now I have mentioned before in this column that I am a total top, but in that moment, I was seriously ready to give bottoming the old college try to see if I could handle that monster. So I said “yeah, but it’s got to be safe, do you have condoms?”

He responds “Just kidding, I don’t do that with clients.” Talk about a tease! It could have been worse; he could have said “that will cost you an extra $100.” So in this case scenario, I was willing to try to take a monster penis that I would be hurting from for a week because I had been lulled there by a sensual massage.

So the next obvious thought is whether I have taken advantage of any men on my table? I guess that would depend on the point of view. I would of course say no. I have done nothing to a man on my table that he didn’t want me to do. Right? I only do what I think they want; the sessions are not about me, but about them. On the other hand, I am sure that straight guy whose prostate I rubbed for the first time ever may have another view. If ever I have gone too far, I hope my clients will forgive me. I know that most have, because they come back for more.

Things that I have learned

Wow, how time flies. Sorry that it has been a month since I posted. I have been working on a couple of ideas but have not liked the finished product.
However, I was writing up a list of things I have learned in life for a couple of graduations and thought I would share them here:

1. When I was a teen, my mother always said to me as I was leaving the house, “Keep your chin up, your mouth shut and your nose clean. And remember you’re a gentleman.” I took these words to mean:

• Keep your chin up – Have pride in yourself.
• Your mouth shut – Never speak with out thinking about what you are going to say and what the repercussions of your words may be.
• Your nose clean – Stay away from trouble.
• And remember you’re a gentleman – Good manners will always pay off.

2. Consequences – When faced with any decision, no matter how big or small, stop and think what the worst thing that could happen is and then decide if it is worthwhile doing.

3. The truth is always the best bet. Lying always makes things worse, and odds are you will get caught.

4. People will lie to you especially if they want something, I know that is hard to believe, but it’s true.

5. Beware of eloquent speakers; they often have something to hide.

6. If you want to know what kind of person someone is, watch how they treat their waiter.

7. You cannot choose your family, but they will always be there for you, unless you ignore them.

8. Friends are the family you can choose. Lots of people will say they are your friends, but real friends will help you move your furniture. To have good friends, you must be a good friend.

9. Relationships (romantic or otherwise) must be tended to; they are wonderful and rewarding but must be nurtured everyday. Ignore them and they will go away.

10. Every time you are in an argument, stop and try to see things from the other side, they may know something that you don’t.

11. Speaking quietly will force others to listen to you more closely.

12. Learn to be independent and to enjoy your own company. Once you like yourself and know who you are, you will have something worthwhile to share with others.

13. Don’t expect someone else to throw you a party, life is short, throw your own party.

14. To become really good at anything takes a lot of practice; anyone who says different, is lying.

15. If you believe that there is something that you cannot do, you have just made it so.

16. You accomplish in proportion to what you attempt; the more you attempt, the more you will accomplish.

17. If you can figure out how to make a living at something you like to do, you will never have to work a day in your life.

18. If you are doing a job just for the money, you will never feel you are being paid enough.

19. You are not going to win the lottery, so play it if you like, but know it is just in good fun.

20. Money does not buy you happiness, but it can get you out of a trouble.

21. Credit cards are evil and the high interest rates should be outlawed.

22. If you want to know the real problem with the world, follow the money trail.

23. Selflessly help others whenever possible. If karma does exist, you want it working for you, not against you.

24. If you are ever feeling bad about your life, volunteer your time to help those less fortunate, trust me, there are plenty of them out there.

25. Never say never, and be careful not to judge others. You just never know.

26. There are so many religions in the world and all are certain that they are the only true religion. They all have good and bad aspects, study as many as you can.

27. Television does have some interesting things to watch, but it is mainly a tool to keep you from living your life.

28. Read books. There are so many amazing stories.

29. Never stop learning, the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know and nobody likes a know it all. Age does not bring wisdom, living does.

30. Travel – the world is a huge and wondrous place filled with amazing people, don’t take my word for it, go out there and meet them. Seriously. Travel.

31. Never hate someone because you were told to.

32. Continue to exercise and eat well, you want to be able to enjoy the time you have on earth.

33. Life really is short. Time is relative, the longer you live the shorter each day is and the faster life will go by. That being said, as long as you are alive, it is never too late.

34. Never sit there a bitch, get off your butt and do something, then you have the right to bitch.

35. Stand up for what you believe in, if not you, then who? If not now, then when? But gather all the facts first and find out why others oppose your ideas.

36. Sometimes, bad things just happen for no reason. The true test of an adult is how they deal with them.

37. According to the Dali Lama, the purpose of life is to be happy. This is a choice.

38. There will always be times in your life that it feels like you are starting over from scratch. It’s OK, everyone has to do it. Just learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself.

39. Sometimes your elders do know more than you, sometimes they don’t. Listen to their advice; it comes from years of making mistakes.

40. Never throw something away that can be used by someone else. Find them and give it to them freely.

41. Share what you have learned with others, they may not listen, but at least you tried. Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he will never go hungry.

42. Never follow the crowd with out deciding for yourself if that is the direction that you want to go in.

43. No one knows for certain what happens when you die, so make the most out of this life.

44. I have always liked the following:
Do not ask to have your life’s load lightened, but for the courage to endure. Do not ask for perfection in all you do, but for the wisdom not to repeat mistakes. Do not ask for fulfillment in all your life, but for the patience to accept frustration. Do not ask for more before saying thank-you for what you have already received. (by Brenda Short)

45. There are a lot of lonely people in the world just wanting to share their lives with someone.

46. Everyone has some sort of body issue.

47. The happiest people I know are nudists.

48. Everyone is a little bisexual.

49. You always want to be the second prettiest person in the bath house. Very few people will approach the prettiest thinking that they don't have a chance and no matter who they hook up with, they may feel they are tricking down.

50. Older or less attractive people can be really great at sex, conversely, really attractive people can be terrible at sex.

51. Everyone is somebody's type, it is just difficult to find the right match sometimes.

52. Midgets are proportional, dwarfs are not.

53. Penises come in all shapes and sizes but are all still pretty much the same and do the same things.

54. You can get an estimate to the size of a penis based on certain body parts (the first three fingers on the hand or relative size to the foot) but there are plenty of exceptions.

55. Write your own memoirs. If they seem boring, then you need to get to work.