Hi Jack,
I love your blog, thanks for putting so much time into it!
I'm writing because I have a question for you, but let me give some background first. I'm a fit bi guy in my early 30s and have seen this particular massage therapist several times. He's probably in his early 60s, also fit, and works out of a private studio, very professional set up.
The first time I got a massage from him, we didn't really discuss much. I just wanted to relax. Of course he asked me all the usual questions about if I had any issues that needed to be worked on, then he asked me to get undressed and to lay down on the table face up, as he leaves the room to give me some privacy.
I've always prefer no drape but we didn't talk about it so I figured why not see what happens. I get undressed and laid on top of the table face up as he asked. When he returned I could hear the surprise in his voice, even though he was trying to downplay it. He said I could get under the sheet if I want but that it doesn't matter to him. So I said I prefer nothing covering me. And the massage began.
He gave a great massage, I happened to get aroused when he worked on my thighs but nothing was said. He bumped my penis with his forearms a few times, and then managed to sort of trap my penis between his forearms and stroke me with a twisting motion of his forearms until I came. Then he spent some time finishing the rest of the massage.
I paid and tipped well, and thanked him for a great massage.
The next time I saw him 6 weeks later, he apologized for what happened and said that he doesn't do that kind of thing. Which seemed odd to me because the forearm maneuver seemed pretty advanced. But I told him there's no need to apologize, I enjoy getting a massage regardless of any extras. Nothing less than professional happened during that session.
At my third appointment a month later, he gave me the original forearm treatment. And ever since then it has progressed to the point where he uses his hands and hardly waits a five minutes before going for my penis. Of course I enjoy it but I am only scheduling time with him for when I want something more stimulating with that extra attention, and I go to someone else for a more traditional relaxing massage. I'm not complaining though, it's nice.
My question though is that I want to see if he would be comfortable being nude. But every time he's fully dressed and it seems like he pulls away whenever I try to let my hand graze over his leg or his crotch. I'm not sure how to approach the subject since he has seemed less than comfortable from the beginning. And despite his pulling away, he seems like he can't keep his hands away from my penis.
It's a confusing situation, hopefully you can provide a point of view from the massage therapist side of the table. Is there a non-offensive way to ask a massage therapist to get undressed? Considering this situation or just in general? (In case I offend him and end up looking for someone new.)
Thanks,
Fan
My response:
Hey Fan,
Communication is key to any good
relationship, including one with a therapist. Do you usually contact him
by phone or email when setting up an appointment? Use that method to
ask him if he would be willing to work nude, also let him know your
intentions. I am assuming if you want him to work nude you also want
mutual touch. Assure him that you will respect his choices and will
continue to see him regardless, and mean it.
Every masseur sets up their
own personal boundaries. It sounds as if you have already gotten him to
cross a couple, but there will be a limit. He may not like mutual touch
because to him that feels too much like prostitution, or he has a
significant other and it feels too much like cheating, or he has issues
getting an erection. There could be many reasons, but you won't know
unless you ask.
I am also concerned that you have chosen to go to someone else for
non-erotic massage. This tells me you do have issues with
communication. You should be able to tell your masseur what you want
when you call or email, and they should respect that.
Just be polite, say please and thank you, let him choose his path of action, don't give him any ultimatums.
I wish you the best of luck.
- Jack
Let me know if any of you have similar experiences and how they turned out!
