Saturday, December 20, 2008

Anal stimulation

I often wonder how many women are aware of the power that lies in a single finger. I know that most gay men do. All gay male sensual body workers should know.
One of the reasons that "straight" men will come to see a gay body worker is for a little attention to the areas that the Sun don't shine. Many have gone to female body workers and have gotten off one way or another, everything from hand jobs to blow jobs to a few who apparently will hop up on the table and use their vagina, it's true, I have had several clients tell me so.
They come to us for something a little more, which in the grand scheme of things is so much less. They want anal stimulation. No big deal for most of us, hell, a lot of us are happy to oblige.
The amount and the depth that they want varies and can be an interesting guessing game. Pretty much all men like external massage of the sphincter area, those who do not are just really tense and afraid of what might come next. If you can assure them that is all you are going to do and they relax a bit, they will love it as well. There are a lot of nerve endings in the area of the sphincter that get ignored for most of a life time. The only attention they get is a wipe of toilet paper and a little soapy water when showering. Most "straight" men do not think of the sphincter as a place for arousal when they are home masturbating (give it up, we all know you masturbate). The thought of lightly stroking down there is for some repulsive, for others "too gay," and simply does not occur for a good majority of the population.
So how is it that they come looking for me and my kind? Perhaps they read about it in a porn story, or heard a dirty joke, or saw it in a movie or heard about on a tv show (usually as a joke) or perhaps when they were showering one day, they noticed that soapy finger felt kind of good down there. The issue for most though is that they are fixated on penetration, that if something is rubbing around down there, the goal must be to stick it in. This is where it can go very wrong for the inexperienced.
There are a lot of jokes about prostate exams and how "uncomfortable" they are. Well, I had my first medical prostate exam last year and even as a gay man who has a lot of experience with my anal region, it was indeed uncomfortable. Icy cold lube smeared unceremoniously followed immediately with a rubber coated finger poking all the way in and yanked back out after a quick feel. It was as if every possible care was taken to make this procedure as nasty as it could be. The only thing that would have been worse is if they had not used any lube. It is because of experiences like this that many men fear penetration. Not that penetration is the end all and be all of anything. There are "tops" and "bottoms" in the world for a reason, being penetrated is not for everyone, but until it is approached in a calm and sympathetic manner, most men just know fear.
So, when approaching this in a massage, I start with a little tease. While the client is lying on his stomach and his entire back side has been massaged, I work on his glutes. Starting on the side that is opposite from the side of the table on which I am standing (So if I am on the right side of the table, I work the client's left glute) I knead the muscle tissue with both hands working in a circular motion around the glute. This will expose the sphincter to daylight and air for brief moments over and over again. When the glute is well worked, I work the crevice of the buttocks from top to bottom using my thumbs to lightly push the flesh out away from the sphincter area. I do this three times from top to bottom, lightly grazing the sphincter occasionally on the second and third passes. I then move to the other side of the table and repeat the process.
Once the second cheek is finished and the passes down the crevice are complete, I treat the entire buttocks as a whole with some sweeping circular strokes. Then the body is treated as a whole with long connecting strokes from the shoulders to the feet. I will then do a a very light stroke from between shoulder blades to the sphincter and lightly stroke the external sphincter alternating between up and down strokes and circular strokes. I will graze the balls and rub the perineum. After a few moments, I will follow the balls down and stroke the penis, if it is exposed, then move up between the shoulder blades and repeat, adding a bit more lube warmed in my hands each time. On the third time stroking the sphincter, I may let my thumb test the resistance of penetration (make sure your nails are well trimmed). It is generally pretty easy to tell at this point what the client is used to, many will lift their hips to try to impale themselves on my thumb, others simply open up and the thumb falls into the hole. With others, there may be a great deal of resistance and I simply continue to rub lightly, taking penetration off the table. Still others open after a moments hesitation then grasp my thumb tightly after penetration to the point where any movement on my part is nearly impossible. With these men, I simply let my thumb stay still while my other hand continues long strokes along their back and legs. When the sphincter relaxes, I may try a little back and forth or I may slowly pull out and repeat the process.
Many men feel confused or ashamed if they ejaculate at this moment, usually with out touching themselves or with minimal movement against the sheet. It's no big deal. Happens a lot. Really.
For many men, just the external massage is all they want, something that they don't get at home or those "other" massage parlors.
I will include some light external rubbing during the "release" portion of the massage on every man, regardless of their reactions earlier. Even the most uptight of men will enjoy their anus being rubbed while their penis being stimulated, and by this time, I usually have their trust that I will not try to rape them in any way.
So the moral of this lesson is "rub you anus every day, it feels good, and if their are any doctors reading this, seriously, slow down and let a guy relax a little for those prostate exams!"

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Thoughts

I deal mostly with men who are in relationships. I am not sure why that is, but it's true. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have a number of single clients who see me on a semi regular basis, but the bulk of my clientle are in relationships, gay or straight.
I think what amazes me even more is that they tell me. I don't mind hearing it, but I am not sure why they feel the need. I understand someone who has seen me on several occassions, but even a lot of first timers will tell me about their wife and children or what their partner does just before or after a sensual session. Does it make them feel better to be honest with me? Is it cathartic? Do they just need someone to talk to? Please understand that only a few tell me about problems in their relationships, most tell me the mundane things about vacations, jobs, in-laws and the such.
I guess that it wouldn't be so odd if there wasn't also the opposite group of guys. Those who will say fewer than 10 words, use a fake name and only call me from pay phones and park their cars on another street. These extreme opposites amuse me, though I actually understand the paronia more than the free font of information. If someone sees their time with me as something that they shouldn't be doing or as cheating on their spouse, then they are bound to take a few extra precautions, or if they are very deep in the closet and a member of some conservative political or religeous party (I do have clients like that, and I know because they told me, so maybe that shoots a hole in that theory).
Now it is true that there are those clients who think of our time together and a normal paid transaction, an exchange of services and monies. These people usually feel no guilt and would never consider what we are doing as a form of cheating since their is no emotional attachment. I am simply a very expensive sex toy that makes them fell good all over.
What brought this all to mind is that a recent client contacted me using his professional email address that had his name as the address. He is a semi-famous professor and author with a lovely wife and a couple of children and he contacted me asking specifically for a sensual massage. Now, a lesser type of person may have used this information for a possible extra gain. Thank god I am not that type of person.
Now, that being said, obviously such things enter my mind. To me, it is a funny passing thought. To others, it may not be. I hate to say that there are dishonest people in my business, but there are. In these tough economic times, I would be a little extra careful about how much and what kind of personal information you share with your bodyworker. A lack of money can make the kindest, sweetest, most honest person go a little crazy and do things that they would normally never do. Just be careful out there.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Unpleasant times

Sorry for the delay. I have a lot on my mind again and bit of an issue trying to put it all in to words.
I want to write a much longer post soon, but I think it will help if I get this off my chest first.
For anyone considering a profession similar to mine, I must remind you that it has it's pitfalls. A couple of weeks ago, I had a very unpleasant encounter. I have been very fortunate since these are very few and far between, but I do believe that it should still be discussed.
The encounter was with a client who had seen me once before, almost a full year before, I keep good enough records that I can usually look something like that up. It was a sensual massage, not much different than a lot that I do. The client was a big guy in his late 30's early 40's. When it was over, he compliments my work, gets dressed and says "I'll pay you next time." Money being as tight as it is, and the fact that the last time I saw this guy was a year ago, I protest.
I explain that I don't do business that way and if he needs to get some cash, I will happily walk across the street with him while he gets some out of the ATM. He starts on about how I can trust him, and I push on with I just don't do business like that. He then takes out a wad of money, peels off a $20 bill, tossing it on the table and says "here, how's that?"
I remind him of what the cost is and he claims he has never paid that much. I explain that I have not increased my rates since the last time he saw me and with tip, he paid me more than that last time.
He then gets angry. He starts to leave and I stand before the door blocking his path, I want my money. He threatens me with violence. Now, I have to decide if he is serious and what is worth it. I inform him he still owes me money and if ever wants to see me again, he needs to pay. Now he starts in on how that's not fair, I argue what he is doing to me is not fair, he still refuses to pay and is getting more and more angry. I now say fine, go, but don't bother calling again, I will not take you as a client. He throws down another 20 and asks how about now? You are almost halfway there I reply. He curses and storms out. I block his number on my phone.
All in all I was lucky. He did not hit me, or worse. I got about half the money. I know the economy is bad and that can really drive people crazy. I don't think he was on drugs (though I may be wrong) and he wasn't drunk.
This can happen to any massage therapist, sensual work or not, who works on their own. I have been short changed before, but never threatened with violence, again, I have been lucky. It has made me long for the day when I went to a mindless job and collected a big fat check for little work. I never thought I would say that.
Most of my clients are wonderful people and most of the time I really enjoy my work, but with the economy being so bad..... this is not really worth it.
Here is hoping that December and the new year will bring me some better work and money. - Jack