Back to the big “O”

OK, so after I wrote the OOPS! Blog about premature ejaculators, I thought a lot about those who have the opposite problem, those who will not orgasm.

I can count on one hand the number of clients who have requested a release on my table and were not able to have one. I am not talking about men who cannot ejaculate due to prostate surgery; they still have the orgasm just without the ejaculate. I am also not talking about the men who cannot achieve an erection; they can still have an orgasm as well, including ejaculation. I am talking about men who are hard and medically able but sometimes just can’t have an orgasm.

The main reason there have been so few men who were unable to orgasm on my table is because the body work experience is very relaxing. Relax the body and the mind will follow. Orgasms are much easier if you have stopped thinking about work or your house or wife or kids or whatever.

The Psychology of the Big “O” is interesting. That is basically what it comes down to, a mental ability to have an orgasm. One of the few men who could not orgasm actually warned me before hand that he would probably not be able to have an orgasm since he has only been able to have orgasms alone. He has never been able to have an orgasm in the presence of another person. He only came to see me once, which is a shame because I would have liked to help him more with this issue. Obviously he was unable to orgasm with me in that one session because his mind was already made up that it could not happen. One the biggest hurdles in achieving orgasms is to give yourself permission. You can’t demand it, you can’t force, you can’t fear it, you have to say “yes, it is OK to have an orgasm now.” Sounds strange, but it is true.

In many cases, permission can come from an outside source. Perhaps this sounds familiar to you? “Shoot it! Do it now!” or maybe a little coaxing “Oh yeah baby, let me see you shoot, oh yeah, I feel it building, oh yeah, shoot it for me baby!” In these cases, orgasms are brought about by the decision being taken away from you. I have used this technique on a lot of men and the secret to making it work is the timing, I have to wait until it is obvious that they are having a problem and that they are on the brink of an orgasm but can’t quite make it over. The reason for the waiting to say something is that you have to take away the thought process. If you start too early the client may be thinking “he wants me to orgasm, I want me to orgasm, I need to orgasm for him, why can’t I orgasm?” The thought process you want is like this “I want to orgasm, I am so close, why can’t I orgasm?” then I interrupt with “Shoot it! Do it now!” very commanding and they are taken by surprised and just do it.

The issue for a couple of my clients is that they are not accustomed to receiving pleasure from another. Seriously. Biologically, men usually play a very active role in the sex act. To try to have an orgasm while being passive is very difficult for many men (my self included). It is difficult to just lie there and not engage in the sexual act. That is why I often allow mutual touch in my work, even if it is just holding my penis, it can make a world of difference.

For another client, it is described as sensory overload. If I am working his penis, balls, anus and occasionally tweaking his nips he cannot orgasm. He loves the feelings but it is too much. I can only work one thing at a time, finishing with just the penis while he closes his eyes.

One of the worst things that you can do, when trying to give a man an orgasm, is the “faster and harder” method as this almost never works. It usually just causes irritation. A slow, steady and firm hand is usually the best method. It is also a good idea to ask the man what his trigger is, most of us have them. For me it is my scrotum, for some it is their nipples (this does little for me). For one gentleman I work with it is his neck, rubbing the back of his neck is a sure trigger to make him fly.
I have a straight client who can only release at the end of his session and even then it takes a bit of time. Of course like all straight men, the moment I stoke his anus with my finger, he explodes. ;-) - Jack

Research

I do spend a great deal of time thinking, talking, reading and occasionally practicing sex. One of my favorite writers is Jack Rinella. I don't always agree with him, which is great! Life would be dull if everyone always agreed. Anyway, I wanted to share his most recent column since it is one that I do mostly agree with. - Jack

for Issue number 50
Sunday, November 25, 2007

What Do You Believe About Sex?
By Jack Rinella

As I begin my research into the level, kind, and quality of education
given at our BDSM events, I wonder how often we teach about sex. There
are one a few topics about sex in my own repertoire, such as “Better
Blow Jobs” and “Bedroom Sex,” but they are really only a few among
a long list. My recollection is that sex as a topic per se isn’t a
very popular among us.

My guess is that we don’t teach about it because we make the
assumption that adults know enough about sex that we don’t have to teach it.
Personally I disagree with that estimation. I think that there are very
few sexually-adept players among us, though I have no idea if that
statement is correct. After all, no one has ever invited me to “rate
their performance.” Of course, that ignores the fact that there are
those among us who strongly protest that BDSM has nothing to do with sex.

Does that mean we need a category in our contests called “Sexual
Performance?” If so, then when does a fuck rate a ten or how do you know
whether a blow job is a three or a nine?

A New York Times article (August 23, 2007) about sexual activity in
older Americans noted: “There’s a large perception out there that sex
somehow does not occur in the later years.” The story was based on
research that concluded “Most Americans remain sexually active into
their 60s, and nearly half continue to have sex regularly into their early
70s, researchers are reporting today as a result of the most
comprehensive national survey to date of sexual behavior among older adults.”

Here, then, is an example of the discrepancy between generally-held
beliefs and reality. I bet that there are a large number of such
discrepancies among us, especially when it comes to our beliefs about sexual
activity.

The problem, of course, is that we live in a culture where discussion
about something as intimate as sex is often considered inappropriate.
Our school systems reflect that belief every time the topic of sex
education in school is discussed. Even when sex education is attempted, it
is, as far as I can tell, a matter of either biology or morality. Has
anyone ever heard of high school classes where better technique is taught?
I certainly haven’t.

Now I will admit that I am reflecting my own experience. My parents
never taught me about human sexuality, though my mom did offer to answer
any questions I had. Dad was notoriously silent on the subject. I
remember one day in the eighth grade that Father Douglas took all the boys
into one classroom and Sister took all the girls into another for a
“talk.” It left me with more questions than answers. I suppose that is
to be expected when the sex educators are (or are thought to be)
celibate.

What we feel about sex is highly dependent upon a great number of
influences, many of them having to do with the moral implications of human
sexuality and the unconscious ideas that we hold about it. How many of
us were taught, for instance, that touching one’s genitals was
“dirty?” As a Catholic I was routinely bombarded with the notion that the
“Holy Family” (Jesus, Mary and Joseph) were holier because both mom
and dad were forever virgins. Face it, few married people were ever
called saints. The virgins among us seem to have cornered that market.

I have recently finished a rather academic book entitled “Sin,
Science, and the Sex Police,” by John Money, Ph.D. (Prometheus Books,
1998). Among the many topics he covers is the fundamental belief, held in
both Eastern and Western cultures about “semen conservation.” In the
east, there is the widespread belief that a man must conserve his semen
as it contains vital forces. Wasting semen depletes a man’s energy
and shortens his life span. (Yes that’s a gross over-simplification.)

In the west a similar belief is held about masturbation. I still
remember riding the bus to school one day (I was a freshman) when Brett (a
sophomore and therefore an authority on the matter) told me that men only
had so many orgasms in their bodies and when they had shot the
requisite number, they were forever spent. I would have to be careful, he
noted, to conserve my jism, lest I run out of it.

Today such an idea sounds absurd to me; then I doubted him but it was
still a memorable and I thought) possibly true statement. Looking back
at the number of times I confessed to the sin of masturbation certainly
indicates that I had some kind of guilt over “self-abuse.”

If I had only been raised in Sambia.

“The virtual antithesis of semen-conservation theory is found in the
reinvestment theory of semen recycling, extant until recently among the
stone-aged Sambia people of the Eastern Highlands of New Guinea. They
were studied by the anthropological sexologist, Gilbert Herdt.”

Sambian ”initiation into the rites of puberty begins as early as age
seven or eight. Boys are then removed from the softening influences of
females and infants by leaving the family dwelling to live in the
men’s clubhouse, a large structure in the center of the village from which
all females are excluded. The first stage of the boys’ initiation
into warrior hood is a week-long sequence of sometimes brutally abusive
hazing which, like military hazing in our own culture, requires total
subservience and obedience. One of the ceremonies is named ‘sucking the
flute,’ which is a metaphor for fellatio. On that same ceremonial
night, the initiates are fed men’s milk [semen] by sucking the penises
of the older adolescent boys who are still underage for marriage. The
initiates continue ingesting men’s milk until they have matured enough
to be able to ejaculate their own and recycle it to the next
generation of young initiates. After the tribal marriage age of nineteen, they
recycle
their semen to their wives, for a brief period orally, and then for the
rest of their lives vaginally.” (Money, pp
276-277).

Glimpses of sexual practices of cultures other than our own provide
interesting and sometimes provocative reflections. They give us the
opportunity to reconsider our own practices and the underlying assumptions
that sustain them.

Another book, “Harmful to Minors” by Judith Levine, dispels the
myth that providing children with knowledge about adult sexuality is
dangerous. Her radical theory, well-based in her research, is that we do
more harm than good by our refusal to properly educate our youth about
sexual activity.

I have long felt our children are robbed of healthy information by the
way we hide the “birds and the bees” from their sight. At least in
previous and more agricultural societies, young people knew that
copulation was a fact of life, seen not only in the barn-yard animals, but in
many societies by children who slept in the same room (tent, hut,
cave, etc.) as their parents.

The fact that we have so “sanitized” sex from the education of
children while simultaneously presenting them with a myriad of
sexually-themed media provides a glaring example of the paradoxes and
contradictions that plague our sex-negative culture.

To think that our subculture is immune from the sex-negativity in which
it is exists is to ignore our own prejudices, fears, and shame. That
said, it’s time for all of us to appraise our own needs and to move
toward a healthy view of sex and encourage others, especially event
producers, to provide venues for just such a move.

Have a great week. You can leave me email at mrjackr@leathermail.com or
visit my website at
http://leatherviews.c.topica.com/maaiPxsabCZd7a8jIv6b/ where you can
subscribe to this column and receive it weekly. Copyright 2007 by Jack
Rinella, all rights reserved.

One of the most prevalent problems I see in men today:

As a bodyworker, I have seen a lot of men and seen a lot of things one does just not want to see. One of the most common problems is bad feet. I will often say something. Surprisingly, many men so not seem to be aware that having dry, cracked, fungal infected feet is not normal or that something can be done about it. There is no shame in it, so why not do something about it?

Here are some suggestions from http://www.footcaredirect.com/ - Jack

Athletes Foot and Fungus Problems

Athlete's foot typically affects the skin on the feet between the toes, but can move anywhere on the foot and can affect the toenails.
Athlete's foot is a fungal infection of the skin and the nails, usually found on the skin between the toes. When the infection spreads to the toenails, they become thick and distorted.
Fungi are plant organisms (tinea pedis) such as mold and mildew and grow best in conditions that are moist. Bacteria may thrive as a secondary infection, which worsens the symptoms of the disorder and makes it more difficult to cure. A fungal infection is one of the most difficult nail and foot conditions to treat.
It is common to catch athlete's foot from other people who have it by walking on floors that are moist or wet (e.g. at swimming pools and in shared bathroom facilities). Athlete's foot is also much more common in people who tend to have moist feet. Athlete's foot can also be spread by sharing other people's shoes or personal care items such as towels and wash cloths.
Athlete's foot and fungus may also spread to other parts of the body, notably the groin and underarms, by those who scratch their and then touch themselves elsewhere.

Symptoms include:

• On the skin:
• Reddened, cracked, and peeling skin
• Some bleeding
• Itching
• Burning
• Stinging sensation
• Development of small blisters (Blisters often lead to cracking of the skin. When blisters break, small raw areas of tissue are exposed, causing pain and swelling. Itching and burning may increase as the infection spreads. In severe cases the skin may thicken, like a callus, and begin to scale.)
• On the toe nail:
• Change in color (yellow or brown)
• Nail gets thicker
• Bad odor
• Debris collects beneath the nail
• White marks on the nail

Treatment

Self-care treatments:

Bathe your feet at least once a day with soap and warm water. Dry thoroughly after bathing and keep your feet dry. Change socks frequently and buy socks that absorb moisture, such as cotton and wool. Expose your feet to the air for short periods of time throughout the day (do not walk barefoot, however). Wear sandals with open toes whenever possible.
There are a variety of over-the-counter products that can be used to treat the tinea pedis fungus, such as:

• Gordochom Fungicide-Germicide
• Tineacide Antifungal Cream for Foot Fungus
• Tineacide® Antifungal Shoe Spray for Foot Fungus
• NC Anti-Fungal Solution
• Bromi-Lotion Antiperspirant
• RESTORE AF - topical solution restores infected nails

After a period of time, if products used for athlete's foot and fungus fail, prescription topical or oral antifungal drugs, such as Sporonax or Lamisil, can be prescribed by your Podiatrist.

Prevention:

• Wear sandals or shoes when walking on moist or wet floors
• Don't share shoes or personal care items such as towels
• Wear socks made of absorbent materials such as cotton or wool
• Change socks frequently if you perspire heavily
• Choose footwear that allows for the circulation of air
• Keep the floors in shared facilities clean and dry
• Keep your feet clean and dry by dusting Bromi-Talc Foot Powder in shoes and hose and feet
• Clean athletic shoes frequently with a product such as Athletic Shoe Cleaner

Fungal Nails

Fungal infection of toenails, called Onychomycosis, is a common foot health problem that many people do not recognize. Fungi are simple parasitic plant organisms, such as molds and mildew, that do not require sunlight for growth. They easily attack the nail, thriving off keratin, the nail's protein substance.
Onychomycosis is an infection underneath the nail that can also penetrate the nail. If it is ignored, it could impair one's ability to work or even walk because it is frequently accompanied by thickening of the nails, which then cannot be easily trimmed, and may cause pain while wearing shoes. This disease can frequently be accompanied by a secondary bacterial and/or yeast infection in/or about the nail plate.

Symptoms:

• Change in color (yellow or brown)
• Nail gets thicker
• Bad odor
• Debris collects beneath the nail
• White marks on the nail
• This infection is capable of spreading to other toenails, the skin or even the fingernails.

Toenails are especially vulnerable around damp areas where people are likely to be walking barefoot - swimming pools, locker rooms, and showers. Injury to the nail bed may make it more susceptible to all types of infection, including fungal infection. Those who suffer chronic diseases, such as diabetes, circulatory problems, or immune-deficiency conditions, are especially prone to fungal nails.
There are a variety of products that can be used on the foot and toe nails that kill the tinea pedis fungus, such as:

• RESTORE AF - topical solution restores infected nails
• Anti-Fungal Nail Treatment Kit
• Skin & Nail Fungal Treatment Kit
• Gordochom Fungicide-Germicide
• Tineacide Antifungal Cream for Foot Fungus
• Tineacide® Antifungal Shoe Spray for Foot Fungus
• NC Anti-Fungal Solution

Prevention

Clean, dry feet resist disease. Wash the feet with soap and water, and dry thoroughly. Shower shoes should be worn in public areas. Shoes, socks and hosiery should be changed daily. Use a quality foot powder, talcum not cornstarch. Buy shoes that fit well and are made of materials that breathe.

Seeing your Podiatrist

Your Podiatrist can detect a fungal infection early. A suitable treatment plan may include prescribing topical or oral medication (such a Lamisil or Sporonax), and debridgement (removal of diseased nail matter and debris) of an infected nail. Debridgment is one of the most common foot care procedures performed by DPMs. In some cases, surgical treatment may be required. Temporary removal of the infected nail can be performed to permit direct application of a topical antifungal. Permanent removal of a chronically painful nail, which has not responded to any other treatment, permits the fungal infection to be cured and prevents the return of a deformed nail.

Dry Cracked Heels

Dry cracking heels (xeorosis) is a condition of thickening and fissuring (cracking of the bottom part of the heels). In most people this is a nuisance and a cosmetic problem. But when the problem persists, especially in diabetes or people with impaired vascular sufficiency, this can lead to a serious medical problem.

If there is a question of diabetes or vascular problems, referral to a podiatrist, vascular surgeon or orthopedist is recommended. If the calluses are of such a nature that they are bothersome, Pac-A-Derm Heel Treatment, lotions, or paraffin bath treatments, foot baths, theraputic hot boots, brushes and pumice, and pads, are the treatments of choice to relieve the callus on the bottom of the heel.

Sweaty Feet / Foot Odor

Sweaty feet (hyperhydrosis) and smelly feet (bromohydrosis) are two very common, annoying conditions of the feet.
Causes:
Some cases of excessive smelling or sweating of the feet are systemic (throughout the whole body) in nature, such as anemia (low blood count) or hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid). But most cases have a "local to the foot" cause.

For instance, wearing shoes that have synthetic materials, and socks that are of man made fabric can both contribute to the production of excessive perspiration and the bacteria growth that causes this condition. These two conditions set up a condition called athletes foot (tinea pedis). Unfortunately, most shoes are made of synthetic materials, especially tennis shoes, so if sweaty/smelly feet is a high concern, you will want to be especially careful when shopping for shoes.
Treatment:
There are a host of medications, lotions, powders and creams that are effective against these conditions. Oxistat is an excellent medication for tinea pedis. Bromi Talc and Bromi-lotion Anti-perspirant are excellent for sweaty or smelly feet. Sof Sole insoles, and paraffin bath treatments are also helpful in reducing the level of perspiration of the foot. DID YOU KNOW...
There are approximately 250,000 sweat glands in each pair of feet that release nearly a cup of moisture every day?

OOOPS! That almost never happens.

So, most of my clients wonder what happens when I am with other clients. Why? Not sure. I suppose it is either because they want to be sure that they are getting the same deal as everyone else, or more likely, whether or not they themselves are “normal.”

I am not the type normally to tell dirty little secrets and heaven forbid that I should gossip or ever name names, however, in the interest of the greater good I will share a story or two. These people are all real and they are all perfectly normal. No names will be given and if you recognize yourself, please, just smile and say “Hey! I made Jack’s Blog!” and realize that it is all meant to be in good fun.

OK. I have heard tell about men who have real problems with premature ejaculation. Personally, my idea of premature ejaculation is anytime I have an orgasm before my partner, whether after three minutes or three hours of sex. It has come to my attention that premature ejaculation is a real problem for a lot of men. As I have stated before, it usually takes on average of 90 seconds for a man to orgasm once I actually start paying attention to his “no touch” zone and during my normal bodywork session this happens about ¾ of the way through the session. Once in a while things happen a little quicker than normal.

Case in point, a very nice gentleman was on my table and we got to the no touch zone and I stroked down and then up once and he shot. Caught me by surprise and now I was 90 seconds ahead of schedule. After he shoots, then he tells me that he has a bit of a hair trigger. No kidding.

Case #2: Another gentleman was on my table lying face down. Just before it is time for him to turn over, I get on the table between his legs and work on his back one last time. No sooner do I place my hands on his back and start sliding forward and I hear the fateful “uh..uh..uh..uhng!” and the seed has been spilled.

Case #3: A younger gentleman was on my table lying face down during the first half of the session, I have just worked his left leg and slide my hand down under his hip bone and his glutes start twitching and his breathing quickens and sure enough, he had shot. This would have been about 35 minutes into a 90 minute session.

Case #4: My personal favorite. This is a married man in his late 50’s who has only recently started exploring his interest in men. I have given him massages in the past and the normal situation has been that when we reach the 90 seconds, he has been unable to achieve an erection until after he orgasms, then he gets immediately rock hard and the subsides again. This particular session, he asked if he could hug me before we started the session, I had no major objections. So he has undressed, we are standing and we hug and he holds me incredibly tight and I am thinking this is kind of sweet and sad. He body starts shaking and at first I think that he may be crying (it happens) so I just pat his back and say “it’s alright, just let it out” and he does, all over my leg and hip and then he gets hard. When I realized what has happened, I just laugh and start wiping up the mess.

There is also the man who will let go when I massage his chest. Several that have let go when I massage their glutes or the ones who have the big O if I graze their balls.

So while none of these would be considered the “norm” they are still normal and it happens to a lot of men. One gentleman has been doing home exercise where he masturbates; starting and stopping, to try and make the experience last longer. He has made it to 30 minutes. The good news for him is that it has been working and during our sessions he has been able to last much longer.

So, that is one set of stories about the “other guys” who see me. Perhaps I will share more in the future. - Jack

OK, so between clients...

I do theoretically have a great deal of free time to do all these amazing things with my life. So what is it that I do?

There is always some Prep work to do for the massage business. Every appointment is treated like a first date. The rugs are vacuumed, floors are swept, I shower and shave, the bathroom is cleaned, the massage creams are checked and filled, candles are lit, tissues are checked, phones are checked to be sure they will not make any noise, the CD’s are checked to be sure that there is a variety of music available, white sage is burned to clear the energy of the room, deodorizers are sprayed to be sure everything smells fresh, the massage table is prepared with fresh linens, and the fresh towels are made ready. Two to three times a week I do laundry so it doesn’t become overwhelming with the linens and the towels (fresh sheets, face cradle, and towels for every massage). I make a monthly run for supplies of creams, candles, oils, bottled water and the like. 30 minutes before an erotic bodywork session, I will watch porn to be sure that I am in the mood.

When the mood strikes me, I work on this Blog. One of my main goals over the past two years has been to do more writing. This Blog is only one of my projects. I have also started a real self help book. I have started two plays. I have started my autobiography. So I have started a lot of projects but have finished none. I need to work on that. I have discovered that I do my best writing after I have had an orgasm. This is a bit counterproductive since I also do sensual work. I need to be able to have an erection at a moments notice for my clients so I can’t just start the day with an orgasm and get to writing. There is a proper balance to be found somewhere here, just not sure where. I bet that most people do their best work after an orgasm. Something for all of you to think about and perhaps try in your daily lives.

I do my exercises between clients when I remember to, I do not have the exercise gene that makes me want to do it every day. I have been into looking for healthier recipes on line. One of the worst things about working from home is the constant availability of food, so I am trying to surround myself with healthier foods and really do eat an apple a day.

I surf the net. I do some advertising online and of course try to answer any emails promptly. I manage a couple of Yahoo groups. I also just like surfing.

I watch daytime TV. I admit it. It is at times a real addiction. I love the View. Every time I watch that show, I thank god that I am not a woman. I saw the exodus of Star, the whole Rosie 9 months and the fight with Elizabeth. Whoopie is on it now and she’s doing well. Barbara still embarrasses herself every time she makes an appearance. I have decided that I would be a great daytime talk show host. People naturally open to me, they like me, and I like to think that I could offer a much more realistic point of view. I have been around the block a few times, I understand people.

I clean the apartment, organize closets, cook meals. I am a good little house husband.

I should be reading books, when I find a good one I race through it. If a book doesn’t really grab me in the first chapter, I will probably never finish it. I do a lot of Sudoku. Keeps my mind sharp, I only do the Fiendish ones now.

Occasionally, I will go to a museum or watch a movie, though not often. If I don’t have a client scheduled for the day, I usually will spend the morning on my advertising and sit around waiting for the phone to ring or checking my email, so leaving the house is a rare thing for me.

Christmas is coming up and I am already trying to figure out where to put the tree. It will take at least two days to decorate. I tend to go a little overboard at Christmas.

I will occasionally set up a massage exchange, even pay for a massage once in a while. I take baths. I have learned to love a good soaking bath. It took some time. I used to get really bored after the first 10 minutes, but now with my Sudoku book I can stay in there for an hour easily. It is great medicine and I highly encourage everyone to do it.

I will occasionally do some activist work fighting for gay rights. I have all of my senators and representatives both local and national listed in my email addresses so I can send them an email anytime I read about something that I think they should know about or if read that they did something stupid.

Things that I should be doing: Reading more, writing more, making a 5 year plan, figuring out how to buy a house, bettering myself with classes and figuring what I should do next with my life. I will try to work on that as well.

- Jack

Energy and getting back to me

Sorry again for not writing for so long.

I have been depressed for a while. A good friend of mine died in early September and it is taking me longer to get over it than I thought it would. I am used to helping other people with their problems; I forgot that I often have my own.

It takes a tremendous amount of energy to do what I do. Not just physically but emotionally. To be any good at bodywork whether or not it is sensual, you must be focused on the moment and on the client. You must be constantly watching for feedback, sometimes verbal, sometimes non-verbal. You listen to the body with your hands and with your eyes.

Physically, giving a massage does take a lot energy. If you have ever tried to rub every inch of another person for a total of 90 minutes you would know what I mean. While there are ways to make giving a massage easier (body dynamics) it can still be a great deal of work. I personally cannot do more than three in a day. Many fellow workers have suffered injuries that have resulted in months off the job.

There is also an exchange of energy in every session. Most men who come to me need to be re-invigorated which has a tendency to drain a lot of energy from me. Those with sexual needs will drain even more. Add to that, men with emotional issues such as: issues with their sexual identity, difficulty with their spouses, extreme loneliness and etc., well you get the idea. It can take a lot out of you.

One of my clients said to me this week that I should charge Psychiatrist rates; he had been seeing a Psychiatrist for years to deal with his bisexuality and his relationship with his wife. He gets an erotic massage from me and talks about his feelings about men, and his devotion to his wife. Usually my advice is to not get hung up on labels but to also be honest with his wife. I don’t know whether he has done it or not, but I continue to listen. Some men cry, some send me long emails, some ask advice and some just want to talk. Of course there are a few who say nothing at all, these are sometimes the most draining since they are just sucking energy, not sure how else to explain it but you can literally feel them sucking the energy from you. I think it is one of the reasons that so many bodyworkers leave the field after a couple of years (that and the pay is not nearly as exciting as you would think).

Since my friend’s death, I have cut down on the number of clients I have been taking. I just have not had the energy to do 2 or 3 massages a day. This has meant less money, but sacrifices have to be made if you want to survive. I believe that if I had tried to do the same number of clients the quality of the massage would have been terrible which could mean losing long time clients. I have also known men in my field who have had serious breakdowns and at least one who committed suicide.

So how do I re-charge? Take time for myself, spend time with friends, give myself time to mourn, I probably should have sought professional help but I didn’t have good enough sense to realize it. I have seen more bad television and movies and even a couple of questionable plays than anyone should see. I have taken a lot of baths. I have cleaned closets, sorted out old clothing, made soups from scratch, re-arranged furniture and put it back again. I have taken long walks, gone window shopping, slept, talked on the phone, anything that didn’t require any focused thought.

Where am I now? I am at the point where I realize that I was worse than I thought I was and I want to get back to me again.

As I slowly start coming back to myself, I will start doing more massage and more postings to this site.