A good exchange

I told you before on this blog about a bad massage exchange that I had recently. In the name of fairness, I will now tell you about a very good exchange that I had recently.

I was approached on line by a masseur who belongs to an online massage group that I belong to. He had read a couple of my posts and I had read a couple of his and he seemed very professional. This was a massage group for men and women and there had been no discussion of sexuality or eroticism, in fact, I assumed he was straight. He agreed to travel to me, which I appreciated since I was having some issues with my car of late. I was fully prepared when he arrived, water bottles, table set up, plenty of towels, extra table sheets, and I was prepared for draping from a small towel to a full sheet draping, whatever he was comfortable with.

As I was hosting, I suggested that I give first and he receive first. I asked him if he had any aches, pains, injuries, or illnesses that I needed to know about. He said he was basically fine and was looking for a relaxing massage. I asked if he was interested in one hour or 90 mins, he asked for 90 and I excused myself so he could undress and cover himself however he chose.

I returned and he is lying uncovered on his stomach. He is around my age, about 5’10, I would guess his weight around 170, not a gym guy (and neither am I) but put together OK with a very nice butt (remember, I love a good butt). However, this all means nothing. I continued to assume that he is a straight uninhibited male masseur. His cock was not visible.

I proceeded to give him a very good and legit massage. Working first on his back and then working from the feet up. He remained for the most part unresponsive, no moaning, no butt waving or table grinding, no spreading his legs further apart and no mutual touching. I did decide to go for the inner crotch rub at which point I can usually determine if the client has an erection, I felt nothing. As I did the right side however, I found his penis and it was semi-erect. I decided to go ahead and start working on his butt cheeks, for this I stand on one side of the table and reach across to work the opposite cheek. This places my crotch up tight against the table. His hands had not moved during the massage, neither closer to his body nor closer to the edge. As I leaned over the table, my crotch came in contact with his hand, he did not pull away. I focused on my work then his fingers began to move and feel my crotch ever so lightly. I took this as the sign he wanted a bit more so I moved into my working the crack and stroking the scrotum. His hands continued the light feeling of my crotch, but otherwise, no other reaction. I switched sides and the same game continued. I remained clothed through this and hopped on the table between his legs to focus on some full body strokes and deeper work on his back. Again, very little response one way or the other, it was time to ask him to turn over.

Once on his back, I saw that he still had a semi-woody. I worked on his chest and grazed his nipples lightly. His penis jumped slightly. I moved down and worked his stomach grazing his pubic area with each circular motion. I let my hands slide down over his penis and it began to swell in earnest.

I took this as a good sign. He had a nice penis, it was of average length and very thick. I stroked him to an orgasm and then continued the last 30 minutes of the massage.

It was time for us to switch places, he helped my change out the sheets, I showed him where everything was and he asked me if I needed anything special worked on. I mentioned my shoulder and he asked me to disrobe and get on the table. He remained naked. He then gave me a wonderful relaxing and sensual massage that lasted almost 2 full hours. He spent extra time on my shoulder as I asked. He added sensual aspects through out and gave me a nice manual release. He also continued the massage after for a good 30 minutes or more. We talked a few minutes discussing techniques and training. I mention my appreciation for the sensual aspects, especially since we had not discussed it prior. He replied that it can be an embarrassing discussion and related some unfortunate experiences. I sympathized and it was time for him to leave. All in all it was a wonderful experience and I hope that he felt the same way. At least he told me he did and that he wanted to do it again. I hope he means it. It would be nice to have a new massage friend.

- Jack

More on Straight Men

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Conversations about and with straight Men

Not to long ago, a question was asked on a Yahoo group for men who like massage why straight men would go to a gay man for massage. For the purposes of this blog, I will use my name for the person asking the questions and I have changed the names of the responders.

Jack wrote:

OK, a topic that I have wanted to bring up for quite a while has to do with Straight Men who go to a gay man for an erotic or sensual massage. Based on our own poll, only half of the men who responded identify themselves as gay. Of my own cliental, almost half have told me that they are married to women. While it easy to say these men are in denial of their own orientation, I know that this is not always the case.

So the question becomes why do these straight men want a sensual or erotic massage from a gay man? What role do we as gay men who give massage play in these straight men's lives?

Jim wrote:

I think it is fairly simple.....men, whether gay/straight/bi, like sex and will have it with anyone, anytime, anywhere.

Ted wrote:

A guy being married doesn't necessarily make him straight or gay. I’m bi and like having a sensual massage.

Jack wrote:

Granted, but, there are indeed straight men who may or may not be married who get sensual or erotic massages from other men and that is there only man to man contact. What I am getting at is does the act of massage transcend sexual boundaries?

Rick wrote:

I am not a professional massage therapist yet, so I am unable to provide insight from that particular perspective. However, I have had a number of interactions (exchanges, etc.) with guys on this list. Rarely does the topic of sexual orientation (or identity) get discussed during the initial contact/communication between myself and other individuals, and often is not discussed at all during our interactions.

As someone who is in the process of becoming a professional massage therapist, I believe that sexual orientation (as well as other demographic information) is irrelevant. Yes, I generally post information (basic demographics & profile name [that has pics]) in my e-mails to this group and will sometimes ask for the same. I do this so people have some kind of point of reference about me and like to have the same about the other person. I do not recall ever (thus far), and hope that I never will, refuse to provide or exchange a massage based on any particular demographic (e.g., sexual orientation, age, gender, etc.).

In short, massage and touch can be beneficial to anyone, whether it be sensual/erotic or not. Regardless of the individual's sexual orientation it is not my place to determine if he is in denial or not, nor do I generally make such assumptions or judgments. I do have to admit that my beliefs or views about some of these issues have changed as a result of my own experiences with other men both within and outside of this group, as well as my own journey with eroticism and sensuality.

Jack wrote:

Oh, I am not suggesting that there is nor should there be any prjudice against Straight or bi men from gay masseurs. I for one would lose half my business. I usually don't know until they tell me (usually after the massage or before their second appointment) that they are identified as straight or have never had another man touch them. I guess that what I see is that we are as close to a safe space as these men can get to experiencing man to man touch and we should be aware and honor that.

In this modern world of laws and certifications and etc. it would be a shame if we lost this useful (at least I consider it useful) service in society.

Markus wrote:

Thanks Jack. Love the topic.

One aspect of this topic naturally begs the question how do I define what it means to be straight or gay or bi? It is a question of identity. And that, my friends, leads us to the philosophical realm of existentialism. Which is akin the rabbit hole in Alice in
Wonderland. Which I don't want to go too far into and get lost and confused.

I like to keep things simple when in discussion with a wider group but in small groups and even better in one-on-one conversations; I like to wax philosophical with the best of them.

So to keep this simple, first, I will say, in my humble opinion, that how another man defines himself is his right and his business, correspondingly what another man thinks of me is none of my business. Second, I would like to turn the direction of thinking away from identifying based on sex to one of being based on societal roles.

I recently attended a gay Native American conference and one workshop was on the subject of the historical roles of "two-spirits" (our generic term for lesbian gay bisexual & transgender people).

Some of y'all may have heard that Indians traditionally honored two-spirit people.

We were thought of as a third gender role, fulfilling specific, sacred and honored roles in our societies. The role reminds me of a concept in playing card games, and that is the role of the "wild card". It can be mated with any grouping depending on the role that needs to be fulfilled. So the point is that we are not about sex, we are about roles needed in our cultures. Fulfilling sexual needs was just one of many aspects of who we were, healers, marriage councilors, working with women, children and elders, etc..

Thus, a "straight married" man could come to us for sexual reasons without threatening their roles as "men". In many but not all tribes, at puberty and also in time of war, it was especially important for men to have sex with us so as to imbue them with great spiritual male power and strength. Male to male sexual energy was known to be very powerful.

Unfortunately, while there are isolated communities on reservations that are more accepting of two-spirit people, today most of our traditional customs and values have been lost and assimilated into the great Borg collective known as American society.

We have a running joke among two-spirit men that when we have sex we are "fulfilling our roles." LOL

I don't know much about female two-spirits, I was only interested in what was going on with the men, LOL. I do know there were a couple of well-known warrior chiefs who were women and had wives.

That's it for the Indian history lesson for today; I'll be here fulfilling my role.

Van wrote:

Had anyone asked me when I was in my 20's if I was gay, my answer would have been no. My relationships with men until I reached 37 were limited. I was married for 15 years before I had a relationship with a man that gave me a sense of what it was like to fully and openly love another man - which allowed me to think of myself as gay. As time goes by, I have no use for the labels, gay straight or bi. But I do understand that we are all somewhere on a continuum of sexual identity that runs from only attracted to the opposite sex to only attracted to the same sex and most of us fall in between. Depending upon where we are on the continuum, and the societal factors that allow us to explore our identities, men who might consider themselves straight still find pleasure in being massaged and masturbated by another man. I am reminded of my childhood friend who took my "virginity" and loved to have me go down on him, but remains to this day steadfastly identified as straight and unwilling to revisit his past enjoyment of being with another man (albeit a teen). The bottom line is, we are often motivated to do what feels good and the labeling and categorizing often serves to make us feel "different."

Matthew wrote:

I think Marlon hit the nail in the head when he wrote in the home page: "In our society men touching men is generally taboo and tragically the reason most American men are extremely touch-deprived. How many times a day do you get a hug or get a gentle caress on your back? Especially from another man? Only a man's touch creates the strong masculine affirming bond that can only come from another man."

Massage is a great opportunity to touch and be touched by another man. For me it is “touch therapy”. We believe that a gay masseur will understand and be less queasy about touching and be touched without necessarily getting into sex. I once said, you guys have a special place in heaven for providing this service to us, married guys. Sometimes a massage works better than a session with a shrink.

Don wrote:

I'm a LOT older than you and have been around the block a few more times, perhaps too many times, and am a gay massage therapist.

Over 75% of my male clients are married with families and nearly EVERY ONE of them is so terribly touch deprived, thanks to our weird society, and they particularly like being touched by a male. Not only do they like being touched by a male, they are desperate to be touched by a male!!!

Is there a reason the Romans ruled the world for 2000 years (we were lucky to make it to 200) and they ALL had men for their sexual partners, wives were strictly for impregnating, nothing else. The married men who come to me are desperately in need of sensual touching, and they want to be able to talk to me privately and discreetly to tell me what they REALLY like, many of them are suffering from sexual dysfunction. Age 40 is THEE year of their deciding that maybe being married to a woman is not the way
to go. I think most males, even the totally homophobic ones, have a tinge of bisexuality in them, though they would not, of course, admit it. If you are interested in who I am and where I am, I will happily give you that privately, but not in this e-mail because I don't know if it is going to remain private and wouldn't want any of my clients reading an e-mail I wrote stating that most of my married male clients want me [in spite of my age!!!] (lol) I wish you were closer. I would get a massage from you. Or maybe you have
age limits for your clients????

James:

Great topic Jack. I am genuinely interested in hearing the responses. I am a gay guy with some professional message experience. I occasionally offer free full body erotic massages to guys in this group as a way to meet other gays. In addition, I have an interest in prostate massage and enjoy improving my erotic massage techniques. I offer the following as my own response to sexual orientation and massage realizing that other views are equally valid. While I personally am gay, and definitely gay (and not bi), I realize that beyond that ID I am also a sexual human being and that I have sexual attraction to both sexes, just a marked preference for one. I wonder to what extent this could be true for straight guys seeking a sexual massage from a gay guy. Also, I think curiosity is quite a strong animal when it comes to sexual exploration. Hope this adds to mix.

David wrote:

I think many men like sensual massage, be it with a male or a female.

I think maybe that men feel like it is NOT crossing a line, and they can justify rationalize the "happy ending" if there is one.

Selecting a male or a female shows, I guess, the underlying interest in being with another person.

Just my 2 cents.

Jeff wrote:

The short answer is, some of us don't know what we are--gay, bi, or something in between. Whatever we are, those of us who go to gay men for a massage do so because the naked encounter with another man, whatever his orientation, even when there is no sexual touching, fulfills something deep inside us while still allowing us stay married and avoid cheating. (For example: "Where were you this afternoon?" "I got a massage." No deception is required.) When I get a massage, I usually prefer men because they are not squeamish; you don't have to worry about being draped or throwing wood. Also, a man is more likely to hit the inner thighs and butt than a woman. (A woman certainly won't massage a guy's naked butt, at least not in my experience.)

For myself, I prefer non sensual massage--i.e., no touching of actual genitals--because paying $80 to get off seems, well, sleazy. But I will admit I have gone the sensual route and it was an unbelievable experience...that left me feeling guilty.

The other issue is, I don't always know what the therapist is assuming. For example, when I get an appointment with you, which I intend to do, I won't know whether you do straight massage or something extra, and how that will be determined. So normally I go with the flow, and let the therapist determine.

To make a long post short, If you're a guy, and you like massage, you are by nature somewhat uninhibited and sensual, and you only have to move a few degrees on the gay-straight spectrum to decide, 1) I want to be nude, 2) I want a guy to do it and 3) if he's gay he'll probably hit all the spots except the money spots. Would a totally straight guy let a gay massage therapist get him off? I doubt it, but I don't know because I am bi/gay.

I can also tell you that for someone like me, who is somewhere between bi and gay, and is in a committed marriage, a good, non-sexual massage from a gay guy keeps me saner than I otherwise would be, considering the life I lead.

Mark wrote:

A massage feels good whether it is from a man or a woman. Men, often being stronger and more familiar with a man's body, have a special ability to please. The concept of being looked at by a different person, without feeling like you are cheating, is kind of fun and erotic in and of itself. The ability to fantasize about exactly what might be happening is great too..

(but, it is sometimes ruined if the masseur tries to turn the event into a reciprocal thing, by trying to rub their penis against the person receiving the massage.. this can be a shocking awakening as to exactly what is happening... or assuming the person receiving the massage is really having recessed homosexual feelings and wants to have sex with them, but just can't admit it)

Tom Wrote:

So many of the responses to this seem to me like, sorry to say, complete crap. These responses are not written by straight men, but by gay or bisexual men. Straight men do not all have secret yearnings to touch your penis or have "man on man" sex. Try to have some empathy.... If you were getting a massage from a woman would you want to touch her vagina, would you want to lick her vagina, rub against her pubic region, etc? Unless you are bi, the answer I am betting is no. Thus, if that happened, and you were getting a massage from a woman, any arousal you might have had because you were enjoying a peaceful moment and daydreaming about Brad Pitt or whatever, would be gone.

This, I believe, is the same for straight men getting a massage from a man. They want the masseur to remain clothed, they do not secretly want to touch or suck the masseur, and they are not interested in body contact. They may get aroused, and enjoy having their body touched and adored, and may get off.

In my experience gay men make the mistake of assuming everyone is "a little gay." Well, next time you are thinking that just think if you want to perform oral sex on a woman...if you do, you may be "a little straight." This may help you have empathy and actually begin to realize that some men really are straight.

Having said all of that, I love getting a massage from a man. I am able to get deep muscle penetration, and I enjoy getting touched. I am sometimes thinking it is Angelina Jolie giving me the massage, but as long as the guy giving the massage doesn't mind, I don't mind!

Jack writes:
Great! This is the kind of response I was looking for. I hope you don't mind if I pick your brain for a moment or two.
Is it often the case that you feel the masseur wants you to touch them back?

Tom wrote:
Not often... just sometimes when I am getting a "free" massage and the masseur, like when massaging my hands, makes sure my hand accidentally touches his crotch .. or, he rubs his erection against my head. Usually in these cases the masseur has stripped down to his underwear or t-shirt and underwear. This is fine.

Jack writes:
When you look for a masseur, where do you look? What is it that you are looking for?

Tom wrote:
I get them at my health club, which are totally professional. I also look from time to time on places like this group or aol profiles or referrals from friends.

Jack writes:
When you get a massage, do you normally ask for draping or no draping?

Tom wrote:
draping in a professional setting. either a towel, draping or underwear in a non-professional setting

Jack writes:
The reason I ask these questions is that in a truly professional setting, there would be draping, there would be no touching of genitals, and the masseur would be fully dressed. To do any thing else they could lose their license. Typically, the only time that draping is optional, or touching for the purpose of arousal or touching of the genitals happens is if the masseur knows that is what you came for based on the ad that they placed or the questions that you asked. Also, if you don't mind me asking, would you not be offended if a man touched you inappropriately during a massage?

Tom wrote:
I would not be offended. Maybe I should be, but I would not be. It never happens in a professional setting, and happens about 90% of the time in nonprofessional settings, so I have come to expect the outcome. If I was offended, I guess I would skip to doing only professional massages.

I hope that you all found this exchange as interesting and enlightening as I did. - Jack

My life in the nude

In today’s American Society, prudishness among males has reached an all time high, especially with the younger generation. Often I have been at the gym and seen men trying to change their clothes with a towel wrapped around their waist the entire time. I have seen men wear underwear to the shower and only take them off once the curtain was pulled tight and carefully arranged and put them on again before they leave the shower. At the beaches, the trunks are longer and many no longer even remove their shirts. Even with the men who like to walk around with their pants pulled down below their butts, they are wearing loose boxers underneath (I will never understand that fashion statement). Even when the temps here are in the 90’s, I look out my window and see all the young men wearing long pants and big baggy shirts.

On my table, most men strip naked and lie down on their stomachs with out using the provided towel to cover themselves. Then again, most of them are over 50 and have come there for the express reason of trying to get a sensual massage. Occasionally however I get a local college kid, who will not only use the towel but not take off their underwear. This is of course taken by me as a sign that they most definitely don’t want a sensual massage. On at least two occasions, this was not the case, the young men got erections which were noticeable when the turned over. I was planning on ignoring this but with each, as I was rubbing the belly they would reach and pull their underwear down enough to expose their dick only. I gave them each a manual release and cleaned them up, and the underwear was right back in place as I finished the massage.

This is a fairly new phenomenon in American society, even most of our fathers spent more time naked with other men than we have (OK, so I have spent more time with naked men than my father, but I live an unusual life). My grandfather used to talk about the swimming holes where he and the other men would swim naked all the time. My father was in the army and still talks about the total lack of privacy and that it seemed that he and the other men were naked at least half the time. As for myself, going to school, I remember that showers were required after gym class starting in the 7^th grade and that we had to stay in those showers until the gym instructor came in to be sure we were all in there. Though personally I had no luck in sports in high school, the times that I did participate, the guys in the locker room would talk and laugh and rough house naked for the longest time, at least it seemed so to me. And what about those famous naked parties and concerts of the 60’s?

I stated in an earlier post that I have no problems with being nude in my personal life. While I don’t live my life naked or even spend every possible moment naked, I have been home alone and done exercises naked and been involved with social naked events like naked happy hour, naked yoga and I love staying at clothing optional Bed and Breakfasts.

Doing body work naked is something I have already discussed both the pros and the cons. What I want to discuss today is the effect that can have on the rest of your life.

I spend more time than ever before in my life naked now. I often don’t bother to dress after my shower in the morning until it is time for my first client. So I do all the set up and watch my morning television and drink my morning coffee in the nude. I then put on my shorts, shirt and shoes so I am ready to receive my first client. If it is someone I have done nude massage with before, I undress again once they are in my apartment. I dress again when the session is over and see them out. I will then most likely undress again and jump in the shower again so I am as fresh as can be for the next client and repeat the process.

When my “work” day is over, I stay dressed from then on. I feel no need to frolic around naked in the evening when I have been naked most of the day. Now if my partner wants to get naked and have some fun, great! Otherwise, I will stay dressed. I even wear pajamas to bed these days. I never used to.

Even going to naked happy hour or staying at the clothing optional Bed and Breakfasts isn’t quite the same. It does not hold the titillation that it once did. I see naked people every day on my table. I see lots and lots of naked people. I am often naked with these naked people, this is my job. It kind of takes the fun out these social situations.

For example, I was at a clothing optional Bed and Breakfast this spring with some friends and my partner. I have been to this particular place before and often had a wonderful time. I still had a good time but it was so different. In the past the thought of running around naked and lying out naked and swimming naked and hot tubing naked was all quite exciting. I was being naughty. Everyone around me was being naughty. It was fun looking at the penises and the buttocks. It was fun looking at the guys looking at the other guys. I liked watching the guys just showing off or the timid ones so nervous that they would only flash themselves occasionally as if by accident “oops, my towel fell and my penis is showing.” My partner is often in that category. There is also the famous “my balls are sweating, excuse me while I scratch them” or “this book is so good it’s getting me aroused, hope it doesn’t bother you.”

However, this time I was there and got naked and sat in my lounge chair and actually read my book. Every so often I would remind myself that there is probably stuff to see if I look up and so I would, but often found myself wishing the new Harry Potter book was already out. There were boys there being very playful with each other and putting on quite a show, I hardly noticed and when I did, I turned away and went back to my book. Normally, when in the hot tub, it is always exciting to see who will show up and take a seat next to me. This time when a decent guy sat next to me and reached over, all that went through my head was “well, so much for enjoying the hot tub, I guess I will go back out and enjoy my book and let the rest of these guys enjoy each other.” Again, I want to emphasize that I had a good time, just a different time than in the past. I was not offended by the behavior of the others, quite the contrary, I thought it was cute. That’s right, I said cute. However, I was on vacation and I did not need to be aroused all day or naked all day (though I still was a lot of the time) or looking at other aroused naked men all day.

So are the days of me getting titillated by the mere presence of other naked men in social situations over? I am sure they are not. I still have a wicked sex drive and tend to like to orgasm at least once a day, and that will always be more pleasurable with someone else. There is just no longer any sense of urgency or the horrible fear that I will miss something exciting if I get wrapped up in my book or if I miss a naked happy hour.

In the course of my life, I have seen more erect penises than any one should. I have had my penis touched by more people than any one should. I have come to the understanding that quality is indeed better than quantity. I know that there will always be missed opportunities but better still there will be more opportunities should I choose to look for them. I am as comfortable naked as I think I could possibly be and think it is a shame that more people are not that comfortable. Of course there is something to be said about a little bit of mystery. Personally, if I could, I would wear a sarong around my waist with nothing under it at all times, but I doubt that style will ever be in vogue in the US.

While I was in Paris, I found the men there to be a lot more open about both sex and nudity. They have more than bar that is all nude, all the time. The bath houses have more men completely naked than men in towels. Even in the “seedy” video booths at an adult bookstore, the men strip naked. The men were also far more passionate within the context of anonymous sex. Not only were they naked, having sex with strangers in public, but they kissed and hugged and rubbed and caressed each other like secret lovers meeting briefly before they must return to their dull lives. If you have ever seen anonymous sex in an American bath house, it is barely sex. It is all about the penis and how quickly can they get off.

I am not sure where all this is heading. Has the internet made us so introverted that we fear connections with others all together? Is more or less nudity better? Are we headed for some strange puritanical time? If we are, I am quite certain that my business will pick up. The less we connect with those around us, the more likely people will look for those of us they can pay for some sort of physical connection.

- Jack

A question asked and answered

Hello Jack,

While passing some time surfing the web this weekend, I came across your blog, "Confessions of a Bodyworker." I found it to be quite an interesting read and I thought I'd drop you a note to possibly obtain some advice from you.

Long story short: About five or six years ago, I purchased a portable massage table and some Biotone lotions with the intent of getting myself ready to take professional massage training. (Plus the fact that the guy I was dating at the time was a dancer and I would frequently massage him after his rehearsals and it was just easier to use a table then massage him in bed). I'm from the Washington, DC, area and there's a school near here, the Potomac Massage Institute that was offering classes. After I saw the time involved (inconvenient given my day job and how long it would take to satisfy the course curriculum) as well as the cost involved (yeesh, you'd think I was going back to college with the cost of their courses) I decided to abandon the idea. Needless to say, over the years I've used my table maybe once or twice a year.

Still being interested in massage (and, like most people, not able to afford one as regularly as I would like) I thought: join a massage group to practice, learn and exchange from other like-minded individuals. Wow, second big mistake. Most of the guys I met weren't interested in the "exchange" part of the massage and nine times out of ten I would be left massage-less after having performed a massage on someone else. Plus, let's face it, there are times when I simply want to receive only and there are other times when I simply want to give only.

Okay, enough history as I don't want to write the next great American novel here. While reading through your blog, I read where you had mentioned working with other massage therapists in order to at least learn the craft and to strengthen your knowledge of the craft. Now why didn't I think of that? LOL. Okay, I'm going to digress and go back to the "history" part - LOL. I have attended a few group massage workshops which were held in my area, but I found those to be almost of no use: most guys in attendance weren't there for the "learning" and I found it difficult to learn massage in 10 minutes of "here's how you do it" and the rest of the time "doing it." Hence, I've stopped going to those workshops. Guess that there's the third mistake. Fourth big mistake was attending a weekend-long "Body Electric" workshop which wasn't about learning massage as I had thought - don't even get me started on that...

Anyway, back at the ranch.... I'm interested in knowing how you went about locating a massage therapist that was interested in working/teaching/mentoring you. Were most of them open to the idea? Did you scan the classifieds/Internet for therapists in your area, contact them and see what they had to say? Did you offer to pay them for their teaching or did they request a fee for their teaching you? Paying someone individually to teach me is something I wouldn't mind doing and is something I'd have to do anyway if I were to take classes. That being said, did you find that there was a "going rate" that these therapists charged (or that you offered) for their teaching you? Was it more of a "bartering" system (they taught you and then they let you practice on them?) Lastly, given that everyone learns at different rates, how long did it take (or how many "classes" did it take) for you to feel comfortable enough in your skills to "perform a paying massage?"

I figured it couldn't hurt to revive my idea of wanting to learn how to perform a massage and hey, maybe down the road I might make a little bit of pocket cash from it, or at least get a better sense of how to perform a massage.

I appreciate any insight you'd be able to provide. Have a great weekend.

Wayne

Hello Wayne,

So sorry to hear your experiences in the DC area have not been all that you had hoped for especially with these different groups. They all sound like they should have been great ideas.

I do have a pet peeve against Massage Schools. The owners of such schools are in it for the money and there is a lot of money to be made. Most of the teacher are massage therapists who are not making enough money from their own practice so they take teaching jobs. They are usually woefully underpaid in these positions as well since massage schools are about profit. It is also a bit absurd that as each year goes by, the schools petition their State Legislature to pass laws requiring more hours than any of the teachers ever had to take.

Body Electric has gone through many changes over the years. My understanding is that it started off as a massage type work but has developed over the years into other things. The school itself has changed hands a few times and there are very few people left from the original group. It seems now more than ever the work is about connecting with your sexual selves. A worthwhile endeavor for many but not for all.

Massage exchange groups can be great or terrible. Most of it depends on the people running them. When it is just an on-line meet-up group, the owners of the group probably have little control over people's behavior. The only control they have is maintaining requirements for membership and that is not a lot.

In many places in the country, there are actual massage sessions/classes for men. This would be a scenario where everyone pays a fee to take a classes from a professional and practice on each other. They would all meet once a week for say 6 to 10 weeks for at least 3 hours a session. The first bit of time is spent in discussion and demonstration of a particular series of massage strokes, then next is spent with half the class practicing on the other half while the instructor watches, going from table to table, and then they would switch. All of this is usually set up by a private massage therapist who serves as the instructor. The groups are usually quite small since it takes one table for every two participants which creates an issue with both having access to the tables and the space for them.

Another scenario in the San Francisco area is a larger scale of a once a week meeting that is supervised by massage therapists, but is not necessarily as educational based. It is set up that everyone receive for an hour and give for an hour. It is monitored so that while it can be sensual it is definitely not erotic (no, orgasms, lips). While it is a scenario that people can learn from each other, if you are partnered up with someone who knows nothing, you will get nothing.

So how did I do it? Well first I paid for massages to find therapists that I like. Then I expressed to them my interest in learning some massage techniques. How it worked out from there varies. There was one that I would pay for a session and he would give me a massage for an hour and then he would lie on the table for an hour or 30 minutes where I could practice on him for a fee, all prearranged. I paid him for his time since he needed to make a living.

Another arrangement I made with a different therapist was I arranged a private series of classes. I found two other people who were interested in learning massage, together we booked three 90 minute sessions with a therapist whom I had discussed this with, then he taught us lessons with demonstrations, and practice on each other. He did not have to do any extra work as far as formally trying to set up a class and got paid his normal rate for his time and we each got a break on the cost.

I have also had the privilege of private free lessons from a very kind massage therapist. I was his client first for some time and when I expressed my interest, he offered up his services. It is more difficult to learn this way since an ideal situation involves three people so you can watch a stroke before you attempt a stroke. However, he would talk me through certain strokes as I practiced on him. Occasionally he would jump up and we would switch places and he would demonstrate on me then switch back and let me try again. I know that this is a rare occurrence. A big part of my education was really paying attention when receiving massage. I also bought a few massage tapes which were OK and allowed me to watch strokes and learn a routine, but nothing beats hands on training.

As far as the length of time, I spent at least two years with massage therapists before I started to do exchanges with new people. It was probably another two years before I started charging. I am still learning with every massage exchange I do and with every massage I receive.

All that being said, realize that as you go into this path that men wanting sex is always going to be an issue. Men who want sex for a teaching. Men who want sex for being practiced on, men who want to hire you for sex. Even the most professional massage therapists often expect sex after or during an exchange. If this is going to be a big issue for you, then you are truly following the wrong path. If you can and are willing to deal with this and can set your limits, tell people your limits, deal with it when people test your limits repeatedly then you may be OK.

I hope that some of this helps. Let me know how things go and if you have any more questions.

- Jack

On a more positive note

After a couple of somewhat negative posts, I want to assure you that there are a lot of perks to this life as well.

Take for example my client yesterday. He was a very beautiful 26 year old man of what I believe was Italian mixed with something very large, possible Swedish. He stood 6’6” tall and weighed in at about 220 pounds which was so perfectly distributed, I was almost breathless. All he needed was a stronger chin and a couple of years on him and the guy would have been my perfect wet dream. The knowledge that these things will probably come with time just made it that much hotter.

Just so you understand, a man like this is rare under normal circumstances, so for one to walk in the door and want to strip naked and be rubbed all over by you can be pretty amazing. He had asked specifically for a sensual massage. I knew him from an on-line group so I knew his age, height and weight before I saw him. I figured at least some of it was going to be a lie. I had prepared myself for someone just over 6’, 30 something, and really overweight. At the very least I figured he would be plain looking if not down right ugly, we all know that good stats don’t necessarily translate to good looking. Not that it matters as far as the bodywork goes, in all cases I try to find something that appeals to me and focus on it to keep me in to the moment of the work. I confess that I often envision the worst case scenario before a new client arrives, that way I am usually pleasantly surprised, not always, but usually.

So I receive his call that he has arrived and is waiting at the front door of my building. I sometimes try to peak through the curtains to catch them on the sidewalk before they reach my door so I have an idea of what I am in for, but I had missed this one. I open the door and there he is in all his beauty, charming sweet youthful face, dark wavy hair, bright blue eyes, recently tanned skin, nice chest, flat stomach, narrow hips, long legs and so tall. I am 6’ myself, so I can appreciate a tall man. He is dressed in rather a preppy style with a striped button down shirt and khaki shorts and leather sandals. I shake his hand and welcome him in. I offer him some water and the use of the bathroom before we start. When asked if he has any aches or pains that need to be worked on, he replies that he is fine and just looking for something relaxing and fun. Yeah for me! I instruct him to undress and lie face down on the table, show him the towel to cover himself if he so chooses and excuse myself to wash my hands. Even though he has asked for a sensual massage I do not disrobe myself. For one thing, he has not asked for it, for anther I rarely if ever disrobe with a new client, and lastly, he appears to be in much better shape than I am. I wait an appropriate amount of time for the client to be on table before I return, most clients prefer to be face down the first time I see them nude. Walking into the room, he is in the position; face in the cradle, lying on his stomach, his feet hanging over the bolster giving a nice line to those incredibly long legs, his torso an almost perfect V shape leading down to a most pleasing uncovered butt (they almost never use the towel to cover themselves).

It is worth mentioning here that in my normal everyday “private” sex life I am a top. I am a top who really loves a good butt; always have as long as I could remember. In first grade I remember staring at Jeffery H’s bubble butt in his tight corduroys and not knowing why I thought it was so beautiful. When I was first entering puberty and being inundated with messages from all around me that I am supposed to be sexually attracted to girls, I only really ever found their butts attractive. I have never had much use for their breasts. In high school, Jeff H was into all kinds of sports and had one of those short compact bodies that’s all muscle with an arched back and a butt that went on for days. We were never really friends, nor were we ever enemies, we traveled in completely different circles, but we did have a few classes together including one year when we had gym together and I got to see him in the showers on a regular basis. Careful to never look for too long for fear of being caught or developing an erection, I would however steal a glimpse whenever I could. Being a jock type, he liked to walk around naked in the locker room. I was still pretty certain that I was straight, the whole gay thing was something that happened to other people in other towns, but Jeff’s butt was a huge clue. You see we lived in the Midwest and most men’s butts were really flat. Even most of the athletes in the school only had a marginal behind and really could not fill out their jeans properly. Jeff was the first bubble butt that I had ever seen. He did have a rather small penis though. I am sure he was impossible straight as well. Even if I could have figured out my interest in him, it would have done no good. Besides, in those days I was one of the fat kids, always picked 2^nd last for teams always coming in 2^nd last in races (there was one fatter boy), and getting at least one fat joke a day.

I digress, back to the boy on the table. His name was Tim by the way. Tim did not have a bubble butt or a muscle butt; rather he had a man’s butt with just a hint of baby fat on it. As nice as it was, there was again the knowledge that in a couple years, it would be better. It is unusual for a tall white man to have a nice butt, fortunately it is not impossible. Thank goodness the boy wanted a 90 minute session; it will take me that long to touch every inch of this body.

As I said before, I have elected to keep my clothes on. I start working on Tim from the top, working his back and shoulders. It is with the shoulders that he makes his first move at stoking my leg; I do not pull away. I finish with the back and skip down to the feet to work my way back up. His feet are good sized. This may or may not mean that he has a large penis. Over the years I have been able to do an extensive if informal study on body proportions. It is true that generally speaking, the larger the hands and feet, the larger the penis. There are a great number of exceptions to this rule so you never really know, but it is a decent bet. Normally clients push their penis down between their legs as they first lie down. The reason is so that I don’t miss it when they get an erection. Some men do keep their penis pointing up which is actually more comfortable for them and probably more exciting as the underside can then rub against the flannel sheet, however this does often lead to premature ejaculation. Tim’s penis is pointing down but is remaining quite flaccid so all I can see is a shriveled head. As I work up the first leg, I usually get to watch the penis stretch out; forcing its way in short throbs further down between the client’s legs. Tim’s has not moved yet. Even as I work the inner thigh, it is only showing minimal interest. Tim’s hand however is grazing my leg through my shorts again. As I move his leg so I can reach under his inner thigh, his hand finds my dick sporting a semi-woody. I have had a semi-woody this entire session. As he grasps my dick through the shorts his penis takes off, throbbing urgently and quickly lengthening down between his legs. It looks like his penis will be a nice proportionate size to the rest of his body with out being an “oh my god” moment. It also looks like young Tim really likes penis.

I move to the other leg and start again from the foot. I watch the turgid penis slowly deflate. I work my way up the leg and nothing more than occasional nod from the penis head. His hand finds my dick again through my shorts and his penis is again off to the races. OK. This is what turns the boy on, having his hand on my dick, even if it is through my shorts. I am about to spend some major time working on his butt from first one side of the table and then the other, the entire time my crotch will be right next to the table within easy reach of his hand. I am pretty sure he would rather I take my shorts off at this point so he can just go ahead and stroke my dick, the question is will I?

Since it is so obvious that the only thing that excites the boy is touching my dick, I let him have it. I strip off my clothes before I work on his butt so that he can stroke my dick, and boy does he! I have to fight for focus and concentration and most importantly, to not ejaculate. I am in control of the situation, I do not ejaculate with clients, and I have to make sure that he does not ejaculate until I want him to. It is hard to tell if the work I am doing on his butt is having any effect on him at all, since he is really into my penis. I finish this part of the massage by climbing onto the table and working his butt and back from that angle. This means that my penis will come in contact with his ass but not the actual sphincter; at this point I can determine what a client wants by how much he tries or does not try to get my penis to connect with his sphincter. Tim barely moves at all, so I can assume he is not interested in prostate work in this session. I towel him off and have him turn over.

His penis has shrunk again. It happens. He takes a sip of the water he is offered and lays back down on the table and closes his eyes. He said nothing about my nudity and made no effort to touch me during this break. My erection is still pretty full. I move to above his head and start working his chest. I test the water around the nipples to see how sensitive they are. While they do stiffen a bit, the penis does not move at all, not that unusual in one of his age, some men have very sensitive nipples very early, but far more men develop sensitive nipples as the years go by. I am purposely trying to keep my hips away from the table so I am not hitting him in the head with my penis. It just seems rude to me. I notice however that he is moving his head from sided to side and stretching his neck, he is trying to find my penis with his head while his eyes are closed. Fine, you want the penis, here it is, I will slide it up along side your left ear as I work your right tit. He feels it and a big smile brightens his face and his penis re-inflates in no time at all. I move to work the left tit and move my penis to his right ear; he rolls his head on top of it and smiles. His erection is throbbing. I move to the left side of his body and start working on his belly in circular motions, brushing his pubic bush. His left hand finds my penis and begins to stroke, his eyes remain closed and his penis throbs and leaks. I move to the right side and continue the circular motions, his right hand finds my penis, and his penis is leaking more. I then go for the “no touch zone” grazing his anus, stroking his testicles, tickling his penis. He strokes me harder. I focus on the task at hand, introducing his nips to the torture associated with the pleasure with penis; I can sense the connection being made. I go back and repeat the steps: anus, testicles, penis, and nips. He is oozing quite a lot now and his body is writhing. His right hand is stroking me and his left is grasping the table; his eyes are clamped shut. I stroke his penis with one hand as I alternate between his nips and his balls with the other. He is close now. I settle with the ball play while I continue to stroke his penis, trying not to go to fast, slowing a bit when he looks close, wanting to prolong his moment as long as possible. With a little vocal encouragement, I send him over the edge, milking out every last drop and he thrashes a bit on the table. When he is lying still again, I remove my penis from his grip and grab a towel to wipe him down. His eyes remain shut. I continue the massage with leg work, arm work, neck and a face massage and finally a light touch over his entire body leaving him with goose flesh. I wipe him down with a fresh towel and cover him. I ask how he is feeling, he is fine. I excuse myself to wash up and dress and tell him to lie still until I return.

He is very relaxed now. I give him water to drink and tell him about what I found on his body as far as tightness and where he needs to stretch. He thanks me and dresses in front of me as I clean up the towels and massage cream. He writes me a check for my fees and thanks me again. I wish him well and tell him I hope to see him again. He smiles and leaves.

This is what a really good day can be like. - Jack

Exchanges and Contadictions

I had a massage exchange today. Professionals do that with each other every so often. It is a way for us to get a massage with out paying for it, and a chance for us to share our knowledge with each other. These are often sensual massages since there is no money changing hands so even they most conservative of masseurs will feel at ease and have a little fun.

I mention this because it was a very odd experience, from the moment I was contacted this was all odd.

I did the exchange with a therapist that I did not know. He contacted me first from an ad on the internet where I was advertising my “legit” bodywork. His first email to me was something to the effect of “hung top looking for sensual massage” to which I responded that he would probably be happier with someone else. I never take these guys who start off with “hung top” or “total bottom” since they are looking for a cheap hooker. He sends another email with "I just thought since you have a dick pic up that you were up for sensual massage." I freaked out, where the heck do I have a dick pic up? I looked at my sites and there were none showing, none on my profiles, where had he seen this? So I ask him and responds that it was a massage exchange site. OK, well that is a different thing all together, I explain that yes, I do sensual massage in exchanges with other professionals but the ad he responded to is for my paying bodywork. He informs me that he is professional LMT and was looking for a sensual massage and was willing to pay for it or to do an exchange. I think that I could really use a massage, great! We agree to meet for a sensual massage exchange, with the understanding that sensual meant that while we would both be nude, there would be no sexual intercourse other than manual release. I do a quick search for his info on the net and find that he was an LMT in California and apparently recently moved back in the area.

OK, so today we do the exchange. He is about 10 years older than I am with an average body, definitely a few extra pounds but not obese. None of us are perfect. We did it at my place where I am absorbing all the costs, towels, sheets, massage cream, bottled water, etc. Normally when I have done exchanges there is always a bit of discussion about who gives and who receives first. Everyone secretly wants to give the massage first and receive second since few people really want to hop off the table after receiving a great massage and have to go to work. The default answer is that the host will give first since they have set things up the way that they like them. The person who gives the first massage also sets the tone, expectations and the boundaries that will or will not be crossed. So this guy arrives and immediately starts taking off his clothes and jumps on the table, no chit chat. OK. So I disrobe as well and start giving him my best combination of Swedish, Deep Tissue and Sensual bodywork. I know that he is a total top from his first email, but since this is a hands only affair, the only thing that means to me is he may or may not enjoy work on his butt. From the beginning he is doing a lot of stroking of my legs and commenting how much he likes them. I give him a full 90 minute massage with the usual release about ¾ of the way through. He seems to really be into the sensual aspects and likes it when I am near his butt, so I include a fair amount of butt work and he tells me that maybe he is a bit of bottom after all. He is erect through most of the massage and there is plenty of mutual touch when we are working toward the release. He loves the release and is pretty spent. Fortunately for me that he will have a good 30 minutes or more to recover before we switch.

After I am finished with the massage, I start changing the sheets and he asks that we lower the table a few inches, so we flip it and lower each of the legs. I put on the new sheets and ask if he needs anything before I lie down, he assures me he does not and we start the massage. He asks if I need any special work and I tell him that my right shoulder has been a bit stiff. The massage he is giving is very deep tissue, he works both shoulders hard but not any more time on the right than on the left. So he couldn’t remember which one was stiff, it happens. It is obvious that he has had formal training, as a matter of fact the massage seems very familiar, like I have had this exact massage before from another therapist in my past somewhere. As he gets close to the old “no touch” zone I start getting erect but he ignores it and my butt. The massage is still very deep tissue with no sensual aspects yet. Well not everyone is into the release being ¾ of the way through, so I guess it will come at the end. I relax and the erection goes away. He is sweating on me, but that can happen. As he getting near the end of the massage I stroke his leg every so often but he seems to oblivious to it. He finishes the massage with a scalp massage and then says “I don’t believe in Happy Endings for massages, I hope that you are OK with that. I believe that you should just enjoy this moment.”

What the hell? What I am supposed to say? No, damn it, I want you to jerk me off? So I mumble the word fine and lie still to “enjoy the moment.” “Are you sure your fine?” Yes I say. “OK then, here’s your water.” So much for even enjoy the moment, there was no moment. I end a massage with an all over soft body touch, then a light toweling off and then cover the body with towels and leave the client in peace for a minute or two while I wash my hands and this is exactly what I did for him. He does none of this. Out of curiosity I glance at the clock, about 50 minutes had passed. I had given him a 90 minute therapeutic and sensual massage with a mind blowing orgasm and got 50 minutes of deep tissue in return with no sensual aspects. He then is dressed and out of there is seconds, no offer to help clean up or small talk, just out.

When will I learn? This is not the first time that I have had a disappointing exchange. My shoulder is still stiff as well. What really got my goat was that he came to me for a sensual massage but then says he doesn’t believe in giving one? What kind of freak is that? Talk about someone with serious problems.

There are a lot masseurs and body workers who never do exchanges for these very reasons. Unfortunately I can’t afford to get massages as often as I would like. So, life goes on. I take chances and I get disappointed. Not getting a great massage is not the end of the world. I was hoping that it would be great and I would have new exchange partner and perhaps even a new friend with whom I could talk to about the business, but whatever.

The really frightening aspect is that I am actually meeting someone in another week or so to do an exchange with, another stranger. Maybe this one will be better. Hope is springs eternal.

- Jack

Mama told me there would be days like this

Today was one of those days that makes me want to quit. I had a client that on the surface looked pretty run of the mill, over 50, over weight, bad dye job on the hair, you know the type. Anyway he gets on the table lying face down and almost immediately starts to do the table grind thing. You know, raising and lowering his hips and grinding his penis into the table. Not all that unusual really, just slightly annoying. As I am working on him he rubs my leg a lot, again not all that unusual. He tries to run his hand up under my shorts and I stop him with my hand and he behaves for a moment. Usually this small move lets the customer know that I am in charge and things run my way or no way. I continue the massage while he is lying on his stomach keeping my crotch a safe distance away from the table. I do rub his butt to let him know that yes, I do sensual massage but it is on my terms and my terms are that I will not be nude and I won’t let him touch me unless I choose to. His hips are going wild making it very difficult to give him a proper massage, but whatever.

He turns over for the rest of the massage and starts really grabbing for my crotch. I continue to push his hand away but he is unrelenting. He actually is starting to hurt me as he grabs for my dick and tries to yank and twist it. I should have thrown him off the table but it has been a slow week and I need the money. You would think that after repeatedly pushing his hand away that this guy would get the idea, but no, he then starts trying to pull down my shorts, I remove his hand and pull my shorts up and he goes for it again and starts spewing forth dirty talk about all the things he wants me to do to him and yanking on my shorts. I tell him no, but he continues and actually rips my shorts. I very forcibly remove his hand and hold it down and say no again, that the most he will get is a hand job. I proceed with the hand job and he is writhing all over the place still spewing forth trash. Then he breaks character and tells me he doesn’t want to cum but begs me to finger his butt. OK, so I do that for a moment and again he is spewing forth trash and grabbing for my shorts. I quit with the butt job and move to massage his legs. He is still writhing a bit and talking filth but has stopped grabbing. I finish the legit massage and he tell me that was the best massage he has ever gotten and takes a shower. He gets out and throws some money on the table, I tell him some of the stress things that I found on his body and that he needs to work on stretching and drinking more water and he leaves. I count the money and there is not even a freaking tip. I mean for god’s sake, if you make an ass of yourself and rip a guy’s shorts the least you could do is offer to pay for them or give the guy a decent tip. There is nothing like being treated like a cheap whore to really just ruin your day. I know that a lot of you out there are thinking that I asked for that just by the very nature of what I do. Maybe, that is why on days like this I think I should quit.

What you have to understand is that this guy really isn’t the norm. Most of my clients are very respectful of whatever limits that I set. Most of my clients don’t want anything more than some erotic bodywork. A few of the very straight one get freaked if they even brush up against my leg. Even the ones that I do nude massage with want nothing more than to hold on to my penis for a few moments while I jerk them off. I know that there are a lot of really nice guys out there who truly appreciate what I offer, many who actually need this kind of service. Most are very appreciative.

So what do I do? Like I said before, I should have just kicked him off the table and taken the loss.

So what should the client have done? How should he have behaved?

This is what I would suggest for receivers to get the most out of a massage:

1. Arrive clean (or make arrangements to shower there). By the way, I keep baby wipes in the bathroom, it’s OK to use them, in fact please use them.

2. Arrive on time (or at least call if you are running late).

3. Listen to the masseur. Most of the time they will ask you a questions about your health or what hurts, etc. These are important questions for the masseurs.

4. Be honest. Be honest about your health, what hurts, what you want, what your intentions are.

5. Go to the bathroom before the massage.

6. Try to relax. The best things happen when the receiver just lets go and gives his body over to the giver. Let the masseur move your body, don't try to help. The massage is about you, let go and let it happen. Just sink into the table.

7. If you can, give feedback. Let masseur know if something feels good or if something hurts too much. Grunts and groans or an "Owie" will work just fine. Let them know if you are too cold.

8. When receiving an erotic massage, let the masseur take the lead in the erotic touch, you provide the feedback.

9. If you feel like laughing or crying, let it happen.

10. At the end of the massage, let the Masseur know how it went. They will probably ask, again, be honest.

11. Arrive sober and drug free, it makes the massage much more enjoyable
- Jack

Sharing an interesting Blog

http://beforeyoucome.blogspot.com/
On this Blog was some interesting information including the following. While I don't personally agree with everything here, there are some really good points, and I am quoted in it. - Jack


ADVICE FOR A GOOD EXPERIENCE WITH AN ESCORT OR MASSEUR

The following advice is a compilation of tips from Andre (Escort-Raleigh), Angel (Masseur-LA), Aaron Lawrence (Escort-NJ), Jack (Body Worker-MD), Marcus (Escort-DC), Rock (Masseur-DC), and Brett Silvers (Escort-LA).


- SETTING UP AN APPOINTMENT -

You are not Paying for Sex:
Realize that escorts and masseurs don't sell sex. Escorts sell their
time, not sexual acts. With escorts, what happens during your time
spent together is up to the two of you. It's that simple. As for
masseurs, they sell bodywork, whether it is a light rubdown, a
pressure point treatment, a hot-stone therapy, or a fully naked body-
to-body massage. If any other activity occurs beyond a massage,
during your time spent with a masseur, it has nothing to do with the
money you are paying him. It's that simple.

Since they do not sell sex, escorts and masseurs do not want to talk
with you about having sex with them. Not on the phone, and not face-
to-face, during your appointment. In order to enjoy the services of
an escort or masseur, you need to learn how to discuss their services
correctly. You can pretty much ensure a really bad experience with
any service provider if you ask him how much it would cost to have
sex with you.

The problem is that most people who attempt to associate sex with a
fee, when communicating with an escort or masseur, work for
government agencies or police departments. Or, they are soliciting
hookers. Making this fee/act association will scare a service
provider away, and thus, everybody loses. Avoid this mistake at all
costs and you will have a great new friend just a phone call away.

To avoid delays in communicating with a service provider, keep your
discussion light and fun. Mentioning "acts" might result in your
emails being ignored or your phone conversations cut short. However,
you CAN ask your service provider what he is into, sexually. Just be
sure to make it clear that you are asking this question with regard
to his personal life and lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with two
adults discussing similar likes, interests and what they personally
like in a sexual relationship.

Give Your Phone Number, if Asked:
If you refuse to give a phone number, then you are showing the
service provider that you are already being difficult. He may
conclude that the session might end up being the same way. Realize
that service providers rarely call clients, and if they do, they are
very discreet ("Hi, Mike? This is Jet. Can you talk right now?", or a
phone message left on voicemail like, "Hi, Mike, this is Jimmy.
Please call me when you have a minute.") This demonstrates respect
for privacy and discretion. There are far too many serious clients
out there; it makes no sense for escorts and masseurs to fool around
with someone who is withholding basic information like a phone number.
They are not going to harass you or spread your number around. The
fact is, most service providers are busy people who don't want to
waste their time with such activities.

If an escort or masseur is unable to determine that you are not a
form of oppressive puritan society, then they either will not see
you, or they take a chance on meeting an undesirable client, or a
member of some kind of harassing government agency. This just makes
everything less pleasant. If your service provider did not have to
deal with no-shows, police, or bad apples of any kind, this would not
be an issue. Simply stated, if you give him your phone number, he
will provide better service.

It is actually helpful for most service providers to get as much
information as you feel comfortable providing; including your first
name, your age, your height, your weight, and your general location.
They are going to learn all of this information anyway, so why not
get started on the right foot? It makes the whole process run a lot
smoother and faster.

The reason why service providers hate blocked numbers so much is NOT
because every private caller is calling to bullshit, but because
every bullshit call that they get comes from blocked numbers.

How Smart is He?
Uh... we dunno. But you might be surprised to find that many escorts
and masseurs are very well educated. A startling number of service
providers have advanced degrees, or speak several languages, and are
doing this sort of work by choice - because they LIKE it - and not
out of dire circumstances. This is wise to keep in mind as you speak
with him; he is probably not some downtrodden derelict who has
nothing else to turn towards. Speaking with him as a social equal
will undoubtedly result in a more pleasant exchange. And although it
seems obvious, don't end your phone call by hanging up without
saying "goodbye", even if what he offers is not what you want.

Don't Talk On and On:
An escort's or masseur's time is his commodity: it is literally how
he earns money. Spending time on the telephone talking about your
experience last year with some stud in Barcelona, or your theories on
gays, straights and bisexuals, may be interesting for both of you...
but unfortunately it takes up his time. Remember, many people hire
escorts or masseurs just for this reason; to be able to talk with
someone who can converse on subjects like these. Be considerate
regarding your conversations on the phone. Use the phone call to gain
information about his work, about him, and hopefully, to set up a
session. And save the discourse for your actual appointment.


- YOUR ACTUAL APPOINTMENT -

Arriving:
Do not arrive earlier than your appointment time. Many escorts and
masseurs are prepping to get ready for their session with you. By
arriving earlier than expected, you are rushing your service
provider, and potentially starting the appointment off on a bad note.
If you arrive a bit earlier than expected, wait in your car or
somewhere else (but not just outside his building, most service
providers are very discreet, and do not need people lurking about).

If You are Running Late:
Call the service provider, and tell him! It is just good manners to
stay in touch like that. Do not assume that if you are 15 minutes
late, you can add that time on to the end. If your appointment was
from 6pm to 7pm, and you are running 15 or 20 minutes late, then you
should still plan to be finished at 7pm. If the service provider
offers not to rush, that's fine, but it should ultimately be his
choice. He might have another appointment - even an hour later - and
in between he may need to eat a meal, or prepare in other ways for
the upcoming session.

Be Clean:
This means several things. Make sure your body is not smelly or
dirty. Make sure you are cleaned out, inside. Make sure your breath
is fresh. And make sure you're not totally drugged out, or drunk.

If He is Coming to Your Hotel Room:
If the service provider is meeting you in your hotel room, expect him
to go immediately to the bathroom to make sure there are no
additional "guests". Do not be alarmed by this. Sometimes clients
surprise escorts or masseurs by bringing a friend along without
warning (this is never a good idea!!) It can annoy or even scare
your service provider, and will destroy the mood. Upon finding no
unexpected guests, you can then expect him to lock all of the doors
in the room (including sliding glass doors or doors to adjoining
rooms). The time you have purchased is for you alone. With all the
doors locked, he will have a much easier time concentrating on you,
and you on him.

If He is in Your Place, Offer Him a Drink:
But only offer beverages to your service provider which are sealed in
bottles or cans. No escort or masseur wants to get dosed with any
kind of drug, or have to worry about it, so to avoid this, it's a
great idea to follow the sealed bottle/can rule. If he does accept a
beverage from you, expect him to drink it fast, or not to put the
container down until it's finished, due to the above reasons. Once
trust is established, or you're a repeat client, this will not be an
issue.

No "Clock Watchers", but Someone's got to Keep an Eye on the Time:
Clarify with the service provider who is to keep track of time.
Escorts and masseurs handle this in different ways, and direct, up-
front communication is best. This way you will know, if you go over
your paid time, whether or not you are expected to pay additional
moneys/fees. If YOU are to watch your time, then you should be ready
to pay an additional amount (should you go over). If HE is
responsible for keeping an eye on the time, you are in the clear.
Remember that escorts and masseurs work in a service industry like
any other, and their time, alas, is money.

Be Safe:
If you have a disease, or if something is unusual with your health,
tell him up front (ideally, on the phone or in email, before you
meet). This includes all kinds of health situations, from an open
cut, to an amputated leg, to warts, to a bloody hangnail...
hopefully, you get the point. Don't put the service provider at risk
for any STD without his full knowledge and consent. Moreover, do not
bareback without getting an OK. Contrary to what you may think, many
service providers do not bareback, ever! And just to be clear, do not
decide by yourself to remove a condom before a particular activity is
finished.

Don't Videotape or Photograph the Session Without his Consent:
You run the risk of your camera being confiscated, demolished, or
simply thrown out the window. You also run the risk of being
blacklisted in your community. And you can be absolutely sure the
service provider will never see you again.

No Drug Use:
Don't use drugs in the presence of the escort or masseur, unless this
has been previously discussed, or if it is a mutually agreed upon
activity.

Treat Him with Respect:
Just because you are paying does not mean you are the only one in
control. In fact, your appointment is not supposed to be about
control (unless a little leather is involved). DO NOT treat the
service person like an object. He is a human being, and he is making
his time available to you, as eye candy on your arm, a dinner guest,
a travel companion, a drinking buddy, a body worker, or what have
you. Treat him as you would have someone treat you, and you are
likely to have a hell of a lot more fun. The only time this doesn't
apply is during role-play, providing it is consensual.

A Couple Points for Couples:
Sometimes couples (husband and wife, gay partners, a man and his
mistress, etc) like to hire escorts or masseurs. Both people in the
couple might be actively involved with the service provider, or it
may be only one person within the couple. If you're in the latter
scenario, and one of you is planning to watch the session, do so with
a degree of sensitivity.

Find out if the service provider would prefer that the person
watching remain clothed, or undressed. Either way, don't watch from
too close of a distance: no one likes to feel like an animal in a zoo
(or an insect under a microscope!). And keep quiet... the session
should not involve you talking, if you are the one there to watch.
The activity, including conversation, should be between the service
provider and the person who is actively involved, unless previously
arranged otherwise.


- A HAPPY ENDING -

Don't Ask for Him to be Your Friend, or Boyfriend:
You can expect an escort or masseur to treat you professionally. He
sees you as a client, and perhaps as an "appointment-based friend".
He will not view you as his friend to hang out with for free, a buddy
to be with for movies or dinner, or his boyfriend/girlfriend. With
escorts and masseurs, you should not be looking for a friendship,
relationship, nor romance. Don't expect to get together without any
fees, and don't put the service provider in the uncomfortable
position of having to clarify the above directly to your face.

Pay as Agreed, and Then Some:
Pay the service provider what he originally asked for, and if you are
happy with the experience, go ahead and leave a tip, too.

All escorts and masseurs will tell you what they expect in pay,
before they get there. So don't make them ask you for money. Leave
the agreed moneys/fees on the dresser, bed, coffee table, etc. Leave
it in plain view, and expect the service provider to count it.
Wouldn't you, if your positions were reversed?

Realize that above all, this is a service-based industry. Even if he
absolutely loves what he is doing, he is still working hard to please
you. With a variety of clients, it truly is work, what with
anticipating each individual's likes and dislikes. You should ALWAYS
tip your service provider, even if it is a minor amount, unless his
service was truly awful. The fact is that everyone likes to be told
they are doing a great job, and this gesture, even if only ten or
twenty dollars, communicates that message. A GENEROUS CLIENT IS NOT
FORGOTTEN. You may have heard that "T.I.P." is an acronym for "To
Insure Promptness", but it can also mean "To Insure P_ _ _ _".

What could the "P" stand for? Hmmmm. It should be obvious. A good
tipper naturally gains PRIORITY when he or she wants another
appointment!

However you T.I.P., realize that tipping will undoubtedly result in a
better time for you. And for most people, that's what it's all about.

My Cliental

So who comes to see a male body worker? Well, anyone who wants to have some good male contact. Like who?

Well, most of my clients are married or partnered. No judgment there, they just are. There are a few who are single as well. Again, no judgment there, they just are. Well over half are in a relationship with a woman, most happily so. Some are not, again, no judgment. For many, I am there first sensual contact with another man. For others, I am one among many.

I have a cowboy who drives over 50 miles to come see me. He is in his 20’s and lives on a horse ranch, a true cowboy. I was his first experience with a man. He has a girlfriend that he may marry one day. He just wanted to know what it was like to try something with a guy, he had fantasized about it. So he came to me for a massage with some sensual aspect to it. The first massage he just laid there and received. The next massage he reached out and felt for my penis, just rested his hand on it through my shorts. The third time he wanted to see it and touch it. He looked, he felt, and then he just held on to it, that was that. I give him a normal virgin body work session. A combination of Swedish and Deep Tissue with a little grazing here and there, a thorough glute massage, light touch across the anus and when it is time for the release, manual stroke of the penis with caressing of the balls and occasional tweak of the nipple. It has never gone further and probably never will.

Another client is a middle aged gentleman who fixes computers in his home where he takes care of his aging parents. Before coming to me, he usually went to one of those Korean massage parlors where the girls give a BJ with a $20 tip. He came to see me because he hurt his back and wanted a real massage. I gave him a real massage, properly draped. At the end, he got an erection. He was embarrassed at first, but I asked him if he wanted me to take care of that. He looked at me for a moment and said “That’s not what I came for but if you want….” So I grabbed his penis and started stroking slowly and he said “Y’know that feels really….” He never finished the statement because he was in the throws of orgasm. He then apologized that he couldn’t return the favor and I said with a smile that no one expected him to. He has been a regular client ever since. He sent me an email once worried about what it meant about his sexuality that he would rather come to me than go the Korean girls. I replied that there was no need to worry about who thinks what or what it might mean, if it feels good and doesn’t hurt anyone, just go with it, but I would understand if he decided not to return. He still sees me.

I have a very nice gentleman whom I refer to in my database as Grandpa Walton, it’s just who he reminds me of every time I see him. He has been married for years and years and loves his wife. However he has always had a thing for men as well. For most of his marriage he chose not to do anything about it, his options were limited as well. In modern day America in a large city, there are options for married men. I am a part of those options. He sees me every other week and I give him a full body work session that includes every part of his body. I do it in the nude so he can watch me and can reach out and touch me occasionally, and then he goes home to his wife. He may do other things to satisfy his urges, I don’t know. No judgment from me if he does or does not.

Then there is my Dickensian old man with his maimed limb. He is old and bitter and very rich and very alone. His wife left him taking everything she could. If she left because of his feelings for other men or just because she was tired of his attitude or just because she realized he had about as much money as he would ever be able to make, I don’t know. No one will spend much time with this gentleman unless they are trying to take something from him. His money, his home or one of the hundreds of antiques he talks on and on about, he really has no personal redeeming qualities. The interesting thing is that he perfectly OK with this. He sees our time together as a business transaction. He pays me to rub his body and to release him. I am cheaper than a prostitute. He will try to push the limits and I enforce them. He respects the fact that I have my limits. He is wealthy so he never tips, but he is a regular customer. I also believe that he comes back because no one else will take him more than once.

There are many other stories like a retired Army Major who is married and I am his first experience with a man. There are men who have been in long term relationships with their partners for years and years but just want a little pampering from me. There is a retired mathematician who worked for the Defense Dept who was not allowed to express his sexuality during his career. I have authors, psychologists, architects, porn stars, professors, students, realtors, and a couple of political types and one or two entertainment types. They are old (mostly) and young, fat (mostly) and thin, white (mostly) and not, rich or not (mostly), gay, straight, bi (mostly), short, tall, muscled or not, hairy or not, in short, just guys who want to be touched by other men.

- Jack

The Heat is On

I have stated before that this is a fickle business. We are currently in the middle of a Heat Wave and that translates to a really bad week for me. Apparently men don’t think about getting a massage when the temperature is over 90. There are other things that effect my business as well.

The phases of the moon, the week before and the week after the full moon are normally busy times for me, unless there is a heat wave. The time around the new moon is very slow. Of course when there is a snow storm I will be sitting alone all day. If rain is in the forecast I will be busy, especially if it is not too hot out and thunderstorms are a possibility. Must be the electricity in the air. Spring is busier than Autumn. Winter and summer are about the same. Though in the summer, I am busier on Fridays and Mondays than in the winter when it is weekend and week day evening work.

I try to end my work day around 6 or 7. The later you work the less people want massage and the more they want to have intercourse. A lot of you would say what’s wrong with that? Well, for one thing, I should charge Hooker prices then. Not that there is anything wrong in my mind with being a prostitute, I just hate being thought of as a cheap hooker.

I often have to laugh to myself when someone says “I have been trying to get a hold of you for weeks, you must be swamped!” Well first off, they never leave a message. If I am busy with a client, I cannot answer the phone. When a day looks like it might be a wash, I may go to the movies, or do the laundry, or go to museum; all bad places for phone reception. Long and short of that is, please leave a message. The second thing that happens is that the call is wanting an appointment in the next half hour, well again, I may not be home, I may have another appointment, or a half dozen other reasons why coming in thirty minutes is just impossible. Another reason why I seem busier than I am, everyone seems to want the same times. Noon (or some time close to noon, which ties up about 2 hours) is popular for people who like to take a long lunch, 4PM is popular for those who want to leave work early, Mondays and Fridays are popular for the many who take three day weekends. So those 4 spots seem to fill pretty regularly and I often have to turn down several people who can only come at those times but have waited too long to call.

Most of us are not rich either. This is not a get rich quick lifestyle. In truth according to the stats of AMTA the average massage therapist makes around $30,000 a year before taxes. Most work a second full time job to make ends meet. Most therapists leave the profession in less than 5 years. There are those I know who make a much better living than this. They are also single and work from 8AM to 12 midnight or later.

So why am I doing this? Well, currently it is because I enjoy it. I haven’t felt the need to be rich lately. I really haven’t felt up to facing the corporate world again. I am bringing home almost the same in cash that my take home pay used to be. I will be screwed come tax time. I do miss the benefits of working in the corporate world, insurance is expensive.

Anyway, back to the heat. I do think it is fascinating that mankind’s internal clock hasn’t changed much since the beginning of time, still controlled by the phases of the moon and the seasons of the year and the weather. Despite being domesticated for centuries, there are still primordial urges locked away deep in our brains just waiting for the right time to surface for the survival of the species. Even when reproducing is not the goal, our senses our heightened and we feel the need to touch, to be touched, to share, and to connect. - Jack

Nude massage. Yes? No? Maybe?

I had given and received massages in the nude before I started doing this for money, usually as an exchange with a fellow masseur. I have no problem with nudity in my personal life. It is not like I spend every possible moment of my life naked, but I have been known to occasionally frolic around the house in the nude, exercise at home nude, gone to the occasional nude gathering of men such as secluded nude picnics, nude hot tubs, nude Bed and Breakfasts, and even an occasional nude happy hour. Now while that may sound like a lot, I would venture to say that I may go to a nude event once every couple of months and time spent nude at home is maybe a few hours a week.

So when doing massage exchanges with other professionals, it is not uncommon that we would both be nude. It is in otherwise a very professional atmosphere. We work with a massage table, use out professional products, use all of our best skills to work sore muscles, our focus is on the therapeutic massage. Erections may come and go during the process and we usually do go ahead and massage the “not touch zone” but again, that is usually only about 90 seconds worth out of what is usually an exchange of 90 minute massages. No money is being exchanged, we are not having sex, it is just two guys trading professional massages in the buff. What could be more natural?

Of course I enjoy receiving a massage from a nude masseur. There is a nice connection felt when his bare leg touches my arm or hand as he works. Looking up from the table, it is often nicer to view a bare chest than a shirt flopping near your face. Even when the “no touch zone” is being worked on it is nice to touch the penis of the giver to make a complete connection of the erotic energy. I have often thought that all massages should be given in the nude, no matter what the giver looks like.

Giving massage in the nude is a little different, though it can still be enjoyable. For the most part in the professional exchange, there is very little difference. There is the issue of accidentally bumping into the receiver with an erection (sometimes an issue, sometimes not). There is the issue of not getting an erection when the receiver thinks you should. There is the issue of focus, giving a massage often takes a great deal of concentration on the part of the giver, this can be difficult if you have an erection wanting attention of it’s own. Then there is just the basic inconveniences of things flopping, occasionally cold floors, and god forbid if I start sweating.

All of this is leading back to my professional practice. In a manner very similar to be asked to perform a “release” on a client I was asked if I would do bodywork in the nude for extra money. My reaction was at first a bit of disbelief mixed with being flattered. I mean it doesn’t happen all that often that someone is willing to give you money just see you naked, well at least it hadn’t happened all that often to me. I then took my clothes off and said “It won’t cost you any extra.”

So now I occasionally do bodywork in the nude. Not with everyone by any means, I don’t even go to the “no touch zone” with everyone. There have been many times when I have regretted the decision to do a massage in the nude. A lot of guys thing that this means there will be sex. There won’t be. Often guys will want to skip the massage all together and go straight to the 90 seconds, which to me just seems silly. Many take this as invitation to grab and play with my body however they choose. Let me tell you that it is very difficult to give a massage to someone who is constantly trying to twist their body around so they can grab or suck your dick. So with each client I need to set up boundaries and the boundaries to very from client to client. If I have been working with a regular client for a number of years, odds are he is going to get different treatment than the guy off the street looking for a cheap hooker. There are some golden rules that I have for my own sake. I do not cum for clients, it is way to impractical to think that I could come for every client or every time a client wants me to, so I opt to never do it. I don’t use anything but my hands in the “no touch zone” this is bodywork after all. I don’t have intercourse of any kind with any of my clients, no matter how much I may want to. Again, it is impractical to think I could do that for everyone or even on demand, not to mention I have a partner who deserves the best of me. To be honest, I like it best when the client just lies there relaxing while I give him the best massage I can. A little mutual touch is fine as long as the focus remains on the client and it doesn’t impede me working on his body. There are those who argue that mutual touch is part of the therapeutic process, and I don’t argue with that, I would just need to charge a hell of a lot more it I am going to be used like that. That kind of work takes it toll on your energy. The way it is I can only take 3 clients a day to give each of them my best (not that I have three clients every day, this business is very fickle and there can be extremely slow periods).

There are also clients that I am so incredibly not attracted to that I will not get nude for. I know that sounds harsh, but let me tell you, there are some unclean and unhealthy people out there with dark places in their souls. There has to be some sort of connection somewhere for this to work, and while I can make some sort of connection with probably 80% of my clients, the other 20% may take some time for me to find something to connect to. Likewise I don’t do nude bodywork for a first time client. I don’t know them, who they are, what they want, if I can trust them. If they are referred to me by somebody I trust, I may be able to but it is still pretty unlikely.

Then there is the case that they might not like what they see when I am naked. It has happened only once that I recall. A young man on his second visit asked if I would consider doing a massage in the nude. I said alright and took off my clothes. Now, I don’t know if it is because he came really early on in the massage quite spontaneously or if he just didn’t like what he saw when he turned over but he asked that I not be nude the next time he wanted bodywork. Se La Vie!

Anyway, that is the long and short of my views of nude bodywork. - Jack