Trapped and needing alone time...

 Business is still about 50% of what it should be. I am afraid it will get worse again before it gets better. 

However, I am grateful that I still have money coming in. Not everyone does right now. I am also an actor, of course that money has completely dried up. Still, not doing too bad. 

One of the more interesting aspects of this fall has been both my hubby and I are working from home. Usually not an issue, he can work on the patio while I do massage. If the weather isn't ideal he can work in his office as long as he remains quiet. But then there are Zoom meetings... Suddenly each day is "I have a client at X time" "Well, I have a Zoom at Y time but should be done by then." Add in last minute schedules of clients and emergency zooms and it can get complicated. This is not how we expected it to be. We thought by the time I could do massage again, he would be at work full time in his office... oh well. On the plus side, I have been getting new clients who are becoming regulars.

I am not sure how other office people are behaving now that they are working from home, but for my husband, he has made the entire house his office. Not that he making a mess everywhere, quite the contrary, he is often just randomly cleaning or tidying. But he does pace through the house when on the phone or when trying to work out an idea. It can be quite disconcerting. On one occasion while he was in his room because I had a client he burst opened the door and started walking into the room, realized his mistake and spun around and got out. He was very apologetic afterwards. Fortunately the client was face down and while he knew what had happened his only response was "your hubby can watch, I don't care. Might be fun!"

It's some of the other private moments that I miss as well. I orgasm everyday, with or without my husband. I love watching or reading (still my favorite) porn for hours while playing with myself until I shoot everywhere. Even though I an absolute top, I like sitting with the Hitachi wand pressing against ass until I start slipping out of reality. While I will occasionally do some of these things with my hubby, I really prefer to do these things alone. However, he is just always here now. And even though he spends most of his time in his office, I never know when he will pop out to either pace around the house or come tell me something he just discovered. Hell, I even jacked off in the shed in the back yard last week, which had it's own slight eroticism to it, but not something I want to make a regular thing. 

Again, in the grand scheme of things, it's not terrible. Sometimes I will just stay up for an extra hour or so after he goes to bed to take care of my personal needs. Not my favorite time of day to do it, but we adjust. I know he is in the same boat, however, he does have his office and he knows I will not disturb him if the door is closed. I have no such space, except supposedly when I give a massage. 

His life has been difficult since the pandemic. He works in education and trying to manage all the teachers, children, parents, advocates, social workers, state and country representatives involved in the day to day education system of our youth in the best of times is near impossible. Trying to manage them through Zoom meetings, on-line class rooms, group texts and conference calls is so much worse. He will quit by the end of the school year. He says this situation has verified that those above him do not have his back. When he leaves, we will take a trip if we are allowed and I will be the bread winner until he lines up something new. Not a big deal, tighten our belts and move on. 

If things get worse with the pandemic (as I expect they will) and we are forced into a complete lockdown again, I have warned him that I will be ripping up the carpets in the house. We bought our house 4 years ago and it has wall to wall beige carpet in all the rooms. There are supposed to be dark stained hardwood floors underneath, though god only knows what shape they are in. The only way to find out is to rip it all up. Something I have been putting off since it would be a major disruption to my business. However, if I am forced to suspend work, up they will come. He is dead set against the idea because he hates having the house in complete disarray. Even the idea of hiring a company come in to replace the current carpet seems to be too much for him to handle. I get it, he wants some control of something in his life. I will do it anyway because if I have nothing to do, I will go mad. If the floors are in decent shape, great! I will buy some area rugs and be done. If they need to be refinished, hopefully I will be able to get that done. If they are completely beyond saving, then new carpet it is! But definitely not beige. 

Is anal sex still taboo?

 This past week, I had a regular client see me. He is in his mid 40's, tall, well built, dark hair, beard and married to a woman. We have experimented with prostate massage before, at first it was just one finger and he was really nervous. Another visit we tried again and he took 2 fingers. This week he was able to take three fingers and he had two in his ass when he came. 

Now to clarify, this man identifies as straight. However, he started playing with my cock during his second visit and was sucking it by his fourth visit. That in my book is all fine, if you want to identify as straight while playing with and sucking cock, who am I to judge? At one time or another, I have had sex with just about every gender variation out there, but I still consider myself gay. 

So the moment where I was taken aback was when the massage was over I told my client (we will call him Don) that he took three fingers up his ass. His response was "Man, don't tell me that!" 

I was speechless for a moment, then I asked him why. "Just don't say that, I'm not ready to hear that." OK. I tell him that it's no big deal, just means that he is relaxed. Then I asked him if he likes prostate massage and fingers in his ass. "Not sure yet." OK. I inform him as I always do, that we never have to do it again and if I am ever doing something he doesn't like, he must tell me to stop. Don replied that yes he knows and it was fine. 

Now I have seen his reaction when he is getting a prostate massage and when he had three fingers going in and out of his ass... he enjoyed it. The issue I believe is one that I have heard from other straight clients is that anal sex is crossing a line from straight to gay. It is the taboo moment that changes who they are. 

On the flip side, it is also one of the most common requests that I get, "can you teach me how to bottom?" Usually from long time clients but also from brand new clients both gay and straight. It is something that they have been interested in but don't want to admit to a sexual partner that they have never done it before. A smart choice as far as I am concerned, we need more education in sex. We also need tops to are willing to learn to be a good top. Communicate what you like and don't like, even in the moment. 

But back to the beginning... I get that there can a psychological hang up over receiving anal sex. It just surprises me is all. If you are willing to have a cock thrusting in and out of your mouth, having three fingers shoved up your ass, why is it such a big leap mentally to actually have a cock ass up your ass? Or is it the IDEA of WANTING a cock up your ass the hang up? Is that what would actually make them have to redefine their personal label of who and what they are?

In my personal world, blow jobs and hand jobs and even Princeton rubs are far more the norm of gay sex than anal sex. It is not at all the first thing that comes to mind when talking about gay sex. To me, being gay is about who you want to spend your life with, not  what orifice you have sex with. Feedback?