How to make your intentions known

not wanting to be rude to you nice men...

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Reply to: serv-503946798@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-09, 4:42PM EST
either you do it or you dont do it, right? that is the question, eh?? only how too get the answer?? do i email you? do i call you on the phone? do i go right out and ask for it, while i'm on the table? some or all of this could be considered so rude though, eh? what if you do it, but you want to feel comfortable with someone before you do, all of the above might get initial false negatives then, eh? so do i see you a few times then drop the "do give hj's bomb"? but i like you so much and enjoy your amazing massages, i dont want to mess up a good thing, do i?? do you give me any clues? you give me a little grin when your sheets or little towel starts moving, hmmm.., you say will that be all making eye contact with the moving towel? you start cracking up when the towel falls on the floor? or am i just misreading your intentions!!??! oh life can be just so confusing sometimes!

I found this on Craigslist. I love Craigslist. You can find anything.

So how do you find out if your therapist does a little extra? First off, realize that unless they advertise in an erotic section of advertising, they probably won’t say much over the phone or on email, remember, doing erotic or even sensual massage is illegal almost everywhere. Not only is there the police to worry about, but the local massage licensing board can revoke one’s license and levy some very heavy fines. So, starting with ad, there are some key words used in the trade, such as draping optional (where allowed by law), anytime a therapist only works on one gender, the word “release”, in some places in the country “full body”, in others it may be “completely satisfied”, if the ad gives the stats of the provider or uses terms to define their looks such as handsome, sexy, or fit. You get the idea. These are terms used to excite the customer into believing that this massage provides a little extra. They do not guarantee something extra. I know many workers who will only do sensual or erotic work on clients they find attractive but still use these terms to boost their client list, however, they are still a good indication that an erotic or sensual massage is at least a possibility. An ad that show a half naked photo of the therapist is also a good indication, but again, not fool proof.

The price is also an indication, though not always. Typically, if a therapist is charging 20% above the average going rate, they probably offer something extra, especially if they work out of their home. Spas are usually above average market price but almost never offer any extras. The most expensive are the rub and tug people who do not really massage but just use it as a front for prostitution clients.

Recommendations are always good way to go. Ask around anonymously on the web; be specific about what you want. Get more than one response. The problem with the web is that it is a great place for petty people to take out their aggressions. Say for example they wanted an erotic massage from someone and did not get it, when they see someone asking for an erotic massage, they may use it as an opportunity to send a pervert to them, sad but true.

When you talk to them on the phone, do they emphasize non-sexual? Do they talk on about medical terms and fancy techniques? These are probably truly non sexual.

Some styles that would indicate something more would be Tantric or Body Electric or in some cases Esalon. If prostate massage is offered or full body scrubs, these could also be signs that extra are being done.

Ask if draping is optional, if it is, the odds that it is a sensual or erotic massage go up.

If you are on the table, be somewhat vocal when touched in a way that you like and when you are touched where you like. If the masseur is close enough to the table that your hand is touching their leg, don't grab of poke or dig but ever so gently stroke lightly with a finger. Spreading your legs as far apart as possible is a good sign as well as arching the back slightly. Keep it all coming from a place of relaxation and enjoyment.

Personally, I believe the best approach is not to worry about it. Assume that the massage is not going to be sensual or erotic and just be pleasantly surprised if it is.

Spirituality

I am not a big believer in organized religions. I was raised very religious, even more so than my parents. I was the youngest of five boys born in a very rural part of Wisconsin. My parents were also raised in rural settings where religion was common but churches were rare and most people would read from the bible and sing hymns at home, at least on the holidays. While they were both raised Christian, neither was raised with a particular denomination. As adults, as they each searched for the right church for them, it was usually based on the rapport with a particular preacher. Somehow the ended up being Wisconsin Synod Lutherans, which is a particularly conservative branch, women couldn’t be full members of the church, vote, but were expected to donate money and time in support of the church.

When I was approaching 3^rd grade, the church opened up a grade school in the church basement. A literal one room school with grades 1-5, my parents helped start the school so of course I was enrolled; my brothers were all too old. I believe there was a total of 20 students that first year and just one teacher. The school grades were extended each year until it taught Kindergarten through 8^th grade and eventually had three teachers.

We started each day with an hour of devotion, a bible story, sing a hymn, go over some memorization, and ask some questions. You see, being a Lutheran grade school, we were taught about how this man Martin Luther had the courage to question his own religion. So we were free to ask a lot of questions of this poor sweet man, our teacher, who tried his best to answer. I heard that about 10 years later he left the church; I would like to think that our questions had something to do with that.

Anyway, my having some sort of religion 6 out of 7 days each week (our family was very good about attending Sunday services), was making me just a bit holier than thou. I knew more about religion than just about anyone I knew, especially my family. By the time I was in the 6^th grade, my teacher was talking to me about a life in the service of god, either as a preacher or as a teacher. I was all for it and was gathering information about the closest Lutheran high school that was far enough away that I would have to be boarded there. This is when my parents stepped in to save me; I did not go to 7^th grade in my one room school. They took me out and sent me to public school. In hindsight, it was the best thing they ever did for me, at the time; I was bitter and a complete social outcast. No one should be overly religious in a public junior high. It wasn’t until I got to high school that I was no longer the biggest freak in the place. I was still not popular and I was quite overweight, but, there were people worse off than I was and I was learning to fit in. My preacher spent the next several years still trying to convince me to go to the seminary. I left the church instead, questioning my religion.

Over the years, I have never joined another organized religion, but I have looked at several and read about many. I like to think that I definitely have a spiritual side, but the answers are not going to be found here. We are more than the sum of our parts. We are all connected to each other. The Dali Lama says that we are on this planet to be happy. We are at our happiest when we give to others.

There is a lot of talk among most massage therapists about the seven chakra points on the body and bringing them into alignment. I end each session connecting the chakras with my hands in a 4 step move. As I do this, a benediction I heard each Sunday as I was growing up in my church goes through my mind: may the good lord bless you and keep you, may the lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you, may the lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

Responsibility

An on-line friend and fellow bodyworker from DC wanted me to share the following with my readers. - Jack

A disturbing piece of information recently came to my attention; many men assume that it is ok to play around with their masseur or body-worker because they are professional and must be disease free and would never do anything to harm them.

In the course of a professional legit massage, there is very little that can happen that would be considered “unsafe.” About the only thing that one would have to worry about is the possible transmission of topical skin issue, such as ringworm or the like. Granted, the news of the MRSA bacteria is scary but still pretty rare, those who have come to see me know that I wash my hands often and have bottles of sanitizer sitting around. One of the simplest ways to keeping clean as a client (for those fearful of MRSA) is to shower (if possible) after a session especially if it goes into sexual activities.

Anything that happens beyond the “legit” massage is a matter of personal choices. We are each responsible for our own health and well being. It would be nice to think that no one would ever purposely harm you, but when it comes right down to it, it is still up to you to keep yourself safe.

Everyone has a slightly different idea of what safe behavior is, when you are on the table, you must come with a clear idea of what safe is to you. The best thing that you can do is arm yourself with information, know what the possible diseases are and what the risk levels of different activities are. Then you can call the shots and say “oh yeah, I love that” or “Stop, I don’t do that” or “wait, do you have a condom? If not, I have one in my pants pocket.” The masseur will understand all of this, trust me. He will have had many requests in his past where he has had to say “Sorry dude, I don’t do that,” and he may end up saying that to you at some point. Again, sex of any type is not part of a massage or bodywork session and is a matter of personal choices and should not be expected of the client or the masseur. Not judging anyone on their behavior, just reminding you to take responsibility for it.

So unless you have your own personal masseur locked up in your playroom night and day waiting for you and only you, remember, what ever he is doing with you he has probably done with others.