Sexual addiction, is it real or is it not? I don't know, there is a lot of discussion in the field of Psychology on this very subject. The definition is one who's sexual urges, behaviors, or thoughts that appear extreme in frequency or feel out of one's control—in terms of being a literal addiction to sexual activity. One who's sexual behavior is beyond the Norm.
Who we are to judge that?
Now granted, when an obsession with sex prohibits you from functioning normally in society, it can be an issue, but is the issue with you or with society? Society's view towards sex changes regularly. What would have been considered taboo a century ago may now be normal. Sex has always been common including many "taboo" activities, they just were usually not discussed in polite society.
OK, so then why am I talking about this? Well, I wonder sometimes. I am not a bad looking man, but I am no movie star. I am now 45 years old and it is starting to show (no more passing for under 40). I have never been muscle bound and always at the top of my HWP range so a little soft around the middle. So I sometimes find it interesting when I am giving a massage and someone wants nothing more than to suck my dick or have me fuck them hard or want to massage me and get me to cum.
Now do I think all of these guys have a sex addiction? Well, honestly no. I know that guys see me for all kinds of reasons. They are not getting what they want at home either from their wife or husband (or they don't have a wife or husband) and seeing me is safe and hassle free. Some guys don't think that they are attractive enough to find their own mate so they pay me. While there are other options for masseurs, I assume that a lot take a chance with me and are willing to stick with it rather than face a bad experience elsewhere.
But there is another group that does make me wonder. When a younger muscle bound guy who could have anyone in any bar or sex club but instead pays me to give him an erotic massage.
A couple cases:
Fred is in his mid 30's, fit and trim, dark hair and lots of money. He tips amazingly well and sees me about every 6 weeks. What he wants is about 15 minutes of shoulder work then the rest of the time he wants my fingers up his ass and his mouth on my cock. This guy could have anyone anytime and yet he comes back to me and pays me to help him get off and begs for me to cum (which I don't). Each time I see him, I assume that it will be the last time since eventually he will find what he is looking for elsewhere. I mean even if doesn't want to date or have a random hookup, there are masseurs who are far more attractive than I who will give him what ever he wants. So why me?
John is about 40 and works as a fitness coach, so he is incredible shape. He also sees me about once every 6 weeks. He does like a decent massage but he also wants me to be naked and to touch and feel me, suck my cock, etc. Really? I mean again, he could have anyone and if you are going to pay, wouldn't you pay for the man you want?
Alex, a cute 30 y/o Hispanic young man, plays lots of soccer. Comes to see me once a month. Normally I would say that he is a closet case who is too afraid to look for a guy, but he is very open and out. Again, he wants to see me naked and touch and feel my body as I rub him down, he wants to suck my dick as I massage his. He loves to have my fingers up his ass and wants to make me feel as good as I make him feel. There are plenty of other guys he could choose from (and he probably does) but still once a month he comes back to pay me.
There are a great number more. It is not like I am the cheapest date in town, there are several guys who are underbidding me. I am not the most expensive either since that would generally mean I am an escort and not a bodyworker (split hairs as much as you like, I am what I define myself to be) . ;-)
So, if these guys can have whoever they want (and some of them must) then is it part of a sexual addiction that brings them back to me?
And what about me? Is it a sexual addiction that drove me to this work? That keeps me here? That keeps my cumming once a day in the evening before I go to bed?
I don't have answers, what do you think?
2 comments:
I would not label any of the behaviors you have mentioned in this post as being indicative of sexual addiction. I agree with what you say, this term "addiction" may be hard to define and may change from decade to decade, country to country. In general, I see sexual addiction as behavior that has disastrous or ruinous results for the sex addict. His addiction completly controls his behavior, and his actions regularly cause significant harm to himself and to his relationships with others (a pattern of job loss, monetary loss, deep emotional pain...)
It doesn't seem odd or baffling that these men come to you for release of sexual tension. Maintaining a relationship with another person, in the gay world or the straight world, is quite complicated and often ends in failure. The divorce rate amongst heteros is 50%. Gays really have nothing legal to bind them together, just their own love and committment. Most therapists will tell you that the number one issue they deal with is relationship problems/issues with the majority of their clients. These guys that come to you feel safe, they know they will get their needs met, they know you will be there, and there are no attachments to complicate matters, just a very pleasant experience. There is a book I've read that is all about how starved we are as a society for "touch"--touch this is safe and nurturing and NOT abusive. There is much fear of touch in our culture. Besides, I have no doubt that you have qualities that they are very drawn to. Great looks, youth, a trim waistline are NOT what everyone is looking for. It's certainly fun to question and analyze things, but in the situations with these men, I'd say just accept it and continue being yourself. Obviously, they really like you, and you are serving them in ways that they both want and need.
A recent article on Sex Addiction: http://news.yahoo.com/sex-addiction-real-disorder-study-suggests-152723552.html
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