Don’t bother asking… I won’t tell

Once again Mike Jones is breaking a cardinal rule… telling on a client.

Former male prostitute links two high-profile sex scandals

PlanetOut Network Tue Dec 4, 7:53 PM ET

SUMMARY: A 50-year-old former prostitute from Denver claims to have had sex with both the Rev. Ted Haggard and the conservative senator Larry Craig.

One of the rising stars of evangelical Christian politics resigns after allegations that he had sex with a man. More than a year later, a conservative U.S. senator is embroiled in a similar scandal.

The allegations against the Rev. Ted Haggard and Sen. Larry Craig have a common thread: A 50-year-old former prostitute from Denver named Mike Jones claims he had sex with both.

''I'll put my credibility up against Larry Craig's,'' Jones told The Associated Press on Monday. ''Here's a man that doesn't know the difference between innocence and guilty … I think people know he's been a liar.

OK, I have never met Mr. Jones, but a body worker, massage therapist, or prostitute never gives out names. They just don’t. The DC madam turned over her phone records, which is almost as bad, because she was being arrested and charged with a crime and the people in those records could come to her defense. Jones is just doing this for spite. Not that I don’t understand his feelings at times, I am not particularly fond men who go out of their way to make life rough for homosexuals and then suck dick or take it up the ass at night. One still does not hand out names. It is the most important rule when dealing in a shadier side of life, you see, when you give names you ruin everyone else’s business as well. If these were the good old days, someone would have taken Jones out of the picture by now, either a fellow worker for ruining the trade or a client who did not what to take any chances. Every time something like this comes up, business takes a nose dive. It is difficult enough to get a client to call since they are convinced that we will track their numbers but now when someone is going public with information just because their face was recognized it is near impossible. So many of my clients will only use email to contact me and change email addresses often. I have talked before how the same man will often give me 2 or 4 different names because they can’t remember which they used with me in the past.

The bigger issue of course is that we live in society that cares about what men or women do in private, whether money is involved or not. If society stopped caring men would stop going to the trouble of living double lives, politicians would stop passing harmful legislation, and maybe we could all get along a little better on this planet. What is it with this mentality that your morals must be my morals? If you don’t like what I do, don’t watch. Is it just that people are afraid that someone is having more fun than they are? Well of course we are, because we are not spending all of our time worrying about what everyone else is doing. We are just living our lives. - Jack

Another common problem

OK, an embarrassing issue that can best be discussed in an online forum. Skin rashes. Below are some links to very good sites that discuss a variety of rashes. For the sake of the therapist, if you have a rash, look it up and get it treated. The vast majority of rashes can be treated quickly and easily and will clear up nicely.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/skin-rash/SN00016&slide=1

http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/tools/symptom/545.html

http://www.medicinenet.com/rash/article.htm

Many rashes are very contagious, while I usually am able to spot them and avoid them, there are times in my massage that my hand will slide under a leg or elsewhere that I may not see a rash first. When asked about aches, pains, injuries or illnesses always point out any rashes that you might have. If you have a rash and have discovered that it is a contagious type, do not get a massage. Treat the rash and wait for it to completely clear before scheduling a massage.

There is also a common issue of anal leakage. Everyone has anal leakage to some degree. Most people only are concerned with marks on their underwear or unpleasant odors. Another very real concern is the moisture involved as it often leads to the equivalent of adult diaper rash. This can be treated fairly easily, but one needs to be aware of it. If you are experiencing anal itch or pain, stand with your back to a mirror and bend over and spread your cheeks, if it is bright red in color and looks irritated, you may have “diaper rash” and it needs to be treated.

Skin care is an important part of all of our lives. Drink plenty of water, if you use a skin cream, look for something with Vitamin E which is great for repairing the skin (it does not need to cost a lot) and take some time to examine your skin. Stop smoking, it is terrible for your skin. Take a good long bath. It is good for the skin and it helps you relax. Stress is terrible for the skin (and the rest of your body). With in 6 months after quitting my corporate job, friends commented I looked refreshed, when I ran into an old co-worker a year later they accused me of getting “a whole bunch of plastic surgery done” because I looked so much younger without all that stress. Wash yourself all over daily. Dry yourself thoroughly after a shower or bath, a simple task but apparently too much work for some (get some good quality soft luxurious towels). Some men swear by talcum powder.

The interesting thing is that none of these care tips for men are new. Up trough the 1950’s, good grooming habits for men were standard and something that was passed down from father to son, everything from how to shave, treat your skin, trim unwanted hair. Why they fell by the way is beyond me, but it is time we pick them up again. Men are living longer than ever these days, we need to be sure that our skin and body can last and look good for a long time to come. - Jack

Thoughts on Straight People

I was invited to no less than 4 naked parties this past weekend. These ranged from a naked happy hour at a local bar to an elegant early Christmas party to a good ol’ fashion naked play party. I didn’t go to any of them. I know, if you don't take advantage of these things, they will go away, but I wanted to spend some time with my partner.

Still, I think it is fascinating that nudity is catching on. There are 5 naked yoga classes for men a week here. There are 4 well organized male oriented nudist social groups that I am aware of. There is always the local bath house which most people still wear a towel at, but more and more are carrying the towel over their shoulder (not that I would know personally mind you, it is just what I have been told).

I used to feel sorry for the straight people; I just assumed that straight people do not have the same kind of fun as gay people. I may be wrong. I know that the straights are kinkier than the gays. There are a couple of organized kink groups for gay men but there are several for straights (they say they are pansexual, but that is just being PC). There is a small dungeon owned and operated by a few gay men and a really large one owned and operated by a straight guy. The large one has a men’s only party once a month that I really should go to, I really want to see the inside of the place, but I hear the attendance has been really low. Besides, I would have to dig out my S and M toy bag which is covered with dust under my bed. The rest of the month (at least 3 times a week, often more) it is used by straight people.

The straights have several organizations here: swinging, BDSM, education, playing and etc. Somehow I have gotten on quite a few of their mailing lists. I love that straights can get kinky and wild. It gives me hope for the future. While some of the groups have very strict rules about attendance, most are pretty gung ho about anything. The swingers will only allow couples and single women, no single men. Basically saying that it is OK for the women to go there but we are too macho for the guys to play together. That is not exactly true. The reason for the rule is to encourage the women to feel safe and to control the numbers. If it were open to anyone, there would be 50 men for every one woman (at least that is what happened with my co-ed on-line massage group). While that would not bother me in particular, it would bother a lot of the guys.

The BDSM groups tend to be a bit more balanced naturally. I am not sure why that is, but I can tell you that there are some pretty aggressive dominant women out there. I have attended a few of their classes and met a wide range of people and let me tell you, most of the men were being very submissive. I hear that the parties are a lot more balanced between male and female doms. They have several conventions a year here, hosted be different groups. They also have a summer camp in a near be town (used to be a kids summer camp) which hosts something nearly every weekend and many multi week functions.

Anyway, these straight groups boast very large and active memberships. There are numerous subgroups that have their own interests like bondage groups, pony play, spanking, sissy maids, under 40 and of course those that gather for theatre events or for brunch. The reason this has me so excited is that these people are forming good friendships and communities based on their sexual lives. I thought only gay men and lesbians did that. These are groups of people who have different politics, religions, ethnic backgrounds and education levels getting together because of their love of sex. Like all groups, they have their issues. I have seen some in-fighting and arguing over policies and the occasional “he said, she said” spats in their on-line exchanges. I have also seen them ban together when one of them needed a hand, or a club was in trouble, or a law needed changing. I have seen them mourn the loss of one of their own. I have seen them yell with pride when one of them gets recognized for a deed in their “normal” lives. They laugh together, they play together, fight, make-up, agree to disagree, celebrate their victories and rally after a loss. Yeah for them!

Some straight men have been attending naked yoga and they want to start a co-ed class. It takes a lot of work and dedication, but mostly it takes one person to stand up and say “OK, what do I need to do” and then do it. I am sure if they want it bad enough, it can happen. I hope it does. - Jack

To tip or not to tip, that is the question

This is actually the most common question I get asked, not during a session mind you, but on-line. Do I tip my masseur, and if so, how much? One man wrote in an on-line discussion “If a therapist works for a studio, s/he certainly deserves a tip (if the massage was good), but if the therapist has an independent practice, s/he sets his/her own rates and shouldn't expect anything on top of that. If a client wishes to give more, fine, but since the price is set by the therapist (unlike in studios, where the MT receives substantially less than the price of the massage), then there is no reason to pay the therapist more than that. After all, we aren't morally obligated or expected to pay our doctor or plumbing contractor more than the price that that professional sets for their services.”

Yeah, well we don’t charge as much as a doctor or a plumber either and I always offer my plumber water, cookies, or whatever I can find, I want him to do as good a job as possible.

Tipping: When going to a salon, 15% to 20% is a good tip since most therapists there have to pay a fee to the owner of the salon for using their space. When going to a private in home studio a tip should not be expected since the therapist should be charging enough to cover their expenses and make a profit. That being said, there is nothing wrong with tipping in-home therapists either.
I tip based on the following:

· How satisfied am I with the massage?

· How close to the time paid was length of the massage (if I paid for 60 min did I get 60)? In case you were wondering, it takes the average client less than one minute to undress and get on the table, same for getting dressed.

· Did I spend a lot of time talking before or after the massage? Time is money, my average client spends at least 15 extra minutes, some much more, including one chatty fellow who has spent an extra hour asking me all kinds of questions until I pushed him out the door.

· What was the original price for the massage? I will tip better to therapists that are charging below average for the market; less for those who are charging the top rates.

· Was I a difficult client? Was I late, was I too early, did I have to re-schedule (big tip), did I have to make numerous calls or emails to the therapist before making the appointment? If I am any more than 10 minutes late and the therapist still offers and provides me with the length of time I originally requested, that is a big tip. Any time you cancel an appointment, especially same day, offer to pay at least half of the agreed fee. This is time that was set aside for you that the therapist could not give to someone else.

· Did I use his shower?

· Did I make any special requests of the therapist?
These bring us to the Erotic or Sensual massage, remember that this practice is illegal in almost every state in the union and can cost a masseur his license, his job, he can be arrested and fined large amounts of money and not allowed to work as a licensed masseur in that state ever again. For this reason alone, any masseur willing to provide this service deserves a huge tip.

I think that prostitution should be legalized, and I think that it is even more unfortunate that an erotic massage would be considered prostitution.

For me, Erotic or Sensual massage falls into two categories based on whether the giver can actually give a massage or not. There area lot of rub and tug people out there who can not give a one hour massage but give a light little rub down and then jack off the client. I don't believe these people should be paid at all (and yet, they usually have the highest rates). If the person can give a real massage and adds sensual or erotic elements and does not charge more for them, I would give them a very nice tip since this is going above and beyond the standard massage. If the therapist charges more for erotic elements, I do not tip (these people bother me and I don't know why). If the massage is in any way interactive (meaning I am allowed to touch the giver), another big tip since this is definitely going above and beyond and takes far more energy and concentration. Never assume that you are giving the therapist what he wants when you are touching him. He is actually giving you what he thinks you want.
I always tip my masseurs (CMT or otherwise, Spa or otherwise) 20% unless it was simply a really bad massage and of course what I can afford at the time. Contrary to popular belief, massage is not a get rich quick profession. According to data from the American Massage Therapy Association:
1. The average masseur works for himself (responsible for their own insurance, benefits, supplies, etc.)
2. Gives less than 10 massages a week.
3. Stays in the industry for less than 8 years.
4. Earns less than $30,000 a year (including tips).
5. Works another job to pay the bills
I do not begrudge someone who cannot afford to tip, I understand that and usually someone who can afford to will tip too much and it will balance in the end. To raise the fee of my work would prevent someone from getting a massage who may really need it. I trust in the balance of the universe.

That being said, I am very honest with the IRS and keep track of every tip that I receive and who gave it to me. I wish I was the kind of person who could say this never has any affect on my service. I am not. Tipping does affect priority of select appointment times, will I change my plans to give a massage, will I forgive them for being late or very early, or canceling, and yes it probably affects the service they get on my table though that is not a conscience decision. Though I hate to admit it, I have even seen bad clients again if they tipped really well, although I still draw lines and there are some I would never see again, regardless or what they paid. I will be more likely to accommodate special requests to a good tipper. A fellow body worker had this to say “Non tippers get what they pay for- if they are late it comes out of their time, and they will be in and out in as close to time as possible. So, tipping- even a little to show appreciation for a good service is not only classy- but expedient. The irony is that most clients who DO tip also tend to ask the least of you- whereas most who don’t also tend to be higher maintenance all the way around.” I too have found that a few of my non-tipping clients tend to be high maintenance.

Another very reasonable practice in some parts of the world is the giving of gifts to the masseur, either something that the client has made or something that the client feels the masseur might enjoy. Personally, I would rather have the cash, but I do usually appreciate the thought (though I have gotten a bit weirded out and worried about the massage relationship, see previous blogs).

I do not do barters for massages. I do not give discounts for students, senior citizens, jocks or pretty boys. I will occasionally do a massage exchange, though if you have read the rest of my blogs, you will know that I have many bad experiences from that.

So, the long and the short of it is you can make your own rules about tipping but the provider will notice and probably remember in the future. - Jack

Some times we all get stuck

For those who read my blog on a regular basis and keep track of what goes on in my world, you know that I recently had gone through some depressing times, and took some time off. I had been feeling sorry for myself and more than ever wondering what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I was also having feelings of failure and inadequacy. On top of it all I was feeling old and that it was too late to do anything at new with my life.

I am 40 years old.

We all fall victim to negative thoughts and feelings at times. We get stuck in our lives and can’t see a way forward. For some, these are momentary instances, for others, they can drag on for weeks, months or even years. Even if we are aware of what is happening, we most likely cannot force our way out. Negative feelings can completely consume any sense of normal self-worth from the way one feels about the way they look, to pride in your work, to one’s ability to maintain a relationship with others. It is impossible to love someone else if you hate yourself.

The tie-in to body work is that many men come to me in exactly this state. What has brought them to this state is anybody’s guess. Life can be hard and difficult even in the best of circumstances, add in confusion about your sexual orientation or whatever and major depression can set in.

Why would they come to a body worker? It is often my job to make the client feel good about them selves, physically and mentally. For one hour to 90 minutes, this person can be the center of the universe. Someone is willing to pamper and caress every inch of their body and asks for nothing in return, well, except for money, but if I do my job right, they won’t think about that until just before they open the door to leave.

So, what good does feeling better for an hour or 90 minutes? With a little bit of luck, that will be a jumping off place, maybe a chance for them to think clearly for few minutes or an hour so that they can start finding their way out of the darkness. Feeling good again will also help them recognize that they are in a funk or depression perhaps triggering the desire to do something about it. Several of my clients have seen me regularly for 6 months or so and then suddenly disappear. Occasionally I will hear from them again, letting me know that they are in a much better place emotionally. Some have found support groups or sought other forms of counseling. Some have found new relationships that which is a big sign that they are feeling better. Still others have started whole new lives. I am not saying that what I have done for these men cured or even directly affected what happened in their lives, but maybe, it started a chain reaction or tipped a balance.

So what about me and my depression? Well, I was laughing with some friends and I realized that I had not been that happy for quite some time. I was coming out of what ever hole I had fallen into and I didn’t want to go back in. I suddenly was in a position of being able to make a choice, I could fall or I could find a goal and start climbing. I hope that I will keep going up. If it takes 5 years to accomplish a goal and you are already 40, so what, you are going to be 45 either way. - Jack