For those who read my blog on a regular basis and keep track of what goes on in my world, you know that I recently had gone through some depressing times, and took some time off. I had been feeling sorry for myself and more than ever wondering what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I was also having feelings of failure and inadequacy. On top of it all I was feeling old and that it was too late to do anything at new with my life.
I am 40 years old.
We all fall victim to negative thoughts and feelings at times. We get stuck in our lives and can’t see a way forward. For some, these are momentary instances, for others, they can drag on for weeks, months or even years. Even if we are aware of what is happening, we most likely cannot force our way out. Negative feelings can completely consume any sense of normal self-worth from the way one feels about the way they look, to pride in your work, to one’s ability to maintain a relationship with others. It is impossible to love someone else if you hate yourself.
The tie-in to body work is that many men come to me in exactly this state. What has brought them to this state is anybody’s guess. Life can be hard and difficult even in the best of circumstances, add in confusion about your sexual orientation or whatever and major depression can set in.
Why would they come to a body worker? It is often my job to make the client feel good about them selves, physically and mentally. For one hour to 90 minutes, this person can be the center of the universe. Someone is willing to pamper and caress every inch of their body and asks for nothing in return, well, except for money, but if I do my job right, they won’t think about that until just before they open the door to leave.
So, what good does feeling better for an hour or 90 minutes? With a little bit of luck, that will be a jumping off place, maybe a chance for them to think clearly for few minutes or an hour so that they can start finding their way out of the darkness. Feeling good again will also help them recognize that they are in a funk or depression perhaps triggering the desire to do something about it. Several of my clients have seen me regularly for 6 months or so and then suddenly disappear. Occasionally I will hear from them again, letting me know that they are in a much better place emotionally. Some have found support groups or sought other forms of counseling. Some have found new relationships that which is a big sign that they are feeling better. Still others have started whole new lives. I am not saying that what I have done for these men cured or even directly affected what happened in their lives, but maybe, it started a chain reaction or tipped a balance.
So what about me and my depression? Well, I was laughing with some friends and I realized that I had not been that happy for quite some time. I was coming out of what ever hole I had fallen into and I didn’t want to go back in. I suddenly was in a position of being able to make a choice, I could fall or I could find a goal and start climbing. I hope that I will keep going up. If it takes 5 years to accomplish a goal and you are already 40, so what, you are going to be 45 either way. - Jack
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