OK, so after I wrote the OOPS! Blog about premature ejaculators, I thought a lot about those who have the opposite problem, those who will not orgasm.
I can count on one hand the number of clients who have requested a release on my table and were not able to have one. I am not talking about men who cannot ejaculate due to prostate surgery; they still have the orgasm just without the ejaculate. I am also not talking about the men who cannot achieve an erection; they can still have an orgasm as well, including ejaculation. I am talking about men who are hard and medically able but sometimes just can’t have an orgasm.
The main reason there have been so few men who were unable to orgasm on my table is because the body work experience is very relaxing. Relax the body and the mind will follow. Orgasms are much easier if you have stopped thinking about work or your house or wife or kids or whatever.
The Psychology of the Big “O” is interesting. That is basically what it comes down to, a mental ability to have an orgasm. One of the few men who could not orgasm actually warned me before hand that he would probably not be able to have an orgasm since he has only been able to have orgasms alone. He has never been able to have an orgasm in the presence of another person. He only came to see me once, which is a shame because I would have liked to help him more with this issue. Obviously he was unable to orgasm with me in that one session because his mind was already made up that it could not happen. One the biggest hurdles in achieving orgasms is to give yourself permission. You can’t demand it, you can’t force, you can’t fear it, you have to say “yes, it is OK to have an orgasm now.” Sounds strange, but it is true.
In many cases, permission can come from an outside source. Perhaps this sounds familiar to you? “Shoot it! Do it now!” or maybe a little coaxing “Oh yeah baby, let me see you shoot, oh yeah, I feel it building, oh yeah, shoot it for me baby!” In these cases, orgasms are brought about by the decision being taken away from you. I have used this technique on a lot of men and the secret to making it work is the timing, I have to wait until it is obvious that they are having a problem and that they are on the brink of an orgasm but can’t quite make it over. The reason for the waiting to say something is that you have to take away the thought process. If you start too early the client may be thinking “he wants me to orgasm, I want me to orgasm, I need to orgasm for him, why can’t I orgasm?” The thought process you want is like this “I want to orgasm, I am so close, why can’t I orgasm?” then I interrupt with “Shoot it! Do it now!” very commanding and they are taken by surprised and just do it.
The issue for a couple of my clients is that they are not accustomed to receiving pleasure from another. Seriously. Biologically, men usually play a very active role in the sex act. To try to have an orgasm while being passive is very difficult for many men (my self included). It is difficult to just lie there and not engage in the sexual act. That is why I often allow mutual touch in my work, even if it is just holding my penis, it can make a world of difference.
For another client, it is described as sensory overload. If I am working his penis, balls, anus and occasionally tweaking his nips he cannot orgasm. He loves the feelings but it is too much. I can only work one thing at a time, finishing with just the penis while he closes his eyes.
One of the worst things that you can do, when trying to give a man an orgasm, is the “faster and harder” method as this almost never works. It usually just causes irritation. A slow, steady and firm hand is usually the best method. It is also a good idea to ask the man what his trigger is, most of us have them. For me it is my scrotum, for some it is their nipples (this does little for me). For one gentleman I work with it is his neck, rubbing the back of his neck is a sure trigger to make him fly.
I have a straight client who can only release at the end of his session and even then it takes a bit of time. Of course like all straight men, the moment I stoke his anus with my finger, he explodes. ;-) - Jack
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