I am a Stress Eater.

That is the latest confession of this Bodyworker. I am Stress Eater. I have the “Fat” gene also. My body does not carry extra weight well, it all sits in spare tire right around the middle. I would much rather take my pants and underwear off than take my shirt off. I think I look my worst just shirtless. My pants create a line just below the spare tire, nicely emphasizing it. This is my major body issue.

I am also now “over 40.” Which means a lot of things: my metabolism is slowing down so fat accumulates faster, my skin is far more willing to sag, I am getting gray hairs everywhere, crows feet are a given, and by popular single gay standards – I am basically deceased. Fortunately I have a loving partner.

The economy is still in the dumps and getting older is adding stress to my life and inches to my waist. Now a couple of inches is no reason to panic, but I grew up fat. I know what it is like and I do not want to go back there. Most of my single life I didn’t keep any food at home, since if it was there, I would eat it. Now days I do the cooking for me and my partner and I have found that I like cooking. I even don’t mind cooking healthy foods. It is just that eating 2 extra helping of healthy food is not really healthy.

Today was a classic example of stress eating, I started the day with a small bowl of cereal. I was going over finances and got a little freaked out and rationalized that I should eat my lunch (left over pizza) before I go to the Laundromat so about 11. I get the laundry going and the place is packed and there are tons of screaming children so I duck over to the 7/11 to get a coffee and without even thinking I bought an apple fritter. Of course I immediately had remorse about that purchase and wasn’t going to eat it but that would be wasteful so I ate it instead of taking it home so no one has to know that I bought the apple fritter in the first place. After laundry, I had a few errands to run which ended up taking much more time than I anticipated plus there were more screaming children everywhere I went. I got back and there was a message from my partner to meet him in town so we could go see an old Bette Davis movie and I was to eat before hand. So I ate a good size bowl of soup and left over Chinese. After the movie, my partner was desperate for a burger and fries and with out thinking I ordered one as well to eat with him.

So here I am at 41 with my waist being 36” for the first time in my life since I was junior in high school. My waist was actually larger than that for most of high school but I started loosing the weight around my junior year. I also weigh more than I ever have since I graduated. I am about 6’ tall and weight 190. By the American Population as a whole, this is not that bad, but it is 20 pounds over the top recommended weight for my height. The worst part is that for the last year or so, I have tried to lose some weight, but have been unable to keep it off for a sustained period. I do get some exercise, definitely more than I did a couple years ago, but alas, I am only holding steady.

Where am I going with all this? Excellent question!

First off let me say that I work with a variety of men of all shapes and sizes. The young and lean may be the minority, but they are there and they do often come back. In short, being my age and my size and doing my job only seems to be an issue for a minority of people seeking these types of services.

Business sucks for everyone right now. This past week I did an exchange with a very handsome (if a couple of years my senior), well built masseur who was also tired of having too much free time. We had a very nice time, if you were wondering, the man has beautiful butt with just the right amount of hair. I wanted to ravish it for…. I digress.

I recently went to a clothing optional gay bed and breakfast with my partner for a few days. I love these places. You are there to relax and you can take your clothes off and just be you. In an hour you forget you are naked. In a few hours you even forget your imperfections. Everyone is just letting it all hang out, flaws and all. Usually the only truly shy ones are in their early 20’s and a couple of gym bunnies. It always amazes me that they have the worst self body image. My few extra pounds didn’t seem to bother anyone there either as I has several men (including the hot muscle guy everyone was lusting after) offer to suck my dick Just as a reminder, I am of average length and am a grower, not a shower. Now it might just have been that there was over abundance of submissive bottom type guys that were looking for any take charge top minded men, but I think it had more to do with a confidence that comes from forgetting your flaws and just being you.

Would I still like to drop 20 pounds? Sure. Would I like to be 10 years younger? Maybe, but not really. Would I like to be all muscular and lean? Apparently not enough.

Tomorrow, I will forgive myself for today’s transgressions and focus again on eating the correct amount of food. I will make sure that I fit in my hour of exercise. In the mean time, I will throw off my clothes and walk around my apartment naked.