There can be a lot of answers to this depending on who you ask. Some say that it takes love to make sex great. Some say you have to really know your partner while others think that sex with a stranger is best. Some say it is best when it means something while others say that the more animalistic the sex the better. Some think it takes a taboo or a kink to make great sex and some say an element of danger. Some say physical attraction and others say emotional attraction and still others say mental attraction and some say attraction doesn’t matter at all.
For me it has little to do with how well I know the person, I have had great sex with strangers and lovers. It has little to do with looks, while the “right” look may get me in the mood faster, I have had sex with all shapes and sizes and ages and a lot of was really good. I have also had really lousy sex with all of the above. Kink, taboos and danger can be exciting but rarely create a great scene for me by themselves.
Personally, I believe it is the right combination of intentions. The best sex I have ever had in my life is when the intention on each party’s part was to please the other physically in a way that each partner also found pleasing. Case in point, I am a top and when I find a bottom that loves to bottom and will really get off on pleasing me I will most happily pound the hell out of them anyway that they like because I want to please them as well. You might find a guy who loves to suck and cums all over your feet while taking your dick down his throat (that’s hot). On the other hand, if I find myself with someone who just wants to please me and is not interested in my pleasing them, we have a problem. I can and will step up to the plate and play the role of the demanding very verbal top who doesn’t care about who or what is on the other end of my prick so long as I shoot my load, but it really isn’t as much fun for me. It might be good sex, but it isn’t great sex. Conversely if I run into someone who is just interested in getting themselves off and not in my satisfaction, I will be greatly disappointed.
It’s not that I don’t understand these ideas. With my partner there are times that I may not be that interested in getting off but if he is horny, I will gladly help him out and be there for his pleasure and not for mine. It is one of the reasons that many men like my massage. It is not about me but all about them. They can just lie there and receive pleasure and not worry about getting me off.
There are many men who have a great difficulty with this concept and really want to get me off during our time together, while I will allow them to play with my dick to help get them off, I do not get off for my clients as it leads to unreasonable expectations for the future. I can not get off with every client since I often have multiple clients in a day and I would have nothing left for my partner. There are also days that after a couple of clients I just want to get off, if my partner isn’t interested in having sex himself he may be willing to just service me and I am fine, other times I just take matters into my own hands.
Duration can have a lot to do with it for me as well. While a quickie can be nice for relieving some tension, I have rarely found that to be great sex. I know that not everyone is up for a marathon of sex, but it doesn’t have to end when somebody gets off either. Unless I am dog tired, I will keep going if I get off first, with all the vim and vigor I can muster. I respect others that will do the same, hell, this often leads to a round two for one or both of us. I like a lot of foreplay. I like being erect and excited and playful for a good long time. OK, so those who know me well know that I have what many have called “amazing dick control.” It comes with the territory. If you make a living giving naked massages and don’t want to cum with each client, you learn to control your orgasm. I was playing with a few guys a while back and one of them commented “you have three guys trying to get you off for 20 minutes and you still haven’t cum, what the hell?” My response was “I wasn’t aware that was the goal.” Seriously, I thought we were just playing with each other. No one else had cum yet, I thought this was supposed to be a marathon situation. I can cum quickly when I want to. For me it is all a matter of mental state. I will or will not give myself permission to ejaculate, I will tune in and out of the situation of what is happening to my dick. If my focus is on someone else instead of myself, the situation can last a long time. I do have my physical triggers as many men do, for me it is usually having my balls played with or being rimmed (rimming because I don’t get to experience that nearly often enough) but unless I am just out of my mind horny, I can control my orgasm for very long periods of time.
Expectations can also have an effect on good or great sex. Great sex for me is often a surprise encounter; where as if I have been fantasying of an experience with someone and I finally get my chance, it can be a let down. There was this guy in college who was a friend of mine and had become a bit of a sexual legend in his own time. Well, I got my chance to bed him and was so disappointed; it was a down right awkward experience. I am sure if we had tried it again it would have been better, but who knows.
Some would call it chemistry; I say it is matter of guessing the correct buttons to push. Every time I get a new client on the table for a sensual massage I have a lot of choices to make as to what I think will really turn them on. Fortunately I have an hour or more of touching their body to help me figure it out. Who takes that amount of time in a first sexual experience? Maybe we all should. When two people have sex for the first time their can be a lot of trial and error. Sometimes you guess right, sometimes you guess wrong. When both are guessing right it can be great, if both guess wrong, well then it is only good. Actually this can happen with a partner you have been with for years as well, hopefully after a number of years they will be open and honest enough to verbally tell you when you are off the mark (and yes, the buttons can change on daily basis).
So what is the point of this post? None really. People can learn to be better at sex if there is a patient teacher but even pros can have an off day and the best sex is when both people are really into doing what pleases the other and happen to get off on those activities as well. Here’s hoping that you will find some great sex soon.
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