Sorry that I have not written in the last couple of weeks. I will try to be better.
Update, had my wisdom teethe pulled and no major problems. Don’t ever want to go through it again, but all in all not too bad. One of the empty sockets is closing a bit slower than it should and I still have some dull pain, but the surgeon assured me that it is normal.
Well, what to talk about today. People seem to like the steamier stuff so I will see what I can do. The gentleman who tipped me $60 for his first prostate massage came back.
It is good to see him again. Still pretty certain that he has had next to no man on man action before. He is very careful to make sure that his hands come nowhere near my pelvic regions. He asks to skip the Prostate massage but really wants a full massage with release. He again has no issue with personal nudity as he starts stripping the moment he walks in the door, but never makes a request for me to disrobe, so I did not. He is not too talkative but does let out the occasional moan and groan. His hips do a bit of grinding as I work the inside of his thighs and also when I work his glutes.
He turns over, there is a damp spot on the table from his pre-cum and sticky line of juice coming from the tip of his rock hard penis. I work his chest and tease his nipples lightly, I work my way down his abs grazing the pubic hair line with every circular motion. I slide my hands up his penis and down over his balls to lightly brush his anus and work my way back again. I use one hand to slowly stroke him while the other wanders up to his chest to tweak his nipples and then down his abs again to the base of his penis to apply pressure to his pubic bone. The hand that has been stroking him works it’s way over his balls and then on to graze over his right inner thigh and then across the balls to the left inner thigh, down to lightly graze the anus and up again to the penis.
Then he starts to talk. "Oh my god that feels so good! Where did you learn to do that?"
"Practice" I reply.
"How does my penis compare to others?" He is looking me directly in the eyes. I am not sure if he is looking for praise or reassurance.
"It’s a nice sized penis." It is. It is slightly above average, not much. He is very thin man so it looks good on him. I know that he must have looked at other men’s penises before but probably not too many erect ones. My mind is now thinking about how many I have seen, a number far too great to even consider.
"Oh god, take it easy, I don’t want to cum yet!"
I hear this phrase a lot, especially with newbies. They want to ride the wave that will ultimately end in orgasm as long as possible. Something that they only do here, on my table. When with their regular partners, their goal is to achieve orgasm, not to put it off. I oblige for a few more moments. I have an agenda as well. I have a massage to give, this intermission of sexual bliss is to be only a small part of an overall experience. This is not a sexual encounter, but a full bodywork session. My hands continue to explore a terrain that they are very familiar with but is never quite the same twice. As the client continues his journey of sexual awakening, the response to each touch and stroke changes.
"Oh god, this is so good"
I never would have thought he was so religious, but god has entered into almost every sentence he has uttered. I am to the teasing point now, his balls have drawn up inside his body completely. He could have come some time ago now and it is just my whim that will say yes or no to each moment. I glance at the clock and do a bit of quick math to determine the amount of time left in the session and the amount of work I have to do after he cums. It is time. Instead of speeding up my strokes I slow way down and tighten my grip slightly. My left hand is pressing on his pubic bone and the fingers wrapped around the base of the cock, the tips stroking his scrotum. Slowly my right hand slides up, almost all the way off the penis, and then just as slowly all the way down, again and again. His hips are thrusting into the air, his back is arching, the muscles in his legs are taught, his mouth is agape, his face twisted, he is gasping for breath. Then the yell.
"Aaarrgh, oh god, oh god, oh god" he repeats as volleys of cum fly through the air. He is quite the shooter with the first volley flying over his head, the second hitting him across the left side of his face, the third and fourth land on his chest and the last few spit up on abs. His body convulses even after the wad has been thoroughly shot. I squeeze and milk the penis to make sure it is empty as much as to tease him. He falls silent. I grab a hand towel and start to clean the mess, it is everywhere but the gob on his face must be removed first before he is fully aware that it is there. As I clean, I straighten out his limbs again from the twisted positions where they had landed before he went limp.
"Very impressive" I say. He grins sheepishly.
This is always an interesting moment for me cleaning the client who is lying there in a nearly helpless state. No one is ever self conscience in this moment. It is what it is, a spent man having his fluids wiped off him by his nurturing bodyworker. Having finished wiping him down, I continue the session with leg stretches, a potentially awkward situation for a naked client but he is too satisfied to care.
His eyes have closed and he is drifting away. I have often wanted to photograph client’s faces at this moment. There is a serenity in their look mixed with just a touch of happiness. This is how one would like to believe they look when asleep. This is the look that one should have when they die. It is a look that appears differently on each countenance but is always the same.
We finish and I give him his water and let him know what I found while working his body, the stiffness in the right side of his back and in his right hip; from his years breaking horses he tells me. I tell him I hope that he got what he was looking for out of today's session.
"Better than any blow job." I thank him for what I assume is a compliment. He hops up, again not shy at all, though most men are not at this point; after all I have seen and touched everything by this point. He dresses quickly and rifles through his wallet and places the cash on the table.
"Do you need any change?"
"Naw, I’m good. Thanks again " and he heads out the door with his bottle of water. I start cleaning up and count out the cash he left behind. Another $60 tip, I am surprised, but pleased. I guess he was happy. - Jack
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
OK, I am back, I think and whether or not the wife knows.
Had the teeth pulled, it hurt, not as bad as I expected, but it hurt. It is over a week later and I still have some pain. Of course I had 4 teeth ripped out of my head, there will be some pain, it will pass soon. I am out of vicadin but the ibuprofen is working ok.
There is still a lot going through my head but I think I will be able to focus a little better.
What is most on my mind is a conversation I had with a client about whether or not his wife suspected that he was seeking sexual gratification elsewhere and whether she suspected it was with a man. They have been married for many years and have a few grown children.
My answer was she knows something is up. I have never met a woman or any spouse for that matter who did not suspect something when their spouse was stepping out. Whether the spouse was just getting sex else where, or a full fledged relationship or even an online affair with someone they have never met in person; the spouse knows. The longer the couple has been together, the greater the chance that the spouse knows. They will pick up on changes in behavior from daily habits to emotional subtleties. They know. Now whether they know it is with a person of the same sex or not can vary.
Most women will know, but not all. Most women are blessed with gaydar almost as good as any gay man’s. Even if they don’t have it, they usually have a friend (female or gay male) who will help them out. I have often been asked my opinion of whether someone’s spouse may have same sex leanings or not. I have always given my honest opinion with the disclaimer that I do not know for certain unless they have sucked my dick. I then ask the follow up question, does it matter? Seriously, does it matter? If he is a good husband, father, treats you well and is discreet, does it matter?
For generations it has not. In American society it has been common that gay men would marry women and have families with them and fool around with their "buds" on the sly. In modern African-American society it is referred to as being on the "down-low." As long as it was discreet, most women didn’t care or chose to ignore it, perhaps feeling shame or that society dictated that they needed a husband, whatever. Today we would like to think that we are above that, that gay men don’t feel the need to marry women to prove themselves to society and their families. That may be true for young men in major metropolitan areas, there are still many men who are older or living in more "traditional" societies that being openly gay is just not an option.
So what about today’s women? Do they care? The answer depends on where they are in their lives and what their personal society is like. If they think that they being married to a gay man is better than not being married, they may not care, or at least accept it on some level. However many women will feel hurt, angry, betrayed and will want out. That is their right and privilege. There is also the issue of sexually transmitted diseases that can be brought home. The "down-low" practice is at least partially responsible for the growing Aids rate in the African-American society. It is often these married closeted men that are looking for sex in bathrooms, parks and sex clubs (not all of them are married, but a lot of them are). There are still other women who are most accepting and want to get in on the action. Don’t believe me? Check out ww.craigslist.com and do a search for MW4M under casual encounters. Some women will say "thank-god because I really want to do my best friend Heather!"
I believe that every married man that is having sex with men should buck it up and be honest with their wives. Let the women have a choice. This is an unpopular opinion among married men and I usually keep my mouth shut unless the conversation steers itself in that direction. I know many men who came out to their wives and things worked out fine. Some stayed together, some did not, but all felt much better having released this secret that was keeping them apart from their partners.
There is still a lot going through my head but I think I will be able to focus a little better.
What is most on my mind is a conversation I had with a client about whether or not his wife suspected that he was seeking sexual gratification elsewhere and whether she suspected it was with a man. They have been married for many years and have a few grown children.
My answer was she knows something is up. I have never met a woman or any spouse for that matter who did not suspect something when their spouse was stepping out. Whether the spouse was just getting sex else where, or a full fledged relationship or even an online affair with someone they have never met in person; the spouse knows. The longer the couple has been together, the greater the chance that the spouse knows. They will pick up on changes in behavior from daily habits to emotional subtleties. They know. Now whether they know it is with a person of the same sex or not can vary.
Most women will know, but not all. Most women are blessed with gaydar almost as good as any gay man’s. Even if they don’t have it, they usually have a friend (female or gay male) who will help them out. I have often been asked my opinion of whether someone’s spouse may have same sex leanings or not. I have always given my honest opinion with the disclaimer that I do not know for certain unless they have sucked my dick. I then ask the follow up question, does it matter? Seriously, does it matter? If he is a good husband, father, treats you well and is discreet, does it matter?
For generations it has not. In American society it has been common that gay men would marry women and have families with them and fool around with their "buds" on the sly. In modern African-American society it is referred to as being on the "down-low." As long as it was discreet, most women didn’t care or chose to ignore it, perhaps feeling shame or that society dictated that they needed a husband, whatever. Today we would like to think that we are above that, that gay men don’t feel the need to marry women to prove themselves to society and their families. That may be true for young men in major metropolitan areas, there are still many men who are older or living in more "traditional" societies that being openly gay is just not an option.
So what about today’s women? Do they care? The answer depends on where they are in their lives and what their personal society is like. If they think that they being married to a gay man is better than not being married, they may not care, or at least accept it on some level. However many women will feel hurt, angry, betrayed and will want out. That is their right and privilege. There is also the issue of sexually transmitted diseases that can be brought home. The "down-low" practice is at least partially responsible for the growing Aids rate in the African-American society. It is often these married closeted men that are looking for sex in bathrooms, parks and sex clubs (not all of them are married, but a lot of them are). There are still other women who are most accepting and want to get in on the action. Don’t believe me? Check out ww.craigslist.com and do a search for MW4M under casual encounters. Some women will say "thank-god because I really want to do my best friend Heather!"
I believe that every married man that is having sex with men should buck it up and be honest with their wives. Let the women have a choice. This is an unpopular opinion among married men and I usually keep my mouth shut unless the conversation steers itself in that direction. I know many men who came out to their wives and things worked out fine. Some stayed together, some did not, but all felt much better having released this secret that was keeping them apart from their partners.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Forgive me if I go astray
My mind is all over the place today, maybe I had Attention Deficit Disorder, so forgive me if this post goes all over the place.
You see the economy is going further south and my phone has pretty much stopped ringing. Fortunately I had a couple of good weeks in Sept and tried like hell not to spend any unnecessary money. Even though both my parents and my partner’s parents needed some extra help this month.
Now that may sound like a negative comment and may appear to some people that I have an unhappy life and am always bitching. Not really true but I do understand that thought process. If you look at the world of blogs you find many that sound very depressing and just a few overly positive ones. The reason is that many people use their blogs to vent so that they are not venting on their friends all the time. Everyone needs to vent once in a while and bitch about their jobs or the economy or politics, it is a natural thing to do. Let me assure you that though I use my blog for venting once in a while, I generally have a very happy life and most days really like doing bodywork, and I love my partner and our parents (OK, I have never met his asshole father, but that’s another story).
You see, when I started this blog, it was confessions of a bodyworker, what he thinks and feels, what he can’t say to his partner, friends, and clients. Anonymity is key to this kind of writing, unfortunately my ego got the better of me and wanted feedback so I let a couple of friends in on the blog and a couple of my clients figured it out as well. This has lead to limited censorship on my part, I try my best to not let it influence my writing, but in truth it has to a small degree. Not anything significant so far, but some stories that would have been a treat to tell, I have left out of the on-line stuff, maybe I will put it in the book.
Anyway, with the economy going south and me finding myself with free time on my hand but afraid to leave the apartment in case someone calls and wants a last minute appointment, I have way too much time to think.
For example, I realize that I fewer friends in my life these days. Why? Well some have moved on or some have faded away but mainly because I don’t meet a lot of new people these days. Clients are clients and not really appropriate for friend type gatherings, so I am not meeting people at "work" as I often have with other jobs. I haven’t been doing many extra curricular activities such as theater or classes since money has been tight and I haven’t felt right about it. Now I still have a very tight inner circle of friends but that really needs to be expanded as it grows a little smaller each year.
Now I just want to state the nothing said in this post applies to anyone I know who might be reading this. I am not writing about the people who know that I keep this blog. That said, I do have a fair number of needy friends. That is, I tend to mainly hear from them when they need help with something, either to talk about a problem they are having, or a ride somewhere, or help moving. I am a nice guy and pretty much always help out in these situations. I care that someone maybe having a mental breakdown, especially someone I know and of course I will listen to them and try to help anyway I can. Yes, it is incredibly inconvenient for me to drive several miles out of my way late at night to give you a ride, but I am technically available so I will help you, even though you do not even offer me gas money. No, I have never asked your help when I have moved, but I will help you out even though I don’t really want to eat that take-out cheese pizza and warm beer. Obviously I am not a saint since a saint would never bitch about these things. I do assume that each and every person I have ever helped would do the same for me if I asked them and if they were available. Many came through for me when my friend died last year or when my partner and I were having difficulties a few years ago. If only one of them had way for me to get rich quick!
Speaking of which, that is another thought that is desperately racing through my head, with the economy in cellar, what am I going to do for money? My partner is working (2 jobs in fact, which is actually make me feel really guilty), but we are still having a bit of a rough time. The parental issues don’t help, but what are you going to do? Tell your parents "Sorry, but you will just have to go without heat for at least the first part of the winter, maybe we can help you after that." Of course not, and I happy to help our parents. So it means a few less meals out and no cable, big deal, it is the right thing to do.
So, I need more money. I have registered with the Temp agencies again, trying not to feel like the biggest failure in the world. I am not. I know that I am not, it is just that no seems interested in someone who once worked as an EEO Counselor for a govt agency with a theater degree who has been working as bodyworker for last several years. I am also considering going back to school for my masters. I have a BFA which is only good for saying that "yes, I graduated from college." If I take a couple of extra courses, I could go for the MBA which would help if I go back to Corporate, an idea I dread on the one hand, but on the other hand the money was good. I would be happiest running my own business, but I would really need some classes before I would feel comfortable dealing with anything beyond the simple stuff I do for my bodywork business. Then there is the question of what kind of business would be best for me? One would assume something in customer service industry. I could go to school for a degree in sexual therapy. I have thought seriously about this. I am just worried that I may end up in the same boat I am in now. Most sexual therapists work for themselves and charge only slightly higher rates than I do now, so it would then depend on supply and demand. I know a couple of counselors who list sex therapy under their specialities and do make more money than I overall, but still are hurting when the economy tanks.
My partner is feeling particularly stressed these days with my income decreasing and his working two jobs and more people wanting money from us. We should be investing in our futures at this time in our lives and we are struggling to make ends meet instead. Though overall, I still am enjoying my life.
The Dentist wants me to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Fortunately I have insurance through my partner and most of the expenses are covered, the bad news is I will be unavailable for bodywork for a few days at least. A few days of nothing but soup and soft foods may be very good for me.
Had an interesting client the other day, a Pakistani, I don’t get many of them. He’s been living in the states a number of years though he still has a thick accent. He is married but definitely likes to play with men. He is cool with that idea, but if his Pakistani relatives or friends ever found out, it would be the end of his world. Even in America it is the culture of the people who surround you that matters most, not the general culture of the country. He has a great business career and is afraid it would collapse if word ever got out. Of course the white CEO of a Fortune 500 company told me the same thing just before asking me to stick my entire hand up his butt (I didn’t do it).
I have been trying to practice the power of positive thinking and "the secret" (a very dull read by the way). I think my biggest issue is that I don’t really know what I want. I can name things and a few random ideas: money, a house, love, peace, happiness (not necessarily in that order) but as far as a career, no clue anymore. Of course the way the politics in this country are going, it may all be a mute point.
Overall I am very grateful for my loving partner, a roof over my head (rental that it may be), food on the table and a handful of really good friends. Somehow I always thought that should be enough. It is only as I get older that I worry about getting older. I am not afraid of physically growing old, but of being old and broke. That is why I must focus my energy on positive things like "money comes freely and easily."
I will end this here, my head is calming down and I think I need a nap. - Jack
You see the economy is going further south and my phone has pretty much stopped ringing. Fortunately I had a couple of good weeks in Sept and tried like hell not to spend any unnecessary money. Even though both my parents and my partner’s parents needed some extra help this month.
Now that may sound like a negative comment and may appear to some people that I have an unhappy life and am always bitching. Not really true but I do understand that thought process. If you look at the world of blogs you find many that sound very depressing and just a few overly positive ones. The reason is that many people use their blogs to vent so that they are not venting on their friends all the time. Everyone needs to vent once in a while and bitch about their jobs or the economy or politics, it is a natural thing to do. Let me assure you that though I use my blog for venting once in a while, I generally have a very happy life and most days really like doing bodywork, and I love my partner and our parents (OK, I have never met his asshole father, but that’s another story).
You see, when I started this blog, it was confessions of a bodyworker, what he thinks and feels, what he can’t say to his partner, friends, and clients. Anonymity is key to this kind of writing, unfortunately my ego got the better of me and wanted feedback so I let a couple of friends in on the blog and a couple of my clients figured it out as well. This has lead to limited censorship on my part, I try my best to not let it influence my writing, but in truth it has to a small degree. Not anything significant so far, but some stories that would have been a treat to tell, I have left out of the on-line stuff, maybe I will put it in the book.
Anyway, with the economy going south and me finding myself with free time on my hand but afraid to leave the apartment in case someone calls and wants a last minute appointment, I have way too much time to think.
For example, I realize that I fewer friends in my life these days. Why? Well some have moved on or some have faded away but mainly because I don’t meet a lot of new people these days. Clients are clients and not really appropriate for friend type gatherings, so I am not meeting people at "work" as I often have with other jobs. I haven’t been doing many extra curricular activities such as theater or classes since money has been tight and I haven’t felt right about it. Now I still have a very tight inner circle of friends but that really needs to be expanded as it grows a little smaller each year.
Now I just want to state the nothing said in this post applies to anyone I know who might be reading this. I am not writing about the people who know that I keep this blog. That said, I do have a fair number of needy friends. That is, I tend to mainly hear from them when they need help with something, either to talk about a problem they are having, or a ride somewhere, or help moving. I am a nice guy and pretty much always help out in these situations. I care that someone maybe having a mental breakdown, especially someone I know and of course I will listen to them and try to help anyway I can. Yes, it is incredibly inconvenient for me to drive several miles out of my way late at night to give you a ride, but I am technically available so I will help you, even though you do not even offer me gas money. No, I have never asked your help when I have moved, but I will help you out even though I don’t really want to eat that take-out cheese pizza and warm beer. Obviously I am not a saint since a saint would never bitch about these things. I do assume that each and every person I have ever helped would do the same for me if I asked them and if they were available. Many came through for me when my friend died last year or when my partner and I were having difficulties a few years ago. If only one of them had way for me to get rich quick!
Speaking of which, that is another thought that is desperately racing through my head, with the economy in cellar, what am I going to do for money? My partner is working (2 jobs in fact, which is actually make me feel really guilty), but we are still having a bit of a rough time. The parental issues don’t help, but what are you going to do? Tell your parents "Sorry, but you will just have to go without heat for at least the first part of the winter, maybe we can help you after that." Of course not, and I happy to help our parents. So it means a few less meals out and no cable, big deal, it is the right thing to do.
So, I need more money. I have registered with the Temp agencies again, trying not to feel like the biggest failure in the world. I am not. I know that I am not, it is just that no seems interested in someone who once worked as an EEO Counselor for a govt agency with a theater degree who has been working as bodyworker for last several years. I am also considering going back to school for my masters. I have a BFA which is only good for saying that "yes, I graduated from college." If I take a couple of extra courses, I could go for the MBA which would help if I go back to Corporate, an idea I dread on the one hand, but on the other hand the money was good. I would be happiest running my own business, but I would really need some classes before I would feel comfortable dealing with anything beyond the simple stuff I do for my bodywork business. Then there is the question of what kind of business would be best for me? One would assume something in customer service industry. I could go to school for a degree in sexual therapy. I have thought seriously about this. I am just worried that I may end up in the same boat I am in now. Most sexual therapists work for themselves and charge only slightly higher rates than I do now, so it would then depend on supply and demand. I know a couple of counselors who list sex therapy under their specialities and do make more money than I overall, but still are hurting when the economy tanks.
My partner is feeling particularly stressed these days with my income decreasing and his working two jobs and more people wanting money from us. We should be investing in our futures at this time in our lives and we are struggling to make ends meet instead. Though overall, I still am enjoying my life.
The Dentist wants me to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Fortunately I have insurance through my partner and most of the expenses are covered, the bad news is I will be unavailable for bodywork for a few days at least. A few days of nothing but soup and soft foods may be very good for me.
Had an interesting client the other day, a Pakistani, I don’t get many of them. He’s been living in the states a number of years though he still has a thick accent. He is married but definitely likes to play with men. He is cool with that idea, but if his Pakistani relatives or friends ever found out, it would be the end of his world. Even in America it is the culture of the people who surround you that matters most, not the general culture of the country. He has a great business career and is afraid it would collapse if word ever got out. Of course the white CEO of a Fortune 500 company told me the same thing just before asking me to stick my entire hand up his butt (I didn’t do it).
I have been trying to practice the power of positive thinking and "the secret" (a very dull read by the way). I think my biggest issue is that I don’t really know what I want. I can name things and a few random ideas: money, a house, love, peace, happiness (not necessarily in that order) but as far as a career, no clue anymore. Of course the way the politics in this country are going, it may all be a mute point.
Overall I am very grateful for my loving partner, a roof over my head (rental that it may be), food on the table and a handful of really good friends. Somehow I always thought that should be enough. It is only as I get older that I worry about getting older. I am not afraid of physically growing old, but of being old and broke. That is why I must focus my energy on positive things like "money comes freely and easily."
I will end this here, my head is calming down and I think I need a nap. - Jack
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