I am one of the very few that I know of who does sensual massage who is also partnered. It can be a difficult situation to be in to say the least. Most men are not secure enough to have a partner who spends his day rubbing naked men and getting them off. I have heard from others that they date a lot and that at first their new boyfriends are excited by the idea. As the relationship gets serious however, they expect the masseur to stop doing sensual work or find another profession altogether.
My partner and I have been together for 13 years now. I was not doing sensual work during all that time. In fact when we met, I was working a very low paying job in theatre, of course so was he. Early in the relationship we had a discussion as to what was going to be acceptable behavior and what was not. We agreed that emotional fidelity was far more important than sexual fidelity. As the years past I took up massage first as a hobby, he took classes as well since the idea was attractive to him, including sensual massage. The problem being that he was never very good at it. It came very naturally to me. Eventually I started doing it for pay part time as I still did theatre and had a day job in the “Corporate” world. Everything in my life started suffering due to my corporate life. I was working longer hours, not getting to do enough theatre, and I was forced to do a lot of travel for work. The money was good, but that was about it. My home life was suffering as well. I was depressed often and away to much. My partner dealt with it as best he could but really wanted me to quit. He was also looking elsewhere for emotional support because I was not there for him. I was not even aware of this at first, since my own depression was getting severe. I finally quit the corporate life and sat at home wondering what I was going to do with my life. That is when I realized something was up with my partner. I found out what was going on (just an online affair) but it was a serious one. I confronted him and we went to counseling. I started taking some more clients and when he was free my partner and I took a vacation together. Things were rough for a while and it took some patience and forgiveness on both of out parts. Up until this time, we had never discussed the nature of the body work I was doing. Although he had a good idea, he didn’t want to think about it and I didn’t feel like discussing it. In a moment of full disclosure, I told him that a lot of my clients were coming to me for non legit work.
He didn’t really have much to say. He understood and hoped that I would not advertise this to our friends. To this day, there are only a couple of our mutual friends who know the true nature of my work. On that day we discussed the pros and cons and what I did and didn’t do. He has always recognized the need for this kind of work in our society. He was glad I told him, and that was that. We have not discussed it much since then. He knows what goes on, he doesn’t ask many questions and I don’t tell him many tales. When I speak of my day, it more about the non-sensual aspects of my work, like what kind of guys did I see today, not what I do with them.
His concern about what are friends know or don’t know is one that I respect. He may understand my work but not everyone would. He may be accepting of what I do, but others may not understand his position.
He does not know about this blog, nor do I really want him to. Now I do want you to understand how loving and caring my partner is. How he supported my decision to leave a relatively high paying job and that he sticks by me when I don’t look for another “real” job. He is one of the nicest people that you would ever care to meet. He loves me unconditionally, and I him.
Body work is a very solitary job. I do not have coworkers to commiserate with. I do know a lot of other guys in the field but we don’t chat about what we do a lot. I have heard that there are other gay body workers who do this work who have partners but they are also in the business.
This is the real truth about my Confessions of a Bodyworker. It is a place I can tell people about my work and what goes through my head. My partner doesn’t really need to hear the nitty-gritty about my job, I am pretty sure he does not want to. Would you want to share all this with your partner? Just so you understand, I am not ashamed of what I do. There are a great number of people who know what I do and I have no problem in talking to them about my life. I just don’t see them all that often since they are not friends that my partner and I have in common.
It is something else to consider when thinking about what a great life I lead.
- Jack
9 comments:
How do you deal with "pent-up" eroticism? Say, on a good day when you have a client like one of the good ones you have written about on the blog, do you jump your partner when he steps in the door or do you get yourself off before then? Do you think that he knows from your aggressiveness that you have been turned on by one of your clients -- or by your non-aggressiveness that you had an uninspiring day?
We have been together for 13 years. We do not have sex every day or every other day or even every third day, but when we are both in the mood. Also, while I do have a high sex drive, it is not always on. When a moment has passed, it has passed. I do still like to get off everyday and often do so by myself before I go to bed while reading erotica. He may be in front of his computer doing the same thing or not. Our sex life together is born more out of emotional moments than a "need" to get off. That's what a hand is for. Not saying that a "let's just get each other off" sex act is not fun once in a while, but definitely not something I would want with my partner on a daily basis.
How frequently do you give your partner a massage -- realizing that some of the times could be in bed and not on your table?
Terribly fascinated by my partner, aren't we?
I probably give him a massage once every two months or so. I am sure that he would like it more often, but it is what I do for a living so often I am just too tired.
Almost always on the table, the only way I like to work, and yes it is usually sensual.
Okay, one last question about your partner -- my interest stems from you being one of the only masseurs that I know of who is in a long-term relationship. Has he ever received a massage from another professional (either before or after the two of you hooked up)as a point of reference for what can happen during a session?
Yes, my partner has had massages from other bodyworkers, both legit and not so legit. In fact, I sent him to a class on how to give sensual massages to men by men. He is just not very good at it. He had suggested once that he could join me sometime in giving a massage, but I would like to keep my customers. Some people have a talent for this and some just do not. My partner does not. He tries hard, but he just doesn't have the right sense of touch.
But, he obviously knows how to touch your heart!
It would be interesting to survey body workers to find out what percent thought their profession was a detriment to establishing or maintaining a l-t relationship.
I've been with my partner for 11 years. I like massage, but he is terrible at it. He loves massage, says I am good, and I enjoy giving it to him once in a while. But I resent the lack of reciprocity. And I know he sometimes gets massage from legit and nonlegit professionals. It's tough not to be jealous, and even tougher to talk about my feelings with him. I hope you understand that your partner may be struggling with serious issues that he feels he cannot communicate to you without hurting you. Love your blog.
Thanks for the comment. He may be jealous and not saying anything, but I don't think so. He encouraged me to get into this. If he is jealous, I would hope that he would tell me.
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