A question asked and answered

Hello Jack,

While passing some time surfing the web this weekend, I came across your blog, "Confessions of a Bodyworker." I found it to be quite an interesting read and I thought I'd drop you a note to possibly obtain some advice from you.

Long story short: About five or six years ago, I purchased a portable massage table and some Biotone lotions with the intent of getting myself ready to take professional massage training. (Plus the fact that the guy I was dating at the time was a dancer and I would frequently massage him after his rehearsals and it was just easier to use a table then massage him in bed). I'm from the Washington, DC, area and there's a school near here, the Potomac Massage Institute that was offering classes. After I saw the time involved (inconvenient given my day job and how long it would take to satisfy the course curriculum) as well as the cost involved (yeesh, you'd think I was going back to college with the cost of their courses) I decided to abandon the idea. Needless to say, over the years I've used my table maybe once or twice a year.

Still being interested in massage (and, like most people, not able to afford one as regularly as I would like) I thought: join a massage group to practice, learn and exchange from other like-minded individuals. Wow, second big mistake. Most of the guys I met weren't interested in the "exchange" part of the massage and nine times out of ten I would be left massage-less after having performed a massage on someone else. Plus, let's face it, there are times when I simply want to receive only and there are other times when I simply want to give only.

Okay, enough history as I don't want to write the next great American novel here. While reading through your blog, I read where you had mentioned working with other massage therapists in order to at least learn the craft and to strengthen your knowledge of the craft. Now why didn't I think of that? LOL. Okay, I'm going to digress and go back to the "history" part - LOL. I have attended a few group massage workshops which were held in my area, but I found those to be almost of no use: most guys in attendance weren't there for the "learning" and I found it difficult to learn massage in 10 minutes of "here's how you do it" and the rest of the time "doing it." Hence, I've stopped going to those workshops. Guess that there's the third mistake. Fourth big mistake was attending a weekend-long "Body Electric" workshop which wasn't about learning massage as I had thought - don't even get me started on that...

Anyway, back at the ranch.... I'm interested in knowing how you went about locating a massage therapist that was interested in working/teaching/mentoring you. Were most of them open to the idea? Did you scan the classifieds/Internet for therapists in your area, contact them and see what they had to say? Did you offer to pay them for their teaching or did they request a fee for their teaching you? Paying someone individually to teach me is something I wouldn't mind doing and is something I'd have to do anyway if I were to take classes. That being said, did you find that there was a "going rate" that these therapists charged (or that you offered) for their teaching you? Was it more of a "bartering" system (they taught you and then they let you practice on them?) Lastly, given that everyone learns at different rates, how long did it take (or how many "classes" did it take) for you to feel comfortable enough in your skills to "perform a paying massage?"

I figured it couldn't hurt to revive my idea of wanting to learn how to perform a massage and hey, maybe down the road I might make a little bit of pocket cash from it, or at least get a better sense of how to perform a massage.

I appreciate any insight you'd be able to provide. Have a great weekend.

Wayne

Hello Wayne,

So sorry to hear your experiences in the DC area have not been all that you had hoped for especially with these different groups. They all sound like they should have been great ideas.

I do have a pet peeve against Massage Schools. The owners of such schools are in it for the money and there is a lot of money to be made. Most of the teacher are massage therapists who are not making enough money from their own practice so they take teaching jobs. They are usually woefully underpaid in these positions as well since massage schools are about profit. It is also a bit absurd that as each year goes by, the schools petition their State Legislature to pass laws requiring more hours than any of the teachers ever had to take.

Body Electric has gone through many changes over the years. My understanding is that it started off as a massage type work but has developed over the years into other things. The school itself has changed hands a few times and there are very few people left from the original group. It seems now more than ever the work is about connecting with your sexual selves. A worthwhile endeavor for many but not for all.

Massage exchange groups can be great or terrible. Most of it depends on the people running them. When it is just an on-line meet-up group, the owners of the group probably have little control over people's behavior. The only control they have is maintaining requirements for membership and that is not a lot.

In many places in the country, there are actual massage sessions/classes for men. This would be a scenario where everyone pays a fee to take a classes from a professional and practice on each other. They would all meet once a week for say 6 to 10 weeks for at least 3 hours a session. The first bit of time is spent in discussion and demonstration of a particular series of massage strokes, then next is spent with half the class practicing on the other half while the instructor watches, going from table to table, and then they would switch. All of this is usually set up by a private massage therapist who serves as the instructor. The groups are usually quite small since it takes one table for every two participants which creates an issue with both having access to the tables and the space for them.

Another scenario in the San Francisco area is a larger scale of a once a week meeting that is supervised by massage therapists, but is not necessarily as educational based. It is set up that everyone receive for an hour and give for an hour. It is monitored so that while it can be sensual it is definitely not erotic (no, orgasms, lips). While it is a scenario that people can learn from each other, if you are partnered up with someone who knows nothing, you will get nothing.

So how did I do it? Well first I paid for massages to find therapists that I like. Then I expressed to them my interest in learning some massage techniques. How it worked out from there varies. There was one that I would pay for a session and he would give me a massage for an hour and then he would lie on the table for an hour or 30 minutes where I could practice on him for a fee, all prearranged. I paid him for his time since he needed to make a living.

Another arrangement I made with a different therapist was I arranged a private series of classes. I found two other people who were interested in learning massage, together we booked three 90 minute sessions with a therapist whom I had discussed this with, then he taught us lessons with demonstrations, and practice on each other. He did not have to do any extra work as far as formally trying to set up a class and got paid his normal rate for his time and we each got a break on the cost.

I have also had the privilege of private free lessons from a very kind massage therapist. I was his client first for some time and when I expressed my interest, he offered up his services. It is more difficult to learn this way since an ideal situation involves three people so you can watch a stroke before you attempt a stroke. However, he would talk me through certain strokes as I practiced on him. Occasionally he would jump up and we would switch places and he would demonstrate on me then switch back and let me try again. I know that this is a rare occurrence. A big part of my education was really paying attention when receiving massage. I also bought a few massage tapes which were OK and allowed me to watch strokes and learn a routine, but nothing beats hands on training.

As far as the length of time, I spent at least two years with massage therapists before I started to do exchanges with new people. It was probably another two years before I started charging. I am still learning with every massage exchange I do and with every massage I receive.

All that being said, realize that as you go into this path that men wanting sex is always going to be an issue. Men who want sex for a teaching. Men who want sex for being practiced on, men who want to hire you for sex. Even the most professional massage therapists often expect sex after or during an exchange. If this is going to be a big issue for you, then you are truly following the wrong path. If you can and are willing to deal with this and can set your limits, tell people your limits, deal with it when people test your limits repeatedly then you may be OK.

I hope that some of this helps. Let me know how things go and if you have any more questions.

- Jack